Chapter Six
“Did you and Cheryl have fun shopping today?” Rosa asked.
Yaz looked up to find her sister setting the last of the dirty dinner dishes next to the sink for her to wash.
“Black Friday at the mall was a madhouse.” Yaz finished rinsing a glass and put it on the drain board. “The best part was sitting in Starbucks catching up. I’m excited Cheryl’s moving back. Though I hate that breaking up with her boyfriend is why she decided to come home.”
“Que pena,” Rosa murmured.
“Yeah, it is a shame,” Yaz answered. “But good for her for moving on if he can’t recognize how great she is.”
“I hear you, and I’m all happy you two had some girl time, but what I really wanna know is . . .” Lilí sidled over, her eyebrows waggling with mischief. “Who’s this Tomás Garcia guy Papi keeps talking about?”
Yaz cringed, nearly dropping the soapy glass she held. Ay Dios mío, she wanted her sisters poking around about Tomás as much as she wanted the bright lights of Broadway to darken.
“He’s nobody.” Her pulse skipped at the lie. “His daughter’s a student at Hanson’s. Papi and I ran into them at the park the other day.”
“Since when do you invite students and their stud-muffin dads over for dinner?” Lilí playfully bumped hips with her before swiveling to put away a stack of dried salad plates.
“It was Papi’s idea.” Yaz pointedly ignored the “stud-muffin” comment. No need to add fuel to Lilí’s nosy fire. Her sister had been itching to pair Yaz up with someone new since the whole Victor debacle had blown up. “Believe me, I wouldn’t have invited the man over if it was up to me.”
“Oh really?” Rosa asked, the words sounding more like the “aha!” of a private eye discovering a closely guarded secret. Though really, in her soft blue turtleneck sweater, loose-fitting gray slacks, and low-heeled black Steve Madden boots, Rosa looked more like Nancy Drew than Sherlock Holmes.
“Don’t go reading anything into it,” Yaz answered. “Tomás Garcia is a moody workaholic with a cute five-year-old daughter in need of mothering. Not exactly my cup of café con leche.”
“‘Methinks the lady doth protest too much.’” Rosa’s crossed arms and speculative narrowed gaze had tremblings of unease tickling the back of Yazmine’s neck.
“Por favor, I am not a heroine in one of your Shakespeare tragedies, waiting for you to character analyze me.”
“Touchy, touchy.” Lilí swatted Yaz’s butt with the dish towel, then plopped down on a wooden chair at the kitchen table. She propped her booted foot on her seat, her bent knee poking out of a hole in her ripped jeans. “I sorta think I’m with Rosa on this one.”
Yaz glared at her younger sister. Traitor.
“I know, hang a banner from the rafters.” Lilí spread her hands through the air in front of her, emphasizing her point. “Rosa and Lilí actually agree on something. Imposible. Ouch!” She rubbed her arm from Rosa’s pinch. “Hey, you’re supposed to be on my side, remember? She’s about to crack.”
“Crack schmack. There’s no story here.” Yaz dropped a handful of clean silverware into the drain board with a clatter. “Quit jabbering and finish your job.”
“I don’t knooow,” Lilí sing-songed, her spiked pixie haircut and Cheshire cat–grin highlighting her impish personality. “Inviting a babe over for dinner isn’t like you. Dance has always come first. Well, except for jerky Victor—but we won’t go there.” She waved a hand as if shooing a pesky fly. “So who’s the hottie and how serious are you?”
Yaz pulled the drain plug in the sink. The gurgle of water being sucked down the pipe made her wish she could pull the plug on this conversation as easily.
Leave it to Papi to stir things up with her sisters. Over the past two days, every time she’d tried to broach the subject of his health, he’d counter by saying something about his new “good” friend Tomás.
“Earth to Yazmine.” Rosa waved an arm in the air, drawing Yaz’s attention. “What’s on your mind?”
“Or better yet, who? Come on, girl.” Lilí slapped her hands together, then rubbed them briskly, warming up to her pestering. “I’m in between guys at the moment, so throw me a bone. Por favor, chica, cough up the details. I want ’em all, especially the raunchy ones.”
Leaning back against the sink, Yaz wagged a finger at her little sister. “You are too sassy for your own good, girl.”
Lilí’s grin widened.
“Knock it off.” Rosa scowled at Lilí, then turned to Yaz, her expression earnest. “Seriously, it’s good to see you showing some interest in dating again.”
