Chapter Eleven
The artist in Emily couldn’t take in the lines and colors and shapes fast enough. It was so riveting that even the sight of the lake below them didn’t cause her usual reaction. Sky Lake lay spread out before them, and farther in the distance she could make out Fly Creek.
“This is stunning. You’ll have to bring me back up here to paint it.”
She turned to see Adam’s gaze focused but she would bet not truly seeing. He’d been off ever since she asked him about himself. It had been a defense mechanism to not talk about herself, but now she was curious and a little bit guilty.
“So your quest will continue once you leave here?” She’d known their time was limited, but even that knowledge didn’t prevent the pang of sadness echoing in her mind.
Adam nodded, still not meeting her gaze.
“And what’s the next stop on the change-seeking trail?”
Finally he looked at her and smiled. “My brother and I will be taking some time. He’s finally out of the Marines. We’ll be searching together, I suppose.”
“For what?” she whispered.
“Home,” he whispered back.
It was a yearning from a soul. A soul she now knew for certain had been broken along the way. She and Adam might be connected on many levels, but their insides recognized the missing parts.
The sun slipped lower, bathing all they could see in shadows while streaks of violet and pink launched themselves across the wide-open sky. Emily dropped to the ground, tugging Adam with her. He laughed and maneuvered behind her, gathering her up in front of him. The warmth of his chest pulled at something inside, letting it spill and spread throughout. Something more than memories. Something worth opening up for.
“What’s home to you?” She’d spoken low, hoping it would encourage him to trust her with this.
He didn’t answer for the longest time, instead brushing light kisses against her hair and cheek. She’d almost given up when his chest expanded on a tight breath.
“Security. The promise of a future with possibilities. A place I belong.”
“And family?”
“There’s only Levi and me left.”
She squeezed his arms tighter against her. “No, I mean do you want one?”
“Do you?”
“Yes,” she confessed, not caring that he’d dodged a pivotal question.
Adam turned her to face him. He leaned his forehead against hers and stared with a heartbreaking intensity. “You deserve one, Emily.”
That moment, with his belief in her so evident in his blue gaze, Emily acknowledged what she had suspected all along. Her heart needed this man. She kissed him. Sweetly brushing her lips back and forth.
“You deserve one, too.”
They walked hand in hand down the dirt road, empty paddocks lining the sides. Emily thought the ranch beautiful during the day but at night it was a little bit magical. Wrought iron lanterns lined the road on both sides. She could see the main lodge up ahead ablaze in lights, smoke swirling from one of the chimneys and each gable highlighted with its own spotlight. She didn’t know why Adam would want to leave this, but she was certain that even if he did, she would find herself here more often than not.
A faint whiff of wood smoke crossed their path, and she could make out the sounds of a banjo.
“Sounds like someone’s having a party.”
Adam pulled her closer and slid his arm around her waist. “Nightly bonfire. Dan’s already started his banjo routine. Always has the women puddling at his feet.”
Emily laughed and snuggled closer, the warmth of his body seeping into hers and imprinting another memory. She wasn’t going to dwell on the fact that come September, all she might have was memories. Maybe that was how it should be. Because no matter how much she enjoyed his company, how much she craved time with him, she wasn’t certain she could provide him what he so desperately was searching for.
So no time would be wasted. She would hoard the memories and happiness like acorns for the winter and remember that he helped her to remember how to live.
Figures turned onto the road ahead, and it only took a moment before Emily recognized Peyton and her daughter Mel.
“Hey, you two. Taking in the sights?”
Emily smiled. “Adam took me on my first trail ride.”
“Who did you ride?” Mel asked, bouncing from foot to foot. Lord, did the child ever slow down?
“She was on Lilac,” Adam answered for her.
Mel cooed. “I love Lilac. She was my first trail ride, too.”
Peyton ruffled her daughter’s hair even as Mel squirmed to get away. “So, Miss Emily, do you know what we’re going to paint yet?”
Emily blushed and was thankful for the darkness. In reality, it had only been this morning when Peyton and she spoke, but the business woman in her thought she appeared unprofessional by riding horses instead of fulfilling an obligation. And she still didn’t have an idea.
“No, not yet, Mel, but maybe tomorrow I can run some sketches by your mom.” She looked over at Peyton. “Could we meet then?”
Peyton stared off for a moment, half her face obscured in darkness, and then nodded. “Yes, tomorrow will work. Can you come here to Sky Lake? I’m in the middle of a huge marketing launch/blitz and regular work hours aren’t my friend right now.”
“Of course, no problem. Does six thirty work for you?”
“Perfect. See ya then.”
