CHAPTER THIRTEEN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

T hey lay on their bed of pillows and blankets. Their bodies partially under the Christmas tree, basking in the afterglow.

Carly contemplated whether to address the love statement or leave it. She never was a person to leave loose ends. In the heat of the moment, telling him to make love to her sounded right, but she feared she was unlovable.

She hadn’t meant to trick him. A lump of insecurity formed in her stomach. She rolled away from him. Her past taught her people took what they wanted and left after. Her gut told her Theo was different, but her brain wasn’t listening.

“Where does this leave us?” Carly picked up her t-shirt from the floor to cover her exposed breasts.

Theo reached over and took the top of her hands. “Don’t cover yourself. I like looking at you.”

Carly blushed at the compliment, but covered her chest with her arms never the less. “I’m glad you like what you see, but you didn’t answer my question.” She didn’t want to feel discarded, but deep down she expected him to say wham bam thank you ma’am.

Theo rolled onto his side, propped his head on his arm and regarded her. His muscles were on full display and he made no motion to cover up. This guy was comfortable in his skin, and he had every right to be.

“Carly, what are you hoping to hear? I wasn’t expecting any of this to happen, but I’m not upset it did, if that’s what you’re asking?”

She had nothing to lose except her pride, but standing naked before a hockey star already made her vulnerable. “I’m curious what this all means. Do we go back to you forgetting I exist, or is this something you want to do again?”

He smiled, chipping away at the ice she’d created around her heart a little more. “I would like to do that again very soon, and by the looks of this storm we’ll have plenty of opportunities to do it again.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her on top of him. His lips brushed against hers softly. “And again,” he said, before his tongue licked along the seam, seeking approval to enter. Things took a heated turn from there.

Carly wasn’t sure what all this meant, but she wanted the fullness of him inside her again. The feeling of being connected to someone. He hadn’t mentioned after the storm, and that was most likely for the best. They could act like tomorrow didn’t exist.

His kisses worked her into a frenzy. They kissed for a while longer, their bodies settling against one another on the ground. A comfortable post coital embrace. Carly wondered when the bubble would burst. She felt happy and those moments rarely lasted too long.

Theo trailed his hand down her arm. “Are you ever going to tell me why you hate jocks so much?”

It was true, she thought most jocks were selfish tools. She used to think it was all athletes, she downgraded to most because of Theo. She believed he might be the anomaly.

“I don’t hate jocks per se,” she answered, avoiding eye contact.

“Still don’t trust me, huh?” He poked her in the ribs, finding her most ticklish spot by accident. She squirmed away, unable to stop the huge smile and giggles.

“Why would you say that?” She laughed as he continued to poke and prod her body with his long index finger.

His expression turned serious, sounding alarm bells in her head. Theo pulled her close, resting his chin on top of her head. “Something happened to you, and when you’re ready, I would like to hear it. I won’t press, that’s not my style, but I need to know what I’m up against.”

Carly never intended to tell anyone about her past. Only one other person knew her secrets. As far as she was concerned, it was her cross to bear.

The funny part was that she trusted Theo. But the thought of opening old wounds scared her. Her body stiffened, and she broke out in a cold sweat. The pain of those days would never be forgotten.

“I’m sorry, Carly. If you don’t want to talk about your past, we don’t have to, but I would love to get to know you. As I mentioned earlier, I’ve only had one girlfriend so I’m not well versed in what’s appropriate and what’s not in regards to dating. I want to know everything about you and I’m willing to share everything with you.”

“You shared a big part of yourself with me a few minutes ago,” she joked.

“Funny. I’m interested in more than your body, in case you haven’t figured that part out.” He squeezed her tight, the hug was both reassuring and telling. “I’m at a disadvantage on the information front; most of my life is available online. Search Theo Montagne and my history since birth is there in black and white. The private stuff, like the fact I lost my virginity at fifteen, that kind of information isn’t on there, but those details are yours. Nothing is off limits.”

His words scared the crap out of her. She wasn’t ready for the tough conversations. “For starters, I felt your interest inside my body, and I am more than willing to feel it again, whenever you’re up for it,” she said while pinching his nipple.

He poked her rib again, and she giggled. “Minx.” He placed his hand over hers. “I’m serious, I want no secrets between us. If we’re going to make it as a couple then we should be comfortable to talk about anything.”

Couple. Theo Montagne wanted to be part of a couple with her. The idea didn’t suck. It was the opposite in fact.

“Fine. You want to know about my past, here goes.”

Carly sat up and moved over to the couch to face Theo. She pulled the blanket over her chest, as much for warmth, as for support. Part of her didn’t want to see his face and the judgment that would surely follow, but she had to gage his reaction. She needed to know if he would change his mind. She wouldn’t blame him if he did.

As if sensing her desire to pull away, Theo got up and joined her on the couch. He shifted her legs onto his lap and rubbed her legs over the blanket. “Take your time, I’m listening.”

“My dating history isn’t much more than yours. At sixteen I thought I'd fallen in love. Our parents were friends, and my dad loved him. My boyfriend was a hockey player although not nearly as talented as you.”

