Jenna….Jenna…I need you to open your eyes for me…Jenna?”

I am startled by the loud voices that feel like they are screaming in my ear. I try to open my eyes, but my eyelids feel like they have weights on them. I open my mouth to talk back to this person, but sharp pains shoot up my throat and I quickly close it.

“Jenna…can you hear me?” The voice sounds like Layla’s. Why is Layla here? My body starts to shake and although I feel cold, the shaking seems to be coming from the hands that are holding me.

“Stop shaking me because I’m about to throw up all over you.” I croak out, my throat hurting so badly that I never want to talk again.

“Here’s a bucket!” I register Robert’s high-pitched voice. I manage to open my eyes slightly to see their worried faces hovering over me. I groan and try to lift my arm to cover my face, but my arm won’t move.

“Jenna, we need to get you to the hospital. I think you’re extremely dehydrated from the stomach flu.” I start to shake my head no, but waves of dizziness crash into me so I stop any voluntary movement.

“Robert, stay with her while I call downstairs to have them retrieve her car. Jenna, I have a cup of Gatorade with a straw. I need you to SLOWLY try to drink a little.” I watch Layla put the cup on my nightstand and leave the room. Robert sits me up and hands me the cup. I manage two small sips and that’s all I can handle.

“What day is it?” I ask, unable to remember. The only thing I remember is going to dinner with Layla to celebrate the success of my first news segment and then immediately feeling sick once I got home. I figured my stomach wasn’t agreeing with the greasy Asian food we consumed, but as the night progressed, I started to feel worse. That was Thursday.

“It’s Saturday afternoon.”

“What? What happened to Friday?” I try to remember what happened yesterday, but the pounding headache that’s hammering behind my eyes makes it hard to think of anything. I vaguely remember numerous trips to the bathroom due to both ends of my body being in use, and sleeping in between those trips.

“You sent me a text saying you weren’t feeling well, that you think you have what I had, but I didn’t have it as bad as this. When you didn’t pick up your phone or respond to my numerous texts this morning, I got worried and decide to check in on you. You scared the crap out of me when you wouldn’t wake up. You started moaning, so I called Layla and she came over. Have you been drinking water?” Robert asks, as he brings my drink back to my lips for me to try to take another sip.

“I don’t know.” Usually I am good with drinking water and being conscious enough NOT to get dehydrated, but every trip to the bathroom seemed to drain my energy. I take one more sip of my drink and shudder at the taste.

“Car is downstairs, let’s go!” Layla comes back in the room and they both help me stand up. “Do you want to change or go to the hospital wearing that?” I look down to see that I’m in pajama pants and a thin tank top that leaves no imagination to what my breasts look like.

“Can someone please grab a sweatshirt from my bottom drawer? I just need to cover up the girls.” Robert complies and helps me put it on. We step out into my living room where I am completely blinded from afternoon light. Layla grabs my sunglasses and purse and we slowly make our way downstairs.

Once we arrive at the car, Robert adjusts the passenger seat to recline and helps me get in. I hold onto a bucket while Layla drives the short distance to the hospital. After giving the keys to the valet, she wheels me into the emergency room with the wheelchair they provided and gives the administrative registration clerk my information and insurance to check me in. A triage nurse sees us to take my vitals and records any answers I can give to her questions. Fortunately due to the time of day, our wait is brief and I am taken back to the treatment area. I am seen by the attending physician who asks me questions while examining me. I answer as many as I can, with Layla filling in more of the details for me.

“It sounds like you have a stomach bug or food poisoning along with severe dehydration. I do want to run some tests to rule out some other options. Let’s get you started on IV fluids first, though. I will be back.” He leaves the room to go talk to the nurses.

“Can she get another blanket? She won’t stop shivering.” Layla asks the arriving nurse, who grabs one from the bottom of a cart and pulls it over me. I smile weakly at Layla, so thankful that she is here with me as I wouldn’t want to be here by myself with strangers.

“My name is Jackie, and I am one of the nurses on call. I am going to start you on an IV to help with your dehydration. I will need to draw some blood from you in order to run some tests. Is that okay?” I nod my head and keep my eyes closed, knowing that the sight of blood will make me throw up. She pulls up my sleeve and swiftly draws the amount she needs.

“Do you think you can give me a urine test?” she asks and I shake my head no as I have zero desire to pee or try to stand up because of my dizziness.

