“He just wants to get in my pants.”

Gray Cat cocked her head and blinked sleepily.

Lillian took a long drink of water. “Maybe I want him there.” She shuddered, and let out a little giggle. “I’ve never said anything like that before. Not really meaning it, anyway.”

The cat lost attention and meowed, rubbing her sides against Lillian’s ankles. She bent down and scooped the animal up, clutching her tightly against her chest. A loud purr erupted from Gray Cat’s core. “You’re such a sweet thing.” Lillian planted a kiss in between the cat’s ears and set her down gently. “I’ve got to decide what I’m going to do.”

Cayden had texted five minutes ago and she was having a minor freak-out. Their conversation hadn’t lasted very long before then, only a few minutes, but it was back and forth responses. She had to say something soon.

Damn, I’m like a teenager. She felt ridiculous, but this was a new and exciting thing for her. These were feelings she hadn’t experienced in a while, and she forgot how it felt to be so conflicted about someone.

“Someone so hot,” she muttered, taking a bite of banana. “who happens to live next to me.” It was too perfect. This must be rigged.

Her stomach tightened, and she felt a minuscule wave of dizziness sweep over her. The excitement was clearly more nerves than anything, and if she was going to be seeing Cayden tonight the last thing she wanted to worry about was another flare-up.

Taking deep breaths, she focused on the present moment to center herself. The last bite of banana tasted perfect. Her homemade peanut butter needed a touch less oil next time. Lemon-infused water seemed to help her get her strength back in the midst of the hangover. Log all these in the food journal.

Before allowing herself to think about later, she scribbled her snack in the journal and realized she hadn’t eaten much earlier besides some crackers and several huge mugs of tea. Self-care, Lillian. Self-care comes first. However, despite the mostly empty page and the last remnants of a killer headache, she felt pretty great.

It’s probably just a mental thing. She shoved the food diary back into the drawer and ran back to her room to huddle around the heater. Her firewood had run out a couple of weeks ago and she kept forgetting to restock after she decided the cold nights weren’t over yet. Cold for her, at least. Since she got sick, her cold tolerance had seriously decreased.

She realized she was shaking a little from so much energy. Bananas and peanut butter usually didn’t affect her like this, but she knew good and well that wasn’t why she felt so chock full of adrenaline.

Why do you keep trying to make it seem like you aren’t excited? She groaned and slumped onto the bed, brushing her fingers through her hair. Do I need to blow dry my hair? It feels pretty dry, but I don’t want to get sick. Why didn’t I get more firewood? I need to respond to Cayden. Now. The rush, she determined, was more out of fear of losing her nerve rather than losing his interest.

Then again, if he isn’t interested just because I took a little while to return a text, he’s a pretty shallow person.

So far, he had been really sweet to her. Too sweet, even. But she could tell he was a teeny bit shallow. He was a personal trainer, a bachelor, and threw weekly parties at his house where he lived alone. That in itself was a stereotype.

I’ve got to be real about what I’m getting myself into, she sighed, hitting the send button on her short message. She had asked if he was bored. A question that could be interpreted many different ways, depending on the context.

In the next couple of minutes, there was no ding from her phone. She hardly noticed, propped on her bed like a marionette with drooping eyelids. The headache was starting to come back and the heat was sapping every drop of energy from her. The house was quiet, her favorite lullaby.

She was almost asleep when her arm buckled and she collapsed onto her side. How long have I been out? she wondered, knowing it wasn’t very long but curious at how much time had passed. Before she could click her phone to see, she stilled. Her ears caught a faint sound. A dreadfully familiar sound.

The pounding bass.

“Seriously?” she moaned, her heart falling down to the soles of her feet. “This is what happens when I take too long? A spontaneous party?” She flopped back, wrapping herself in a quilt and opening up a new message to Cayden.

Hey, I don’t want to be a killjoy, but I think I’m going to try to get some sleep here soon. “I’m so over this,” she muttered as she sent it.

In less than thirty seconds, he replied. It worked! Go to your back porch.

“It worked? What worked?” The bass vibrations stopped as she padded out to the porch, the thick quilt still wrapped tightly around her shoulders.

The air outside was much colder, and she suddenly appreciated how warm the inside of her house actually was. Trying not to shiver, she stood on the porch and looked around. Cayden’s outside light turned on, and he stuck his head out his back door.

“Hey!” he called.

