CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Sarah had dozed off when a noise jolted her awake. The temperature was chilly, and she was snuggled under the blankets, dressed in her nightgown, wool socks warming her feet.
Her pulse racing, she steadied her breathing and rolled over to stare outside. The rain that had threatened all evening had grown to a downpour. For a moment, she closed her eyes and said a prayer for her sisters, that they were safe and employed by good families.
She hadn’t received a reply from them to the letters she’d delivered through Mrs. Ford, and she was concerned about the delay. She decided she’d write again in the morning, but directly to Mrs. Ford to ask if there was a problem.
She sent up a second prayer for Nicholas. They’d invited him to supper and had blithely assumed he’d join them. After his brusque note had arrived, apprising them that he was otherwise occupied, they’d been crushed.
She wondered where he was and hoped he was safe and warm too, that he was content with his choice because she certainly wasn’t content with hers. She missed him so much she felt physically ill. He was like a blazing comet that had careened across her personal sky. He’d lit up her world, and everything seemed so tepid and boring without him in it.
The noise sounded again, a ping on her window. Was the wind blowing extra hard? Had a branch struck the glass? When the sound occurred a third time, she slipped out of bed and went over to peek out.
And…there was Nicholas, looking cold and miserable and so tempting that her knees nearly buckled. He grinned and extended his hands in a gesture of supplication, asking her to open up, asking her to welcome him inside.
She should have refused. She should have motioned for him to go away. It was madness for him to appear, and it would be disrespectful to Mildred to let him into her house.
As to Sarah, it would be wrong to shuck off her moral values and leap into their affair once again. They’d only been parted for a day, yet each minute that ticked by without him was a torture she couldn’t abide.
There was just one answer she could give to his request. She tugged on the window, and he hefted himself over the sill. Then he was in her room, a wave of damp air sweeping in with him. He pushed the window shut, the sound of the rain working as a foil to drown out any racket that might alert Mildred about her having a visitor. They were very much alone, the chance for discovery remote.
His coat and boots were wet, water dripping on the floor. She offered him a towel so he could dry his face and hair, and she yanked off his coat and draped it over the hooks by the door.
He sat on her chair and drew off his boots. His stockings too. They were both shivering, him especially. How long had he been walking? What had brought him to her in the middle of the night?
Suddenly, he stood and cradled her to his chest. His lips at her ear, he urgently whispered, “Marry me, Sarah. Say yes. Say you will.”
She was so stunned that, initially, she couldn’t think straight. Those were the very words she’d been desperate to hear. In the hours he’d been away, what could have rendered such an astonishing change of heart?
Her first inclination was to be sensible, to pause and discuss his decision in a rational manner. She wanted him to be sure. She wanted to be sure, wanted to guarantee he’d proceeded for all the appropriate reasons, but as rapidly as the prudent reflections arose she shoved them away.
What did it matter why he’d done it? She was so happy! Of course she’d agree.
“Yes, yes”—she was whispering too—“I’ll marry you. I will.”
Her response unraveled a knot that had been tightly wound inside him. He lifted her off the floor, and in a quick step they were at the bed. He laid her down, then followed her onto the mattress.
He stretched out on top of her and pulled the blankets over them so they were nestled in a cozy cocoon. Their bodies swiftly warmed the air surrounding them so their shivering ceased.
“I love you,” he amazed her by proclaiming.
“I love you too.”
“I can’t live without you. You have to be mine forever.”
“I will be. There’s no other path for us.”
“No, there isn’t.” He was bestowing kisses on her forehead and cheeks, her chin and nose. “I’m an idiot. An ass. Can you forgive me?”
“Yes, absolutely.”
“I can’t believe I thought I could walk away from you.”
“I can’t believe it either. I’ve been dying without you.”
“So have I.” His blue eyes were pleading. “Don’t send me away tonight. I can’t go.”
“No, I won’t send you away.”
A tiny voice was warning her she shouldn’t allow this, but she ignored it. There would be plenty of time later on to deal with the consequences. For now, there was just him and her and the quiet room and the rain outside. It seemed as if they were the last two people in the world and all the rules had vanished.