“Can you tell me your last day of your menstrual cycle?”

“I think I am currently on it.” Go figure that puking and pooping my brains out would not be enough for my body to handle.

“What do you mean by you ‘think’?”

“It’s been abnormal.” I proceed to tell her about it and she records it all on my chart.

“I’m going to run these to the lab. They’re slightly backed up, so it might be a little while. You should start to feel better soon from the IV. Why don’t you just try to relax and I will be back shortly.” She leaves and I immediately fall asleep.

I am woken up by Layla when the physician arrives. I don’t know how long I was asleep for, but I immediately feel better than before.

“Looks like the IV is doing its magic as you have regained some color in your skin and clarity in your eyes. How do you feel?” The physician asks as he re-examines me.

“Better.” Despite still feeling cold, the shivering has stopped and my headache has lessened. I am able to focus more without getting dizzy.

“Good. Since you were exposed to someone else with the stomach flu, I will rule out food poisoning. But I am not entirely sure if it is the stomach flu or hyperemesis gravidarum.”

“Hyper what?” I ask, not understanding a word he just said.

“Severe morning sickness.”

I grunt and shake my head no, wanting to quickly rule out the option of a baby. “Nope. Not possible. My doctor told me I can’t get pregnant due to my abnormal uterus. So, stomach flu it is!” I look over at Layla, who is watching the doctor closely.

He frowns and looks over my chart. “Well, that’s interesting, because according to your blood test, your hCG levels indicate that you are pregnant. Have you been sexually active recently?”

“Yes, but we used condoms each time.” I start grasping for any excuse that will help prove I am not pregnant, even though I know condoms are not 100% effective.

“Unfortunately, condoms can rip or tear, and the likelihood of you even knowing they are is small. Why don’t we do an ultrasound to confirm?” He nods to the nurse, who leaves and returns with a portable ultrasound machine. “Can you recall the last day of your menstrual cycle?”

“I thought I was currently having my period.”

“That might be from the baby implanting itself in your uterus or from your cervix as extra blood collects there and could be coming out. Let’s just say you aren’t currently in your cycle, do you remember the time before this?”

I try to recall the last time I had my period and I immediately suck in my breath, realizing that it was before my trip to Las Vegas. Stress causes me to have irregular periods, so not getting my period when I’m stressed out doesn’t usually alarm me. I grab my phone out of my purse to look at the calendar.

“March 18.” I swallow and look at Layla, whose eyes widen.

“And when were you last sexually active?”

“The last week of March.” I look at my calendar again to confirm the dates I was in Las Vegas.

“Okay, so if you are pregnant, that would put you around 7 weeks. The ultrasound will confirm everything.”

While the nurse preps me for the ultrasound, my eyes are glued to the screen, hoping this is all a mistake. The screen starts to show what looks like water. As the doctor proceeds to move the wand around, a black hole suddenly appears with something small in the middle.

“There we are!” He looks at me with excitement of proving that he was right.

“It looks like a hole. Are you sure that isn’t an organ?” With not understanding how this can be a baby, I’m not convinced that he knows how to work the machinery.

He takes a pen and points to the screen, “This is the gestational sac that is filled with amniotic fluid and that little gray thing is the baby. Let’s listen to see if we can hear a heartbeat.” He reaches over to turn a dial and a loud thumping fills the air.

“Wh..what is that?” I stutter, not wanting to believe what I am seeing or hearing.

“That is the baby’s heartbeat and it is beating at 105 beats per minute, which is very good.” He proceeds to write everything from the screen down on my chart and turns off the machine. I stare at the black screen, the words ‘PREGNANT’ in red warning letters flashing through my mind.

“I don’t understand. Why would my doctor tell me I can’t get pregnant?”

“Are you sure he said the word ‘can’t’? With the miracles we have seen of women beating the odds and getting pregnant, I would be surprised if those were the exact words.”

I think back to that painful day years ago. “You’re right, those weren’t his exact words. His exact words were that it would be ‘hard’ to get pregnant.”

“Well, as you can now see, doctors are human and are sometimes wrong.” He smiles and extends his hand. “Congratulations! I hope this is happy news for you. You need to go buy prenatal vitamins and start taking those today. Continue to rest and drink plenty of fluids to stay hydrated. On Monday, call your obstetrician so you can get an appointment right away to be seen and schedule your future appointments. If you’re still throwing up and become dehydrated again, come back and see us.”

