Chapter Nineteen

 

Shane

One week later…

 

"They say he looks really good. They can't really tell yet, of course, because it's still a few months out, but they think he might be big. Just like his daddy."

I hear Julie's voice before I open my eyes. It sounds like it's trembling slightly, but she's talking casually like we're having dinner together or something.

"I've been thinking about names. I haven't really chosen one yet. It's a lot of responsibility, you know? People talk about baby names all the time like it's the most fun thing in the world – like you’re naming a goldfish or a hamster. Not that I had either one of them growing up, but it's the same idea. They don't know if their name is stupid. They don't know if you came up with it because you were drunk, or you used a dartboard or picked it randomly. I haven't done any of those things, by the way."

I can't believe I'm listening to her talk about our son. Our son. My son. I can't wrap my head around it. It's been months since she told me about the baby, but this makes it so much more real. She's carrying my little boy, and now she's trying to figure out what we’ll name him.

"Naming a baby is so much bigger than that. This is the name he's going to have with him his entire life. I mean, I suppose he could have a nickname or just choose something else for people to call him, but that's not always going to work. Any time he has to fill out a form, or apply for a job, or introduce himself in professional or formal capacity, he's going to have to use the name we picked for him. That name is going to be the first thing a lot of people know about him. I suppose he could change it when he turns 18, but that's a lot of hassle to go through. I don't want to put him through that, and what if I didn't even remember his new name and kept calling him by his old name. That's just setting us up for some serious family tension. I don't want to deal with it."

"What about Out?" I say.

My voice sounds scratchy and low, and my throat is raw. I can only imagine I've just recently been liberated from a tube of some kind.

My eyes flutter open, and I see her for the first time since Christmas. The months have been kind to her and her swelling belly. Now I know it's a baby boy growing in there, and I want to reach out and touch her. Her eyes suddenly snap to me as if it just occurred to her I was speaking.

"What?" she asks in a trembling voice. "Did you just say something?"

"I said 'what about Out'?"

"Out what?"

"For his name."

She looks at me like she thinks I shook a few pieces of my brain loose and the doctors didn't put them back.

"No."

"Why not? Then we could call him Outlaw Son."

Julie's tear-reddened eyes narrow at me, and her pouty pink lips purse together.

"I can't believe you're here," I say.

"I've been here since the day after you got hurt," she tells me. "Mrs. Livingston brought me clothes and has supplied me with an endless stream of food."

She gestures to the table beside the bed, and I notice a variety of plastic and glass food containers spread across it.

"They've let you stay?"

"They couldn't have made me leave," I say. "Well, they probably could have. But, yes, they've let me stay."

"How long have I been here?"

"A week. The doctor said you've been making incredible improvements. They took you off the medication two days ago, and off your ventilator yesterday. They told me it could take until tomorrow for you to wake up, though."

"I needed to be here with you," I say. "I couldn't wait to see your face again."

Julie laughs, but new tears spill down her face.

"I've been waiting to see your eyes," she says. "I've been sitting here talking to you all day, every day. I hope that somewhere in there you knew I was here."

"I think I did," I say.

"Mr. Slidell will be really happy to hear you're doing better," she says. "He gave me emergency leave, so I could be here with you."

"I'm glad. Are you enjoying being back?"

The conversation seems strange, but I want to keep talking. I want to hear her voice.

"It's not nearly as exciting as it used to be," she says. "I still love the work, but I don't think anyone will ever compare to my first client."

I laugh, wincing slightly at the pain in my throat.

"I certainly hope not," I say. I tighten my grip around her hand. "Julie, there's something I need to –"

"Shane, I love you," she interrupts.

"What?" I ask.

"I love you, Shane Lawson. I didn't know it then, but I think I've loved you since the time you sat in my apartment and ate pizza and became besties with my elderly neighbor."

"Gloria's the best," I agree, and Julie laughs. We fall silent for a few seconds, staring at each other. "I love you, too," I finally say. "I love you, Julie Jacobs.”

"Really?" she asks.

"I want to try to make this work with you, Julie. Just the two of us. That future you were planning for us. I was planning it, too. There's something I want to ask you, but I can't right now. This isn't the right time or place. For now, I'll ask this. Can we try this? Can we do this together?"

Julie rises up her chair and leans over to kiss me.

"Yes," she says softly.

