Kip waited just inside the front door of Scott’s apartment, his phone in his hand. Scott had been texting him constant updates all morning.
Scott: Heading to the airport.
Scott: Taking off soon.
Scott: Just landed.
Scott: In the car.
Scott: Crossing the bridge. Traffic heavy.
Scott: Almost there!
Kip looked at his phone, waiting for another update. Would there be one, or would Scott just walk through the door...?
He rolled his eyes at himself. This was so silly. They were grown men and they’d only been apart for nine days.
Another text came. Just pulled up. See you in a minute!
Kip ran a hand through his hair, set his phone on the coffee table, and went to the door. He was in his jeans and a new dark green Henley shirt that he’d bought yesterday—an early birthday present to himself.
The door clicked and opened, and Kip only had a split second to take in Scott’s smiling face before Scott was on him. Kip was pressed back against the wall, Scott kissing him hard and hungry while he held Kip’s arms with his giant hands.
“Happy birthday,” Scott said when they finally broke for air.
“Thanks. I missed you.”
Scott smiled, and kissed him again.
Kip felt weak with happiness. It was so good to have Scott’s huge, solid body surrounding him.
“You did it,” he said when they broke apart. “You won all six games!”
“I was motivated.” Scott cradled Kip’s face in his hands, brushing his thumb over Kip’s cheekbone. “You said something about a reward?”
“I never said reward. I said I’d give you whatever you need,” Kip corrected him.
Scott kissed him one more time. “You always do. But today’s not about me. It’s about you!”
“Does that mean I get to unwrap you?”
“Yes, please.”
* * *
“I’m starving!” Scott said. He was toweling himself off after the shower they had enjoyed together (and after the sex they had enjoyed together).
“Thank god,” Kip said. “Me too.” He frowned. “Um, you might not have much for groceries here.”
“Oh. Yeah, well, I was thinking...”
“Delivery?”
“Actually,” Scott said, “I was thinking we could maybe...go somewhere?”
Kip lit up. “Really?”
“Yeah, I mean...one lunch wouldn’t be too suspicious, right?”
“Right,” Kip said, a little less enthusiastic. What had he been expecting?
“So where do you want to go? My treat!”
Kip rolled his eyes but smiled. “I dunno. Doesn’t have to be fancy. You might know better than I do where you wouldn’t be bothered.”
Scott seemed to think about it.
“Get dressed,” he said. “We’re going out!”
* * *
The March weather was cold and damp and shitty, but Kip was so happy to be out of the apartment with Scott. They weren’t holding hands or doing anything else that would suggest that they were a couple, but just being out in the world with him felt surreal and wonderful.
Scott led them to a diner a few blocks from his apartment. They sat in a booth, grinning at each other over their menus.
“What are you getting?” Scott asked.
“It’s my birthday,” Kip said. “I’m getting a damn patty melt!”
“Good man.”
“And a milkshake.”
“That sounds amazing. What flavor?”
“Vanilla. Why mess with perfection?”
“Yup,” Scott said, closing his menu. “I’m getting the exact same thing.”
They ordered, and then Scott said, “You know... I was thinking we could maybe go somewhere this summer.”
Kip raised an eyebrow. “You were?”
“Yeah... Like, I told you I usually go away in summer, to places where I don’t usually get recognized. We wouldn’t have to worry so much,” Scott said in a hushed voice, leaning in, “about people seeing us together.”
“Right.” Kip frowned at the table. “Yeah.”
Scott started talking excitedly about some beach town in Spain or Italy he’d been to and didn’t seem to notice that Kip was starting to spiral.
I don’t want to hide our relationship anymore.
Is he even going to want me by the summer?
How long can I be in a relationship with someone in secret?
The server brought their food and Kip was grateful for the distraction.
“Man, it has been way too long since I’ve had a patty melt,” Scott said. He was so cheerful.
“It’s good,” Kip said, forcing a smile. “Thank you.”
There was no way Kip was going to let Scott take him on a luxurious vacation. Between the hockey tickets, the tuxedo, and the time spent in the penthouse, Kip had already accepted way too much from him. What could Kip possibly give him in return? An all-expenses-paid trip to some five-star incognito gay beach resort would only increase the debt Kip was keeping a running tally of.
I’d rather he just take me to a diner again. And we can split the bill.
“So where are you going tonight?” Scott asked, before taking a long pull from his vanilla shake.
“Oh, there’s this pub, in the Village—the Kingfisher. I used to go there a lot, but I don’t go out as much these days. When I do meet my friends, though, it’s usually there.”
“Is it, like...a gay bar?” Scott asked in a low voice.
Kip laughed a little. “Yeah. It’s very much like a gay bar. But it’s chill. It’s just a pub with cute bartenders.”
“You’re meeting some friends there, you said?”
“Yeah, Elena. I asked Maria from work. And then some friends from college.” He leaned in with a playful smile and whispered, “Some gay friends.”
