Chapter Six
T-Rex walked with Sierra back to the bed-and-breakfast, his arm firmly around her shoulders. He hated that she’d had to face Clay Ellis alone. But his chest swelled with pride over how she’d handled the man. Ellis would think twice before accosting her again.
The sweet day care employee who loved children shouldn’t have to put up with an ex-husband of Ellis’s low caliber. She deserved someone who could love and respect her. Someone who treated her like the beautiful, caring woman she was.
Someone like him?
He paused in front of her bedroom door and turned to face her. “If you need anything, just yell. The walls aren’t very well insulated. I’ll hear you.”
She laughed. “Not very well insulated?”
Her smile was contagious and had his lips tilting. “You’ll see.” T-Rex leaned down and brushed a kiss across her forehead. “Sleep tight.”
She stood for a long moment, staring up into his eyes.
He counted the seconds, praying she would go inside before he did something he might regret, like kiss her again. Lord knew kissing her a second time would only lead to more internal struggle than he was capable of resisting.
She moved, but not in the direction he expected.
Sierra leaned up on her toes, wrapped her hand around the back of his head and pressed her lips to his. She ended the kiss on a sigh. “I’d ask you in, but I wouldn’t want you to think less of me.”
“Sweetheart, I wouldn’t think less of you. You impress the heck out of me.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “The way you handled Ellis in the tavern...” He chuckled. “In my book, that makes you sexy as hell.”
He was prolonging something he shouldn’t even consider. The walls were thin. Anything they might get into would be heard by all of the guests.
As he thought about it, he couldn’t remember seeing any other guests. The rodeo had left town, taking with it all of the out-of-towners, leaving Grizzly Pass feeling empty, almost deserted compared with the rush of people who’d been there days earlier.
Sierra and T-Rex might be the only visitors in the bed-and-breakfast. In which case, why was he worried if noises carried through the wall?
Then again, there was the issue of his being a career marine and confirmed bachelor. He wouldn’t feel right playing with Sierra’s emotions. She had enough problems dealing with her ex-husband.
“As much as I’d love to come in,” he said, “I’m not sure that would be a good idea.”
She nodded. “You’re probably right. I’m a divorcée with baggage. You really don’t want to get involved with me while you’re here. Although it’s a little late for that. My ex thinks we are already involved. That, I’m sorry to say, will continue to cause you grief while you’re in Grizzly Pass.”
“I can take care of myself. And the fact you’re a divorcée with baggage wasn’t what I was thinking about.” He brushed a strand of her blond hair back behind her ear. “I don’t want to shortchange a beautiful woman who deserves more.”
“Shortchange?”
He nodded, traced his thumb across her lip and resisted kissing where his thumb had been. “I’m only here for another week, maybe two or three. But then I’ll return to my unit. I won’t start anything I can’t finish.”
“Oh, I wasn’t thinking of any commitment. I was thinking of practice.” Her cheeks reddened.
He frowned. “Practice?”
“I haven’t been on a date since high school. Spending time with you is like being on a date. I could use the practice.” She laid her hand on his chest and stared at her fingers, not into his eyes. “I wouldn’t expect you to stick around. And when you leave, I promise not to be heartbroken.” Her voice softened, fading away with the last word.
He couldn’t resist, he had to kiss her. She was too beautiful when she was embarrassed. T-Rex bent and skimmed his mouth across hers.
She lifted her chin and forced the connection to be more than a brief touch. Her other hand rose to cup the back of his head.
There was no going back. He crushed her body to his, the evidence of his desire pressing against her soft belly.
After plundering her mouth, he dragged his lips across her chin to suck her earlobe between his teeth. “This is insane,” he whispered.
Sierra tilted her head to the side, giving him better access to her ear and to her neck. “Completely,” she responded, in a breathy voice, curling her leg behind his.
Holy hell, what was he thinking? This woman was too recently divorced. If he took her now, he’d be taking advantage of her when she was at her most vulnerable.
Though he wanted to swing her up into his arms and carry her into the bedroom, he fought that urge, broke the kiss and took a step back. He breathed in short, tight breaths, clenching his fists to keep from taking her back into his arms.