“Hey.”

“You bored?”

Lillian heard the smile in his voice. She smiled back, just a little. “Getting sleepy. What’s up with the loud music?”

Cayden let out a single laugh. “I knew it would get your attention.”

“You could have just called.”

“I’m calling you now!” He cupped his hands around his mouth. “Come over here, Lil!”

Her heart pounded against her ribcage. What am I supposed to say? “I’ve...never been over there,” she stumbled.

“Yeah, I know. Come meet the babies.” He ducked inside for a second, then suddenly extended his hand straight out in front of him, holding a tiny pot. “Isn’t she cute?”

“I can’t really see it,” Lillian squinted. The cold was beginning to seep into her bones.

“Exactly. So come over. I’ll get the fire going.” With a thumb’s up, he quickly popped back inside and shut the door behind him. Lillian stood there, a bit overwhelmed. He hadn’t even given her a chance to say yes or no. What if she didn’t want to go over to his place?

Then just don’t go, she thought, tiptoeing back into her house so her feet had as little contact as possible with the cold wood of her porch. But you don’t want to not go.

She heard a meow from the kitchen and knew the cats would soon start complaining about dinner. “I’m coming, I’m coming,” she sang, still trying to place how she felt. “Should I go?” The question was half to herself and half to the cats, who crowded around her legs as she scooped their food and dumped it in their bowls.

Standing back, she put her hand on her hip and watched the two animals dig in. “Just go,” she muttered. “Just go. Leave the fur children at home for a night. He’s got the fire going and everything.” It was no use continually trying to fabricate excuses why she shouldn’t go over. She wanted to. He wanted her to. It was only next door.

What’s the big deal?

Clearly the cats didn’t care what she did. Some nights they were clingy and wouldn’t leave her side, but right now all they cared about was their food.

Lillian wondered if she humanized them too much.

Probably. Another issue for another time. She buried her nose in the quilt. It had been in the family for a long time, since her mother was a baby. There had never been a time she couldn’t remember the musty, earthy smell giving her comfort. Maybe it would still her heart now.

It didn’t, and for the first time she took a deep breath and fully admitted to herself that she was excited. What felt like a little weight lifted, and she felt herself smile.

“Going to get ready now, then.” She bent and stroked the cats all the way from their heads to their tails, and their backs arched in delight even though they didn’t look up from their bowls.

Stop procrastinating—he’s waiting! Half-running to her room, she threw a sweater on over her tank top and slipped soft boots onto her feet.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” she sighed, checking her hair in the mirror before dropping the quilt. Taking a last look at the cats, she stepped outside and cantered over to Cayden’s house.

Before she could knock on the door, it swung open and Cayden grabbed her, his strong hands wrapping around her shoulders like they were twigs. She let out a squeak as she felt her weight be thrown off her feet, but he kept her steady as he closed the door with his foot.

“Don’t want to let the cold air out,” he said in a low voice, a mischievous smile on his face. He let go of her shoulders and she fought to regain her breath.

All she managed was a little giggle. Her heart pounded in her ears and she felt a tad bit giddy.

“I’d ask if you want some wine,” he bent at the waist in a bow, “but, given your party last night, would you like some water?”

Shit, last night. She didn’t want to think about how terrible she looked or anything she said to him that she didn’t remember. Did I say I wanted to sleep with him? Is that why he’s being so friendly?

He quickly noted her expression changing. “You okay, Lil?”

“Yeah!” She did her best to perk up and sound energetic, but it came out flat. “It’s all good. I...” Should I say this? “To be honest, I’m a little embarrassed about last night.”

Cayden pursed his lips and began to fill a glass with chilled water from a filter. His eyes held a curious glimmer. “Hey, don’t worry about it. It happens to everyone. I’m glad I was able to help.”

“Me, too,” she said quietly.

“Lemon and mint?”

Really? “Sure, that sounds amazing.” She stifled a smile. “I’ve never met a guy who infuses his water.”

“Tastes better and adds nutrients,” he stated bluntly, focusing on picking some green leaves off a small potted mint plant on the windowsill. Lillian’s eyes wandered along his arm and down his back; this shirt gave a subtle outline of his defined muscles. “Lots of antioxidants, too.”

“I believe you, Mr. Personal Trainer.” Cayden stuck his tongue out at her, and she noticed his eyes glancing at her lips before he offered her the glass. She took a sip, enjoying the fresh flavors dancing on her tongue. “I’m impressed.”

