Chapter Six
After carrying a sleeping Mia to her bed Kat headed into the living room. It looked like the Easter Bunny exploded. There were dyed eggs, candy wrappers, tissue paper, and the dreaded green Easter grass all over the carpet.
Kicking off her shoes, she got on her knees and gathered Mia’s things in a basket while raking the Easter grass into a pile with her fingers. Just as the room was beginning to look somewhat tidy again there was a light knock at the door.
She glanced at the clock. It was only nine-thirty, not as late as she suspected, but a day with her mother would make anyone weary.
Doggedly, she stood and hit the switch for the front porch light. The sight of Tyson had her heart immediately skipping a beat. Smiling, she opened the door.
“Happy Easter.” He was holding a plush, brown bunny with a green satin bow around its neck in one hand and a bottle of wine in his other.
Her lips twitched. The idea of a man visiting with gifts was so novel she was afraid to acknowledge the tempting bubbles of excitement popping inside of her. Maybe she had the wrong idea. “Happy Easter. Would you like to come in?”
“Sure. Is Mia still awake?”
She shook her head. “No, she conked out on the way home from my parents.”
He didn’t appear too disappointed. Was he here for her then?
“I saw this when I was picking up something for my nephew and I thought she’d like it.” He set the bunny on the counter.
“That’s sweet. You’ll have to give it to her tomorrow though. She’s out cold.”
“Oh, well I can leave it here for her to find when she wakes up. How was your day?”
How was her day? When was the last time someone other than Mia or Jade asked her that? Act casual. Don’t over think it.
“Long. How was yours?”
“Nice. I visited my sister.” Admiring her moldings he rubbed the back of his neck. As if catching the nervous gesture, he stopped himself and stuffed his hand back in his pocket. No way was this man uneasy around her.
“That’s nice. Do you just have the one sister?”
“Yes. I had a younger sister, but she passed away almost two years ago from breast cancer.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,”
“It’s okay. She was in remission for a year and when the cancer returned she didn’t want to go through chemo again. It took her fast. She wasn’t in much pain at the end.” A flash of grief passed over his eyes.
She motioned toward the wine he held. “Would you like a glass?”
“Only if you have one, too. I wasn’t sure if you drank.”
“Oh, I have a three-year-old. I drink.” She laughed. “But I’m no connoisseur. My wine etiquette is atrocious. I usually drink boxed wine and I put ice in everything.”
He laughed. “Ice is fine. This is Pinot Grigio. It’s white, so it’s usually served cold.”
She retrieved a corkscrew, two wine glasses, and an ice tray from the freezer. He expertly twisted the wrapper and popped the cork as she distracted herself by cracking the ice and sliding out a couple cubes for each glass.
As she handed him a glass his hand closed around hers, holding the glass still to pour the amber liquid. She took a wobbly breath and held out the other glass. Her belly tightened as he held her hand again.
Placing the bottle on the counter, he clinked his glass with hers before taking a sip, his dark eyes studying her over the rim.
“So where did you spend your Easter, Kat?”
“My parents’.”
The cool flavor slid over her tongue and soothed her tired body, but did nothing to calm the fiery anticipation burning inside of her. She knew what it was, but she didn’t want to admit it. Admitting that this man could arouse her more than any man ever had was a very bad thing.
Bad Kat. Bad.
Her gaze stroked over his broad shoulders and a puddle of heated honey pooled low in her tummy. Mentally she did that gargling purr thing Jade did whenever she was near a hot guy.
“And how did that go?” He sidled next to her with ease she couldn’t mimic.
Kat had to get her head out of his pants—Gutter!—Head out of the gutter! “As good as could be expected.”
“That good?” He smirked. “Did Mia enjoy herself?”
“Probably not, but she made the best of it. My mother doesn’t seem to understand the concept of being three. I think she was born middle aged.”
He laughed, genuine amusement playing in his eyes. “Mia’s a good girl.”
“She is.” A contemplative smile curled her lips, remembering how cute she’d been about the Easter Bunny that morning.
He tilted his head. “What are you thinking about? You have the sweetest expression on your face.”
Stay calm. “I was thinking about Mia this morning. She’s getting so big. She loved that the Easter Bunny hid her eggs and she went nuts when she saw the basket.”
“I can see that.”
Her breath hitched as he reached for her face and removed a string of green grass from her hair. Her heart spun into a rapid flutter. She wanted to press her cheek into his palm, but forced herself to remain still.
Self-consciously, her hand inspected her hair for any other foreign objects. What a way to make an impression. She was killing it tonight.
“I was cleaning up when you knocked,” She lamely explained. Her face and neck were getting warm. She thought of removing her sweater, but didn’t want Tyson to see her ‘undesirable soft spots’. Damn her mother for adding to her list of complexes.