“I’m not.”
“Ever since you broke off your engagement to Victor and came home,” Rosa continued, ignoring Yaz’s objections, “you’ve been . . . I don’t know, different. You barely talk about what happened.”
“There’s nothing to tell.” Or that she cared to admit.
Rosa frowned, her concern evident in the pinch of her lips.
Yaz knew her sister meant well. Rosa always thought about making others happy. Doing her best to make sure all was right in the world.
That wasn’t always possible though. Not in Yazmine’s world anyway.
Her heart raced, guilt and disillusion pounding a bongo drum beat in her chest at her sisters’ persistence.
No way she’d confess that, after finding Victor in bed with one of their show’s producers, followed by his spiteful but well-placed taunts, so much of what she believed about herself stood in question.
Between their studies and Papi’s health scare, her sisters had enough on their plates already.
She had to figure out a way to get over her hang-ups on her own. When she went back to the city, she’d only have herself to rely on anyway.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Rosa pressed.
The kindness in her sister’s brown eyes, that keen maternal instinct so like their mom’s, had Yaz nearly giving in to the overwhelming urge to lean on Rosa for support.
Yaz wouldn’t though. She was the oldest, and Rosa had been the caregiver for far too long after their mother’s death. Now it was Yaz’s time to be the strong one.
Frustrated with herself, she snatched up the dish sponge and started wiping off the counters. It didn’t hurt that doing so also helped her avoid Rosa’s intuitive gaze. Her sister was going to make a damn fine high school librarian when she graduated in May. She’d be someone the kids could rely on for advice and guidance. Someone who was always there. Unlike Yaz.
“Yazmine—”
“Victor and I are over. And that’s a good thing,” she interrupted Rosa. His last barb about her not having what it took to succeed may have knocked her knees out from under her, but at least the scumbag was gone from her life. “Now I can concentrate on my career when I head back. That’s all I need.”
Out of the corner of her eye she caught Rosa slowly shaking her head, her sister’s face pinched with disappointment. “I still say you’re holding out on us.”
Even Lilí, normally too busy moving at a mile a minute to notice the details around her, eyed Yaz with an appraising look. Apparently college was helping her baby sister grow up. Take things more seriously. Too bad she had to start with Yazmine’s troubles.
“Están locas,” Yaz muttered, irritation pushing her tone toward sulky.
“We’re not crazy,” Rosa countered. “Even before Victor showed his true colors, you didn’t seem happy. Not to me anyway. That’s why I didn’t push to be the one who came home to care for Papi.”
“And give up your scholarship?” Yaz snared the kitchen towel off of Lilí’s shoulder, drying her hands and joining them at the table. “I don’t think so.”
“And who made you the decision maker for all of us?”
“Excuse me?” Yaz blinked in surprise at Rosa’s impassioned tone.
“I’m the one who kept the house running after Mami died.” Rosa pressed a hand to her chest. “Lilí was too young and you were too busy with dance.”
“I know.” Yaz shared a nod of agreement with Lilí, confused by the flush in Rosa’s cheeks, the pain darkening her sister’s eyes. “You took on a lot back then. Maybe too much.”
“I didn’t mind because it’s what I’m good at, making sure everyone’s taken care of. That’s why I should have been here when Papi needed someone. Not you.”
Stark vulnerability flashed across Rosa’s features before she tucked her chin, dropping her gaze to her clasped hands. Her shoulder-length, wavy, black hair slid forward to brush her cheek, shielding her expression from view.
Yaz shot Lilí a what’s-going-on-here look.
Lilí shrugged, answering with her own wide-eyed, beats-me expression.
Several seconds of tense silence ticked by and Yaz was still at a loss for what to do or say.
Finally, Rosa heaved a deep sigh. She stabbed a hand through her hair, combing it out of her face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Yes, you should. If something’s bothering you, tell me.”
“Never mind. If being here with Papi helps you deal with whatever happened in New York, whatever you’re not sharing, then you needed to come home. Only—” Rosa reached across the table to grasp Yazmine’s and Lilí’s hands. “You three are all I have. I need you to be okay.”
Rosa’s mouth trembled, tears glistening in her dark eyes.
Yaz blinked several times, trying to clear her own blurring vision. Fighting the lump shoving its way up her throat to choke her.