“Few people are,” he said, earning him a glare loaded with contempt. He smiled like she was shooting rays of sunshine in his direction. “What? It’s true.” He had a point, but he didn’t have to sound so conceited.

She rolled her eyes and continued. “We were young, and slaves to our hormones. We dated for a year before we had sex and we were together for another six months after that. He was always kind of selfish and cocky, but when you’re sixteen and in lust nothing matters. I had dreams of walking down the aisle with him until the summer came and he went away to hockey camp.”

Carly took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. “We broke up two weeks after he left. I showed up for a surprise visit and caught him cheating on me. He admitted it wasn’t just that one time, but the entire time we were together. He bragged about all the other girls and told me I didn’t measure up. Told me he never loved me and had been using me. He was a dipshit, but I was devastated. When he got back from camp, he had the nerve to show up at my house to get me back.”

“You didn’t though, right?”

Oh, how she wished she hadn’t. “My dad let him in and told me to sit down and hear Kevin out. My dad, the guy supposed to be on my side and always have my back. Well, I wanted to make him happy, so I listened and we ended up back together.”

There was the judgment she expected. A look that said: smart girl, stupid decision. “That’s harsh. Guys can be fucking insensitive sometimes. I’m sorry he tainted your view of hockey players forever. We aren’t all dipshits as you put it.” He chuckled, and so did she.

“I wish it was only him. Kevin and I lasted a month before he got bored with me and moved on. I only took him back to make my dad happy, but every time Kevin kissed me, I would cringe, picturing him with someone else. Eventually, I healed and moved on. My next boyfriend was another stellar decision on my part. Dad liked Gabe from the start. He hunted, fished and played hockey.”

“I’m sensing you have a type Miss Saint.” Theo joked, but he was right. Carly had a specific type and Theo hit all her buttons.

“Guess that’s a good thing for you.” She leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before sitting back to finish her tale. “Too bad for me; Gabe turned out to be a selfish douche, worse than Kevin by a mile.”

“Why did you two break up? Because you moved here?”

She looked at the soft blue around his corneas, pulling strength from him. “We got pregnant a few months into the relationship. I told no one but him. He wanted me to abort, but that didn’t feel right. My parents had tried for years to have more kids and couldn’t. They miscarried three times. Ending things on purpose wasn’t an option for me. When I told him that, he called me a slut and said the baby wasn’t his. He spread some nasty rumors about me around town.”

“Son-of-a-bitch.” Theo sounded angry on her behalf and that was touching.

“Pretty much. He broke it off with me and slept with like five other girls in the two weeks before he finally accepted the truth. I took him back, not because I’m a glutton for punishment, but because he was the father of my unborn child. What else could I do? I was seventeen, pregnant and about to become a total disappointment to everyone. We decided not to tell anyone until we absolutely had to. I went through some dark days and Gabe got really busy with hockey. When he came around, he was mean and forceful. I was so scared to be alone that I clung to any shred of attention he gave me.” Carly’s hands shook over her stomach. A reflex from long ago.

“The sex was rough, like Gabe was punishing me. We lost the baby around eleven weeks when my uterus ruptured. The blood started right after sex and the doctors couldn’t do anything. The relationship ended the same day while we were at the hospital getting the news. Gabe was happy, and I didn’t know what I was. From that point on my opinion of jocks has been low.”

“Yeah, I can see why you hold us in low regard. I’m sorry you went through that. Are you okay?” He never stopped rubbing her legs throughout her story. Whatever she expected to see wasn’t there. His eyes were full of caring and concern.

Her emotions were all over the map. She never imagined talking about all of it would be so painful. Her eyes burned as she twisted her fingers over her lap. “I moved passed it all and try not to think about any of it. The doctors said there was scarring and potential lasting side effects. They said I will have a hard time conceiving. I’ll end up like my mom, unable to carry to term. It was a lot to process and I’m not sure I have. This is the first time I’ve ever talked about any of it.” Her stiff upper lip couldn’t stop the tears from falling down her cheeks.

Theo opened his arms to Carly, and she went willingly into them. He didn’t have to provide her comfort, or be so understanding, but this wasn’t an act. Theo had a heart the size of North America and Carly was being enveloped by it. Even though she didn’t deserve him, she wanted him.

“Do you want kids someday?” She asked.

“No time soon, but one day. Why?” He held her close, her head pressed against his chest. The rhythmic sound of his heartbeat soothed the ache in hers.

“You said you wanted to see where this could go. You and me. Couples lay their cards on the table and I might not have babies. I’m damaged, Theo, and you deserve a woman who can give you everything.”

He lifted her chin to face him. Their eyes locked and his widened. “You are not damaged. Never think that of yourself. You are smart, feisty and I love your honesty. You went through hell with your exes, but you came out a stronger woman. Who knows where the future will lead, but I am certain I want to see you in mine.”

He said the most beautiful words. His mother would be proud.

For the first time in a long time, Carly had hope.

“I’d like you in mine too.” She kissed him and that hope bloomed inside her heart.