Scott rolled his eyes. “Fine. Make fun of me.”
Kip laughed again and kicked Scott under the table. But he stopped laughing when he realized there was really nothing funny about Scott’s closeted life. It was sad that he was nervous about going to a gay bar. That he had never gone out with a group of supportive friends, or enjoyed flirting with a cute server.
He decided to try something even though he knew it wouldn’t work.
“I know all the reasons why you’ll say no,” he said, “but you should think about coming out with us tonight.”
“I know. But going to a gay bar doesn’t mean you’re gay. It’s just a group of friends at a bar. It’s no big deal. It’s not like we’re going to be grinding into each other on a dance floor or anything.”
Scott seemed to consider it, but then shook his head. “Your friends would be wondering what I’m doing there. I mean, Elena knows, but...”
Kip deflated a little. Scott was right. Elena was one thing, but the others...
Scott would cause a commotion in the Kingfisher, even if everyone believed he was a straight guy hanging out with his gay friend. Even if no one knew who he was, he would attract a lot of attention. He kind of stood out.
“Well,” Kip said, “if you change your mind, I’ll text you the address of the bar.”
Scott looked like he was about to say something, but they were interrupted by two men who had approached their table, looking very excited.
“Hey! Scott Hunter!”
“Hello?” Scott asked.
“Holy shit! It’s you, right?” One of the men held out his hand. Scott gave a small smile and shook it.
“I’m a huge fan,” the man continued. “My opinion? You’re taking us to the cup this year. All the way!”
“I share your opinion,” Scott said, smiling politely at him.
The second man spoke. “Can we get a picture?”
“Sure,” Scott said, standing up. “No problem.” He gave Kip an apologetic glance, but Kip just waved his hand. He was actually enjoying this.
“Would you...?” the second man said, handing Kip his phone.
“Oh, sure. Of course.” Kip stood up so he could take their picture. Scott threw an arm around each of the men and they all smiled at Kip.
“Thanks, Scott!” the first man said. “You’re first-class, man. Lookin’ forward to seeing you hoist that cup for us. Enjoy your lunch, all right?”
“Thank you,” Scott said.
The men left and Kip grinned at Scott. “That was nice.”
“That was fine,” Scott said. “Sometimes it’s not so fine.” His eyes darted around the restaurant. “We should probably get going soon. It always starts with one and ends with a mob.”
They didn’t talk on the way back to Scott’s place. Scott’s jaw was clenched the way it always was when he was worried about something, and Kip knew exactly what was bothering him.
He hates that people saw us together.
Kip shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, and walked quickly to keep up with Scott’s long strides.
* * *
Scott was nervous. They were sitting on his couch, Kip stretched out at the opposite end with his feet in Scott’s lap. He was replying to a birthday message from his sister. Scott waited until he was done.
“So, um,” Scott started, “I, uh... I have a birthday present for you.”
“Oh?” Kip said.
“Yeah.” Scott pulled a slightly bent envelope from the back pocket of his jeans. He handed it to Kip, who sat up a bit and removed his feet from Scott’s lap. He eyed the envelope suspiciously, glancing at Scott over his bent knees.
Scott watched him open the envelope, and readied the speech he had prepared. He could guess how Kip was going to react.
“Are you... What?” Kip said, visibly stunned. He had opened the little card and was holding the paper that had been tucked inside. “No. Scott. Come on.”
“I’m not sure if I got the amount exactly right,” Scott said calmly, “but I want to pay off your student loans.”
“This is a check for fifty thousand dollars, Scott!”
“I know. I wrote it.”
“No,” Kip said again, shaking his head. “This is dumb. You can’t just give me fifty thousand dollars for my birthday.”
“I figured you would say that,” Scott said, “but the thing is... I can. Easily. And you know it.”
Kip was still staring at the check, dumbfounded. “It’s too much,” he said quietly. “Way too much.”
“You mean your loan is less than that?”
“Well, yes. That too. But this is nuts!”
“You said you don’t like your job. You said you want to move out of your parents’ house. I want you to be able to do anything you want to do. So if that money can help you get started, I’m happy to give it to you. More than happy.”
“Jesus,” Kip mumbled.
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Scott said.
“Right. Um.”
“You’re uncomfortable.”
“Yeah.”
Scott sighed. He’d guessed it was going to go this way. “How about this? We’ll go to the bank and I’ll pay off your student loan. Forget the check if it’s too much, but at least let me take care of your loan.”
“That’s kinda still too much, Scott.”
“Please.” Kip started to shake his head again, so Scott said, “Look, I know. I know how it feels to struggle for money, and then suddenly not have to do that anymore. But I make... I mean, my salary is public record. You probably know what it is. It’s a whole lot of money. And then I have endorsement deals and all the rest. What I don’t have—” Scott took Kip’s hand “—or, what I didn’t have, was anything worth spending it on. Or anyone to share it with.”
Kip blinked at him.
