Sean considered ignoring Connor’s call, but picked up at the last minute. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Just calling to check in,” Connor said. “Sam’s passed out, as per usual these days.” He laughed. “But she may as well get the rest when she can. I should follow suit.”

“Probably pretty easy, considering you’re holing up in the Wilshire.”

“At your suggestion,” Connor reminded him. “So, have you given it any more thought? About joining this fledgling, startup of an endeavor?”

“I don’t know, Connor,” Sean said. “I mean, yeah, I’ve thought about it. And obviously it’s more tempting than slaving away with the needle all day. But I’m a fucking mess, man—”

“Correction, you used to be a mess,” Connor said. “You’ve changed, I can tell. Honestly, I wasn’t sure until we met up. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but keep at it. I think Harper’s helping to steer you straight, too.”

“Maybe,” Sean said slowly. “I’m trying to turn it around, I can say that much.”

“The old Sean wouldn’t have brought a girl like her around,” Connor said. “You think I don’t know you, little brother? Just because I went all G.I. Joe for a decade doesn’t mean I don’t know you. And that girl is good for you, trust me. You there?”

Sean went silent. The idea of having Harper around as a sign of anything rubbed him the wrong way. It was just dinner, and suddenly Connor thinks he has a read on him? He doesn’t know shit.

“Hello?” Connor asked.

“Yeah, I’m here.” Sean drowned out whatever it was Connor went on about. And he thinks he knows Harper? Sean degrades her when they’re together, and she likes it. Begs for it, practically. What kind of girl does that? He was instantly hit with guilt. She deserves so much better than that—and no amount of doting afterwards can make up for it.

“—asking is that you give it an honest consideration,” Sean said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Sean said, anything to shut him up.

“It’s good to see you happy, little brother,” Connor said. “I … well, I worry about you. We both do.”

“We?”

“Sam and I.”

Sam really doesn’t know me. Whatever the two of them think, Harper will figure out she’s slumming it eventually. I just hope I don’t fuck her up permanently.

“Well … I guess I’ll let you go,” Connor said.

“Okay, enjoy the A-list treatment.”

“Sam will. She’s got salon appointments booked almost every day. I’ll get in touch soon, okay? Try and have a better idea of what you want to do then?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Sean said. “Talk later.” He hung up before he could tell Connor what he really thought. That job’s too good for me, and Harper sure as hell’s too good for me.

Sean stirred with restless energy. He scrolled through his phone and hovered on Harper’s name. He knew all it would take was a text, and she’d come running. It would feel good, that sexual release. And even the affection that came afterwards. But he needed to wean himself off it, at least a bit.

He realized it had been days since he’d craved alcohol. Joon-Ki would be thrilled, at least until he figured out Sean had swapped one addiction for another. Transferring your addiction, that’s what they called it in AA. For a lot of alcoholics, it was cigarettes. Others went full orthorexia, though that was a new term for Sean. “An obsession with clean eating or healthy living.” Apparently it wasn’t an eating disorder yet, but it was close. And alcoholics were a demographic especially prone to it.

“Yeah, I don’t need to worry about that,” Sean said aloud. Instead, he texted Joon-Ki. “Going to the meeting in an hour?” he asked.

“Absolutely! Do you want to go for coffee after?”

“Sure. I can’t imagine the meeting coffee has improved much.”

Nothing registered for Sean at the meeting. He chewed through one of the stale doughnuts without tasting it. When the group circled around to him, he opted out of sharing. “Don’t you at least want to share how long you’ve been sober?” Koon-Ji asked, quietly but just loud enough to garner the attention of the group.

“Uh … almost six months,” he said. Was it really that long?

“Your anniversary’s coming up on the fourteenth, right?” Joon-Ki prompted.

“Yeah. I guess so.”

A flurry of congratulations came his way, but he felt undeserving. Sean didn’t know why—it’s not like it was a lie. It’s just that it had been so easy recently to stay sober that it didn’t feel like an accomplishment.

After the meeting, Joon-Ki let him lead them immediately to their go-to café around the block. The French press cost enough here that they usually didn’t run into any fellow AA-ers. Stop stereotyping, he thought to himself. Since when are all drunks poor?

“So,” Joon-Ki said as they settled into their booth. “Large Americano, shot in the dark? I’ll buy.”

