Chapter 11

Victoria

 

 

 

My glucose levels were being a little bitch. I couldn’t get them to level out, and it was making me feel like pure shit. After all the years I had been living with my disease, it was times like this that I hated it.

The episode I’d had at the club with Adrian had come on quickly, and it had taken me forever to get it dealt with. When he had locked us in the bathroom to give me privacy because he had thought I was having stomach issues, I should have told him then and there about my illness. Should have just spit it all out and let him decide if he was man enough to take on a girlfriend who had a life-threatening disease like mine.

It was the right thing to do.

Give it to him straight and let him decide.

Instead, I had clammed up and kept my mouth shut on the entire ride home. Instead of stealing a few more minutes alone with him, I had made a run for it. My levels still felt off, and it was making me sick, but I didn’t think I could stay with him another second and not confess what had happened back at the club.

It was a huge secret to keep from someone I wanted in my life, but I was scared.

What if he decided he didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t know if she was going to be healthy from one day to the next? Someone who would most likely one day need a new kidney, for fuck’s sake.

What if he pitied me?

Shit, that was almost as bad as if he didn’t want to be with me. I didn’t deal well with pity. It pissed me off faster than almost anything else.

I had my illness under control … for the most part. Maybe it was trying to get out of hand, and maybe I should have been on a damn insulin pump, but I wasn’t a fucking baby or an invalid.

As soon as I dropped down on my bed, I hated that I had wasted tonight with Adrian. Hell, I should have just come clean, told him about it, and then enjoyed the rest of the night together. I could have been in his arms right then. That was the only place I really wanted to be.

Fighting back tears because I had been such a coward, I pulled my phone from my clutch, along with the used syringe. Taking care of the needle, I pulled up Adrian’s last text message.

Sorry I ruined tonight.

Almost immediately, I got a reply.

Nothing is ruined. I got to hold you.

No sooner had I read that one, another text came in that had the tears rolling down my cheeks.

Feel better, kotyonok. I will see you tomorrow.

 

 

 

***

It took hours for me to fall asleep. Then it felt as if I had only just closed my eyes when I got a text that startled me awake.

Pulling my phone under the covers with me, I blinked a few times so I could see the screen clearly. When I saw Adrian’s name, my heart turned over. I stroked my fingers over the screen before unlocking my phone so I could read the message.

How are you feeling?

Guilt hit me between the eyes again, but I couldn’t tell him the truth about what had happened. Pushing the feeling down and refusing to let it ruin my day, I quickly replied.

Better. I’m sorry about last night. I miss you so much.

The message had barely sent before I got a reply.

Nothing to be sorry about. I miss you so fucking much. Can I see you tonight? At my apartment?

My fingers started to move over the screen to let him know I would be there whenever he wanted me when I heard a tap on my door. I knew it was Scarlett without having to get up, but I didn’t want her to see my phone if she just walked in. For once, I couldn’t share something with her.

“Just a sec,” I called out as I pushed the phone under my pillow.

I finger combed my hair as I hurried to open the door, knowing my twin wouldn’t wait very long. Normally, she just barged in, and I did the same to her. Still, I was thankful she had given me a moment of privacy.

The instant I saw her face, I knew something was wrong. My first thought was that Ciro had fucked with her again. That damn prick was always twisting her around, confusing her, and then running in the opposite direction because he was too stupid to see that she was made for him.

“What’s wrong? You look like you want to kill someone.” And I would happily help her if she needed me to. I loved her more than anything or anyone on the planet, and I would gladly hide a body for her. Or kill someone for her.

“I do.” She grimaced. “I have to talk to you. Can I come in?”

I immediately knew what was on her mind, and it didn’t concern Ciro Donati … much. Some of my happiness from being awoken by Adrian’s text evaporated, knowing this was about him.

“Wh-what did you find out?” My voice was little more than a whisper, but I couldn’t find the strength to make it louder.

Scarlett glanced over her shoulder, saw the usual guard doing his hourly rounds, and then pushed me back into my room before closing the door and locking it. She gently grasped my arm and led me over to my bed where she pushed me down onto the mattress and crouched down in front of me.

The way she held my suddenly cold hands made me want to cry. I knew this was going to be bad. Whatever was about to come out of her mouth was going to hurt, and not just a little. I could see it in her brown eyes identical to mine in every way, with that knowing light that only a twin could possess.

“You’ve been talking to him, haven’t you, Tor?” Her tone was quiet, as if she was talking to a small, scared animal. I wasn’t so sure I wouldn’t be when she was finished.

