~

 

“No, that doesn’t work for me,” Vanessa sighed into the mobile phone that she held to her ear and rolled her eyes to the star-studded heavens as she cursed in tongues within the privacy of her mind.

“Because you need to pick me up. Here I am, car-less, and in need of a ride because you took off like a bat outta hell and left me stranded.”

Vanessa was oblivious to the looks that she was getting from the burly doorman that had been stationed outside the bar. Over six foot tall with muscles that were barely contained within the confines of a well-fitted shirt, and a long shagged beard, he eyed cleared his throat and drew her attention his way.

Vanessa flicked a look towards him and shot him a small smile. It was always good to have a bouncer on side – just in case.

Strangely enough; he smiled back, but it was the kind of sweet smile that a man might offer to his grandmother, rather than the leering, sneering, superior look that most bouncers – that didn’t fancy the panties of you – gave out.

Vanessa frowned slightly and looked away fast. The look hadn’t said that he was interested, but still, if he was going to hit on her then she was out of there in a heartbeat.

Muscle men weren’t her thing. Not unless they came with a conversational list that wasn’t about sports, sports, and sports.

“No, Faith, I can’t get the bus,” she groaned inwardly, kicking out a hip and rolled her eyes around the area that looked as if it had seen better days. Then she snuck a look back at the bouncer who was still staring at her.

“Oh, for the love of God!” She exclaimed at her friend’s annoying list of pathetic reasons why she didn’t want to drag her backside back out of the house and pick her up.

The bouncer’s lower jaw fell as he stared back at her with widening eyes and a curious look that was bordering on disbelief. He twisted his head on his neck and berated her with just one arched eyebrow.

“What?” Vanessa demanded as she challenged that look.

The man held his big hands up to his chest in mock surrender at her sudden wrath, and with a small shake of his head, he raised his other eyebrow to match the first.

“You might want to go to confession for that one, Sister.” His deep tones were enough to hit her right between the eyeballs.

“What?” Vanessa tilted her head to one side and eyed the man as if he was growing a second head on his shoulders right there in front of her.

With his hands still raised to his broad chest, he lowered just one forefinger and pointed at her. Vanessa’s head snapped down, and her brain kicked her backside into gear.

Oh, phooey!

Right – the outfit. How could I forget the fact that I’m wearing a giant tent?

She grimaced just a little as she raised her eyes to his and offered him her sweetest smile of contrition.

“I won’t tell if you don’t,” Vanessa offered.

Then she turned on her heels and stalked away from the man, cursing and blinding in whispered tones into the mobile phone that she was now gripping at her ear like it was her only lifeline.

“Because I’m dressed like a damn nun, and even the bouncer thinks I’m Satan personified. It doesn’t matter what bouncer. Get down here and give me a ride now, before my damn halo slips anymore!”

Vanessa snapped off the mobile without giving Faith a chance to come up with another string of excuses as to why she couldn’t possibly pick her up, and she eyed the deserted state of the rubbish strew, dingy street. Now she knew how a stray cat felt.

The area had the kind of feel to it that said only stupid people dared to be out there after dark, and there she was in the middle of sin-ville, dressed as a nun, and cursing like a sailor on shore leave. Things couldn’t get much worse.

“Sister?” The man’s deep tones reached out to her again.

Vanessa rolled her eyes to the night sky before she mentally prepared herself to turn back towards him.

Think… Nun! She told herself. Not that she had a hope in hell of knowing how a nun would think.

“Yes,” she offered as sweetly as she could.

While she was still in her nun persona, she might have been a little safer out on the street than she probably would have been if she was just her – Vanessa Mane – a witch with a gut full of attitude, and the soul of a sinner.

“Do you need a ride, Sister?” The big guy asked, with the same tone that she imagined he might have spoken to an elder that was fragile of mind and body.

Geez, I’m wearing makeup for Goddess sake.

Does he really think I’m a nun?

And what kind of a nun would get in the car with a man built like a brick outhouse, and with the outward appearance of a member of ZZ Top?

“No, thank you. My friend is coming to collect me.” She smiled as sweetly as she could manage, still cursing under her breath at being left high and dry by Faith.

It was true that they’d managed to get separated while at the party, and that was ok, but Faith had decided, for whatever reason had gotten in her head full of air, that she must have gone home – and she’d left.

She had to wonder how stupid one Witch could be.

“If she can get her backside off the damn couch!” she grumbled without considering her outfit. It wasn’t like she made a habit of wearing – a habit.

The big guy cleared his throat again and snatched her attention back towards him. She mentally cleared her throat and kicked her backside into gear.

“Don’t mind me – my order is a little… hmm… progressive,” She lied, but he gave her a small nod. He sure did look confused. She offered him a helping hand in that department. “The church is trying to modernize, you know? We work with the young and have to speak their language. It rubs off some times. You understand.”