Dios, how she wanted to confide in her sisters. Admit that she wasn’t sure of anything anymore. That part of her was afraid maybe Victor was right and she didn’t have what it took to make it in New York.
Shame kept her from saying the words out loud.
“I agree,” Lilí chimed in. “You haven’t really been yourself. And if you ask me, it’s all because of that sinvergüenza Victor. N-n-no!” She held up a palm to stop Rosa’s reprimand at her curse. “You know it’s true. He had no shame. I say, good riddance to the jackass.”
Lilí skewered Yaz with a surprisingly authoritative stare. One Yaz had often used to keep her younger sister in line over the years. Damn that girl for turning the tables on her now.
“Pero nena, that doesn’t mean you crawl into a cave and let him win,” Lilí continued. “For nearly two years now your life has revolved around taking care of Papi and teaching at Hanson’s. When was the last time you had any fun, girl? More importantly, when was the last time you had any sex?”
“Lilí!” Rosa said on a shocked gasp.
“Oh, please, don’t be such a prude.” Lilí scowled at their middle sister. “Yaz needs to jump back on the horse and get that jerk out of her system. This Tomás guy sounds like he might work. It’s not healthy for a woman to ignore those needs. Even if she’s taking care of them herself.”
“¡Ay Dios mío!” Rosa groaned, rolling her eyes.
Yaz laughed. Leave it to Lilí to cut the tension in the room with something outrageous. “I won’t dignify that question with an answer.”
“Gracias,” Rosa muttered.
“Yeah, right, let’s not offend your delicate sensibilities.” Lilí’s grumbled complaint set off the typical round of verbal sparring.
“Why are you always so uptight?” she complained.
“Why can’t you behave more responsibly?” Rosa countered.
“Hey, hey, hey!” Yaz raised her voice to get their attention.
These same questions had been bandied back and forth between her sisters for years, but they didn’t have time for squabbling now. “You two’ll have to argue later. There are more important things we need to discuss. Something’s going on with Papi. And you two have to help me get him to talk.
* * *
“Papi, don’t be mad at us,” Yaz pleaded. She laid a plate with scrambled eggs and toast in front of him early Monday morning, then eased down next to him, hoping to make him see reason.
“Sí.” Rosa nodded from her seat across the dining room table. “We’re worried about you, that’s all.”
“You do not have to be,” he assured them. “And I am not mad. Certainly, I did not appreciate you ganging up on me before Lilí left yesterday. And I do not want you missing class today, Rosa. You will leave right after breakfast.”
“I will.”
“Good. Now I will admit, Dr. Lopez told me I should talk with you girls. So did Tomás.”
“Dr. Lopez is right,” Rosa said. “Papi, you can’t keep—”
“Wait, did you say Tomás?” Yaz broke in, surprised his name had even come up. “What does he have to do with this?”
“He asked me when we spoke on the phone the other day. Like I said, he is a smart one, that boy. I enjoyed his company, didn’t you?”
Papi picked up his fork and took a bite of his eggs.
Yazmine’s gaze connected with Rosa’s, her thoughts immediately jumping back to the conversation with her sisters Friday evening. Lilí’s “get back on that horse” speech taunted her.
“He called the day after Thanksgiving to see how I was doing,” Papi said when he finished swallowing. “Like I say, es un hombre bueno. You should meet him, Rosa.”
“I’m sure he is a good man,” Rosa said, ignoring Yaz’s shake of her head. “If you like him, I bet I will, too.”
Yaz scowled at her sister. Brown-noser.
“He and the little one should have returned yesterday,” Papi continued. “Maybe they can come again this weekend. Invite them when they are at Hanson’s for Maria’s lessons, okay, Yazmine?”
Great, so now it seemed like Tomás was Papi’s new buddy. Soon he’d be hanging out with all the other compadres.
Her stomach clenched at the idea. Tomás was too much of a distraction. Too much of a reminder of what she couldn’t have if she followed Papi’s dreams to New York.
“It’s nice that he called you, pero . . .”
“But what? Is there a problem?”
Yaz swallowed an exasperated groan. “Yes, Papi, there is. Now stop trying to change the subject. The girls and I are worried about the tests you said Dr. Lopez plans to run. What exactly is going on?”