“I give to charity,” Scott continued. “I bought this apartment, and I travel a bit in the summers. Other than that, I just have a whole lot of money sitting in the bank. It would make me really happy to be able to help you with some of it.”
Kip pulled his hand away and turned his eyes back at the check, his brow furrowed.
“No,” he said finally. “Thank you, but no.”
“Kip—”
“No. Look, I get what you’re saying. I know it... I dunno, makes you happy to make me happy, or whatever. But...it...” He sighed. “I can’t explain myself.”
“It’s not a big deal,” Scott tried.
“It is a big deal, Scott! It’s a very big deal! You can’t just...change my whole life!”
“Why not?” Scott said softly. “You changed mine.”
Kip looked dangerously close to crying, which was not at all what Scott wanted to happen.
“Hey,” Scott said, placing a hand on Kip’s shoulder. But Kip stood up and started pacing.
“I’m not—I’m not a charity. I’ve got a normal student loan to pay off—the same kind that millions of other people have. I’ve been managing just fine since I graduated. Maybe my job isn’t impressive, and I live with my parents, but I have my fucking pride. And I was paying the loan off on my own every month before you just...just scribbled on a fucking piece of paper and shoved it in a birthday card and—”
“Hey!” Scott said, standing to meet him. He was getting angry now. He took a breath. “Look, I wasn’t trying to insult you. It seems silly for me to have all this money and for you to have all these loans to pay off. It seems like a pretty obvious solution, right?”
“I can manage my own life, okay?”
“Okay,” Scott said desperately. “Okay. Yeah. Fine. I’m sorry.”
Kip rolled his eyes, but it seemed to be more at himself than at Scott. “Fuck, Scott. I know you’re just trying to...”
“I only want you to be happy,” Scott said quietly.
“I am happy,” Kip said. “Maybe I’m not living my dream life, but who the fuck is?” Then he laughed roughly and gestured at Scott. “I mean, besides—”
“My life isn’t perfect, Kip,” Scott said tightly. “I thought you understood that.”
Kip exhaled. “I’m sorry. I know. I’m being an asshole. I’m just touchy about this stuff.”
Scott nodded, possibly a little frantically. He wanted to undo whatever was happening here. “It was too much. I get it now. I do. This relationship probably seems a little...unbalanced to you. But you give me so much, Kip. I love you. I love you and I know I rush into things, and I know I’m probably being way too intense about us, but please. Just know it’s only because I care about you so much.”
Kip seemed to consider this, then his face softened. “Okay.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. But I’m tearing up this check.”
“Deal,” Scott said, relieved that the situation seemed to be defused.
“I’m sorry,” Kip said. He slumped back onto the couch and buried his face in his hands. “That was a thoughtful and generous gift you were trying to give me. And believe me, a part of me really wants to say yes to it, but I can’t.”
Scott sat next to him and pulled him into his arms. “Let’s just forget about it, all right? I’m sorry. I should have gotten you flowers or something.”
Kip laughed against his shoulder. “It’s always hard to decide: flowers, or fifty thousand dollars.”
Scott laughed too, fully realizing now how ridiculous his gift had been. He really had no idea what he was doing.
“I want to try again,” he said into Kip’s hair. “Can I try again? I want to give you the perfect present.”
“You don’t need to.”
“I want to. I love you, Kip. I’m sorry I’m so fucking bad at this.”
Kip’s gaze was soft and affectionate as he tilted his head and brought their lips together. The kiss was achingly slow and sweet, and Scott melted into it.
“I love you,” he said, his lips brushing the light stubble on Kip’s cheek.
“Love you too. So much. Fuck, I don’t want to be mad at you. I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
“I’ll miss you tonight.”
“I know. I’m sorry. And I’m so busy this week. I’m sorry about that too.”
“What’s on the schedule this week?” Kip asked, then started trailing kisses up Scott’s neck.
“I’ve got a long practice tomorrow.” Scott tilted his head back to give Kip better access. “And I’ve got a thing tomorrow afternoon.”
“A thing?”
“Mm. Sports Illustrated interview.”
“Oh.”
“And on Wednesday I’m visiting kids at the hospital in the morning. And I’m playing that night. Thursday morning, we have a video meeting, and that afternoon I’ve got another thing...”
The kisses stopped.
“And what’s that thing?”
“Oh. Um...just a photo shoot. New campaign for Gillette.”
Kip leaned back to stare at him. “Seriously?”
“And then on Friday I play again and—”
“Then you’re hosting Saturday Night Live?”
Scott laughed. “No! I turned that down. God, can you imagine?”
“No...”
Scott looked at him seriously. “You know that stuff is all just... None of it’s important. It all seems glamorous, but all I really care about is hockey and the time I spend with you.”
“The world loves you,” Kip said, brushing a thumb over Scott’s lips. “I’ve gotta share you.”
“Just a little,” Scott said. “They only get tiny pieces.” He nipped Kip’s thumb and flicked his tongue against it.
“Sucks to be them,” Kip drawled.