“You should be,” he replied. “I’ve had a lot of practice.”

What does that mean? She felt so out of place suddenly, and took another sip to distract herself. Cayden didn’t seem to notice that his comment implied multiple meanings. His back was turned to her as he dropped some raspberries and mint in his glass.

“I thought you were going to text me this morning, but I figured you were probably resting.”

“Sleeping, mostly. I took two baths today.” She had no clue why she told him that. It wasn’t meant to be flirtatious, but he turned and winked at her.

“Hangovers aren’t as fun as they used to be, huh?”

“Not at all.” She chuckled, looking at the floor. “How do you manage it every week?”

“Who says I get wasted every week?”

“Uh...” Dammit! “No one, I just thought...”

He leaned forward and lightly nudged her shoulder. “I’m just messing with you. Loosen up.”

“It’s hard for me to loosen up when I can’t figure out your sense of humor.” The words just came out in one unplanned spill. She started to add something else, but Cayden straightened and took a step forward so her eyes were staring directly at the neckline of his shirt. Her voice disappeared.

“Let’s go sit down,” he said. She felt his breath on the top of her head. “It’s getting cold in here.”

Again with the double meaning! Sure it was just her over-thinking in her nervousness, she fought the urge to roll her eyes and went to the next room. Cayden’s kitchen was a pretty normal one compared to most other guys she had known before, with the exception of an impressive spice rack and a few containers of various protein powders. His living room had enough furniture to host a small crowd, but it was arranged in an uneven way that told her it was all shoved against the walls during his weekend parties to make extra mingling room.

“So how many people can you fit in here?”

Cayden stopped for a moment. “I wasn’t expecting you to ask about my wild parties.”

“Should I?”

He shrugged, taking a long swig of water, and poked the fire. “I’ve fit about forty people here before. Not all in this room.”

She could see that he didn’t mind talking about his weekend events. I want to keep this conversation off anything personal. Here’s my lead. “So in the kitchen, in here, where else?”

The firelight glinted off his eyes. “You want a tour?”

“Yeah, I’d love to see the house of the neighborhood’s finest gardener.” That pun had been intentional. She dared to glance at his biceps. He saw her look, and he gave her a pleased smirk.

“Right this way, madam.” He nodded toward the next room; Lillian set her water down on the coffee table and followed him into a hallway. It was mostly dark, the only light coming from the two rooms on either side. The front door was at one end; at the other end was a tiny staircase that looked like it had been half shrunk.

“What’s up there?” She pointed.

“The attic. It’s got a couple of rooms and a bathroom, actually. So it’s not the typical creepy attic.”

“Can I see it?”

Cayden beckoned towards the stairway, letting her go first. The steps were incredibly steep and much smaller than normal ones. “Why is it like this?” she asked, focusing on not tripping up the stairs and trying to forget that Cayden’s head was essentially right beside her butt. Please, lavender bubble bath, please let your scent still be on my skin.

“Apparently this house is one of the oldest ones in the area. Watch that last step, there’s a little ledge at the top.” He tapped the back of her arm before flipping a switch on the wall. One small, orangey light bulb turned on at the top of the stairs. It wasn’t enough to be well-lit, but just enough to see. “The downstairs and the outside were completely remodeled a couple of decades ago to look more modern, but these little stairs stayed behind.”

The space upstairs was much smaller than Lillian had anticipated. The ceilings were higher and a nice, woody smell drifted around her. “I would make my office up here. This is so nice.”

“Romantic, isn’t it?” His voice was quieter, like he didn’t want to disrupt the antique silence. Their eyes met before he looked at the floor. “These are original hardwood panels. I don’t know anything about flooring, but I like them.”

Lillian bent and touched one of the floorboards. “It looks like cherry wood. They’re gorgeous.”

His face lit up. “You can tell?”

She couldn’t help but feel proud of herself. “Part of what I do is interior design. Some of my clients, when we’re reorganizing, want some of their stuff to be easily reachable...”

“Not necessarily always hidden away,” he added, seeming genuinely interested.

“Exactly.” She pushed against her knees and stood. “It might be adding a storage compartment in the staircase, adding a section to a wall unit, that type of thing. So that requires some design sense.”

Cayden nodded and scratched his chin. “I had no idea so much went into it.” He chuckled. “Not to be rude, but I thought organizing was just putting papers into folders and boxing stuff up.”