“Thank you.” I weakly whisper and watch as he leaves to complete my discharge papers. Panic starts to set in and I immediately start to feel claustrophobic.

“Jenna?” I turn to look at Layla with questioning eyes and slowly start to shake my head.

“No….No…this can’t be happening!” I say in denial, not understanding why I am pregnant now and not when I was married.

“It’s okay, Jenna…it’s okay.” Layla hugs me and I hold on tight, tears starting to stream down my face as my whole world feels like it is caving in on me. The nurse walks in and I wipe my cheeks, ashamed for her to see my tears of sadness.

She goes over my discharge papers with me and repeats the instructions that the doctor just told me. I sign the papers and we are free to leave.

* * *

The car ride home is silent as I watch the outside world in a trance. Layla must have sent Robert a text because he is there to greet us when we pull up to my building, his expression somber. They help me out of the car and walk slowly with me to the elevators, the lift up to my floor painfully quiet. As we enter my apartment, I look around as if I am seeing it for the first time, noticing all the things it lacks that didn’t matter before. Can a baby even live here? There are children in the buildings, so clearly I am overreacting.

“Why don’t we have a girls’ day? We can watch movies, eat junk food and have a slumber party!” Robert claps his hand, his voice overly enthusiastic.

“I’m not hungry.” The mere thought of food makes me to want to vomit. “I think I want to be alone, guys.”

“I like the movie idea!” Layla hastily replies.

“Great, let’s pick a movie.” Robert briskly walks over to the TV and turns on Netflix. He starts to flip the movies and laughs. “Oh my gosh, wouldn’t it be funny if we watched ‘Knocked Up’?”

With the look of horror registering on our faces, he immediately stops laughing. “Too soon to make a joke about it?” Robert usually is on point with inserting his comedic comments to lighten the mood. This time he failed.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Layla angrily stalks towards him. “Give me that remote!”

“I’m sorry! I was just trying to lighten the mood. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“I’m going to go throw up now. I’ll be back. Pick a suspenseful movie.” I retreat to the sanctuary of my bedroom and shut the door as Layla continues to ream Robert on his insensitivity. I go to my bathroom and splash cool water on my face, hoping I’ll wake up from this dream. I dry my face and decide to lay down on the bed. I turn to my side and hug my pillow as tight as I can when my vision starts to blur with the tears that need to be released as my new reality sinks in.

I am going to have a baby…. a baby I never thought I would have.

I am going to be in charge of another human being’s life.

I am going to be a single mom.

I lose the concept of time as I cry my sorrows into my pillow. I feel the bed shift and strong arms wrap around me as Layla lays down in front of me and holds me. I feel hands rubbing my hair away from my face and realize Robert has gotten behind me. Having both friends here to comfort me makes me not feel so alone and my tears start to subside. I try to gain control of my breathing and eventually the three of us lay in silence, holding onto each other.

“What am I going to do, guys?” I break the silence by communicating my thoughts out loud.

“We’re going to have a baby! You’re not alone, Jenna. We’ll be here with you every step of the way.” I feel Robert nodding at Layla’s words.

“I love you both so much, and while I thank you for that, I don’t think you understand the undertaking of a baby.”

“Doesn’t matter – we’re doing it together,” she says firmly. I let her words sink in, knowing that I won’t hold them to their promise as they need to live their own lives and not worry about helping me.

“What about Cal? Are you going to tell him?” Robert softly asks. So engulfed in my own emotions, that I haven’t given any thought of him. Considering we haven’t talked in weeks, would he even want to be part of the baby’s life?

“I’ll contact him after I make it out of the first trimester. No reason to tell him now, in case something happens.” They don’t say anything to this, and I use their silence as affirmation that I’m doing the right thing by not telling him yet.

“Let’s keep this between us for now, okay?” I plead to them, needing to think and be in denial for just a little bit longer.

“Okay,” they say in unison. We hug each other tighter, and I can only pray that this baby will strengthen our bond and not divide it.

“Never did I ever think I would be laying in bed with two straight women. This is a gay man’s worst nightmare of a threesome!” Robert breaks the silence and uncontrollable laughter permeates the air, all three of us laughing at the image of what we must look like.

“Come on guys, let’s go watch a movie!” Layla says as our laughter dies down. I let Layla and Robert take me in the other room to distract me for a couple of hours.