The soft curve of his lips drew her gaze as she self-consciously licked her own. His dark gaze dropped to her mouth. The air crackled. Where the hell should she put her hands? Her weight shifted as she fisted her wine glass like a bouquet of flowers between them.
His fingers gently turned a strand of hair that escaped from her French twist and a shiver chased up her spine. He stared at it as if he’d never seen hair before. Fast, shallow breaths lifted her breasts as her senses jumped to full throttle.
“May I?” he whispered as his hand brushed her clip in the gentlest caress.
Kat gave a slight nod. She avoided his eyes as her hand clasping the wine stem shook like a leaf.
Impulses, moments of daring followed by cowardice, came and went like the flash of a short-circuiting firefly. The wine must’ve gone to her head. His closeness was an aphrodisiac, easing her tension, making her thoughts single-minded, fuzzy, and irrefutably sexual.
Her hair tumbled to her shoulders, barely grazing the nape of her neck.
“Beautiful,” he whispered, as he placed the clip and his wine glass on the counter. His simple comment sent tingles from her head to her toes.
With a deliberateness that made her throat tight, his fingers ran through her hair, raking a ripple of shivers down her spine, leaving her quivering with barely contained arousal.
She shouldn’t let him touch her so intimately, but nothing had ever felt so decadent. Her lashes lowered and the slightest moan vibrated in her throat.
“It’s as soft as silk. I knew it would be.” He took a slight step forward and her lower back pressed into the counter. When he leaned his head down to her neck, she arched and stilled as he breathed in her scent. “I’ve missed you, Kat.”
Holy Hannah!
Chills danced under her clothes over every inch of her flesh. Her breasts swelled and her breathing turned labored.
His breath tickled the shell of her ear as he nudged her hair away with his nose and gently pulled her lobe between his lips. “I tried to stay away. But you, young lady, are hard to ignore.”
She wasn’t used to this kind of attention. Her shoulders awkwardly twitched. Every motion was stiff compared to his competent ease. She had no experience with intimacy.
Holy shit! His warm tongue swirled over the place where her pulse raced and his teeth scraped her throat. Her panties dampened as her eyes rolled back in ecstasy.
His palm cupped the back of her scalp and slightly angled her head. My God! This was beyond attention—this was blatant seduction!
Without taking his mouth from her neck, he gently coaxed the wine glass from her death grip and placed it on the counter. As he stepped closer, the warmth of his body burned through her clothing from chest to thigh. Her hands lifted and pressed into his shoulders.
Push him away! This is insane!
Her fingers bunched in the fabric of his shirt and held him tight. She shivered and tried to remain coherent, his words finally sinking in. “Wha…What do you mean stay away?”
Her head rolled back as his lips pressed against the curve of her shoulder. Warm pillowy lips pressed over her flesh, gently sucking and kissing her skin. His tongue left a delicate trail of heat in its wake.
The hand cradling the back of her head massaged her scalp as kisses lingered down her exposed throat. Heat burst inside of her, unfamiliar and overwhelming, startling her.
She released his shoulders, forcing space between them, but he only stepped closer. She felt the hardness of his arousal poking at her belly and panicked, her mind objecting as her body molded to his in full agreement.
His tongue traced the soft spot below her jaw and she moaned gripping the back of the counter until her hands went numb. She needed to stop him, but what he was doing to her was very, very nice.
“You deserve someone your age,” he whispered between nibbles along her collarbone. His words almost penetrated the sexual haze, but then he did this phenomenal little thing with his tongue and she lost track of the conversation again.
“You can’t be older than thirty.”
He chuckled—a seductive tickle against her vulnerable neck and she swallowed. “I’m thirty-six and you, young lady, are veal.”
Okay, thirty-six. That was a little older than she’d suspected. Yet, as he caressed her throat with his mouth, she couldn’t think of one good reason why age mattered. “It’s just a number. You look much younger.”
She swayed against him and whimpered as he glided his soft lips over hers and whispered, “Kiss me, Kat.”
She was done.
Her fine-tuned resistance melted away as he pressed his lips to hers with a groan. She hadn’t kissed someone in years and was badly out of practice, but that didn’t seem to bother him. The firm press of his body against hers increased as his tongue slid into her mouth. Her arms wreathed around his neck as he deepened the kiss. Tasting. Taking. Devouring.
A combination of expensive wine and sharp cologne created a taste that was uniquely Tyson. Her hands slid over his chest and neck to caress his smooth head while his firm grip glided down her back until his palms rested on her ass.
He gripped her and groaned. There was no mistaking the pleasure in the sound. His hands massaged through her skirt and she savored every moment like a dream on the brink of a waking mind.
His teeth nipped at her lips as his tongue continuously dipped back into her mouth to steal another taste. His hips ground against hers and her senses luxuriated in the complete attention being paid to her body. Every part of her being was affected by his touch.