“When will our marriage happen?” she asked between frantic kisses. “Where will it happen?”
“Tomorrow? The next day? We’ll have to obtain a Special License. Mildred could probably help us.”
“This week though?”
“Yes, I swear it to you. I have no idea how difficult it is to apply for a license and to have it granted. Then we’ll have to convince a vicar to officiate, and I don’t know anyone in Bath who could vouch for us.”
“Mildred could help us with that too.”
Sarah’s mind was awhirl with questions. She was anxious to inquire as to where they would live. London? He had an apartment there. In what neighborhood? He gambled to support himself. How much was his income? Was it a steady amount? Or would there be periods of affluence, followed by periods of penury? Who were his friends? She hoped Clayton Farnsworth and Desdemona weren’t typical.
But he’d nuzzled a trail to her bosom, and he was caressing her breasts, playing with her nipples. The feelings he produced were so shocking that all her concerns evaporated like smoke.
He sucked a nipple into his mouth, and even though she was still attired in her nightgown it seemed as if she was naked. The naughtiness of it was nearly too much to tolerate. She hissed out an astounded breath, and he captured her lips in a torrid kiss that went on and on.
He was arousing her, touching her in places he shouldn’t be permitted to touch, and he was very adept, very skilled at passion.
She shouldn’t have been surprised. After all, he was an avowed libertine. He bragged about it. He reveled in decadence so he’d had plenty of practice at seduction, and he definitely knew how to tantalize.
Gradually, he was raising her nightgown so her calves were bared, then her thighs. The fabric was bunched at her loins, and he was flexing against her, using the wad of material as a soft cushion where he could thrust and push.
All of it was too overwhelming, and she could have begged him to slow down, but she was being swept along on a current of desire. It felt as if they were on a raft in the middle of a raging stream. They couldn’t control where they were headed. They could only hold on and pray they made it through the rapids unscathed.
He dipped to her breast again, while his fingers slid up her thigh. They tangled in her woman’s hair, then slipped into her sheath. She arched up, stunned by the intimacy of it.
Mildred had explained these sorts of behaviors, but clearly she hadn’t been able to fully describe the ecstasy that would be generated. It was beyond comprehension, but it was so wickedly, deliciously perfect.
His thumb found a sensitive spot at the vee of her legs, and he flicked over it. A wave of pleasure started in her belly and flowed out to her limbs, then she was soaring to the heavens, as if her whole body had been scrambled into pieces.
She flew up and up, reached a sort of apex, then tumbled down. As she landed safely in his arms, he was preening, delighted with himself and with her.
“What was that?” she asked when she could speak. “Was that carnal lust?”
“Yes. A very fine example of it.”
Mildred had insisted it would be incredibly invigorating and might become an odd kind of addiction, but Sarah had scoffed at the notion. She’d assumed she had a stern moral compass, that she wouldn’t succumb so easily, but apparently she was possessed of a harlot’s disposition.
Mildred was the sole female who’d ever told her it was all right to enjoy sexual matters, that it was natural to participate and like it. Yet for Sarah, it was difficult to ignore all those opinions to the contrary. A woman wasn’t supposed to like it. A woman was supposed to grit her teeth and endure her husband’s attentions.
They’d scarcely tiptoed into very deep waters, and she was already thinking she might never let him climb out of her bed.
“Can it happen every time?” she asked.
“Probably. We seem very attuned to one another. There’s a good chance it will always be magnificent for us.”
“How will I ever resist you?”
“You shouldn’t resist me,” he said, grinning. “I will be your husband, and it will be your duty to satisfy me in any fashion I require.”
“I’m betting it won’t be a chore,” she retorted.
She sighed, wondering what she’d set in motion. There was no going back. Was there? She was eager to be his wife as quickly as she could arrange it. She should have waited until they’d exchanged their vows and she had a ring on her finger.
But that event was just a few days away. It appeared this was her wedding night, and it was merely being celebrated a tad early. Was that wrong or sinful? Most people would agree it was, but she didn’t concur.
