“Maybe I should just give up and go back home,” Alix mutters gloomily.

“Come on, darlin’. Don’t give up yet. Just tell me more about why your sister left.”

We’re sitting on opposite ends of my couch after dinner. The house still smells like garlic bread. I’m on my third beer, and Alix is still nursing her second.

I’m still not quite sure why the fuck I’m trying to help her find her sister. She’s probably right that Eden has no intention of being found. Still, the broken look in Alix’s eyes makes me determined to at least help her get some answers. Even if they end up not being the ones she wants to hear.

“I don’t know, exactly,” she admits. “I mean, I guess it was just the combination of a lot of stuff. I think maybe all of it ended up being too much for her, so she decided to run away from it.” Alix’s face turns sad. “Maybe she thought if she could go somewhere new — get a fresh start — all the problems would just go away.”

“What kind of problems?” I ask.

Alix heaves a deep sigh, then launches into her story.

“Eden’s my older sister, by two years,” she begins. “It was just the three of us — Eden, me, and my mom — growing up. My dad lives somewhere out in California, but I’ve only met him like twice, when I was little. Mom and Eden never got along very well, starting at least from when she was a young teenager. We didn’t have very much money, for as long as I can remember. My dad didn’t pay child support, and my mom figured it would cost more money and time than she had to try to force the courts to get him to do it. So she just left it alone. Mom had to work two jobs for pretty much my whole life, to keep a roof over our heads.”

Alix pauses for a moment, then continues, more softly now. “The two of us girls were mostly left to fend for ourselves when Mom was at work. Since Eden was older, she was in charge of making sure both of us were safe. I guess Mom must have felt guilty that she couldn’t keep an eye on us more, because when she did come home, she’d ask us all these questions about exactly what we did while she was gone. She’d grill us about whether we’d left the house, which we weren’t supposed to do. If we’d done our homework. Whether we’d opened the door to any strangers. Whether we’d finished the laundry. Stuff like that.

“Eventually, around the time Eden was about thirteen, she started leaving me home by myself when my mom was working her shifts. She’d swear me to secrecy, and tell me she’d beat me up if I didn’t lie and say she’d been there the whole time. It didn’t take Mom long enough to start getting suspicious that Eden was sneaking out, though. I’m not sure how she figured it out. I never told on her. But even so, I think Eden was convinced that I did.

“By the time Eden was sixteen or seventeen, she and my mom were at each other’s throats a lot of the time. And Eden and I had grown apart. She thought I took Mom’s side all the time, even though I tried my best to stay out of it.” Alex takes a deep breath, then lets it out. “Eventually, Eden graduated from high school. Surprisingly, her grades ended up being really good.” She laughs softly. “Do you know, the whole time, she was making the honor roll, and she never once told my mom? It’s like she didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing there was a smart, responsible girl under all that show of bullshit.”

Alix looks so fucking sad, remembering all of this. I almost feel bad for making her tell me, but knowing all this might end up helping me figure out how to find her sister. “What happened then?” I ask.

“For all her complaining about the rules at Mom’s house, she didn’t move out right away. I was amazed. I thought she’d bolt out of there like a bat out of hell on her eighteenth birthday. But she stayed around.” Alix takes a sip of her beer. “She got a part-time job as a receptionist at a salon. Mom made her start contributing a little money toward rent and food. Which was only fair, of course. I was sixteen by then, and I got a job waitressing at a pizza place. For a little while, the financial situation actually eased up a little bit. With the three of us pitching in, we even had a little extra for each of us to have pocket money. Eden and my mom still fought like cats and dogs, but the stress was a little less bad.

“Then, my mom got sick.”

Oh, fuck. Alix already told me her mom is dead. I think I know where this story is going.

“The kind of brain cancer she had is called glioblastoma.” Alix’s voice has gone oddly flat, like she’s trying hard not to let any emotion show. “At first, we didn’t know anything serious was wrong. She’d been having headaches, and sometimes she seemed kind of foggy after a long day at work. But Mom just chalked it up to being tired. She worked such long hours, after all. She said she wasn’t getting any younger, and she just didn’t have the energy she used to.