As the kiss heated, his arousal pressed harder against her soft belly. He gave her ass one last squeeze, and his hands moved up to cup her hips. His thumb played under the hem of her blouse, gently gliding over her skin. Chills climbed over her shoulders and her nipples pebbled as his touch dragged over her flesh.
Afraid he would feel her flabby stomach, she sucked in and held her breath. His grip suddenly tightened on her hips choking a tight gasp from her as her feet left the ground and he lifted her onto the counter.
Her skirt rode high on her thighs as he took up all the space between her knees. She let out a startled breath that turned into a moan as he continued to drug her with his incredible mouth.
He settled into the cradle of her thighs. If she looked down she’d see her exposed sex. Why hadn’t she worn panties?
His lips moved to the corner of her mouth as his palms glided up her thighs. He dragged kisses lower, gently nipped at her jaw with his teeth as his hand coasted under her blouse and finally cupped her breast.
Things were flying way out of hand, way too fast, but she didn’t know how to make them stop, didn’t really want to either. Her willpower had left the building and her neglected hormones were having a party.
Cool air caressed her skin as he folded her blouse above the swell of her breasts. The backs of his knuckles slid over her lace-covered chest. Soft lips moved down her neck. Her breath shot out in a rush as his fingers pinched her nipple. His lips returned to hers in a plundering kiss that seared heat from her mouth to her nipples and all the way down to the space between her thighs.
Nipping her lower lip, he looked at her through those thick black lashes with lust filled eyes. His hand moved to the pearl buttons of her sweater and undid the two securing the cardigan at her neck. Her sweater slid off of her shoulders and down her arms. Anxious excitement battled against ingrained self-consciousness.
He tilted her upper body backward against the counter and pressed his erection against her. Bracing her hands on the counter, she waited for any signs of disappointment, but she saw none. His eyes darkened as he breathed deep.
Sliding an arm under her back, he lowered his head. Heat engulfed her nipple as his mouth closed over the tip and he gently nipped her flesh through the silk of her bra.
She moaned. The fabric, now damp and heated from his mouth, clung to her flesh like a second skin. He turned, paying the same attention to her other breast. Her body rocked in his hold with each shallow breath. The hand at her back undid the clasp at her bra.
“You’re so beautiful, Kat. Everything about you…” he continued as he folded the lace cups down, his breath teasing her freshly exposed skin.
Her blood ran hot, intensifying each anxious chill. Pleasure zipped up her spine and down to her core as his dark lips close over the pale flesh of her breast and he sucked one berry tip into his mouth.
“The way you look, your scent, the needy little sounds you make when you’re aroused.”
The intense, pulling pleasure had her arching off the counter as his arm slid farther under her back. The stuffed bunny fell to the floor triggering the sudden thought of Mia, reality hitting her like a bucket of ice.
What the hell am I doing?
As his mouth pulled her nipple between his lips, his palm skated to her upper thigh, playing at the lace edge of her stockings as he moaned in appreciation. Alarm bells sounded in her mind, as she looked at the bunny lying on the floor, a taunting pile of floppy fluff telling her to stop.
His fingers trailed up her thigh and grazed her wet sex, jerking her gaze back to him. He froze as their eyes met. The gentle pressure of his knuckles against her delicate folds had her teeth digging into her lip as she held her breath. He didn’t penetrate her. His finger stayed there against her, resting like a chess player holding their piece, debating their next move.
Slowly, he smirked—dimple as sexy as ever. “Why, Miss D’Angelo, you aren’t wearing any panties.”
She couldn’t hold a single thought. She had never been this aroused in her life. The way he touched her body and the things he said in that husky voice—His palm opened and flattened over her sex. Heat.
“Tyson,” she whispered as his thumb parted her folds. “We…” She gasped as he grazed a particularly sensitive spot. “We have to stop.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
His finger played at her opening without entering her, making her completely aware of how wet she was, leaving her breathless and dizzy. Good God, how long had it been since someone touched her there? And never before like this. Her body trembled almost violently. She feared she’d shatter if he didn’t stop or finish this in the next second.
Confused and frightened by all the unfamiliar feelings racing through her, she shook her head. “I can’t give you what you want.”
“You don’t have to give me anything, kitten.” His finger slid inside and her whole body coiled so tight she thought she’d break. Her head fell back as she cried out.
“Let me pleasure you, Kat. I want nothing in return. Trust me. It wouldn’t be right for me to leave with you so aroused. I promise this is as far as we go.”
His finger pressed farther inside, touching some hidden corner of her soul. Her spine curved and her back lifted. Reflexively, her knees drew up and pressed against his hips as she shivered.
She couldn’t think. He explored her in a way no one ever had. His other hand tightened over her hip. A wave of security shot through her at his gentle guidance. It was stupid to let something so simple make her feel cherished, but it did. He tightly held her as he moved his digit in and out and added another finger. Her body tightened around him another notch.
“You’re so tight.”