She stood in front of him, her lips swollen from his kiss, her chest rising and falling as quickly as his. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?” he asked.
“I must have done something wrong.” She shook her head, her eyes glassy, a pucker on her forehead.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who almost screwed up.” He took her key from her and slid it into the doorknob. “Go to bed, Sierra. Sleep. I don’t want to be your next mistake. Save yourself for a better guy who’ll stick around.”
Before she could say another word, he angled her through the door and closed it between them. It had to be one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do.
With leaden steps and tight jeans, he continued down the hallway to his room, entered, closed the door behind him and leaned against it. What had he been thinking?
Sierra Daniels was strictly off-limits. She’d been abused, for heaven’s sake. Freshly divorced and vulnerable, she would only be hurt if he made love to her. As much as she tried to convince him that she needed “practice,” she needed a lot more than that. She needed to learn to love herself before she loved another. Not that he was anyone to give advice on love and romance. He was one big failure in that arena.
Pushing away from the door, he grabbed his shaving kit and a towel and headed across the hall to the shared bathroom. A cold shower would help to douse the raging desire that had almost cost him his control.
Ten minutes later, he climbed out of the shower, dried off and wrapped his towel around his waist. With his shaving kit in hand, he walked out of the bathroom and almost ran over Sierra bent over in the hallway, collecting from the floor an array of shampoo and conditioner bottles and a tube of toothpaste.
“Sorry, I’ll get out of your way.” She shoved all the items into a torn plastic bag, gathered them to her chest and finally glanced up.
Her gaze started at his shins and climbed to the towel, pausing at the tent his instant desire had created.
T-Rex groaned. He’d need thirty minutes more in an ice bath to tamp down the intense heat that exploded inside when Sierra’s gaze swept upward.
What sweet hell was this? He gripped her elbow and brought her to her feet. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said, her cheeks bright red.
“Good, because now I’m not.” He turned her toward the bathroom and gave her a gentle nudge. “Go, before I forget how to be a gentleman.”
* * *
SIERRA STAGGERED INTO the bathroom. The door closed behind her and she finally remembered to inhale. Then her breaths came in ragged gasps. She pressed a hand to her chest, willing her heartbeat to slow.
Seeing T-Rex in nothing but a towel had taken her breath away. The man had the broadest, most anatomically perfect chest of any man she’d ever seen in person or on television. But the evidence of his desire had captured her attention, shoving every other thought completely out of her head. He’d been hard for her.
Before she’d headed for the bathroom, Sierra had gone to her room, her hormones hopping, her libido so stimulated she hadn’t been able to settle into a chair or in bed. She’d wandered around the room, counting the number of steps it took to get from one side to the other.
After ten laps, she’d forced herself to sit at the little desk and dump out the contents of her purse. She rearranged them and placed them back in the different compartments, assigning a specific pouch for the stun gun. She didn’t want to waste time hunting for it the next time she needed to defend herself.
Once she’d completed her inventory and repacking of the items in her purse, she turned on the television in the corner and flipped through the channels. Nothing had appealed to her, or taken her mind off the man in the room next to hers. She turned off the television, grabbed the plastic grocery bag of toiletries she’d brought with her from her apartment, panties and a nightgown and headed for the bathroom across the hall.
She’d almost reached the door when the bottom fell out of the bag, spilling her shampoo, conditioner, lotion and toothpaste onto the floor. She’d dropped to pick them up when the bathroom door opened and...and... Sweet heaven, T-Rex had stood in front of her.
Standing in the bathroom he’d vacated, Sierra burned with the heat of her desire. Never in her life had she been that strongly attracted to any man. Not even during the early days of dating Clay. Yes, there had been a mild form of lust. But this was something entirely different. The feeling consumed her and made her lose focus on everything else.
Sierra shook herself, set her things on the counter and stripped out of her clothes, determined to push the man out of her thoughts. No man should have that much control over her thoughts and imagination. It could only lead to heartache and losing herself once again. She’d come too far in her self-realization to backslide now.
In the shower, she scrubbed her hair, face and body, trying to ignore the sensitivity of her nipples and the ache between her legs. She would not succumb to her desire.