“Maybe you should go inside for a little while, Sister until your friend gets here?” Mr. Muscles offered, and Vanessa frowned. “It’s not a great neighborhood for a nun.”

Vanessa wasn’t sure that was the way to go. After all, she was a nun for God sake!

There had to be some sort of law about a nun in a bar – didn’t there?

I don’t want to get struck down the next time I walk by a church or something.

Oh, what the hey!

God is good, right?

God is forgiving of our little foibles, right?

Hopefully, he can turn the other cheek at this one.

I’m a witch in a nun costume – I’m probably going to hell either way!

“That’s… a good idea. If you’re sure that it’ll be no trouble?” Vanessa grinned to herself on the inside.

Because, if I’m going to hell anyway – then I might as well enjoy the ride there.

“No trouble at all, Sister,” he assured her, as he turned his large torso in place, and pulled open the door for her.

Even from that distance, Vanessa could smell the beer in the air as it wafted out onto the street, and she sure could use something to ease her frayed nerves just about then.

“Aren’t you just the sweetest?” She grinned as she strolled towards the door, and then somehow managed to trip over the clunky black shoes that adorned her feet beneath the habit. “God damn it!” She bit out, pitching forwards towards him.

In a heartbeat, the man had let go of the door and reached out with two strong arms to stop her fall. She felt the alarm bells go off around her witchy shields that warned her of his supernatural presence, and she sighed at just how late that feeling came when she was protected in so many magical wards and that new spell that they couldn’t see the woods for the trees.

Still, he hadn’t sensed the witch in her, and that was a good thing. It meant that the spell hadn’t worn off yet.

“That’s another ten minutes in the confessional, Sister,” he chuckled hard, and it sounded deep and teasing to her ears. She groaned inwardly as he set her back on her feet. Shifter.

There was no way in hell that she was ever going to pass for a nun – even a progressive one, but, it might be fun while it lasted.

 

~

~

~

 

“What are you wearing?” Jeannie twisted her head on her neck and sneered at the witch in the nun habit lying on the couch – boy, did that not look right.

“I know you are a heathen, child, but do you not even recognize God’s bride when you see her?” Faith pulled her lips wide in a fake, serene smile that looked as if she’d had too much cosmetic surgery done, and Jeannie snorted her contempt for her.

“I’m not even going there,” Jeannie said, lifting one hand and waving that opportunity away. Then she narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips; she couldn’t help herself. “Except to ask; don’t you have to be a virgin for that?”

“I don’t think that’s like a solid rule,” Faith sneered back, touchy, even in her fake persona.

“Oh, that’s good then, because you lost that, what? – ten years ago?” Jeannie shrugged her shoulders all the way up near her ears.

“When I was twelve?” Faith shot back.

“Must be the outfit, you look older,” Jeannie shot back.

“I’m gonna change before I go pick up Vanessa,” Faith said in a huff.

“Where’s Vanessa?”

“Well, she was at the party, but I thought she’d gone off with this guy that she’d been chatting to all night, turns out not…”

“I don’t need the back story just the address,” Jeannie said, reaching into the freezer and wrapping her hand around the tub of double chocolate chip ice cream that she’d been craving all day.

“Crawler’s bar,” Faith said, grimacing just from saying the name out loud.

“Are you insane?” Jeannie dropped the tub back on the shelf and slammed the door shut to the freezer, and on her desperate need for that icy goodness upon her tongue. She could probably do without the calories, but who could resist – ice cream?

“Well, you’re one of my best friends, so probably, yes.”

“The hell are you changing, get in the car!” Jeannie scowled back at her friend.

“But…” Faith motioned to her outfit.

“Crawler’s has a big shifter party tonight!” Jeannie said back over her shoulder as she stalked to the front door, whipped the car keys up from the side table, yanked the door open, and remembered at the last minute to reach down and snatch up her shoes.

“And we know this – how?” Faith tossed back.

“Melanie told Jessie, who told Cassandra, who told Mia – who – told…” she wafted her hand, forgetting how the link ended.

“Chinese witch whispers – got it. It’s all you had to say.” Faith shrugged.

“Move it!” Jeannie yelled back at her from outside.

“Hmm, the shifter and the nun, there has to be a good joke there somewhere…” Faith considered it for a long moment.

“Faith!” Jeannie’s head appeared like a floating apparition around the door frame, her eyes flashing equal amounts of disbelief and urgency, and it jarred Faith into moving, but only because she didn’t need a really long lecture.

“I think there’s a hippie song in there somewhere,” Faith chuckled as she obliged her friend’s unwarranted sense of urgency and started for the door.

Faith knew that Vanessa was more than capable of taking care of herself, and she had the new wards and the spell that they’d been trying out.

So really… What could possibly happen?