She opened her eyes, but found no trace of sarcasm or disappointment in his expression. Kat hadn’t been with a man in…well, ever. Last time she’d done anything she was a kid fooling around with an equally inexperienced boy. Still, she may not have had a lot of practice, but she did have a baby.
“Relax,” he reassured, tightening his grip on her hip. “You’re just as you should be.”
The hand holding her hip relaxed. Fingers trailed up her belly, over her twisted bra, and around the swell of her breast. Leaning over her, he pressed his lips to her neck and continued to move his fingers in and out in a slow, easy slide.
Her channel stretched to accept him. Her arousal spread as he awakened parts of her that she’d forgotten. The rhythm increased in time to her rapid breathing.
It was as if he were filling her with bolts of energy with each stroke of his hand. Pressure built. Her knees worked over his hips. His tongue licked at her ear as her toes pointed. She felt as if she were going to burst, but didn’t know how. Fear and excitement for the unknown wildly churned in her belly. She’d never recover if she embarrassed herself.
The little elegance she managed was gone. Her body jerked as his thumb pressed down at the top of her sex. Reaching for some sort of anchor, she gripped his shoulders, fisting the soft material of his shirt, pulling him closer. Her back arched as her shoulders pressed into the counter. Was this normal? His mouth latched on to the exposed flesh of her neck, her taste buds memorizing his unique flavor. Never in her life had she imagined anything could be so frighteningly wonderful.
His thumb rubbed against her clit. Hot, delicious friction built and he whispered, “Come for me, kitten.” And as if on cue, her body shuddered from the inside out, unable to contain the built-up tension a moment longer.
Her toes pointed as her muscles locked and her back bowed. She vaguely registered one soft clop followed by another as her high heels dropped to the kitchen floor. He moved his fingers faster as she pressed her sex into his hand, riding out every extraordinary wave of pleasure. Her arms shook as she squeezed her eyes closed and cried out in a breathy whisper. “Tyson…”
He captured her moans with a kiss as her body quaked from the aftershocks of what could only have been her first true orgasm.
The first full breath she pulled shook her to her core. The pressure of building tears had her blinking and choking back a lump in her throat.
Don’t cry. Do not cry.
She didn’t want him to know that was the first time she had ever done that. Her face turned as a tear discreetly slid to her temple. She needed to save all this emotional crap for later when she was alone. As casually as she could manage, her trembling hand swept the hair out of her eyes and brushed away the trail of tears before he noticed.
One by one her muscles unlocked as her body calmed. Tyson tenderly withdrew his fingers. Turning her chin, he softly kissed her and brushed his knuckle over her cheek. When she finally opened her eyes he was looking at her in a way she didn’t understand—as if she were precious.
She felt him pull away before he actually moved—sensed him—and then his arm slipped out from beneath her and he took a step back.
Dazed, she waited on the counter, disheveled, and spread out like a pagan sacrifice as she tried to understand what was happening. He looked at her with drowsy, lustful eyes, eyes that told her he wanted her, yet he was making his escape. She had no idea what to say or do.
He took another step, leaving a chill in his absence. Every muscle vibrated with tension. She folded her arms over herself, completely aware of her imperfect nakedness as the sexual haze faded and he backed closer to the door. Memories of Jeremy backing out of her life appeared uninvited.
Before she could find her words, he smiled and said, “Happy Easter, Kat. Sleep well.”
Regret crept inside her like a snake through her veins. Her body jerked and she clumsily pulled herself up to a seated position. She couldn’t cover herself fast enough.
Used. That’s what she was. “You’re leaving?”
He stilled as if her objection had caught him off guard. She’d caught herself off guard. No need to drag out the inevitable.
“Did you expect me to stay?” he quietly asked with a genuine look of curiosity in his expression.
“Well, no, but…” She shouldn’t have said anything. She should have just let him go. That’s what guys did, right? They left. Her vision blurred and she rolled her eyes as a throaty, humorless laugh bubbled past her throat. Perfect.
“Kat, if you want me to stay…”
She quickly swiped a hand over her eyes. “No. You should go.”
“I didn’t want—” He suddenly glared at her. “Are you crying?”
“No,” she quickly lied, dashing away all traces of her tears. “I’m fine. You can go.”
With trembling hands, she fumbled to right her clothing. He stepped close, but came up short when she jerked her chin and gave him a withering look. She didn’t need him coming any closer and confusing her again.
“Kat…I thought we were just having fun. I thought you were enjoying yourself. I never meant to get you upset.”
Her body twisted and she dropped her feet to the floor. Her legs nearly went out from under her, but he was there, steadying her, surrounding her once more. She jerked her elbow out of his hands. She couldn’t bear his touch at the moment. Keeping her back to him, she pushed her skirt back down to her knees.
“Here,” he quietly said, handing her the green sweater.
She took it and protectively folded it over her crossed arms as she turned to face him.
“Kat, this is crazy. I was only leaving—”
“Because you wanted to go,” she finished for him.