“Seems like it would be easier that way, right?”

Again, their gazes met, and neither of them were able to say a word. The hall where they stood was quite narrow, but the high ceilings made it feel much more airy and warm. A soft silence filled the space around them.

Without moving his eyes, Cayden opened his mouth to speak but his voice came out scratchy; he cleared his throat and tried again. “Shall we...see the other room?” He held his arm out briefly before lowering it back to his side.

Lillian nodded. She took a step back to give him enough room to walk past, but he turned his body and edged by her.

That musky scent drove her crazy.

The doorway to the next room was just beside them, but it was pitch-black inside save for the small glow from the one light bulb. Cayden stood just inside the room, half in a shadow. He took up more space than she did, with his brawny frame and height. Taking half a step inside, she found herself face-to-face with his chest again.

Daring to lift her eyes, she saw from the visible side of his face that he was looking back down at her.

Her heart began to thud. “There’s not much light,” she whispered, intensely aware of their bodies barely an inch apart.

“It’s a little crowded,” he breathed. His breath smelled like raspberries and mint.

The faster her heart beat, the more she felt like she was entering an out-of-body experience. Thinking became impossible. Her blood rushed hot through her veins.

All it took was one minuscule movement for his fingers to brush against her wrist. Something inside her flipped around in circles and her vision flickered.

Time slowed. She felt his neck crane down and hers crane up to meet him. And suddenly, their lips were gently pressed together.

After too short a moment, he drew back and she thought it was over, but he put his hand on the back of her head and held her in place. He leaned down again, the tip of his nose on hers, their lips an impossible hair’s length away from touching again. Lillian smelled his skin, his shower gel, his shampoo, and his garden all at once.

Keeping his hand there, he withdrew enough to see her face. In the heat of the moment, she forgot about everything else in the world and realized how badly she wanted to be close to him. Her eyes flickered over every bit of his face.

“We...” he started, but it was no use. Lillian grabbed both sides of his head, tangling her fingers in his hair, and pulled him down again ferociously. Their lips crushed together, tongue teasing tongue. Cayden’s strong arms gripped her hips and tugged them against his own as their forms became one shape.

For half a second, her over-analytical mind returned and she froze. What are you doing, what are you doing, what are— But her thoughts were interrupted and pushed far away where they couldn’t come back for a while.

She lost track of what was happening. Cayden scooped her up like he did the night before when he found her on the porch in a drunken heap. That feeling of being weightless, encompassed by this strong creature in the dark, sent her heart soaring to the top of her head. Her fingernails lightly raked his scalp and trickled down his neck, tickling the nape and the tops of his shoulders.

A low groan rumbled from his chest, and he set her down on what felt like a bed. She braced herself with one hand to keep from falling back. The blankets were cold; she tensed.

He eased away, touching his thumb to her cheek. “Are you okay?”

It was too dark to see him, but she could see his outline against the dimly-lit doorway. One ray of moonlight came in the window, but all it revealed were the wooden floorboards. She reached up and grazed his chest with a knuckle. “Yes,” she purred, then added, “I’m not sure how to feel.”

Cayden slid his hand down to her waist. “Stop thinking. Be here for now.” The way his hands could wrap around her body so easily gave her chills, and she trembled. He felt it. “Are you cold?”

Try as she might, she couldn’t make any sounds come out. The only response she managed was tracing his collarbone with her finger, so he made an executive decision. Keeping one hand on her, he took the top blanket and flung it down to the end of the bed. Lillian let out a little yelp of surprise as he moved her up so her head was on the pillows.

“This will be better,” he murmured, and climbed onto the bed, stretching out so his body was hovering over hers. He reached back and pulled the blanket up to his waist.

“You’re still shivering,” he pointed out, placing his hand tenderly on her arm.

“It’s not the cold,” she confessed.

Cayden let out a single hushed laugh. “Are you okay, other than that?”

She wished he could see her nod. “I think so.”

“You don’t sound convinced.”

But she was definitely convinced. In this position, there was no hiding from herself or trying to make excuses. All the effort she’d made to convince herself she didn’t want this got washed down the drain. She wanted his smell, his skin, his raspberry breath, his muscular body that tempted her, so close but so far beneath his thin cotton shirt.

“I’m convinced,” she purred, and wrapped her arms around him to pull his body onto hers.