My gaze went to where my phone was safely hidden. Guilt ate at me for keeping my continued relationship with Adrian from her. It wasn’t like me—like us. I told her everything. Everything. But Adrian was different in every way, and I just couldn’t share him with Scarlett.

I couldn’t hide the truth from her probing eyes now, though. She saw everything, her hands tightening on mine.

“So, he didn’t tell you that he’s a married man?”

Nothing, absolutely nothing, could have prepared me for the last two words that came out of her mouth. I could have handled anything else. Anything … but that.

Married?

The word repeatedly echoed in my head. A question, an exclamation, a prayer that it was the wrong words. It had to be the wrong words.

Adrian wouldn’t do something like that to me. He cared about me. He …

“No, he’s not. He can’t be,” I tried to deny, but in my heart, I knew she was telling the truth. Six billion people on the planet, and I trusted only Scarlett to never lie to me.

My hands were trembling, and she tightened her hold on them. “I’m so sorry, Tor, but he is. Ciro wouldn’t lie about something like that. He talked to Volkov’s wife personally last night.”

My heart was turning into ice in my chest, freezing over in an attempt to protect myself.

Jerking my hands out of Scarlett’s, I stood and crossed to the window, glaring unseeingly out into the backyard.

I had told him I loved him, had given him a part of myself I never thought I would give to anyone. And he had taken it, without so much as a blink of his dark eyes to suggest that he wasn’t free to be mine. I should have known better. I should have suspected. Anya had tried to help me, had warned my twin to keep me away, but I hadn’t listened. I had been stupid and gullible and so fucking naive it was killing me.

Or maybe it was the suffocating pain in my cold heart as it was shattering, even as I commanded it not to feel.

The pain was blinding, and I just stood there, trying to make it go away. To seal myself off from the hurt and destruction that Adrian Volkov had caused.

I couldn’t let Scarlett see it. Couldn’t let her see how embarrassingly low I had fallen for a man who had played me for a fool. I knew she would be there for me, would try to help me get over Adrian, but I couldn’t deal with that right now. I didn’t want sympathy from anyone.

Slowly, I turned to face her, trying to act as calm as I could. “Who is she?”

Did he love her?

“I didn’t ask. I knew I would tell you if I did. His wife isn’t your enemy, Tor. He is. He’s the enemy. He played you, and if you have still been talking to him, knowing he had a secret like this …” She trailed off.

I knew she was right. I didn’t need her to tell me any of that. I knew it. Knew that the faceless Mrs. Volkov was probably the only innocent in this game Adrian was playing with me. Knew that my beloved Russian wolf was my enemy now, not just the man I loved. And I knew—fucking knew—that I had let him use me in this game he was playing. I had been a willing pawn, had so easily given in.

“He said it was a mistake,” I gritted out, my teeth clenched so hard my jaw began to ache. I welcomed the physical pain. It helped make it easier to block out the emotional cuts that were making me slowly bleed to death on the inside. “A mistake. Right. I’m so fucking stupid. And naive. How did I let some guy make me that gullible, Scarlett?”

“Because you fell for him,” she said, hitting on the truth point-blank. “And women do stupid things when they’re in love.”

I couldn’t hide my flinch from her words. Once more, she was right.

Never again. I was never going to let Adrian or anyone else hurt me like that ever again.

I turned back to look out the window. I didn’t see anything but the path I had taken the last few nights to get out of the compound, another reminder of just how stupid I had really been.

“Can you go, Scar? I … I need to be alone right now so I can digest all this.”

I heard her moving behind me, but I didn’t turn to look at her. A moment later, I felt her hands on my shoulders, squeezing them in an effort to offer me the unconditional love I knew she had for me. That I had for her.

“It’s going to be okay, Tor. Maybe not today, maybe not a month from now, but it will eventually be just a memory.”

I nodded at her words, but I didn’t speak. Two tears spilled free, yet I couldn’t wipe them away without alerting her to the fact I was crying.

After a few moments, she gave me another squeeze then left.

I stood there for a long time, my eyes closed as I forced the rest of my tears back and waited until I was sure my twin wasn’t going to burst back into my room. With each minute that passed, I could hear my heart beat loud in my ears, a slow beat, as if my heart was giving up under the pressure of the pain that now weighed it down.

Nearly ten minutes passed before I moved on unstable legs across the room. I dropped down on the edge of my bed and pulled my phone from under my pillow. His last text seemed to laugh at me as I unlocked the screen. My fingers were unsteady as I typed a reply.

See you tonight.