“I can smell it.” I inhale and exhale deeply as we trot through the park, not because I’m short of breath, but because I want every aspect of fall that I can experience to invade my senses.

“Smell what?” Arden’s breath control amazes me every time we run. We’re on mile four, and she sounds like she could do this all day. It’s a long run day, so at the end of this mile, we’ll circle back around to complete four more.

The progress I’ve made as a blind runner with Arden by my side has been incredible. I’ve used my computer to research normal results, and it could take months for a blind runner to feel comfortable with his guide the way I do when I’m running with Bunny. She’s lived up to her nickname in ways I could never have predicated. If I were on my own, I might have given up after Nitro and I started out so roughly. When I’m running beside her, I know I’m safe, and I know that the people around me are protected from an incident, like the one Arden had the first day we met.

I can feel the heat radiating off her body as she runs, just feet away, and I tug slightly on the rope to feel the gentle slack. Her stride matches mine, which means her legs are long and capable. I know from being in close proximity to her that she’s not as tall as I am, but that she’s above average height for a woman.

“Fall. It’s everywhere, isn’t it?” She warns me that we’re veering slightly to the left, but I don’t tell her that Nitro has already silently guided me in that direction with the pull of his harness.

At this point, Arden’s verbal directions are more of an addiction than a necessity. It’s only been a few weeks, but I can’t imagine my runs without them. This was supposed to be a temporary situation. I’m supposed to give her up when Nitro and I are ready to run on our own.

Right now…I don’t know how I’m going to do that.

I shake the thought away. Don’t worry about that now. You and Nitro don’t have to go it alone any time soon. No one would expect you to.

Accepting help should have been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Instead, Arden makes it easy. Too fucking easy.

She murmurs her agreement about the weather, her silence speaking volumes in the crisp, fragrant air. Awareness sends razors of curiosity along my spine, and I glance in her direction. “Halloween is right around the corner. I bet the houses in my neighborhood are all decked out with pumpkins and shit like that.”

Again, no response, just a murmur of agreement.

To this point, I’ve never pushed Arden to give me any personal information. She runs with me every single day, and the only things I know about her are her name and the fact that she owns The Art Of Java. I know she’s creative and can get shit done, but I don’t know anything else. Not where she lives or who she lives with. Nothing about her family. I don’t know where she went to college, or if she went at all.

She agreed to run with you. Not tell you her whole life story. She hasn’t had another panic attack in front of me since that first day in the shop, but something caused it. I’ve thought back to that day so many times since then, wondering if she gets them often, or it if it’s just occasional.

“Do you have decorations up at your house?” I press just a little bit harder. “Where is your house, anyway? We haven’t talked about that.”

There’s a soft sigh beside me. “I live in the gated community near Cannon Square, and no…I don’t have a single fall or Halloween decoration up at my house. I’m…I’m not a very festive person.”

I try to reconcile that with the person I know. At the shop, Arden pretty much keeps to herself. She’s polite to all the customers, but she doesn’t go out of her way to make conversation with them. I’d chalk it up to her being shy, or having an introverted personality, but somewhere inside me that just doesn’t ring true. Especially when some regular customer, someone who knew her well before I did, comes into the shop. They try hard to interact with her, but she completely shuts down, making it impossible for the person to have a real conversation. I can’t shake the feeling that there’s a reason for that.

Now that I’ve gotten to know Arden during our runs, all I want to do is learn even more about her. It’s the trap I didn’t want to fall into in the first place, but here I am.

Stuck in the middle of it.

“I don’t have any up at my house either. I’ve never decorated for things like fall. But wait until Christmas…then my house will be decked out. We don’t live too far from each other, by the way. I’m in the neighborhood just off the Main Quarter, before that ocean access road.”

“I know it,” she says, her voice cautious. “That’s a pretty area. I like how modern and contemporary the homes are.”

We’re about a mile from the end of our run when I speak up again. I can feel myself crossing a line, but I can’t keep from jumping right over it. If Arden had a husband, a family, I’d know it by now. I would have met them at the shop, where I’m almost a permanent fixture. I’m there every day after we run…it’s become our routine. Unless…maybe she’s married, but her husband works days. If that’s true, I wouldn’t have seen him there.

But she would have said something, right?

“Do a lot of kids trick-or-treat in your neighborhood, Bunny?”

I know it the second I’ve let the question fly that it was a mistake. There’s no more warmth coming off her body, just iciness.  There’s a sharp tug on the rope as Arden’s speed increases, and I lengthen my strides to easily keep up with her.

There’s a full minute of silence. When she answers, her voice sounds hollow and hearing it makes my chest ache. Too far, Flash. Too fucking far.

But why? I can’t figure this woman out. Why would asking such a simple question push her over some invisible edge?

I’m not a complete idiot; I know she doesn’t want to get personal. Maybe she’s keeping me at a distance for the same reasons I ran the first time I met her. But that question? That wasn’t personal.

She sniffs, and regret pierces straight through my heart. “Usually. Usually there are a lot of trick-or-treaters.” Her voice is so soft, I have to strain my well-practiced ears to hear her. Beside me, Nitro gives a sad-sounding whine.

He can feel the emotions rolling off of her too.

We continue our run in silence. Arden keeps her thoughts to herself, the way she always does, and I internally kick myself for making her feel anything other than happy.

When we reach the front of the park and we’ve stopped to do our normal stretching, she speaks again.

“I think I’m gonna take off.” The pain in her voice is real, tangible, and I instinctively reach for her. My hands come up with only air, and I know she’s stepped away. The loss of her is more than proximity; it feels like she’s gone somewhere far away where she can’t be reached, even if I beat the door down. The discomfort it causes inside makes me pause, makes me wonder what’s going on; not just with her, but with me when it comes to her.