She liked him like this, when he was worn down and feeling as if there was no option for them except to be together. There was insurance to be gained by proceeding to the end. If they awoke in the morning and decided they shouldn’t have been so hasty, it would be too late. They were both sealing their fates.
She hugged him tight and whispered, “Are you sure about this?”
“Oh, Sarah, I’d been walking in the rain, trying to figure out why I was so despondent. I was hit over the head with the realization that I hadn’t seen you for several hours and it was killing me.”
“You’re so stubborn. I can’t believe you came to your senses.”
“I want you to be mine. I can’t bear to imagine there is any other conclusion for us.”
“There is no other conclusion that I will accept. Now get on with it. Don’t delay another second.”
He chuckled. “Your wish is my command, milady.”
“That’s more like it.”
* * * *
Nicholas was swamped by an awareness that he’d tiptoed out onto a very dangerous ledge. If he took one more step down the carnal road with her, he was trapped for good.
He’d claimed he would never wed unless it was for money, but he’d have quite a lot of it very soon. Once he finished with his plan regarding Mildred, he’d have much more than he’d ever predicted, but what would Sarah think about how he obtained it? With her being so close to Mildred, there was no way to hide the source.
Yet he didn’t care about her opinion. At the moment, he didn’t care about anything. He was simply determined to have her, to bind her so completely she could never escape. There was no point in debate.
If she didn’t like how he ultimately acted toward Mildred, he was a smooth talker. He’d woo and charm her all over again so she’d understand he’d done it for them—so he’d have the funds to support her as she deserved to be supported.
He sat back on his knees and pulled off his shirt. She watched him remove it, then she grinned.
“I was wondering if I’d ever see your chest again.”
“It’s all yours, my darling, Sarah.”
“You teased me that evening at the lake. It was cruel to torment me.”
“When you’re my bride, a bit of torment will always be permitted.”
“Well, then, aren’t I lucky?”
He stretched out and started kissing her again. He’d lost the patience required to chat and flirt. He’d been desperate to fornicate with her practically from the first minute they’d met. He’d thought about it so vividly and so frequently that he was nearly weak with desire.
If this was to be their wedding night, he had to slow down and treat her as an innocent bride. The problem was that his lust was surging to unmanageable levels. Perhaps he merely needed to get it over with, then he could temper the pace and show her that he knew how to engage in marital conduct in a satisfying manner.
She was halfway naked, her nightgown pushed up her legs, and he kept working it higher and higher, exposing her belly, her breasts. With a few flicks of his wrists, he had the garment up and over her head. He tossed it on the floor, then their chests connected bare skin to bare skin.
She didn’t try to cover herself or declare modesty. She simply gazed up at him as if her nude state was completely natural. Her composure thrilled him and made him think they would be as compatible in the bedchamber as they were everywhere else. A man could never hope for more than that in a wife.
He nibbled a trail down her neck to her bosom. He played with her breasts, laving them, pinching and squeezing the nipples until she was gasping and moaning with delight. He had to kiss her to swallow down the sounds, and occasionally when she grew especially animated, he’d laugh and clamp a hand over her mouth.
Gradually, he was unbuttoning his trousers, the flap loosening so he could tug them down his flanks. He should have shed them altogether, but matters were swiftly progressing, and he was afraid she might balk if they were both undressed. He wasn’t willing to risk it. If she suddenly declined to continue, he might injure his phallus. He was that titillated.
“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” she said. “I can’t believe I’ve let you into my bed.”
“It’s all right, Sarah. We’ll be married in a few hours.”
“You mean it, don’t you?”
She studied his eyes, but it was dark and hard to see. If secrets were lurking there, she wouldn’t notice.
“Yes, I mean it.” He cradled her cheek in his palm. “Are you having second thoughts? Please don’t tell me you are.”
“Not second thoughts precisely. It’s just that this is all happening so fast. In the beginning of our friendship, we were trudging along like a pair of snails. Now we’re running like hares across a field. I need you to persuade me this is the correct decision.”
“There’s no other decision for us. Fate has chained me to you, but I don’t mind being shackled. I couldn’t drag myself away. It was physically impossible.”
“I’m scared you’ll regret this later on.”
