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Kings and Sinners by Alta Hensley, Maggie Ryan (37)

Chapter 16

“Zoya?”

Zoya looked up to see Adira standing across the row. “I know you are hurting and, honey, Jennie appreciates the help, but those aren’t weeds you’re hacking,” Adira went on.

Looking down at her feet which were not only bare as she’d kicked off her sandals but were quite filthy, she saw bits of greenery, leaves, stalks, and even some small flowers lying in the dirt. “They’re not?”

“No, this section is planted with onions.”

“Oh,” Zoya let the end of the hoe rest on the ground as she assessed the damage she’d done, “I didn’t mean to destroy Jennie’s garden. I’m just so… so fucking mad.”

“I know,” Adira said, stepping over a growing plant to stand in front of her. “I’ve got a better idea. Come with me.”

Zoya didn’t think any idea would help her get the rage roiling through her under control but knew that if she put on shoes of any kind, she’d run and just keep running, and she’d promised Stryder she wouldn’t do that again. When Adira had suggested she take out her anger by weeding the garden, she’d latched onto the hoe as if it were a lifeline. Stooping, she righted a bent plant, patting some earth around it to give the stalk some support.

“Don’t worry,” Adira said, “the onions are safe in the ground. You just took out some stems and a few flowers. I’m sure they’ll grow back.”

Zoya allowed her to help her stand and after they’d returned the hoes to the garden shed, she followed Adira back towards the house. Fully expecting to fall apart in grief the moment she and Adira had left the operations center, she’d been surprised to find that she couldn’t cry. Weeding obviously hadn’t helped break the dam open. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing’s wrong with you.”

It was only hearing her question answered that Zoya realized she’d asked it out loud. Shaking her head, she dismissed Adira’s instant answer. “No, I mean why can’t I cry? I’m supposed to be grieving and yet I can’t… Anya is dead but all I want to do is—”

“Smash something?” Adira offered when she didn’t complete her statement.

Zoya nodded. “How did you know?”

“Because I felt the same way not very long ago,” Adira confessed.

“Does it ever go away?”

“No, not completely,” Adira admitted, “but Maddox showed me how to feel better.”

Zoya huffed. “Well, his remedy might work for you, but I don’t think it will work for me. I’m sure he’s a great guy, but not only am I not married to him, I barely know him.”

Adira smiled and slipped her arm through Zoya’s. “He is a great guy but that’s beside the point. I promise, this will work. Trust me?”

Without any other choice and knowing she had to do something to avoid curling up into a little ball and never getting up again, Zoya shrugged. “I guess I have to if Jennie is going to have anything left to harvest.”

Adira laughed and squeezed her arm. “Good, come on.”

Zoya was surprised and instantly apprehensive as Adira led her back towards the tunnel. “No, I can’t... not right now. I know I need to learn everything in order to help but—”

“We’re not going to the operations center,” Adira assured her. “We’re going to the gym.”

“Look, I appreciate the help, but I don’t exactly feel like doing a bunch of sit ups or whatever. If I wanted to exercise, I’d be running.”

Adira paused right on the threshold that led from the office into the tunnel. “Not alone, you aren’t, and I hate running. Unless you want to wait while I saddle Zephyr and ride beside you, I’m afraid this will have to do. Come on, you said you trusted me.”

Though Zoya’s fear of horses had ebbed a bit since the day the colt had accompanied her on her first run, it hadn’t completely dissipated. She nodded and the two began to walk down the tunnel, their bare feet not making a sound on the stone. Without speaking, they moved towards the far wall as they approached the operations center, their pace quickening, faces averted from the door of the room where low voices could be heard. It wasn’t until Adira turned into another cavern several yards farther down the tunnel that Zoya finally took a deep breath.

Looking around, she shook her head. “Wow. This is amazing, but I still don’t think exercise is going to help.”

“Oh, ye of little faith,” Adira said, letting go of her arm in order to move towards a cabinet on the far side of the room. “I promise that not only are you going to be eating those words soon enough, if you just give me a chance, I’ll let you choose something from the secret stash. Okay?”