A lump of fear and unshed tears lodged in her throat. She turned to Rosa, hoping for some backup. Lilí had left for Southern Illinois University the day before only because it was a five-hour drive and she had an eight a.m. class this morning, but she’d gotten in her car begging them to get straight answers from Papi. All he’d admitted so far was that Dr. Lopez had some concerns so they were running more tests.
“Look, it could be nothing, right? As soon as we get the results, we’ll ask Dr. Lopez what treatment he recommends.” Rosa tucked her hair behind her ears, her earnest gaze and matter-of-fact tone as usual calming Yaz’s unease. “We’re going to beat it. For good this time.”
“No, nena.” Papi wiped his mouth with a napkin, then reached for his mango juice. “I am done fighting.”
“What?”
“Papi, no!” Yaz’s cry of alarm mixed with Rosa’s.
They exchanged a panicked glance.
“The chemotherapy, the sickness, the fatigue. If the cancer is back, I cannot go through that again. I will not put you girls through it either. It is not worth it.”
The finality in his tone filled Yaz’s entire body with dread.
“Por favor, don’t do this.” She grasped Papi’s forearm, desperate to hold on to him as long as she could. “I won’t let you give up.”
“None of us will,” Rosa added.
Yaz was certain the stark fear on her sister’s face mirrored her own.
“I am not giving up,” Papi answered matter-of-factly. He glanced from Rosa to her, his stern expression meant to silence their argument. Like when they’d been moody adolescents complaining about a decision he’d made that they didn’t agree with. They hadn’t won those arguments either. “I choose to enjoy the time I have left in peace. That is all.”
“Pero—”
“But nothing.” Papi cut off her argument, his tone firm, unyielding. “I told you girls yesterday, this is my decision. I am not going to put my body through that again. No vale la pena.”
“Of course it’s worth it,” Yaz argued. “How can you say that? You can’t give up. It’s like, like you’re choosing to leave us.” Tears rasped in her voice, threatening to spill down her cheeks.
Angry—with herself for not being able to reach him, with her father for rolling over—Yaz pushed back her chair to stand.
Papi grabbed her wrist to stop her. Despite the fatigue he constantly battled, his grip remained strong.
“Ay, nena, do not be like this. I am not ‘choosing’ to leave you. I love you girls. You have been my salvation since your mamá died.” Rosa hiccupped on a sob and Papi turned to her. “Por favor, entiéndanme—I need you to understand me. I am tired of fighting the way the doctors fight.”
Yazmine’s heart ached at the exhaustion slumping his proud shoulders. The despair weighing down Rosa’s features. No man should be forced to make a decision like his. No daughter should have to stand by and watch him suffer.
“Papi,” Yaz pleaded, falling to her knees at his feet. Desperate for him to stay strong.
Without him . . . Ay, she couldn’t even begin to think about it.
Papi gave her the strength to follow the path he had paved for her. When thoughts of not being good enough plagued her, his guidance and belief in her talents lifted her up. Gave her wings to soar.
Without him she didn’t know who she was, where she fit in.
The pain of loss consumed every part of her until it was all she could see, feel, taste. Anguish stole the fight from her and she laid her head in his lap with a muffled sob.
“Ay, nena.” Papi combed a hand gently through her hair, then he nudged her chin for her to look up at him. He stared into her eyes, gifting her with the love in his heart. “Your life has been on hold for too long because of me.”
“There isn’t any other place I’d rather be. You need me. Together we can beat this.” She stared back, willing him to agree with her, choosing to do all he could to beat this insidious disease.
Instead, he offered her a gentle smile. The patient, loving expression he’d blessed her with countless times throughout her life smoothed the lines of his handsome face. “We can celebrate the life I have left. We will all be together again in two and a half weeks for the Christmas holiday. Dr. Lopez will have more information by then. Si Dios quiere—”
“I don’t care what God wants.” Yaz sat back on her haunches with a huff.
Rosa flinched, her hand moving in a quick sign of the cross.
“Don’t say that,” Papi admonished. “What would your mamá think? We taught you better than that. Now, whatever happens, I want to spend my time enjoying mis chancletas.”
She shared a bittersweet smile with him at the Puerto Rican nickname for girls whose fathers only had daughters. “We’re not your ‘little sandals’ anymore, Papi.”
“I know. You’re all grown up. With opinions of your own.”
Yaz wrinkled her nose at his disgruntled tone.