“Thanks, man,” Sean said.

“You want anything else? A pastry?” Joon-Ki fawned over him sometimes like a goddamned parent. Sean hated himself for how he pushed him away, how he used him and only called when he needed something. But he couldn’t help it. It was like Joon-Ki allowed him to be selfish.

He shook his head. “I’m good.”

As always, Joon-Ki waited until their order arrived to start probing. “Tell me what’s new,” he said. “You didn’t seem too pleased about your six months coming up.”

“No, it’s not that,” Sean said. “It’s just … I don’t know, it didn’t really register. It hasn’t been hard lately, you know?”

Joon-Ki nodded. “That can happen. The cravings, they ebb and flow. It’s not constant, and it’s not a constant decrease in cravings either. Remember, you’ll always be an addict. These easy times, they can fool you into slipping.”

“Yeah. I know,” Sean said. He sipped the coffee even though it was too hot. The thickness of a burned tongue always appealed to him.

“Anything else?” He could tell Joon-Ki wanted to ask about Harper. The rebellious kid in him delighted in drawing it out.

“My brother’s in town. With his fiancée.”

“Really?” Joon-Ki perked up. “Are you going to meet up?”

“We already did. Went to dinner. His fiancee’s really pregnant though, so not much socializing during this trip.”

“What are they here for then, if she’s due soon?”

“Uh … they’re thinking of moving out here. Starting their own security business and clean up with all the celebrities in town.”

“Makes sense.”

“And … well, Connor really wants me to come on board.”

“Really. That’s a generous offer. What are your thoughts on it?”

Sean sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “Obviously, it would be great. An added bonus would be repairing our relationship. Or building it, I guess I should say.”

“It’s a lot of responsibility, though. A lot of pressure,” Joon-Ki said. “Are you worried the stress might tempt you to start drinking?”

“I don’t know about that,” Sean said. “No. It’s … I’m such a fuck up, you know? I don’t think I’ll start drinking again, but …”

“You feel like you don’t deserve it.” It sounded so easy, coming from his sponsor.

“Maybe.”

“Sean, you can’t punish yourself indefinitely. What will passing on an opportunity like this do for anyone? You’re not just turning away a great job, but also the chance to have a real relationship with your brother.”

“Harper thinks it’s a good idea.”

“Oh. She’s … still in the picture.”

“Well, yeah. She came to dinner with us.”

“I see. I’m impressed, I have to say I worried this might be a crash and burn. How are things going with her?”

“They’re … good,” Sean said. There was no way in hell he was going to tell Joon-Ki about what he and Harper had going.

“Good, that’s good,” Joon-Ki said. “I don’t know if I ever told you this, but I met my wife not long after I stopped drinking.”

“No,” Sean said. Honestly, he didn’t even realize Joon-Ki was married. He didn’t wearing a wedding band and hadn’t mentioned a wife in any of the meetings.

Joon-Ki laughed. “Estelle. I guess I never told you her name. Yeah, we were doomed, everyone told me. But she had a father who was an alcoholic. Everything in her told her to run, but I guess you just can’t fight it when you know it’s right,” he shrugged.

“So, if you met her when you stopped drinking, that was—”

“Ten years ago, married for eight,” he said.

“And it’s still … good? I mean, you two …”

“Oh, yeah. I mean, we have our ups and downs just like any couple. Would I have preferred it if we’d met later? Sometimes I think so. But then again, I would have been a different person. I don’t want to say my wife was vital in my recovery, because you can’t depend on a romantic relationship for that. I definitely don’t want to say she saved me. But, then again, there are times …”

Sean nodded as Joon-Ki looked deep into his coffee. “So, why don’t you wear a wedding ring?” he asked bluntly.

Joon-Ki looked down at his hand. “Never occurred to me. Koreans don’t do the whole wedding band thing—well, I guess some do now, but just because the country’s become so westernized. And Estelle’s Nepalese, and they don’t do bands either. Who says you need to abide by society’s rules for what’s right? Go with your heart, screw everyone else.”

Sean smiled. He’d never heard Joon-Ki come close to swearing before.

“Just … still take it slow. Alcohol, it’s bound to ruin whatever good things you have going.”

Sean nodded. Joon-Ki was right, but he still couldn’t get the idea that he was going to ruin it one way or another out of his head.