Zoya didn’t bother to answer as she began to understand Adira’s intentions the moment she turned back, two large red objects in her hands. Her gaze went from the boxing gloves to the large bag that was hanging from the ceiling. She instantly felt an overwhelming desire to pummel the hell out of it. Holding her hands out, she said, “Give them to me.”

Adira laughed but shook her head. “That’s the right spirit, but I’m afraid you’ll need some help. If you plan on hitting as hard as I think, you’ll need to let me tape your hands first.”

Glancing at the bag again and picturing it covered in faces she’d seen that night, images of Poplov, Montez and Hildalgo front and center, Zoya nodded. “Tape them well because I plan on knocking those bastards straight to hell.”

Adira didn’t immediately allow her to put the gloves on. First, she led her to a set of lockers, opening one to display its contents. “You can’t work out in jeans. I had hopes that you’d enjoy working out with me so I had Jennie get you some clothes. This is your locker.”

Zoya didn’t know what to say as she watched Adira open another to pull out a pair of turquoise colored pants and a matching top.

“Well? I thought you were ready to pulverize the bag?” Adira said as she began to strip off her clothes. She had the turquoise pants pulled halfway up her legs before Zoya reacted. She quickly removed her jeans, pulled her t-shirt over her head and reached for the clothes hanging on hooks inside the locker. The pants were black with a red stripe up the side seams and fit her like a second skin without feeling the least bit restrictive. She was about to pull on the top when she saw a bra on the small bench in front of the lockers. Never having owned a set of proper workout clothes, she’d not known that the top that matched her pants actually had support sewn in, eliminating the need to wear anything underneath. It still took her a moment as her hands went behind her to unhook her bra. The last time she’d been naked in the presence of another woman, it had been in Poplov’s warehouse. Instead of the memory freezing her, it galvanized her into action. Dropping her bra on the bench, she pulled on the black and red top, pulling her hair out of the back and automatically accepting the rubber band that Adira held out. Within a few minutes, her hair was pulled into a high ponytail, she had her hands taped, and Adira had carefully tightened the laces on the gloves.

“What about shoes?”

“None needed unless you move to other equipment like the treadmill or bike,” Adira assured her. At Zoya’s shake of her head, Adira grinned. “In that case, go beat the shit out of the bag. Oh, and feel free to give it a few kicks as well.”

Zoya nodded, and though it took her a few minutes to get a feel for the bag, shocked at how little it moved with her first punches, soon the only sound in the room was the thud of her glove or foot as they connected with the leather and her voice which was repeating the names of the men she was imagining… every one of them cycling in an endless stream… a mantra that she’d not forget until each monster had paid for their crime. She cursed in both Russian and English, her fists slamming into the bag, left, right, left, right, again and again, followed by high kicks as she imagined each blow hitting living flesh.

It wasn’t until she could barely lift her leg or extend her arms that she realized she could barely see the bag. Her vision was blurred and once she realized she was crying, wracking sobs replaced the curses and the names sobbed were those of the women she’d drawn. Her shoulders shook with the force of her tears and her knees buckled. Falling to the padded mat, she was engulfed in Adira’s arms as the woman leapt off the elliptical machine and came to her.

“Let it out,” Adira said softly.

Zoya clung to her, her face buried in Adira’s neck, her tears soaking her flesh until she was exhausted. Adira never loosened her hold, her hand stroking along Zoya’s back. Only when Zoya’s breathing had become less ragged, her throat sore, her eyes raw, did Adira speak again.

“I know it hurts. I know it won’t bring Anya back, but I promise you, they won’t stop until they’ve done all they can to save the others. Just know that every single person on this ranch understands how you are feeling right now.”

Could that be true? If everyone felt as she did at this moment, there was far more evil in the world than she’d believed. Remembering the bits she knew about Adira’s experience, Zoya found it amazing that she was able to offer her comfort, and understood that Maddox and his family had helped her to begin to heal.

“Thank you,” she said, pulling back. Looking up at the bag that once again hung motionless, she said, “I needed that.”