Emily let the excitement bubble over. Not only had she had a darn near perfect day with Adam, but she was looking forward to teaching again. She looked to Mel. “Will you be there, too? You could help make a decision.”
Mel shook her head. “No. I’m going canoeing with my grandpa tomorrow night.”
“No!” Emily shouted even as the dirt beneath her boots shifted.
Three sets of eyes stared at her with differing expressions. Her shout had echoed across the slightly deserted ranch so who knew if more people might show up any minute. God, she needed to get out of there. But she couldn’t move. Her boots had somehow grown roots with the dirt. She was stupid to think things had changed. The happiness from a moment before evaporated with the words of an innocent child. Words that pierced her heart with fear. She needed to get away. Away to crawl back into her shell. Only this time some happy memories might accompany her.
Adam moved closer, his hand seeking hers and squeezing. It was as if he understood. Understood her concern, her fear, and her struggle. The connection between them provided her with a surge of strength.
“Sorry about that.” She waved her free hand in the air. “Are you, I mean, have you been in a c-canoe before?”
Mel looked at her with suspicion but nodded. “Yes, Mom and I and Grandma and Grandpop go out on the lake all the time.”
“And you w-wear life vests?”
Having a nine-year-old look at you with condescension will put anything into perspective, and Emily hit clarity gazing into chocolate-brown eyes that looked at her as if she was a moron. Emily risked a glance at Peyton and saw nothing but concern.
“Hey, Mel, why don’t you run ahead to the campfire. I’ll be there in a minute.”
Mel jumped at the chance to leave but good manners were bred in her, and she said good-bye to both Emily and Adam. As soon as she was out of earshot, Emily apologized.
“Please excuse me. I just…well, water is…”
“Emily, it’s fine. We all have a trigger. And I know nothing I say will help, but we do take every precaution and Mel’s a strong swimmer. She’s even earned her water safety badge.”
Emily swallowed hard and nodded. Drew had been a strong swimmer as well, but it hadn’t saved him. Peyton didn’t need or want to hear that, so she smiled and nodded. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Peyton walked on down the road but shot one final glance Emily’s way. It was full of pity and almost her undoing. Only the steady pressure from Adam’s hand kept her from dissolving in a puddle on the road. How had he become a support she didn’t even know she needed? She waited for him to say something. To run. To end the evening as awkwardly as it deserved.
He didn’t. He stood there calmly, just rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand. She finally got the strength to meet his gaze, expecting pity similar to what Peyton had thrown her way, but it wasn’t there. Concern, wariness, and some other emotion she refused to identify lingered in the blue depths.
That hint of something had her yanking her hand free. “I need to go.” She hurried toward the great lodge, her steps just short of running. Every boot fall disguising a muttered prayer that he not follow. That he cut his losses and let her flee.
Her prayers were ignored. An arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her to a halt against a body hers instantly molded to.
“Please don’t run from me.”
“I’m not running.” The lie burned her throat, blocking it and making swallowing difficult. “I just need to get home. Long day tomorrow, and I have to come up with some sketches for Peyton.” God, how could she show her face to Peyton again and yet how could she not? She may be screwed up seven ways to Sunday, but she always met her business obligations.
Adam brushed her ear, his lips instantly warming every other part of her. “You’re lying.”
Before she could react, he spun her around and clamped hands on both hips. “I’m going to let you go tonight. Let you scurry away and think you can crawl back into whatever bubble you used to exist in.” He leaned closer. “But I’ll bet you ten dollars you’ll find that puppy has popped.” He dropped a lingering kiss on her forehead. It was a brand and a promise all in one. Adam stepped away, tipped his hat, and turned, heading back down the road they’d come.
Emily didn’t hesitate. She ran for her truck, pausing only long enough to unlock it and jump inside. Driving as fast as she thought safe, it was only when the stone arches of Sky Lake appeared in her rearview mirror that she finally allowed herself to breathe.
…
Adam didn’t remember any of the walk back to his cabin. If he passed anyone, he assumed he acknowledged them, but it was more likely he would owe some apologies in the morning. Guilt blurred his vision as images of the white-as-a-sheet Emily flashed in its wake when she realized Melanie would be on the water.
He should have known. If not drawn the logical conclusion from knowing about her past, then at least learned enough from her today to be prepared for it. But no. They’d talked about home and family, all things she deserved and he couldn’t give her. Not only because of the truth he would have to tell her about Drew, but because he didn’t believe Fly Creek was the place he belonged, and the more he saw her there, the more he believed she did.
Her fear of water made sense in so many ways, and yet he hadn’t connected the dots, because he knew Drew hadn’t died in the water.