His eyes narrowed. “Because I know you don’t want me to stay.”
She was acting like a petulant child and she wasn’t even sure why. Nothing made sense. Her body was sluggish yet pulsing with energy. Her brain was fuzzy. Tyson had just made her feel incredible, but her feelings were extremely hurt at the same time. She was vulnerable and unsure if she wanted him to leave so she could cry or hold her while she did. Either way, the tears were coming.
Blanking her expression like a frost freezes a garden, she retrieved the last of her dignity and smoothly said, “You don’t know the first thing about what I want.”
His head jerked back and he scoffed. “Do you?”
Well, he had her there. Molars clamped tight, she scowled at him. It wasn’t fair that he looked so in control of his emotions while she was falling apart. With every passing second she was more confused, more embarrassed, and resentful that she had no experience with such matters.
“Just go, Tyson.”
“No,” he said irritably, pinning her with a glare. “We’re gonna talk about this.”
Great. Now he’s angry. Could you botch this up anymore? “There’s really no need,” she said with false calmness. She collected their wine glasses and dumped them in the sink. When she turned, Tyson was staring at her with a blank expression.
“What?” If he didn’t leave soon she’d break and he could not see that. Nobody wanted to see that.
“I don’t understand you. I didn’t want to rush things. I figured…”
She tried to think how Jade would act in a similar situation. “Look, Tyson, don’t make it more complicated than it is. You came over. Things got out of hand. We fooled around.” I had my first orgasm. “And now you’re leaving. No biggie.” She was such a terrible liar.
“I don’t want to leave with you angry.”
“I’m not angry.” Maybe just a little.
“Then upset,” he amended.
She negligently shrugged a shoulder. “I’m fine.”
His eyes narrowed. Emotions swelled inside her, beating at her like waves on a jetty during a full moon. Leave. Leave. Leave. She forced herself to breathe calmly and keep her expression blank.
He hesitated. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“Positive.” She remained perfectly still waiting for him to go.
He let out a slow breath and rubbed his palm over the back of his neck. This would be a lot easier if he wasn’t so damn pretty.
“Okay,” he said in a reluctant voice. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Sure.” Not if I can avoid it.
He nodded, a perplexed look clouding his dark eyes.
She held her breath until the door clicked shut behind him. The moment he was gone her face crumpled faster than a pricked balloon as she gave into her tears.
The next morning Kat woke up like she’d been run over by a train. Muscles she didn’t even know she had were sore. She looked at the clock and jolted upright. 9:45.
Scrambling out from under the covers she nearly busted her ass as her leg got tangled in the sheet. Her panic only receded for a split second when she remembered it was a holiday and she didn’t have work. She sighed then gasped.
Mia!
She bolted out of her room. “Please be sleeping.” Her legs had apparently been replaced with aching Jell-O. She dashed down the hall and peeked in Mia’s room. Her heart plummeted when she saw the empty bed.
“Mia?” she shouted.
“Momma?” Mia called, calm as could be.
Rounding the corner to the living room, she let out a relieved sigh. Mia sat, in her pajamas, on the floor, watching cartoons with a brown bunny on her lap and a smile on her face.
“Morning, Momma. Can I have some milk?”
Kat shut her eyes and caught her breath. “How long have you been up?”
“You were sleeping so I turned on the TV. Look!” She held up the bunny Tyson brought last night. “The Easter Bunny came back and left me more toys!”
That made her grin. “Oh no, sweetie, that’s from Tyson. He dropped it off for you after you went to bed last night.”
“Tyson was here?” She looked rather disappointed that she’d missed him.
“Yes. Only for a few minutes,” she lied. “What do you say we get you some breakfast? What do you want to eat?”
“Cookies.”
“No cookies for breakfast. How about scrambled eggs?”
“‘Kay.”
Kat turned and there was a knock on the door. She hated waking up this late. Panic attacks and visitors were best when saved for the afternoon.
Mia jumped up and looked out the window. She winced as her daughter screeched, “Kiki!”
Why did she have such a hangover after only one glass of wine? Opening the door, grateful it wasn’t anyone else catching her looking so rough, she let Jade into the house.
“Good morning!” Jade cheerfully placed a box of munchkins and two coffees on the counter and tousled Mia’s hair. She looked at Kat and frowned. “Oh, you look like shit.”
“Quarter,” Mia said to Jade.
“Oh, sorry, Mia. How about some doughnuts instead?”
“Doughnuts!” Mia cheered, the sound piercing Kat’s brain.
Jade handed her the box. “Here you go, kiddo. Why don’t you take them in the living room so Mommy and I can talk?”
Kat filled a sippy-cup with milk and walked it to the living room.
“Look, Kiki,” Mia called, holding up her new bunny. “Isn’t he pretty? Tyson got him for me. I named him Oscar.”