“Regret marrying you?” He frowned. “How could I ever?”
“You didn’t want to wed, and I am worried that—”
He kissed her to cut off the rest of her comment. “You’ll make me happy.”
“You’re certain?”
“If I tried to flee from your side, the universe would yank me back. It’s why I realized I had to propose. Otherwise, I’d have wandered in circles forever.”
“Swear you’ll always be glad,” she said.
“I swear I always will be.”
“If you ever meet a girl who’s richer or prettier—”
“I might meet girls who are richer than you, but I’ll never meet one who’s prettier. Stop fretting.”
“I can’t help it. I guess I’m not as brave as I assumed.”
“You’re very brave. You agreed to have me—even though you’re aware that I’m a terrible catch.”
“I love you,” she murmured.
“I love you too.”
It was so strange to hear himself utter the words. He’d never felt he could fall in love, but they sounded true. If it wasn’t love he was suffering, what was it?
“We’ll be fine, Sarah,” he told her. “It will all work out in the end.”
“I’m counting on it. Don’t you dare disappoint me.”
He’d disappointed everyone he’d ever known, but he wasn’t about to inform her. He’d let her wallow in her fantasy that he was a different man from who she presumed him to be.
Instead, he said, “I will never disappoint you. Not a single day, not a single minute. We’ll be perfect together.”
“That’s my plan too.”
He gazed down at her, and his heart swelled in his chest until it didn’t fit under his ribs just right. A thousand maudlin remarks bubbled up, and he was about to babble like a brook. He was anxious to tell her how difficult his life had been, how lonely he was, and how he’d had to figure out—at such a young age—how to support himself and carry on in a suitable way.
Through it all, he’d been motivated to succeed with such vigor and stamina he could only suppose it was a trait inherited from his parents. He yearned for much more than he’d been given, and he’d always grabbed for what he craved.
But he would never confide any of that to her. She thought he was wonderful, and he wouldn’t supply a glimpse of the dark forces that drove him.
Lest he share foolish memories he shouldn’t reveal, he began kissing her yet again. She leapt into the fray with an enormous amount of excitement. He widened her thighs, his body dropping between them, and she hadn’t exhibited the least sign of apprehension or doubt. She was eager to race to perdition.
He reached down and slid a finger into her sheath. Then he added another, and he guided them in and out as he fell to her breasts and tormented them. He’d like to dawdle and play, but he couldn’t restrain himself much longer.
He removed his hand and placed the tip of his cock where it was so desperate to be. Still, she didn’t seem tense or nervous.
“Do you know what’s about to happen?” he asked. “Have you ever been apprised?”
“Mildred explained all of it.”
He scowled. “Mildred?”
“Yes, she claimed I should understand what it was you were seeking from me and why I shouldn’t give it to you.”
“I can’t decide if I’m relieved or horrified.”
“She also insisted you were too much of an idiot to ever wed me so I should look for someone else. In case I was lucky enough to find him, she felt I should be taught about the marital secrets.”
“I’m glad you’re not trembling with dread.”
“I’m not.”
“And I’m glad you didn’t go husband hunting. You’re mine! All mine from this moment on.”
“All yours.” She sighed. “I like the sound of that.”
“This might hurt a bit.”
“Yes, I know, but only a bit.”
“It will be over quickly.”
“Don’t rush,” she said. “I intend to savor every minute.”
He chuckled and started again. The time for talking had passed. He kissed her as his hands clasped her bottom so he could lift and position her. The tip of his phallus wedged in a little more and a little more. All the while, he was nibbling on her breasts, stroking and caressing and offering soft words of encouragement.
As pleasure swept over her again, he gave a particularly hard thrust, and he was fully impaled. She soared up and tumbled down. Sanity gradually settled in, and she realized her new condition. They froze, stunned by what they’d perpetrated.
“Are you all right?” he murmured.
“Yes, but is that it? Are we finished?”
“Almost. Hold me to the end.”
She hugged him as tightly as she could, and he felt loved and cherished, as if he’d wound up precisely where he was meant to be. He kept on, flexing for an eternity, but it was rapidly dawning on him that—despite how long he continued—he would never have enough of her.