Adira laughed softly and in a fluid motion, straightened to her feet. Extending her hand, she pulled Zoya up. “I know what you mean. I’ve taken out a great deal of anger on that bag and yet, like our men, it’s still there. If I can’t find the release I need here, Maddox ensures I find it in the dun…”

When her words cut off, Zoya asked, “Dungeon? Is that what Maddox calls it?” When Adira’s gaze moved to hers, no longer focused on unlacing the boxing gloves, Zoya shrugged. “Stryder called it a playroom.”

“He did?” Adira asked, pulling off the second glove and beginning to unwind the tape she’d applied earlier.

“Well, he actually used both names. Now that I know the secret, I’m just hoping that he’ll actually show me what’s behind the door.”

Adira’s look had her confused. “What’s so funny? Shit, was he pulling my leg? Is it just another room?”

“No, no,” Adira said, grabbing her hand and leading her towards the weight bench. “I promise it’s not like anything you’ve probably seen before… unless you, um, have experience in playing, um, adult games in Russia?”

Zoya could feel her face heat but she shook her head. “No. I had a couple of boyfriends in school but nothing serious, and though I’m not a virgin, I definitely don’t have experience with anything that was referred to as a big, dark secret.”

Laughter once again surprised Zoya. “You’re laughing at me again,” she said a bit defensively.

“No, I promise I’m not,” Adira quickly assured her. “I’m actually glad you know about the dungeon, or playroom, if you will. But that’s not the secret.”

“It’s not?”

“Nope, and now I fear you’re going to be disappointed.” Zoya watched as Adira knelt down and grabbed the handle of the cabinet door. “This is the secret.” She opened the door and Zoya just stared.

“Candy?”

Another riff of laughter filled the gym. “That’s exactly what I said when I first saw this,” Adira said. “I mean, who keeps a candy stash a secret? It wasn’t until I’d eaten dinner and Maddox was giving me a tour of the house that he showed me this. It seems that the only one who doesn’t know is Jennie.”

Instantly Zoya understood. “She wouldn’t approve, right?”

“Hardly, after all, there’s not a single soy bean in here,” Adira said as she reached into the cabinet, pulling out several items. “I love tootsie-pops and Maddox’s weakness is M&Ms. I’m not sure what Stryder prefers, but I’m sure you’ll discover the answer soon enough.”

Zoya settled onto the floor beside her and plucked a bag from Adira’s hand, tearing off a corner. “I love kisses,” she said, unwrapping the chocolate and popping it into her mouth.

“Don’t we all?” Adira said suggestively as she wagged her eyebrows and puckered her lips. Zoya laughed and did the same, both making smacking sounds and giving silly moans.

“How old are they supposed to be?” Stryder asked with a grin.

“Old enough to know better,” Maddox answered, shaking his head.

Both women squealed and Zoya attempted to hide the discarded candy wrappers she’d dropped on the floor. Stryder’s hand reached out to cover hers. “Don’t bother, you’ve been caught red-handed, little girl.”

Though she’d worked out until she’d literally dropped and found solace in Adira’s arms, it wasn’t until he closed his fingers around hers that Zoya felt as if she’d come out of the overwhelming sorrow she’d felt at hearing of Anya’s suicide. She knew that Stryder wasn’t upset about the candy but was attempting to gauge where she was emotionally. Reaching for another Hershey kiss, she held it out. “How about we share?”

He took the candy but instead of eating it, he bent to press his lips against hers.

She could feel her body’s reaction and though she knew that both Adira and Maddox were in the room with them, she didn’t care. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she deepened the kiss, only releasing him to breathe. “I like your kisses even better.”

He chuckled and unwrapped the chocolate, holding it to her mouth. “No reason why you can’t enjoy both.”

She smiled and accepted the treat. It wasn’t until he looked away that she realized that his eyes had reflected something besides pleasure.

Before she could ask, the booming voice of Jennie filled the room over the intercom, causing all four of them to startle. “What do you think you are doing?”