I can’t understand the connection that seems to bind us, the one I try really damn hard not to acknowledge. But it’s there, whether I like it or not. And at some point, I’m going to have to evaluate it, face it.

Maybe even do something about it.

“I just have a lot to do today.” Her voice continues retreating. “And tomorrow...I have stuff to do tomorrow, too. Can we pick this back up next week?”

Her voice is getting further away, so I raise mine. “Arden…”

“I’ll see you later, Flash.”

And she’s gone, her soft footfalls hitting the pavement as she runs away from me.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt like such a fucking asshole.

What happened to this woman? There was a time when all I wanted to do was avoid her pain, so it didn’t get mixed up with my own. But now? Now, it feels like a necessity for me to know what—or who—broke her so completely.

* * *

“So, how’s the training going? And when do I get to meet this mystery chick who runs with you every day?” The leather on my couch rustles as Axel makes himself at home.

After the consuming run with Arden early this morning, I’m physically exhausted and emotionally confused as hell.

Maybe I pushed her today. Maybe I shouldn’t have. But dammit, if I don’t want to know everything about her. I’m clued in enough to know there’s something in her past that she’s hiding.

Maybe hiding isn’t the right word. It’s more like she’s drowning in whatever happened to her.

Because, at this point, it’s obvious to me that Arden is the way she is because of something that happened to her. Whatever it was, it made her the person she is today; the person I’m getting to know, piece by tiny little piece. And a part of that person is in an incredible amount of pain and suffering that she tries to hide, but never, ever does.

“It’s fine. We’re taking a break, though. Not sure when we’re going to run again.” My voice is gruff, even though I know my brother has nothing to do with the frustrating situation.

“If it’s going so well, why would you back off?” The suspicion in Axel’s voice is unmistakable. “Did something happen that I need to know about? Did you have a setback?”

“No,” I growl. “I’m fine. The running is fine. We haven’t had a single incident, and Nitro and I are getting to know our route, and the way Arden runs, so perfectly it’s insane. There’s nothing wrong.”

Except for the fact that my running partner is skittish as fuck, and when I bring up anything close to being personal, she takes off.

“All right, then.” Axel sounds relieved. “Then what else would make you back off? Don’t do it, man. You’ve been…different. Since you started running again. Your temper has gotten better, I haven’t seen you throw shit around or punch a wall once.”

The teasing in his voice irritates me, rubs against my already raw nerves in a way that makes rage rise. “I feel like punching something right now. You volunteering?”

Axel’s quiet for a moment. “You into this woman you’re running with?”

I freeze. My hands, which were previously tapping out a beat on my thighs, stop their movement. “Why the hell would you ask me that?”

The smile in Axel’s voice is clear. “So that’s a yes.”

Frustration pours out of me in a groan. I can’t hide shit from my brother. And suddenly, I don’t want to. I need a sounding board or I’m going to go insane. “I don’t know, man. It’s more like she’s a puzzle I can’t figure out. She’s probably the only person I know who’s more fucked up than I am, and I can’t figure out why.”

“Let me meet her.” Axel’s suggestion is more like a demand, and I bark out a laugh in response.

“You’re high if you think that’s happening.”

“Come on. Don’t you want to know what she looks like? Why don’t you let me help you figure her out? This is the first woman you’ve showed any interest in since…since the accident and everything that happened after. And I don’t want you to fuck it up.”

Dropping my head and covering the back of it with my hands, I sigh. “I never said I was interested. This isn’t what I need in my life right now. I need to figure out my next move, career-wise. Or have you forgotten that I don’t have a job anymore now that I’m blind?”

He scoffs. “Maybe you’ve forgotten that we’ve had a trust fund our whole lives, and never had to worry about money. You have time to figure your shit out. Right now, you’re learning how to live again, in a different way than you’ve ever had to before. Stop pushing yourself to have it all figured out, man.”

Leaning forward, I raise my voice. “Do you understand what it’s like to have your entire life turned upside down because of a single moment in time? No, you don’t. So don’t tell me to stop pushing myself. I have to push myself. I need to get my shit figured out, Axel, because I’m going insane, feeling weak and helpless and fucking useless all the time. I can’t help myself, and I definitely can’t help anyone else. Do you get how goddamned maddening that is?”

I punctuate my rant by slamming my palm down on the leather couch, and Nitro goes stiff at my feet. His growl is low and quiet, and I automatically reach down to stroke his neck. He settles back down, and I turn my head to look toward my brother. Lowering my voice, the tension in the room is thick and heavy. “I know you don’t get it. And I know all you want to do is help me. But don’t help me by trying to slow me down. Don’t do that, all right?”

Axel sighs. “Fine. Subject change. I want you to invite this woman…Arden, right? Invite her over tomorrow for Halloween. We’ll make dinner or something.”

Immediately, I shake my head when I remember how Arden reacted when I asked her about trick-or-treaters. “She’s not into Halloween.”

“We don’t have to dress up or anything,” Axel replies. “Low-key. Hanging out. She can bring a friend or two. I’ll be here. We’ll have a few drinks and maybe throw in a scary movie.”

He’s not going to drop this, and I can’t think of any more reasons to argue with hm. “She’s not going to say yes.”

“Ask her anyway.”

Pausing, I realize that this gives me a reason to go back to the studio tomorrow. If Arden doesn’t want to run tomorrow, that’s fine. I’ll bring in my computer, and make the phone call I’ve been wanting to make for the last week. And I’ll follow my brother’s instructions and ask her to come hang out at my house tomorrow night.

I’m not in the habit of taking no for an answer from Arden. And I’m not about to start now.