But Emily believed he did because that’s what the government needed her to believe. And beyond that, she’d been in the water with Drew. Trauma like that took years to overcome and most often only with the help of a counselor. Based on everything he’d seen and knew, Emily barely talked to anyone until recently.
The only outlet he imagined she let herself have was her art. And even that kept her stuck in her grief. He promised Drew he would see her happy and moving on with her life. And it appeared part of that revolved around coming to grips with the day on the river. To do that, he would have to tell her everything.
His selfish side, the one that had started dreaming about things he had no right to, had looked for a way to keep the truth concealed. Now it seemed that in order for her to really move forward, he would have to share every devastating detail. And once that was done, she would never look at him the same again.
Adam finally stopped walking and looked up at his cabin only to see a huge pickup parked beside it. Damn, his brother had arrived.
Levi appeared from behind the cabin. Adam met him halfway and was instantly enveloped in a brotherly hug.
“It’s about time. I hear you were on a date.”
Adam ran his hand down the back of his neck. Only one person would have turned a simple trail ride into a date. “Just a trail ride. Nothing more.”
Levi cuffed him and a rush of family love washed over Adam. Since they’d left home, he and Levi hadn’t spent enough time together. Between his deployments and Adam’s career changes, time was practically non-existent. As he’d told Emily, Levi was all the family he had, and it seemed more important than ever that they enjoy this time together.
“How’d you find your way back here?”
Levi pulled a deployment bag from the truck bed and slung it across his shoulder. “Some nice lady up at the lodge—reminded me of Mom a bit. She pounced on me the minute I walked in.” Levi laughed. “No sooner had I mentioned I was your brother than she clapped, and before I knew it, I was on the schedule for tomorrow. Not that I mind. It will be good to have a horse under me again.”
Adam turned toward the cabin, ignoring his brother’s enthusiasm for hard work and horses. No doubt Shelby would run him to ground at some point tomorrow wanting details. Which also meant half the ranch and Fly Creek would know Levi was in town. Would Emily care? Would she even hear, or would she succeed in crawling back into the lifeless bubble she’d run to tonight?
“How long you staying?”
Levi fell in step beside him. “Not sure, but no plans to hurry anywhere soon. I finished up the paperwork in Bo Ridge, the land's up for sale, and this seems a nice enough place to hang your hat.” He punched Adam’s arm. “And I’m definitely sticking around long enough to find out what the hell you’re doing here.”
Adam climbed his steps, debating how much to tell Levi. He of course knew about Drew and his job, as well as the details of his real death, but something about confiding in him about the promise and Emily seemed wrong. Not that Levi probably wouldn’t help, or have done the same thing if Drew had come to him, it just? Well, if he was being honest, he didn’t want Emily to like Levi more than him and that was a distinct possibility, especially when the truth came out. He snorted. He was jealous of his own brother.
They entered the small cabin, and Levi dropped his bag to the right of the door. Adam went to the fridge and grabbed two beers, and they settled on the couch, each cocked up in one corner.
“So how’s it feel to be sprung?”
Levi took a swig. “Rudderless.”
Adam couldn’t hide his shock.
Levi continued. “For fourteen years I’ve done nothing but what Uncle Sam told me to. I had a plan I followed. My life was guided by someone else. Now I don’t know where to go or what my new compass is.” He drummed his fingers on the back of the couch. “That’s why it feels good to be back on a ranch. Almost like home. Familiar, you know.”
“Home? You’re kidding, right?” Adam didn’t understand his brother, his excitement. He grew up with him. Knew as much as anybody what hell their home had been.
Levi sat up and put his drink down on the coffee table. “Hell, man, it’s been years. Sure, it wasn’t roses, but you keep sniping like it was a prison.”
“It was a prison. Pity and gossip attached to us every step. Watching Momma disintegrate day by day, Dad running everything even remotely home-like into the ground. What I don’t get is how you’ve forgotten it. How you see a home in a place like this.”
“Ranching didn’t destroy our family. Dad did.” Levi got up and paced. “And if you hate ranching so much, why are you under contract working at a dude ranch? You have more than enough money to do whatever the hell you want.”
Adam stood, fist clenched, his skin not quite fitting his body. Levi’s words were just words, but why did it all of a sudden seem like he’d been running away from something that was as harmless as a baby chick?
He looked at Levi and shook his head. No, Levi was just making things sound better than they should. Just like Sky Lake appearing better than it was. Illusions.
He walked to the door and left, leaving his brother’s questions unanswered. Hell of a homecoming for the two of them.