“Lilí is doing well in school. I pray she may finally find the path that will make her happy.” Papi nodded slowly, turning his attention to Rosa. “And you, next fall you will finally take your place at Queen of Peace Academy. Yazmine—” He cupped her cheek. “You have stalled your career for too long. I am afraid you are not happy, nena.”
“Me?” Her pulse skipped with anxiety.
She tried so hard to keep her insecurities hidden. The last thing she wanted was to put more stress on her father. He needed his strength to beat this cancer.
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m New York bound.” That’d been her signature remark since before Cheryl and her other high school friends had started their college searches. Before her insecurities had taken root. Before Victor’s harsh rebukes had seared her with doubts. “I’ll take the town by storm, just like we’ve always planned. Success, for both of us.”
“I have had my success—your mother, you girls. Playing with Los Paisanos.” Papi took hold of her shoulders. “Nursing me through another chemotherapy treatment that does not work will not help you find your place.”
“Right now, it’s here with you. Help—”
The house phone rang, cutting off her argument. Rosa glanced at her watch. “It’s probably Lilí in between classes. I don’t know why she’s not calling my cell.”
“You girls and your henpecking.” Papi bit into his toast with a grimace.
“But you love us anyway.” Yaz gave his knee a love pat and stood. “And don’t think we won’t keep trying to change your mind. Or ask Dr. Lopez to talk some sense into you.”
He muttered something under his breath as she reached for the cordless receiver hanging on the kitchen wall. “Hello?”
“Yazmine?”
Yaz paused under the arch connecting the kitchen to the dining room. Her thoughts were so tuned in to the argument with Papi it took her a moment to place the voice. “Tomás?”
“I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time. I’m dealing with a little emergency at the moment.”
“Is everything okay with Maria?”
“No, no, Maria’s fine. Sorry, I didn’t mean to alarm you.”
Yaz heard a car honking through the phone line before Tomás spoke again.
“It’s Mrs. Buckley. Her daughter is pregnant and they had to rush her to the hospital in Seattle. I’m trying to get Mrs. B on the next flight out, but I have a huge potential client coming in this afternoon and the nanny service can’t send someone over until tomorrow.”
Yazmine’s heart stalled. She knew Tomás’s next words before he uttered them.
“Would you be able to pick Maria up from school and keep an eye on her for a little while this afternoon? I know it’s an imposition. But you’re my last hope.”
Yaz cleared her throat, aware of her father’s and Rosa’s speculative gaze. “You only need someone to watch Maria today?”
“The agency said they’d get back to me about a replacement by the close of business. I know you’re busy. If I had any other alternative . . .”
“Is something wrong, nena?” Papi asked.
“It’s Tomás,” she said, quickly explaining the situation.
“Go, do not worry about me,” Papi said when she finished.
“I can stay until tomorrow,” Rosa offered.
“No, you will not miss your classes. Already you should be starting your drive back to Champagne. I am okay,” Papi assured them. “A friend needs help, so we help. ¿Verdad?”
Of course, he was right.
So what if that friend pushed her buttons. Especially ones she’d deliberately put on pause after Victor. She’d be fine.
Closing her eyes, Yaz plunged ahead. “Okay. I can stay with Maria.”
Tomás’s sigh of relief gave her a measure of peace that she’d made the right decision. “Great. I owe you. Mrs. B is beside herself with worry about leaving Maria, but her own daughter has to come first right now. I’m on my way home to pick up Mrs. B so I can drive her to the airport.”
“What’s your address and I’ll be right over.”
Tomás rattled off directions to his house, then hung up.
As the line went dead, Yaz prayed she hadn’t made another mistake.
“So you will go help Tomás and Maria,” Papi said, once Yaz replaced the phone on its charger. “It is good that he called you.”
Yaz wasn’t so sure about that, but she didn’t have time for second-guessing.
She gave Papi a quick kiss on the cheek, warning him their conversation wasn’t over. Rosa opened her arms for a fierce hug.
“I’ll be in touch,” Yaz whispered in her sister’s ear. “You drive safely.”
Moments later she was in her car, heading toward Tomás’s house, mind boggled by how she kept getting tangled up with him.
Over the Thanksgiving break she’d tried her damnedest to keep the handsome father out of her thoughts. Not an easy feat when faced with Papi’s praise for his new “buddy” and her sisters’ pointed questions about the guy.
So much for keeping her distance outside of the dance studio. Instead, she had foolishly asked the lion for detailed directions leading straight to his den.