His passion crested, and he emptied himself against her womb. The thrill of it riveted him until he wondered if he might die from contentment.
Ultimately, it was over and as he collapsed onto her, he said, “Now we’re finished.”
He pulled away, their bodies separating, and he rolled onto his side. She rolled too so they were nose to nose, wide-eyed and smiling.
“I’m not a virgin anymore, am I?” she inquired.
“No.”
“Could I be with child? Could it occur that fast?”
“It could occur immediately, but it doesn’t normally from a single attempt.”
She grinned. “I’ve ensnared you, Mr. Swift. You can never be shed of me.”
“As if I’d want to be, you silly goose.”
“I’m so happy.”
“I’m happy too—and possibly a tad deranged.”
“I like you when you’re deranged.” She snorted. “When will we tell Mildred?”
“Tomorrow. I thought I’d formally ask her for your hand. She’s not your mother, but she’s the closest thing we have at the moment.”
“I’d like that! Would you?” Then she frowned. “What if she won’t give us her blessing?”
“I doubt she’d refuse, but even if she does I’ll marry you anyway. She’s not your parent so it’s not up to her, and it’s not as if we can decline to proceed after we’ve done this.” He tapped a finger on her nose. “Can you keep it a secret from her? You can’t provide any hints. You’ll spoil my announcement before I officially speak to her.”
He had many reasons to speak to Mildred in the morning, but most of them had naught to do with Sarah. He couldn’t have her inadvertently interfere with his plan.
“Yes, I can keep a secret. Or at least I think I can. What time will you stop by? Perhaps I’ll run errands so I’m out of the house until then.”
“How about one o’clock?”
“That’s half the day! How will I be silent for that many hours?”
“Maybe I better come at ten. Is she up by then?”
“Usually, but one o’clock is fine. I’ll simply have to curb my excitement.”
“One it is.”
“Shall we hold the ceremony here in Bath?”
“We should get it accomplished as soon as we can.”
“And after the wedding, could we travel to London? I have to locate my sisters and introduce you to them.”
He shielded any reaction. He vividly recalled her twin sister, Catherine, and figured she’d rather shoot him dead than discover he’d married her sister. But in spite of her likely animosity, he claimed, “I would love to meet your sisters. I already know Catherine, remember?”
“Oh, I’d forgotten. She’ll be so surprised!”
She definitely will be! “Who is the other one?”
“It’s Abigail. They’ll love you.”
“Of course they will. Charm oozes out of me. I can’t tamp it down.”
“Well, all of that charisma is mine now so you’ll have to try harder to hide it. I’m not sharing.” She shifted onto her back and yawned. “I’m exhausted all of a sudden.”
“Sexual play can do that to a person.”
“Is it all right if I fall asleep?”
“Yes.”
“Will you stay with me?”
“Only for a bit. I have to go before dawn approaches. I can’t have Mildred suspect our misconduct, and the neighbors shouldn’t see me creeping out your window once it’s light outside.”
“No, that would be so embarrassing.”
He snuggled her too him and drew the blankets more tightly around them. He listened as her breathing steadied, as she dozed off.
He dawdled until he was falling asleep too, but he absolutely refused to be caught in her room. That would be a disaster. He’d gotten what he wanted from her, and there was no need to linger. He slipped away, but she didn’t stir. Quiet as a mouse, he tiptoed about, tugging on his stockings and boots, his shirt and coat.
For several minutes, he peered down at her, and the most painful burst of affection whipped through him. She was so exceptional, and she didn’t deserve to be deflowered in such a slapdash fashion, but it was too late to worry about it. When she learned what he’d arranged, what would she think?
He’d find out the next day. At one o’clock.
I love you…
He sent the words winging out to her a final time, then he turned away, realizing—if he didn’t force himself out—he’d never leave. He looked at the door and considered boldly walking out the front like the cad he’d always been. But when he was so near the end of his long road, he didn’t dare behave so recklessly.
He’d sneak out the back like the philandering dog he was.
He opened the window, climbed out, and shut it again. Then he vanished into the dark as if he’d never been there at all.