 

Three months later…

 

When I was finally discharged after my injury, I decided I never wanted to see the inside of a hospital again. Now that I'm here, I can’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else. Now it's my turn to stand by the side of the bed and hold Julie's hand. She squeezes back until her fingernails bite into my skin, but she's amazingly quiet and focused. I've spent the last three months of her pregnancy preparing myself for the type of labor and delivery I've seen in countless movies. I knew everything would seem fine, then suddenly, her water would break, and all hell would break loose. We'd end up in a brightly lit room with her screaming obscenities and doctors running around.

Instead, she had a craving for pineapple pizza, and we ordered delivery then sat in bed, eating and watching TV. An hour later, she thought her stomach wasn't reacting well to the pizza and laid down. Soon after, she realized she was having contractions. We came back to Virginia a month ago, so she'd be close to the doctor she originally wanted to deliver the baby. It took us less than an hour to get to the hospital. Since then, she's been incredibly calm, and I haven't heard a single obscenity fly out of her mouth.

I admit I might be slightly disappointed in the lack of theatrics.

Suddenly her hand squeezes mine even tighter, and she takes in a gasping breath.

"Alright, Julie," the doctor says from down near her feet. "I think this is it. Get ready to push."

I look down into Julie's face, and she smiles at me.

Another contraction hits, and she draws in a sharp breath. I hold her hand firmly, wanting to lend her whatever strength and support I can. It seems like both hours and seconds pass before she takes another deep breath and pushes, and I hear the doctor's voice call out to me.

"Look down here, Mr. Lawson," she says. "Watch your baby be born."

Seeing my son in the doctor’s hands is unlike anything I could ever have imagined. I'm breathless, and I can't speak. He does it all for me, though. His tiny voice bursts out into the room as the doctor sweeps him forward to place him on Julie's chest. A nurse steps up to wipe him off, and put a little hat on his head, but all I can see is his face.

"He's here," I whisper to Julie.

Tears glide down her cheeks as she nods.

"I can't believe it," she says.

I kiss his head, then lean down to kiss her.

"We're just going to take him for a second," one of the nurses says. "We're going to weigh in and get him a little cleaned up for you, but he'll be right back."

A few minutes later I walk out into the waiting room. Joe and Gloria are sitting side-by-side, seemingly engrossed in something on the tablet he holds between them. He glances up and sees me, climbing to his feet.

"He's here," I say. "Seven pounds, eleven ounces, nineteen inches long."

Gloria rushes forward and I hug her.

"That's wonderful," she says.

"Thank you so much for being here, Gloria. I know it means the world to Julie."

"You know I wouldn't have missed this baby coming for the world. How's Julie?"

"She did great. I've never seen anything like it. She was so in control. She seriously kicked labor's ass. "

Joe laughs.

"That sounds just like her."

Gloria's eyes light up.

"I'm going to run down to the gift shop and get one of those bouquets of blue carnations."

"I should be able to bring you two back in just a few minutes. They're moving them into another room right now."

Gloria smiles and rushes out of the waiting room. I turn to Joe and see him grinning through the sparkle of tears in his eyes. This must mean so much to him. It's been just Julie and him for so long, and now their family is expanding. He put so much of himself into raising Julie when she was younger and making sure she could stay at home.

"His name is James," I say. "James Joseph Lawson."

Joe's eyes widen, and he looks speechless.

I reach out and gather him into a tight hug. Over the last month, we've tried our best to work through the tension between us. At first, it was purely for Julie. I've been working on renovating my childhood home, so she and I will have a place to stay when we visit home, but it's not ready yet. So, we ended up staying with Joe at his place. The first few days of being under the same roof were mostly about learning to tolerate each other, but then we started to get to know each other again. Finally, we had the painful, intense conversation that's been building between us for years. I apologized to him and explained everything I had told Julie. We haven't quite gotten back to where we were, but we've come farther than I ever thought we would, and I hope we'll continue getting closer. Especially because of what I’m going to ask him later.

"I need to get back in there with Julie, but can I talk to you later?"

"Sure. Now, introduce me to my nephew."

I grin and start toward the doors that lead back into the maternity ward. Gloria is rushing back down the hall, so we wait for her to catch up before heading toward the nurse's desk. They direct us to the room where they've moved Julie. When we step inside, she looks up, and her face breaks into the most joyful smile I've ever seen. Someone has helped her change into a baby blue nightgown and brushed her hair, but I know she will never look more beautiful than she did the moment James first cried.