“Eventually, the headaches got worse, and more frequent. To the point where she started having double vision sometimes. She told us they were just migraines, even though she’d never had one before. Sometimes she seemed kind of… confused. Like she wasn’t able to think straight. She’d try to hide it from us, but we still noticed. When I tried to talk to her about it, she’d brush me off, or get angry and tell me she just needed to rest.

“Of course,” Alix continues, her voice turning bitter, “Mom didn’t have health insurance. None of us did. We couldn’t afford it. So she avoided going to the doctor for a really long time.” She shakes her head and snorts softly. “Not that it would have done any good, anyway. Glioblastomas basically aren’t curable. They’re really aggressive, and they even make their own blood supply. By the time they grow enough to start causing symptoms, it’s too late. They’ve invaded the brain tissue enough that the best thing you can hope for is to slow it down.

“Mom refused treatment, saying it made no sense to fight something that would just end up taking her in the end, anyway. She said…” her voice breaks. “She said it was a waste of money.”

Alix closes her eyes for a long moment. I want to pull her into my arms but I don’t, instinctively knowing she’d pull away. When she opens her eyes again, they’re shining with unshed tears.

“Around that time is when Eden started hooking up with Gonzalo.” Alix looks at me, disgust evident on her face. “Those last months, when I was doing my damnedest to take care of Mom at home, Eden basically went AWOL. She moved out, and hardly ever came to see us.” Her voice turns angry and hard. “At least she came to Mom’s funeral,” she spits out. “I guess I should be grateful for that, huh?”

“Alix…” I begin. “You don’t have to…”

“I don’t even know why I’m looking for her, at this point,” Alix interrupts me. There’s an edge to her tone now, sharp and cutting as glass. “God, it’s obvious she wants nothing to do with us, isn’t it? With me?” She looks hurt, and bewildered, like she can hardly believe what she’s doing. “Why the hell am I worried about her?” she asks me, her eyes pleading. “When she obviously doesn’t give a damn about me, or about keeping together what’s left of our family?”

Fuck. Alix’s face is a picture of pure suffering. I don’t know what to do or say. I’m a joker. A fighter. Not a goddamn counselor.

But she needs something. She’s told me all this — revealed more than I ever thought she would to me. And even though I can’t know for sure, I doubt she’s ever said it to anyone else.

I owe her some kind of a response.

And so I try.

“You’re worried about her because she’s your sister,” I tell her. “Plus, it kinda sounds like she’s running from shit she can’t face, right into a shitshow she can’t control.” I shake my head. “That Gonzalo fuck is a goddamn pussy, but he’s bad news. You’re right to be worried about her.”

I think back again to how he roofied Alix, and a wall of pure rage builds up inside me so strong it feels almost like it’s going to burst right out of me. I know damn well what that piece of shit was trying to do to her. And if I hadn’t been there, he would have gotten away with it. God damn it. I can’t believe I didn’t beat him to death right then and there. My fist clenches so tight my knuckle crack.

If I ever see Gonzalo again, I won’t let the opportunity slide a second time.

“I know he is,” she whispers. “And I’m scared I won’t be able to find her, and get him away from her. And then what if she gets hurt, and I never even know?”

The way she looks at me — not wary or sarcastic, but open and trusting — it fucking undoes me. Her eyes turn up to me, soft and wet and vulnerable. When they lock onto mine, something shifts. Her pupils get large, and dark. Her lips part, just a little bit, and her breathing speeds up, rasping a little in her throat. Somehow, while she’s been confiding in me, she’s dropped her defenses. Her body’s turning toward mine, willing and ready.

I stay far the fuck away from any entanglements with women. I’ve got more than enough shit to deal with in my life as it is.

Last night, I thought I was just afflicted with a rare case of Mr. Good-fucking-Samaritan when I dragged her ass out of that bar and onto my bike. This morning, I didn’t know what the fuck I was trying to prove by letting her come stay at my place.

I told myself it didn’t matter if she’s sexy as hell. I’m not a goddamn animal. I can get my needs satisfied anywhere I want. I don’t have a thing for damsels in distress.

But it turns out, I was wrong. Somehow, Alix Cousins has dug her hooks into me. Deep. And fuck, I haven’t even kissed her.

But that’s gonna change. Right goddamn now.