Tenlee squinted one eye open and stretched her legs under the blanket. Her old cage was sitting right in front of her, empty, the door open, a little toy bell dinging softly in the breeze from the tall space heater beside it. Colt’s couch was comfortable. It was this human body that wasn’t.
But she’d sworn to herself she was going to give sleeping as a human a whole night because, secretly, she was making life changes.
Tenlee knew what kind of love she wanted, but it wouldn’t ever happen the way she was. She was used to being alone and had spent so much time in her head lately. She had to compromise. Why? Because Kurt was human most of the time, and she was a squirrel most of the time. And over the last few days, he’d Changed more often just to be with her, but Gunner couldn’t Change that much yet. Too many Changes could be painful on a cub, so Gunner had to stay with Ava and Karis or had to hang out with two animals, Kurt’s mountain lion and Tenlee’s squirrel. And Tenlee could see exactly how that would play out, long-term. Gunner would get lonely and question why they wouldn’t stay human with him, or he would feel different from them, and she knew all about feeling different. She didn’t want that for Gunner, and she didn’t want it for Kurt, so the solution was she spent at least a little more time in this ugly skin.
She frowned at the cage. She’d spent a lot of time locked in there and hadn’t minded a single second of it, and right now, that kind of bothered her.
“You want coffee?” Colt asked quietly as he climbed down the loft stairs. “Or do you even drink coffee? I don’t really understand your diet.” His voice was somber, not the usual joking Colt. There had been a distance over the last few days that Tenlee hadn’t been able to fix. She hated it. Yet another thing that made her want to cry. God, this body was the worst. It made tears all the damn time.
“I can drink coffee. Kind of. I mostly like it with sugar and whip cream. And one drop of coffee in it.”
Colt shook his head as he stumbled sleepily into the kitchen. It was barely dawn so it was still pretty dark. “You and Karis both…” he mumbled in a gritty, sleep-filled voice. “Puttin’ trainin’ wheels on coffee is worse than waterin’ down whiskey.”
Tenlee huffed a soft laugh, careful not to wake Karis who was still sleeping soundly above if her slow, deep breathing was anything to go by. The baby in her belly made her more tired. Tenlee could tell. Karis was sleeping a lot more now.
Colt didn’t have a shirt on, only gray sweats. The scars that Trigger had made on Colt’s body were red and angry-looking as he fiddled with the coffee maker in the dim morning light.
“I didn’t mean to trick you,” she said.
“Well, you did, and that’s what our whole entire friendship was built on, and there ain’t no getting around that.”
“You can’t trust me?”
Colt locked his arms against the counter and stared out the window over the sink, his back to her, shaking his head. “I keep thinking of all these chances you had to tell me, and you didn’t. You just let me look like a fool, doting over a pet squirrel. Preppin’ snacks for you every day, worryin’ to death when you got sick.”
“I never been sick.”
“Then what was that?” he asked, turning on her and leveling her with a fierce gaze. “Why’d you go limp on us? I thought you was dying. Ramsey was coming after us, putting my mate in danger, and it was your fault, right? But I thought of all the times you bit someone like you were protecting me, so I wanted to repay that loyalty. I wouldn’t give you up to the crows to save this Clan from war.”
“I know.”
“But you still made me look like a fool, sleepin’ in that cage every night,” he said, gesturing to the wire contraption with the little bell still singing softly—ding, ding, ding.
“You’re not a fool,” she rasped out over her thickening throat. She sat up straight and pulled the blanket tighter around her because she felt vulnerable letting him see her upset. “You were loyal even though you thought I was just an animal, and that says a hundred good things about the kind of man you are. I wasn’t sick. I was missin’ someone. I was heart-hurt that Kurt and Gunner left, and I didn’t want to move. I didn’t care about anything. Kurt was gone, and the crows figured out I was here. I knew my fate, and it made me sadder than I’ve ever been.”
Colt’s face softened, and his grip relaxed on the edge of the counter behind his hips. “What fate?”
She tried to force a smile, like humans did even when they weren’t happy. “Because someday I’ll be in Red Dead Mayhem again. I’ll be queen over there. Lucky me. Someday, it’ll be me leaving the people who make me want to keep growing and moving forward.”
“Don’t talk like that, Ten.” Aw a nickname. She liked it. Nicknames were for friends. “The crows can’t have you.”
Tenlee shook her head slightly. She didn’t understand. “You would still protect me? Even though I pretended to be Genie?”
Colt huffed a tired laugh. “Ten, you are Genie, and Genie is you. I’m pissed at you and feel like dumpin’ your little ass on the crows’ doorstep just to watch you squirm a bit, but I wouldn’t. Your place is here. And besides, even if none of the Two Claws Clan offered you protection, Kurt would literally bring Hell to Earth to get you back. You felt his animal yet? Do you know what he is?”
Tenlee shrugged. “He just feels like Kurt to me.”
A slow, wicked smile stretched Colt’s face and lifted the scarred side. “Nah, Ten. You picked a monster.” He rolled his eyes up toward where Karis was sleeping above him. “All three of you girls did. Stop talkin’ about fates like they aren’t changeable. Everyone here shunned where they were supposed to end up.” He dropped his gaze to her and cocked one blond eyebrow. “Now it’s your turn.”
Huh. Shunning a destiny? Those words sure sounded pretty, but Colt didn’t understand. He didn’t know that Ramsey had bonded to her, and a crow chose one mate for life. His animal had chosen her the second he’d laid eyes on her. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t bonded back. He would come for her until his heart stopped beating because he had no choice. It’s what his crow required.
“I’m glad you’re still my friend, Colt,” she said, trying her best to hide the sadness in her voice.
He narrowed his eyes and canted his head, studied her face, but she gave him another human smile.
“We ain’t friends yet.”
“Well…what do I have to do?”
“You have to earn my trust back, Ten. Human friendships don’t work the same as a man and his pet. Friends don’t lie to each other, and you good as did that to me. For a year.”
He gave her his back, and Tenlee blinked hard. Stupid leaky eyes. She always hurt in this body. Her heart always felt too big for her chest. It was hard to draw breath, and her tears burned her eyes. She hunched into herself as the first tingling sensations of the Change fired along her nerve endings.
No, no, no, she wanted to keep this body a little while longer. She wanted to practice being human. For Kurt.
“Genie, what’s wrong with you?” Colt asked. “I mean Ten…Genie…fuck.”
He was there, kneeling beside the couch, worried eyes locked on hers, but she couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t see straight or think straight. “How do I stay a human?” she squeaked out desperately.
“Why do you need to be one?”
“To not run. To practice…”
“For what?”
“For—for—” Pain. Pain, pain, pain, burning pain, and she couldn’t stand it anymore. Just before she imploded into the little squirrel, she whispered, “For Kurt.”
She landed hard on the floor and righted herself in a single, aching movement. And as she looked up, she saw it there in Colt’s eyes. Pity.
Don’t pity me!
He reached out with his knuckle to pet her ears, but she didn’t want comfort. She didn’t deserve it. He’d even said they weren’t friends, and everything was so confusing. She was horrible at this! Horrible at being a person.
Mortification fueled her anger, and before she could stop herself, she bit his outstretched finger. And then she turned and bolted for the squirrel hole Karis had made in the door, out onto the porch, and then out into the wild. Where she belonged.