Zoya’s eyes darted between the men and then the open cabinet. How did Jennie know?

“Your father said you were right behind him and yet he’s the only one sitting at my table. I don’t give a fig what you think is more important, all I know is that you’ve got to eat. Get your butts to the kitchen, pronto!”

Maddox walked to a panel by the door and pressed a button. “Sorry, Jennie. We found the girls in the gym. They are a bit sweaty from their work out. As soon as they shower, we’ll be there.”

“Well, hurry up. My food is best served hot.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Maddox said, releasing the button and turning to the others. “You heard her…” He paused as Jennie’s voice came over the speaker again, though it sounded a bit fainter.

“Don’t you Jennie me,” they heard her say. “You know as well as I do that those girls could shower a whole lot faster if your boys didn’t find it necessary to poke their fingers and God knows what else into every nook and—”

A horrid screeching had Zoya wincing as Maddox repeatedly stabbed at the button. Releasing it again, they all heard Drake laughing and Jennie sputtering. “Shit, that damn button got stuck again.”

“You think? And what have I told you about cussing?” they heard Drake ask before there was a loud click and the speaker went silent. Zoya felt her face flaming and saw an identical flush on Adira’s, though she was smiling.

“Whew, she almost gave me a heart attack,” Adira said, shoving candy back into the cabinet as Zoya soon followed, tossing little silver wrapped kisses into the bag she’d opened. Once they were done, the men pulled them to their feet, having already taken care of the trash.

“You guys go ahead. We’ll take fast showers and be right behind you.” Adira didn’t hesitate to add, “I mean it, go! I’m not about to have Jennie think you were poking me!”

Maddox chuckled and gave his wife’s ass a slap. “You’re not the boss, and I’ll poke you whenever and however I like, but we’ll go.”

“I’m too embarrassed to face her,” Zoya admitted. Stryder pulled her into his arms.

“Don’t be,” he said, then kissed her. “If anyone is going to be embarrassed, it’s our Jennie. Still, I bet knowing we heard her will have her hesitating to toss out whatever she made and replacing it with something awful just to teach us a lesson.”

“Then go!” Zoya said, repeating Adira’s command. “Tell her we’re coming.”

“If you’re sure you don’t need help with all those little crannies—”

“Go!” both women shouted in unison, Adira grabbing Zoya’s hand and pulling her toward a door she’d not seen before. With the men gone, the women took the fastest showers of their lives, barely swiping towels across their bodies before pulling on their jeans and t-shirts and tossing their workout clothes into a hamper. Not taking the time to dry their hair, they pulled it back into ponytails at the napes of their necks and were soon hurrying down the tunnel.

If Jennie was embarrassed, she didn’t show it. Zoya apologized for her tardiness and was given a smile and a hug. “Don’t you fret, child. I’ve got a nice cup of tea steeping for you.” It wasn’t until she was stirring honey into her tea that Zoya remembered what she’d seen in Stryder’s eyes before Jennie’s voice had intruded. Looking over, she again sensed that beneath the smile he gave her, he was uneasy.

“Are you all right?” she asked softly.

His eyes found hers, and she knew the answer before he spoke. No, he wasn’t all right, and she was no longer sure she wanted to know the answer to the question she’d meant to ask before.

“Eat, then we’ll talk,” he answered just as softly. And though she nodded, she knew it would be difficult to obey. It wasn’t the fact that she’d eaten several kisses that had her appetite fleeing, it was that suddenly she wondered if she’d learn that another woman had died. Evidently, though he appeared a bit inattentive, Stryder could sense her fear, for he leaned closer. “No, it’s not what you think. As far as we know, the other women are all right.”

Zoya knew that he didn’t mean it the way it sounded, the women wouldn’t be all right until they were freed. But at least he hadn’t said someone else would never be given the chance to recover. They were alive. Nodding, she sipped her tea and managed to eat a piece of toast and a few berries.

