What am I doing?

I’m doing the only thing I can. I need him. No matter how bad of an idea all of this might be, it’s not something I could stop if I wanted to.

I can try to trace it all back, a long chain of events leading up to this moment. When we locked eyes, I could have driven right past him and gone about my life. I could have taken him to the hospital. I could have let him walk away the next morning. Or maybe I could have turned him into that cop–taken his deal.

I couldn’t have resisted that first kiss. It wasn’t just because I’d already committed to that risk by lying to Detective Napier–no–it had nothing to do with any of that. It was the simple fact that Alex was a man who I couldn’t resist in that moment. It was a completely primal urge that overpowered all rational thought. I knew that kissing him was locking in my choice. I’d chosen to risk my job and my freedom to help a man who won’t even claim his own innocence.

And now, here I am again. His masculine scent, strong arms, and evil grin have pulled me in once again, but this time we’re on a bed. His powerful body is on top of mine, and I feel no shred of regret.

I know exactly how bad an idea this is. I should feel guilty, shouldn’t I? I’m choosing my own animal urges over what is “right.” Am I convincing myself that I think Alex is innocent just so that I can get off? Could I really do something like that?

He bites my earlobe, and his tongue presses warm against my soft skin. A masculine growl echoes in my ear, and any feeling of guilt melts away. This has to be right. Nothing that feels like this could ever be wrong.

I reach desperately back for the clasp of my bra, and I finally get it open. My bra falls away, and his hands find my breasts. He takes them into his hands with an intense urgency. I fall onto my back, and he tears his shirt away. The blanket breaks its seal with his movements, and some cold from the room seeps in, but then Alex’s abs and chest press down against my skin. His warmth makes me feel safe and protected, like he’d never let anything happen to me

He puts his hands between us to feel my breasts, and when his fingers touch my nipples, an electric shock pulses through me. He squeezes my hard nipple, and I realize with a sudden urgency just how wet I am.

I try to pull my pants off as Alex worships my breasts, and once he realizes what I’m doing, he reaches down with one hand and tears my panties off just as I get my pants down around my ankles.

He throws the blanket away and grabs my hips in a forceful grip. He pulls me forward across his body, until I’m sitting on his chest. He looks up at me. Usually I’d be shy about this, but I decide–no I don’t get to decide. He decides for me. He pulls me on top of his mouth. My wet folds press onto him, and his tongue finds my wetness. A hungry growl rumbles through his body as he begins to taste me.

Then something rocks through me. An explosion. All of the pent-up feelings and frustration melts away as Alex’s tongue finds my swollen clit and sends shudders of ecstasy through my body. My legs tremble, and he reaches up and grabs my waist as he eats me out.

This is easily the most crazy thing I’ve ever done. It’s easily the most exciting start to sex I’ve ever experienced–the urgent and desperate need for each other sucking us both in like a vortex–but everything about this moment is crazy and stupid and reckless. And incredible, and exhilarating, and empowering. For once I’m doing the bad thing. For once I’m letting what feels good decide for me.

I rock my hips against him, wanting to feel his every movement as much as I can. His hands run slowly up my body, until they rest on my breasts. He squeezes my nipples until I squeal.

“God, Alex,” I hiss, “I didn’t realize how bad I needed you.”

“I realized,” he says. “I knew it from the moment I saw your perfect fucking face.”

My eyes roll back into my head, and the shuddering becomes more like an earthquake. I lose control of my body as the orgasm pulses deep within me. My muscles clench, and Alex’s hands slide down my body. His fingers dig into the flesh of my ass, holding me tight as I begin to cum all over him.

I hear him drinking me up as I cum. I try to buck my hips, but he’s holding me so tight I can barely move. My clit can’t escape his tongue, which flicks expertly back and forth as my body moves with a will of its own.

I don't realize that I’ve finished cumming until many moments after the orgasm has ended. I’m still shaking, and Alex is still pressing his lips and tongue against my slick folds.

The sensation becomes too much, and I have to pull myself off him. I slide back and fall on top of him, so that my lips are pressed against his neck. My breasts are warm against his hard abs, and...and I feel his cock, hard as diamonds pressed against my stomach.

When did he gets his pants off? Not that I’ll complain. His dick feels so fucking warm pressed against me. I can feel it pulsing against me in urgent rhythm.

I knew when I let him kiss me–when I kissed him back, who am I kidding–that it would lead here. I was afraid it would lead here, to his hard cock against my naked body, ready to press into me. I was afraid, but I shouldn’t have been. That longing and excitement to join together with him is the best thing I’ve felt in years.

“I need to be inside you,” he growls, and I shudder in anticipation.

I was on top of him when he made me cum the first time, but now I crave him on top of me. Overpowering me.

Without a word, I slide off his body, and I raise my arms up and fold them under my forehead. I press my ass up, urging him to take me. Even though I’ve just cum and my pussy is still soaking wet, feeling his hard manhood has me longing for him inside me. I want to feel myself parted around him, and I want to feel his warm need buried within me.

“Fuck me,” I say. “Fuck me now.”

I don’t usually talk like this. Then again, I never feel this type of urgency. Sex is usually something I decide to do with a man. It’s not something I need to do.

With Alex it’s the other way around. I never decided this. My body decided for me. I feel his hard cock press against my soaked opening. A whimper escapes me; I can’t wait to satisfy him. To feel him fill me.