Gloria gasps and rushes toward the bed. Setting the flowers on the table, she leans down to kiss Julie's cheek before running her hand over James's head.

"This is James," Julie said, tilting her arm to better display the tiny baby she cradles.

"Congratulations," Gloria says. "He's perfect."

"Alright, everybody out of the way. I have a nephew to hold."

Joe walks up to the bed, and Julie hands the baby to him.

"You can call him James all you want, but I'm going with Little Joe."

 

********

 

Two hours later, Joe and I are walking across the café on the bottom floor of the hospital, carrying cups of coffee. We sit across from each other in large black chairs set next to a bay window that overlooks a meditation garden outside.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" he asks.

I take a sip of my coffee.

"I heard from Coach yesterday," I say.

"Is everything OK?" he asks.

"I haven't told Julie any of this. I wanted to talk to you first. He's been consulting with the specialist, and their final recommendation is that I shouldn’t play again. They say the injury has healed really well, but there will always be a serious risk, and they can't be completely sure how I’d react if I got hit like that again."

"That was always a possibility," Joe says. "You were preparing for it."

"I know," I say. "In a way, it's a relief to finally know."

"Are you alright?"

"I am," I say. "To be honest, I’m less upset than I thought I would be."

"Really? Why?"

“I've had a great career. I've made plenty of money to live off of. And, thanks to your talented sister, I'm still enough of a household name that I will have endorsements, speaking opportunities, and who knows what else offered to me. I don't need to play anymore. I'm going to miss it, of course. But seeing my son today has confirmed that nothing is worth putting myself at risk of not being able to be the father he deserves. And thankfully, I was really well insured. I'll have more than enough to take care of the three of us. This is exactly what Julie and I prepared for. I never thought I'd have to bank on my reputation because of an injury, but I’m okay with how this all worked out. There's only one thing I need, and that's why I needed to talk to you."

"What is it?"

"My family. As long as I have Julie and our baby, I can handle anything. I want to ask your permission to propose to her."

Joe doesn't hesitate.

"I'd be honored to be able to call you my brother," he says.

We stand and hug, and I clap him on the back.

"Thank you," I say.

"Absolutely."

 

********

 

I'm cradling James in my arms and murmuring to him when Julie wakes up that evening. She turns her head and smiles at me.

"What are you saying to him?" she asks.

"I was just telling him that he needs to get ready to start football practice next week," I say.

Julie laughs.

"Not so fast," she says. "Don't rush him."

"Well, lucky for him, whenever he's ready, he'll have his daddy and his uncle to teach him. He can be the first one we enroll in our new camp."

She tilts her head slightly.

"New camp?"

I stand and settle the baby in her arms.

"I can’t play anymore," I tell her. "I heard from Coach, and he told me the doctors don't recommend I come back. I'm going to have to officially retire."

Her expression drops slightly.

"I'm so sorry," she says.

"Don't be," I say, shaking my head. “I'm at peace with this. It's the right thing. For our family and me. Joe and I spent some time talking while you were sleeping, and we've decided to expand the camp. It's not only going to be a summer thing anymore. We're going to run it yearlong and focus on getting disadvantaged kids into football, working on their skills, and finding scholarship opportunities. We will be there for them in a way no one, except your brother, was there for me."

"That sounds incredible."

"It does. But there's one more thing that would be even better."

"What?"

"I was the one lying in a hospital bed when I told you there was something I wanted to ask you, but that it wasn't the time or place."

She nods.

"I've been trying to find the best time, and the best place, and the best way. This isn't what I would have imagined, but today has been the most wonderful day of my life. I can't think of a better moment to tell you I love you with every ounce of my being than while you sit here with our newborn son. I want to love you every day for the rest of my life, and I don’t want to go another without asking you this. Julie, will you marry me?"

One hand flies up to cover her mouth, and for a moment she sits there in silence, stunned. Finally, she takes her hand away and nods.

"Yes," she says. "Yes. I will marry you, Shane Lawson."

I capture her mouth and we kiss deeply.

Everything has changed in such a short amount of time. Compared to a year ago, my life is barely recognizable now.

And I realize I would never want it any other way.