When she pushed away her plate, she saw that Stryder had eaten almost as little as she. That in itself had her stomach clenching. Something was wrong. Without thinking, she placed her hand on his thigh beneath the table. It wasn’t a move she’d normally make, but she needed the connection that only touch could bring. His hand dropped to cover hers, giving her fingers a squeeze as he had in the gym.

“Tell me,” she said softly.

He looked around the table before looking down at her again. “Let’s take a walk.”

Zoya nodded and stood when he did. The looks on the faces of Maddox and Drake told her that they knew what Stryder was going to tell her, while Adira looked puzzled and Jennie looked concerned. Anson’s absence had been explained, but she had no doubt that he’d been the one to relay whatever the information was before he’d gone to bed. Still, how bad could it be if the other women were still living?

“I need to get my sandals,” she said as Stryder led her through the door off the kitchen. “I left them in the garden.”

“We can sit on the swing instead if you’d rather,” Stryder offered.

The decision was easy for her to make as her legs were a bit achy from the workout. “I’d like that.” They walked around the corner of the wraparound porch, and when he sat on the large wooden swing and then pulled her onto his lap, she leaned against his chest, a position that was rapidly becoming not only familiar but one of her favorites. “You looked… I don’t know, worried and, well, sad. I’m sorry if it’s because of me. I was just—”

“No, it’s not because of you. I understand learning about Anya was not only a shock but incredibly sad. This isn’t about you, not strictly speaking, anyway. It’s about Sophia. I don’t know if you saw her photo, but I did, and asked Anson why he’d put it on the screen with the photos of the other women.”

If she’d seen the photo, she couldn’t remember. Once she’d seen Anya’s had been missing, that was all she could think about. Still, she had no doubt that Sophia’s photo must have been on the monitor if Stryder said so. “So, what did he say?”

“Remember we were discussing how you couldn’t believe she wasn’t another victim? How she seemed like one of you?”

Zoya shook her head, sitting up straight again. “I was wrong. She isn’t anything like me… like us. She was nothing but Poplov’s little bitch. God, when I think about her listening to us, hearing us cry, terrified about what was going to happen, it makes me sick. The whole time she was spying on us, ratting us out, giving Poplov information to use against us.”

“Maybe so, but what if she had a reason?”

“A reason?” She jumped off his lap before he could stop her, whirling around to glare at him. “I don’t give a fuck what reason she thinks she had. There is no reason that I’ll accept—”

“Zoya, settle down. Sit down and let me explain—”

“No!” The word was shouted and she felt all the anger she’d felt earlier return. “Explain? There’s nothing you can tell me that would make what she did all right. Shit, Stryder, how can you even think she’s not as evil, as despicable, as horrid as Poplov? Twelve of us thought she was a friend and trusted her—for what? To discover she was never one of us. How can you ask me to forget that… to forgive her?”

He stood from the swing and reached for her. “That’s not what I’m saying. Of course I understand how you feel—”

She didn’t let him finish as the moment his hand touched her arm, she slapped it away.

“No! Don’t touch me!”

“Zoya! You’re not giving me a chance—”

The sound of her laughter was foreign to her ears, and yet she couldn’t stop even though it sounded like a crazy person. “A chance? To do what? Tell me another lie?”

“I’ve never lied to you. I’m trying to tell you about my—”

“You did! You’re a liar, Stryder. I trusted you when you… you promised me. You promised you’d save them and now Anya is dead! Dead!” Her voice continued to rise and yet she didn’t care. “Fuck Sophia! I want her dead, too. I want her rotting in hell for what she did and if you don’t, then fuck you, too!” Unable to say anything else, her chest too tight, her throat closing with every strangled breath, she turned and ran. Not off the porch, knowing he’d be able to catch her. Instead, she raced around the porch and entered the house through the front door. She didn’t stop running until she was in her room. Slamming the door, she twisted the lock and then threw herself, not on the bed where they’d lain together only hours earlier, but into the furthest corner from it, curling up into the ball of misery she’d feared earlier, yet not caring. This time the sobs she couldn’t stop were those of abject despair knowing that the one man she’d trusted, the man she loved, had failed her so completely.