He presses inside. My tight hole feels impossibly full, and there’s a sharp pain. My body tenses up, and I feel tears form in my eyes.

“Angel?” He whispers, his voice softer and more intimate that I’ve ever heard it. “Am I hurting you?”

“I’m fine,” I say. I control my breathing, and I feel myself loosen up. His cock, which is only an inch or two inside me, begins to slide deeper in.

“Fuck,” he whispers. “You feel perfect.”

The pain melts away as I relax. He’s bigger by orders of magnitude than any man I’ve ever been with, but I feel so comfortable with him that my body is adapting. My inner walls are stretching to the brink. But cumming so hard just before has made things much smoother.

He thrusts deeper inside, and I find my ass sticking up higher, trying to press him those few fractions of an inch deeper into my wet hole.

Having him stuff me full satisfies all kinds of urges. The burning longing I had come to feel for him is satisfied as he fills me entirely. Still, I want to feel him more. I want to cum together with him.

“God,” he grunts. His body covers mine. I feel his tight abs pressed against my back. His heavy breath is in my ear.

“Fuck me,” I say, my voice urgent and commanding.

He doesn’t move, but I feel his cock swell inside me.

“Alex!” I snap. “I want to feel it.”

“Feel what?” he asks, and there’s an edge of playful teasing in his voice. How can he have the patience to tease me now.

“Your thick cock sliding in and out of me,” I say. It comes out in a jumble of breathless words.

“In and out of your what?” he whispers, but he’s already starting to move. He’s not as patient as he’s pretending to be.

“My tight pussy,” I say, and I flex my body, squeezing my inner walls against him as if to emphasize just how tight I am.

“Fuck!” he shouts, and then he starts to thrust. He slides in and out of me. I surrender fully to him. I submit myself as he pounds in and out of me. I dig my elbows down into the bed and arch my back.

His hands dig into my hips, holding me tight as if he’ll never let go, and he pulls me up until I’m on my knees. He slams into me with renewed intensity, and the warmth and wetness inside me builds up until I gasp.

The gasp turns into a shrill shriek. He pounds in and out, and I feel my pussy squeeze him tighter than ever. His cum starts to fill me as my orgasm peaks. I feel his warm seed spill into me as my eyes roll back into my head. My hips buck wildly as if my body were on auto-pilot, and Alex does not let go of my hips. He doesn’t slow down. He doesn’t stop cumming.

“Fuck!” He shouts. “I’m filling you up!”

I never considered using a condom. I didn’t pack any–I didn’t even have any at home. I’d feel guilty if it didn’t feel so good. It’s like everything with Alex, as long as I feel him close to me–as long as he’s near me–there’s no guilt.

My body trembles as he falls down on top of me, pressing me down against the bed. His cock twitches inside me, and my whole body begins to glow warm, and not from the furnace or the warm blankets.

* * *

When I wake up, Alex is gone.

A wave of cold hits me, and I clutch the blankets against my naked body. I reach up and check the furnace, but it’s filled with nothing but embers. Even the door is freezing cold to the touch.

“Alex?” I say aloud.

There’s no answer.

I wrap the blankets around me and step outside into the main space of the cabin. It takes only a moment to see that Alex isn’t here either.

Where could he possibly have gone? Why would he have gone? He wouldn’t go to all the trouble of getting me to this cabin if he were simply planning to abandon me here.

I look out the window and see thick flurries of snow falling.

Guilt starts to hit me hard. It churns my insides, which are still buzzing warm and full of butterflies from last night. It felt good. It felt right. It was everything I’d needed–everything I’d never known I needed.

I was always a “good girl.” I did my homework as soon as I got home. I never got into trouble with my parents. I never stole cookies at night. As I got older, I dated good guys, and after I decided I wanted to become a nurse when I was 17, I put myself right on that path. I worked hard toward that goal without faltering or wavering. I achieved it, and I work hard, and…

And I’ve never really been happy, have I? Still, it’s the life I’ve spent years building for myself, and Alex is...what is he? He’s a man who walked in front of my car two nights ago. I’ve known him for less than 48 hours, and I’ve already put my entire life on the line for him.

Why? Because I think he’s innocent? And why do I think he’s innocent? Because he told me he’s guilty?

“Jesus,” I whisper. “I’m losing it, aren’t I?”

I’m grasping at straws. I want so desperately for the wanted murderer to be a good guy that I’m inventing any reason I can think of, aren’t I?

Is it the magnetic draw I feel around him? The way he pulls me in toward him? I can’t get anywhere near him without needing to touch him. If he’s hurt and on bed, I need to touch his skin and tend to him. If he’s standing and towering over me, I need to fall into his arms and bury my head in his chest. If I’m the one on the bed, well, that’s what happened last night.

The sex was incredible. It was more than physical. I felt things I’d never felt before. My body sung for him. I lost control. I came harder than I ever have. And that’s why the guilt in my gut is consuming me.

The feeling is gone as soon as I look at him. The nagging voice of my conscious just shuts up as it gazes at Alex’s cocky smirk and perfect teeth. I lose all reason and control when I’m around him.

I should go.

I rush back into the bedroom and throw the blanket down. I rifle through my suitcase and make sure I lay out all the things he’ll need to heal: fresh bandages, rubbing alcohol, antibiotics. No, screw it, I leave the whole bag of medical supplies there for him. With how reckless he is, he’ll probably need them all eventually.

I get my clothes on as fast as I can, zip up my coat, and pull my hood up.