T-Rex had laid it out for her. He wasn’t staying. And he hadn’t invited her to leave when he left. Not that he should. They were strangers, having known each other for only a few short hours.
She rinsed the suds out of her hair and turned the shower to its coolest setting. Anything to chill the heat inside her body. If she didn’t get a grasp on her physical reactions to the man, she’d never get any sleep.
Dressed in her nightgown, her hair wrapped turban-style in the towel, she eased open the door. The hallway was clear. A stab of disappointment assailed her.
“Idiot,” she muttered beneath her breath. “Like he’d be interested in you. And you shouldn’t be interested in him.”
The door across the hall opened and T-Rex stood in the frame, wearing jeans and nothing else. “Did you say something?”
Her cheeks flamed. “No, just talking to myself.” She scurried for her door. “You weren’t kidding about paper-thin walls, were you?”
He chuckled. “No, I wasn’t. The couple who’d been in the room on the other side of me were very loud in their lovemaking. I had a hard time facing them in the morning.”
“Well, you don’t have to worry about me. I won’t be making a whole lot of noise,” she babbled. “I don’t think I snore, and once I’m out, I don’t get up for anything short of a fire alarm.”
“Good to know.” His gaze swept her from her head to her bare feet, his eyes flaring as he skimmed over her bare knees and calves. “Good night.”
His glance warmed her from the inside, spreading heat to her chest and lower to the juncture of her thighs.
“Yes, good night.” She rushed through her door and closed it before she did something stupid like falling into the big marine’s arms and begging him to make love to her. Wow, he had charisma in spades. How did women resist?
With little hope of sleep, she lay on the bed. The headboard rested against the wall she shared with T-Rex. If the walls were as thin as he’d said, he could hear her if she cried out.
After Clay had attacked her twice that day, Sierra felt more reassured having T-Rex on the other side of the wall. And she had the stun gun, should she need it.
For a long time, she lay in the dark, staring up at the ceiling. Sleep eluded her. She found herself listening for sounds from the other room, wondering if T-Rex was having trouble sleeping, too. The next thought that popped into her head was the big question: Did he sleep in pajamas or in the nude?
Sierra moaned, rolled onto her side and punched her pillow. This was not going to work. Thinking of a naked man would not put her to sleep anytime soon.
“Everything okay in there?” a deep, resonant voice said from the other side of the wall.
Sierra yelped and sat up.
“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to frighten you. I heard you moan and thought maybe you weren’t feeling well.”
Flopping over onto her back, Sierra pulled the extra pillow up into her arms and hugged it. “Good Lord, I can hear you as if you were in my room.”
He chuckled. “Told you.”
“You really must have gotten a blow-by-blow account of the couple’s nights.”
“Pun intended?”
It was Sierra’s turn to chuckle. “If it fits...”
Quiet settled in again, but Sierra couldn’t relax. It was as if she were clinging to an edge, waiting for another word from T-Rex to pull her back. When he didn’t say anything, she couldn’t remain silent. “Why did you join the military?”
“To get out of Texas and see the world.” He snorted. “Only it turns out that it’s not always the best part of the world.”
“I can imagine.” She picked at the pillowcase. “I know you said you’re not married, but have you ever been?”
“No.”
“You’re a...good-looking guy. How have you gone all these years without getting hitched?” She bit her lip. “Sorry. If I’m being too nosy, just tell me to shove off.”
“No. It’s okay,” he said. “First of all, I haven’t met anyone who could put up with me.”
Sierra laughed. “I find that hard to believe.”
“It’s true. I’m stubborn, cranky and hard to get along with on a good day.”
“I get along fine with you.”
“Second, after my first couple of deployments, watching other guys who had wives back home, I couldn’t see myself subjecting a woman to the hardship of being married to a career military man. Many of my men would return to empty houses—their wives having moved back to their mamas, taking the kids with them.”
“Some women are a lot stronger than you think. Surely you could find one who would be there when you got back.”
“Yeah. If I got back.” His voice faded to little more than a whisper. “Or if I came back in one piece.”