Jade arched a blond eyebrow at Kat. “Oh, that’s a nice name. Okay, you and Oscar have some doughnuts and watch cartoons while Mommy and I have our coffee in the kitchen. Okay?”
“’Kay, Kiki.”
Jade opened her mouth to say something as they turned into the kitchen, but Kat held up a hand to stop her barrage of questions. “Wait. I haven’t even peed yet. Let me go to the bathroom before the inquisition begins.”
When she returned from the bathroom she grabbed her coffee and sat across from Jade with a huff.
“Okay, spill,” Jade said.
“Tyson came over again.”
Jade sat up and quickly clapped her hands together. “I knew it!”
“Shh!” she hissed, peeking around the corner at Mia.
“I knew it,” her best friend repeated in a hissed whisper.
“It’s not good.” Kat shook her head, pinching back the lid of her coffee.
“Says you. I’ll be the judge of that. Tell me everything.”
Scrubbing her hands over her face, she groaned. “He came over with the bunny and a bottle of wine and we hooked up.”
“Okay, I’m pretty sure your definition of hooking up and mine are totally different. Explain.”
“We made out.”
“And…” Jade waved her hand in a circular motion.
“And he saw my boobs,” Kat grudgingly admitted.
Jade slapped her thigh. “Look at that! My girl’s all grown-up! Anything else?”
She pressed her lips together, examining the chipped polish on her toes. Jade’s gaze bore into her as a flush burned from the back of her neck to her cheeks. She struggled to make the next confession. She didn’t have to tell Jade any of this, but she needed her friend’s advice. Who else would she ask?
Looking around nervously, she whispered, “He used his fingers…” She motioned to her thighs and Jade slapped her on the knee again, several times, in dramatic excitement.
“Ouch.”
“Sorry. I’m just excited for you.”
“Well hit me again and you’re gonna be unconscious,” she delivered the empty threat while soothing her stinging thigh. “Jade, it was the first time I ever…”
“Oh. My. God.”
“I know. And to top it all off, I have the world’s worst hangover.”
“Honey, you don’t have a hangover, you have an orgasm-over.” Jade laughed. “I can’t believe it. What’re you going to do?”
She sat back in her chair, protectively wrapping her arms around her stomach as she pursed her lips and shook her head. “I don’t know.” She sighed. “Part of me wants to see where things go, but another part of me is terrified of letting things go too far. Jade, he made me feel things—” she looked at her best friend, tears suddenly clouding her eyes.
Jade leaned over and laid a hand on her knee. “I know, sweetie, it’s scary and new. But it’s not the end of the world. You’ll get a handle on it. Just take things slow and go at a pace you’re comfortable with. If he can’t accept that then forget him.”
“I don’t know if I’m comfortable with any of this. I mean he’s my neighbor, and there’s Mia to consider. I think it’d be better if I put some distance between us.”
“Do you think Tyson would be okay with that?”
Kat snorted. “Well, he’s going to have to be.”
“I think you should think about it before you make up your mind. There’s no rush. I mean, I get that you want to keep everything nice and controlled in your neat, little bubble. And I understand you don’t want to confuse Mia, but as far as she’s concerned, you and Tyson are friends. Plus, Kat, the guy is like unbelievably hot. I mean, come on….”
She rubbed her hands over her forehead and growled. “I don’t know. Every time I think of a reason to…whatever you call it…I think of three reasons not to.”
“Well, you need to see what happens. And, sweetie, the ‘whatever you call it’ is called sex. You’re an adult now. You need to learn how to use adult words. Now, tell me about this Dawson guy your mother’s trying to marry you off to.”
She rolled her eyes. “Ugh, that’s a whole other issue I don’t want to deal with. He’s okay, I guess. Nice enough, likes kids, capable of asking questions, and not conceited enough to only talk about himself.”
“What does he look like? Is he old?”
“Older than me, but no, not old. When I first saw him he reminded me of Jude Law.”
“Really? Wow, you’re batting a thousand. We should go to Vegas.”
“You do that, but you’ll have to go without me. My life’s a little busy right now.”
Kat laughed as she stood to throw her coffee cup in the trash and move the wine glasses from last night back into the cabinet. “By the way, Tyson’s thirty-six.”
“No way.”
“Way. And apparently, I make him feel like he’s robbing the cradle.”
“That’s ridiculous. You’re both adults and you have a child for God’s sake. Besides, it isn’t like he looks a day older than twenty-eight. It isn’t right for a man to be that pretty.”
“I know, right? You should see him without his shirt on. I can tell you one thing—he won’t be seeing this body with the lights on. I don’t know what I was thinking last night.”
“Oh stop. You’re gorgeous.” Jade walked to the counter and read the label on the wine bottle from the night before. “Nice. This is like a seventy dollar bottle of wine.”
Kat almost dropped the dish she was holding. “Shut up! Do you think I should return it to him?”
