With Sunday morning traffic, it had taken me eons to get from my place to Doug’s, then from there to the hospital.

But I was here. Finally. I wasn’t sure if I was more motivated to be here in case Trevor woke up or to be anywhere Doug wasn’t. But I’d signed the paper, tossed the pen at him, and was out the door in three minutes. I hadn’t even waited for him to make a copy for me. Doug had so helpfully offered to send my copy to the hospital by bike messenger, so it was probably already on its way over.

I had three months to make sure Self Defense got a recording deal, or I would be forced to hand over my soul and let him do whatever he wanted with me. I’d had some choice words for him when he slipped in the fact that for those three months, Self Defense would be on tour again. But I’d already agreed to it, and I knew Doug would never change it out of the kindness of his heart.

I didn’t know what I was going to tell Trevor. Part of me hoped he wouldn’t come out of his coma until I could figure it out. And that might take a while, considering I hadn’t slept at all last night. Honestly, I couldn’t even remember a night I’d slept well.

That worry morphed into a whole new one when I saw Sara’s mother sitting on a chair in the hospital waiting room. She was looking down, typing something on her phone.

Fuck. “Is she okay?” I asked loudly enough so that everyone turned to look at me, including Elaine. “Is she…is Sara okay?”

Please, don’t do this to me. I couldn’t take any more.

Her eyes widened in recognition and concern. “Sara? Yes, she’s fine. I drove her here to see your friend.”

I’d barely finished my sigh of relief when the last part of her comment sank in. “She’s here to see Trevor?” I shouldn’t have been angry, but my brain was running on anxiety and sleep deprivation. So, somehow, that turned the fact that Sara was here to support him instead of being there to support me into one more blow—and this one stung.

“Well, she was looking for you, but she’s back there, waiting with him now.” She flicked her head toward the heavy door that led back to where I’d left Trevor.

“So, she’s okay? Promise?” I wasn’t sure why it seemed so impossible to understand. Maybe because over the last eight hours, I’d gone through every terrible emotion, one after the other, with no sleep. My mind couldn’t keep track anymore. It had forgotten what an appropriate reaction to anything was. Any second, I’d start laughing hysterically, or crying, or breaking out into song. I just didn’t know.

“Declan?” She stood quickly, dropping her phone and purse onto the floor and rushing toward me. “Are you alright?”

No. But I hated to think my emotional state was so obvious that anyone could tell just by looking at me.

“Sit down. You look like you’re going to faint.” She took me by the arm and tried to lead me to a chair. I didn’t move. I barely knew her, and what little I did know about her hadn’t made me her biggest fan.

“I can’t. I need to go check on Trevor. He’s not doing well.”

“Neither are you, honey.”

I pulled away from her. “I gotta check on…” Why couldn’t I remember who needed me? Did anyone need me? Yes. I shook the fog out of my mind and body. “Trevor. Trevor needs me.”

She might have followed me through the door and down the hallway toward Trevor’s room, but I couldn’t be sure. And I didn’t look. Because I couldn’t care about anything other than my best friend right now. Anything else would be too much.

As if the universe wanted to prove me right, as soon as I opened the curtain to Trev’s room, I saw Sara. She’d pulled the chair closer and had fallen asleep with her head on Trevor’s bed.

“You’re in my seat.” I didn’t even try to hide the shitty attitude in my tone, didn’t care that I’d woken her up. Or maybe I did. Maybe I just couldn’t stand the thought of her sleeping peacefully while my world collapsed around me. While the life of the jerk who’d stuck with me since we were kids was still controlled by machines, only a series of beeps and lines proving that he was alive.

She straightened and looked at me but didn’t say anything.

“It’s good you’re here.” When she smiled, I added, “A beautiful woman is probably the only thing he’d wake up for.”

“You should sit down. You look—”

“Like shit. Yeah, your mom told me.”

“She’s still here?” She blew out her breath and then shoved the chair toward me. “Sit down before you fall down.”

I did both—collapsing into the chair, leaving her nowhere to sit down. Hopefully, chivalry would be the only thing to die tonight.

Fuck it. I might look like shit, but I didn’t want to act like it. I got back up and dragged my ass down the hallway to the nurse’s station, ignoring Sara’s calls.

“Can I take one of these chairs to 13B?” I asked.

“I’ll take it for you. 13B?” A male nurse or orderly or whatever the fuck he was stood up, looking at me with concern. I stared right back, wondering how he managed being here, smothered by tears and antiseptic every day.

I followed him back down the hall and stood outside Trev’s room while the nurse and Sara rearranged the equipment carts to fit both chairs next to each other. After thanking him, I slumped into the seat, only realizing just how small the space was when my thigh pressed against Sara’s.

After a couple of minutes, she inched her hand closer to mine. I grabbed it and used it to pull her into me, wrapping both arms around her tightly.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there,” she whimpered, her voice muffled by my shirt.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does. I wanted to be there. I was on my way back, but—”

“It doesn’t matter.” I didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to be disappointed or wonder what would happen to us. I was too tired to argue, too tired to speak. So, I closed my eyes and breathed her in. The sweet scent of her hair helping me forget where we really were, how we’d all gotten there, and where we would end up next.