Sierra’s chest tightened. She could hear the strain in his tone. “What do you mean?”
“I wouldn’t want to come back in a body bag. Or worse, a paraplegic. What woman wants to take care of her children and her husband for the rest of her life?”
“A woman who loves him more than life,” Sierra answered.
“I couldn’t put a woman through the heartache and demands of a life caring for an invalid.”
Another long silence stretched between them.
Sierra broke it with, “You know someone like this, don’t you?”
His answer was in the form of more silence.
“I’m sorry,” Sierra said. “It must hurt to see one of your men so badly injured.”
“Hurts even more that I can do nothing to make it better.” T-Rex’s voice was tight and hard. “He’ll never walk again. He’ll never throw a ball for his son. He’ll never feel the softness of his wife’s skin.”
Tears welled in Sierra’s eyes. “And because of this, you will never marry?”
“Yes,” he said, his tone harsh.
“Did you ever think that maybe a woman would want to make the choice, to be the one to decide whether or not to take the risk on you?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’d rather die than be a burden on a woman.”
“Sometimes you aren’t given a choice. Your friend was given that choice. I’m sure his wife would rather have him alive than not.”
“I told you I was terrible boyfriend material.”
“Again, you weren’t lying. Not because you’re a member of the military. Most women can deal with that. You’re terrible boyfriend material because you won’t give a woman the opportunity to decide for herself if she’s ready and willing to take the risk on you. You just avoid the situation altogether.”
“Yes. Exactly.”
“In the meantime, you’re alone.” Sierra’s heart contracted. One of the reasons she’d stayed with her husband as long as she had was because she was terrible at being alone. Perhaps the death of her parents had made her less secure in her solitude. For the past few months of being single, she’d learned being alone wasn’t all that bad. But she wouldn’t want to be alone forever.
“I like being alone,” T-Rex said.
“Because you’ve been alone for so long you don’t remember what it’s like to have someone else to share your life.”
“I have my unit.”
“And they are with you 24/7 when you’re deployed, but they go home to their families when you’re Stateside. Which leaves you alone again.”
“I like it,” he insisted.
“Uh-huh.”
“I can choose what to eat for dinner. I don’t have to ask permission if I want to go to a movie, and I can walk around my apartment naked, if I like.”
Sierra laughed. “Yeah, but you don’t have anyone to talk to when you’re down or someone with whom you can share the beauty of a sunset.”
“I don’t need any of that.”
“No?” Sierra leaned up on her elbows. “What about children? Don’t you want children of your own? A little girl or a miniature T-Rex to teach how to play ball?”
“No.” His tone was hard and final. “What happens if I did have a little boy, and then I came back a paraplegic like Gunny? What then? My son wouldn’t have a father to teach him the things a father is supposed to.”
“Your Gunny is alive. He will be there for his son, to teach him by his words. He can hire a coach. I’m sure his son would rather have him than no father at all.”
“I won’t do that to any kid of mine. War’s hell. I won’t put a woman through the uncertainty. I won’t have her waiting for the dreaded call or visit from the chaplain.”
“If you love someone enough, you’ll take whatever time you’re given with that person,” Sierra said softly.
“You’ve been reading too many romance novels. I’m surprised you still believe in love, given the fact you’re divorced.”
Sierra flinched and hugged the pillow harder, her eyes stinging. His words hurt. “For a long time, I thought I was the one who’d failed at my marriage. I stopped believing in love. It couldn’t be real. It was just lust, and when that faded, you had nothing.” Tears welled in her eyes. Those had been dark days in which she’d felt more hopeless than at any other time of her life.
“Look, Sierra, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said about your divorce.”
“No, you’re right. It took being away from Clay to realize it wasn’t me. He wasn’t capable of loving me. And maybe I wasn’t capable of loving him. But I know I’m capable of love, and I’m not giving up on finding it.” She held up her hand, even though he couldn’t see it. “Don’t worry. I won’t look for it in you. You’ve been very clear on the subject. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m tired and I have to get some sleep.”
Silence filled the gloom, making it seem even gloomier.
“Good night, Sierra. I hope you find it.”
I hope you do, too, she thought. Then, you’ll understand.