“No. I think you should put it in the fridge so we can drink the rest of it next time I come over. Relax, Kat. The guy owns his own business. I’m sure he can afford to lose half a bottle of wine.” She rolled her eyes, but Kat was still thinking of returning it to him. Seventy dollars was more than her monthly electric bill.
“Well, I’ve got to take off. Call me if anything happens. I want all the juicy details.”
Jade went into the living room and said goodbye to Mia while she finished the dishes.
Later that afternoon Kat sat at the kitchen table paying bills while Mia played with her new bunny in the backyard. Her gaze bounced from her checkbook to the window.
Running errands that morning had helped restore a sense of normalcy she desperately needed. Following her routine made her feel in control while soothing her frazzled nerves. She needed the structure in her day-to-day life.
At some point while shopping in the dairy isle at the market she made a decision about Tyson. Mia came first and it was in her daughter’s best interest to have a sane mother, so she needed to focus on what kept her sane and avoid everything that left her feeling off kilter. That meant no more making out with her hot neighbor.
It was for the best. She couldn’t give him what he wanted and what he wanted terrified her. A disparaging laugh snuck out. She couldn’t even say what he wanted. The pen nervously twitched between her fingers as she blankly stared at her checkbook.
“Sex,” she whispered. “Tyson Adams wants sex.” Confronting her fears should make her feel better, but it didn’t.
At the top corner of her electric bill she doodled the word LOSER and tossed her pen down on the stack of bills. Sitting back in her chair, she watched Mia bounce Oscar the bunny along the grass as she played and talked to the stuffed rabbit.
Mia’s head turned toward the fence and she smiled. She was so beautiful and carefree. Kat loved observing her play. Her daughter stood up and said something and Kat’s grin faded. She was speaking to someone. Mia took a step toward the fence and out of her line of vision.
The chair scraped along the kitchen floor as she bolted for the backdoor. Every thirty seconds a child was kidnapped and it took less than those thirty seconds for that child to be taken. Statistics were a deadly thing. “Mia!”
Her steps faltered when Mia turned, standing by the fence talking to Tyson on the other side. Her daughter looked at her, probably wondering why she’d snapped her name. Tyson smiled.
“You know you’re supposed to stay where I can see you.”
Mia’s grin slid into a frown. “I was talking to Tyson, Momma.”
Tyson stood there, holding Oscar, his expression blank and his eyes observant.
“You know the rules. Now, go inside and play.”
“But Momma—” she whined.
“Go,” she repeated sternly.
“Kat,” Tyson softly interrupted. “It was my fault. I—”
He was not going to override her authority again. “Inside, Mia.” She pointed toward the house. Mia took Oscar back from Tyson and hung her head as she walked into the house.
When Kat turned back to Tyson he was frowning. Defensiveness rose up inside of her, hot, like a groundless volcano. “I don’t need to justify my parenting to you. She broke a rule and there has to be consequences.”
“Okay.” He nodded, hands raised defensively. “I didn’t know the rule. Now I do. Next time I won’t approach her until you know I’m here. I’m sorry.” He reached to brush a hand down her arm and she stepped away. “What’s going on, Kat?”
She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. “Tyson, I like you, but what happened last night can’t happen again.”
She needed to get this out and then they could both put it behind them. “See, my life took a long time to get to this point. I like things neat and tidy. I have a routine for everything and a structure to our days and weeks that works. It works for me and it works for Mia. My plate’s already full and anything more would just be a complication. I’m not the kind of girl you need in your life.”
“Kat—”
“Let me finish. Please,” she interrupted. “We’re neighbors, Tyson. You’re going to move into that house and make it your home. And even though I rent the cottage, it’s our home, and I don’t want to move. I love it here. We love it here. If we got involved and things didn’t work out, I’d hate myself for having to take Mia away. I have to consider Mia first in all things. She’s my sole purpose on this earth and she wouldn’t understand you being around and then suddenly not being around anymore when things don’t pan out. It’d be confusing and she could wind up getting hurt. Do you understand?”
“Can I talk now?” he asked and she nodded. “Okay, first, I’m not an asshole. I’d never hurt Mia. Second, even if things didn’t work out, I’d never make things awkward enough that you’d have to consider moving. Third, I don’t want to rush you into anything. Things just got a little out of hand last night. I can be a very patient man, Kat. And fourth, you’re lying to yourself if you think last night wasn’t a big deal.”
Eyes darting to the left, she mumbled, “It was just a hook up.”
“I’m not a fool, Kat. I’m also not a teenager. I’m thirty-six years old and I’ve experienced enough to realize when I’m dealing with someone who doesn’t have a lot of experience.”
Her mortification at his words must have been written clear across her face.
“Shit. That didn’t come out right. I meant, last night I realized some things about you that I didn’t know before. The more we got carried away, the more I realized how much your life’s been solely about Mia. You did everything right, Kat. Please don’t think you did anything to disappoint me.” He rubbed his forehead and took a breath. “Kat, there are ways a man can tell when a woman is practically a virgin.”
Her spine stiffened. She was not having this conversation. Not with him. She couldn’t run away without making a complete fool of herself so she put up a defensive front. “I have a child, Tyson. I’m far from a virgin.”
“Tell me you’ve been with someone other than Mia’s father and I’ll admit I’m wrong.”
“It’s none of your business who I’ve been with.”
“I get that, but I’m asking anyway.”
Her chin trembled as she glanced toward the house. “The day I conceived Mia was the first day I ever did anything more than kissing. It wasn’t special and it wasn’t with someone I loved. It was in the backseat of a fucking Bronco and afterward he didn’t even help me find my underwear. But, other than humiliation and a bruise on my hip from the buckle of the seat belt, I did get something out of it. I got scorned, but then I got Mia. So you can judge me all you want, but I am what I am, and my reasons only have to be good enough for me.” By the time she got the last word out she was shaking.
“Do you think I would criticize you for putting your daughter first?” he whispered. “Do you think I was making fun of your innocence?”
Shame welled up inside of her. She wasn’t a nasty person, but she hated feeling cornered. Her frustration was more with herself than anyone else. Being non-confrontational caused more trouble than actual confrontation at times. Her mother walked all over her. Men got the wrong impression. “I don’t know how to do this,” she quietly confessed.
He let out a deep breath. “Last night, what we shared, it was something special. It might have been spontaneous and in your kitchen, but it was something intimate that had only to do with you and me. I know you aren’t a virgin, Kat, but you might as well be. I felt you last night. I felt your surprise when you—well, let’s say I understand how unfamiliar this all is to you.”
How was it he saw all of her, no matter how much she tried to hide her flaws from him? She shouldn’t be so transparent. Her insides quivered with every breath. It took all of her strength to stand there while he finished talking and not run into her home and hide.
“Please, Kat. Don’t end this before we can see where it goes. I shouldn’t have let things get so out of hand last night. I’m sorry. We can take things slow. Like I said, I can be patient. Let me take you out to dinner. Mia can come too, if you want, but if you think it’ll confuse her to be there, we can think of another solution. At least give me a chance to take you on a real date.”
She blinked at him as twin tears fell down her cheeks. She wanted to say yes, but she couldn’t. She cared about him too much for her own good. And she barely knew him. What would happen if he broke her heart? She’d be devastated.
She needed to stay firm. She wouldn’t be able to be the strong mother she needed to be if she was moping around distraught with a broken heart.
Men walked away. That’s what they did. Every single one of them, when the going got tough they were gone. She had suffered enough from people turning their backs on her. It was a survivable kind of pain for an adult, but she wouldn’t risk exposing Mia to that kind of hurt. She couldn’t imagine explaining to her three-year-old that, unfortunately, sometimes people were just careless assholes with other people’s feelings.
She knew what she was and what she wasn’t. Dating was something she’d never done and it terrified her. While kids were resilient and Mia would bounce back if things didn’t work out, Kat might not. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I just can’t. My life doesn’t allow room for dating.”
She glanced up at him, catching the disappointment in his eyes. “Please try to understand and respect my wishes. You can continue to have a relationship with Mia, I know she adores you, but I think it would be better if you and I maintained a safe distance from each other from now on.”
His head shook in defeat. “No.”
She stilled. “No?”
He shook his head. “No. You go on ahead and lump me in with all the other men and boys who let you down, Kat. I’m not like them. I’m not afraid of taking things slow. I’ll prove it to you. You can’t scare me away with all your ‘my life’s complicated’ crap.”
“My life is complicated,” she said, waving her hands defensively.
“So is mine,” he snapped and she flinched. He held up his palm. “Sorry.”
In a calmer voice, he said, “You think you’re the only one who has it hard? Everyone out there is fighting some sort of battle. It’s all part of being a grown-up. If you’re expecting it to get easier, I hate to disappoint you, but it’s not gonna. Life’s unfair and it’s hard and there are a lot of assholes out there.
“I’m not a liar, Kat, so I’m gonna give it to you straight. So long as you’re sitting here playing the martyr, nothing’s going to change. You can go ahead and think I’m the bad guy, but I would never turn my back on the mother of my children or on my child when she needed me most. I’m not him and I’m not your dad.”
He leaned close to her ear and whispered, “I’m real, Kat. The way I feel about you is real. But that doesn’t matter until you start seeing me and not lumping me in with all the other people who treated you wrong. I get that you’re young, but you’re no kid. When you’re ready to act like a woman, I’ll be more than happy to show you what it is to have a good man.” With that, he turned and walked away.
Shaken, she stood stock-still as he left. He was right about one thing. He was nothing like her father or Mia’s.
He meant what he said. And yes, she was running. So what? So many parts of her life forced her to grow up. Maybe this was a part she wasn’t willing to rush.