I watched as Emma stormed out to her car and took off. Then I sent Kristy a text, asking if she was okay. That message went unanswered. So I called, yet she ignored it. I contemplated trying again, and then thought better of it.

Her refusal to respond or pick up the phone, coupled with Emma racing off, meant one thing—she hadn’t won the battle. I could only pray the war wasn’t over.

Deciding not to waste time knocking, I opened the front door and walked in. Two seconds later, my heart shattered. I found her in the kitchen, leaning against the center island with her face in her hands.

“Kristy…” My throat was raw from the emotion that strangled me, yet the fear that clawed its way into my words succeeded at grabbing her attention, forcing her to look at me. “What happened?”

The agony in her eyes compelled me to go to her. She needed the reassurance only I could offer, while I yearned for the relief I’d find once I had her in my arms. But the second I moved toward her, she backed away. In that moment, I would’ve rather been hit by a truck going eighty-four miles an hour. It would’ve been less painful than Kristy’s rejection.

It also would’ve put me out of my misery before I could hear her say, “I can’t do this with you anymore, Ash.”

“Why? What happened?”

“You saw what happened. She walked in on us while your dick was still in me. Your hands were all over me. She saw that. You were here when she flipped out. You heard what she said. How can you stand there and act like you don’t have a clue why I can’t do this with you?”

“Why was she even here? I thought she was supposed to be at the beach until tomorrow.”

She glanced at her cell on the counter. “Apparently, her sister got sick, so they came home early. I missed her text…because I was with you. She told me she was coming home tonight because she felt bad that I’d been alone all week.”

A tear slipped from her deep-blue eyes, no hint of gold to make them green, and ran down her cheek. I went to her again, unable to restrain myself. I didn’t stop to contemplate how painful it would be when she turned away, dismissing me. All I cared about was making this right.

“My daughter felt bad for leaving me home alone, and then showed up, only to find me in the tub with you—someone her age.” When she peered over her shoulder, I couldn’t stomach the regret that pooled at her lower lids, leaving trails of shame down her porcelain cheeks. “Now she doesn’t even want to be near me.”

“She’ll get over it. Let the dust settle for a bit; she’ll come around.”

“No. She won’t. I know her better than you do. She won’t accept us. This is what I was worried about, Ash. This was my fear all along. But you kept telling me it would be okay, and I believed you. Against my better judgment, I allowed myself to trust that it would all work out and no one would get hurt.”

“She can’t stay mad at you forever.” Frustration burned in my chest, though I swallowed it down, praying my resentment would stay away long enough to finish this conversation. Then I could take Kristy to her room and hold her while we fell asleep.

This was our last night to do that, and I wasn’t prepared to give it up without a fight.

“What all did she say?”

Kristy shrugged, wiping her face with the back of her hand. Her gaze remained on the floor, never lifting to meet mine, yet I refused to accept what that meant. “She went to her dad’s. Said she doesn’t know when she’ll be back. She doesn’t want to be around me, doesn’t want to be in this house, look at my face…she accused me of the most disgusting things. Things no woman ever wants to be accused of, especially by her daughter.”

I prayed she couldn’t hear the doubt in my tone. “I’m sure she’ll be back tomorrow.”

“You don’t know that.”

“And you don’t know she won’t. So why decide to end this now before giving her a chance to come around? We have no idea how this will play out, which is why we shouldn’t make any decisions yet.”

“I’m telling you…Emma won’t accept this. I knew it seven months ago, but I stupidly believed I would be able to find a way to tell her without her freaking out. Walking in seconds after we had sex wasn’t the time or place to divulge that secret. And because of that, she won’t ever be okay with our relationship.”

“Well, I’m not giving up.”

She lifted her sad eyes to mine, telling me more than words ever could, killing me more than a severed artery. All the denial in the world couldn’t save me from the resignation in her stare, the utter defeat that reflected back at me.

“You probably should,” she whispered.

The tight grip I had on my anger gave way as I slapped the counter. Not even the burning ache from the wood against my palm was enough to rein me back in. Neither was the fear in her yelp or the agony in her wide eyes. Nothing would prevent me from unleashing my frustration over the injustice of it all, as well as my inability to fix this.

“Why are you doing this, Kristy?” I roared. “Why are you so willing to give it all up? She’s a kid. She’ll get over it. You can’t let her control who you date. If this is what you want—if I’m what you want—don’t let her keep you from having it.”

“She’s my daughter!” she screamed, though not quite in anger. If anything, utter hopelessness embodied her words, leaving her voice raw and abrasive.

“I get that. Trust me, I do. But she’s not going anywhere.”

“You don’t know that. She could decide to stay with her dad and never come back. I won’t be able to look at myself if I don’t do everything I can for her. What you and I have will never be worth losing my child. I have to choose her. I have to put her first…no matter what.”

In that moment, every ounce of fight within me vanished. I couldn’t argue or tell her she was wrong. Five years ago, I would’ve given anything for my mom to have chosen me when I disapproved of the man she married. And that was her husband. I was nothing more than Kristy’s dirty little secret. It would be foolish of me to blame her for doing the same thing I’d asked my own mother to do.

Instead of responding, I dropped my gaze, took a step back, and nodded—more to myself than to her explanation. There was nothing more I could do but walk away and respect her decision. Telling her how I felt would’ve only caused her pain.

I wasn’t stupid enough to believe this was a choice she’d made lightly. It wasn’t something she wanted to do. She had to. Begging her to change her mind would be selfish…and pointless. Giving some heartfelt speech would’ve only made her feel worse. And just like she’d done for Emma, I chose to put Kristy first. If that meant I had to lock my feelings away, never to utter them aloud, then so be it. Because that was what I had to do for her.

Much like this was what she had to do for herself.

For her daughter.

In the end…

…no one would win.

With my head down, I walked away. I didn’t tell her goodbye, didn’t offer a smile or wave, not even a muttered, “I’ll see you later.” She’d never see my heart bleed from my eyes, never witness exactly what her dismissal did to me. I left her house that night without another word spoken—not from me, and not from her.

I carried myself home with a gaping hole in my chest, nothing but a hollow cavity left behind. And as the night grew longer, it only got worse. I spent hours tossing and turning, finding myself staring through my blinds at her window.

And by the time the sun kissed the sky, the hole filled with darkness. My heart had taken a beating in Kristy’s kitchen the night before, and by morning, it failed to keep me alive. The effects only worsened as the minutes turned into hours.

The sun rose and fell on each passing day, each one bleaker than the last. Dad had returned from Switzerland and then left again. School resumed after the week-long break. If Emma even looked at me, she glared or rolled her eyes, but at least her car was in Kristy’s driveway every day. If one good thing had come out of this, it was that Kristy didn’t lose her daughter.

However, Emma’s hatred was a ticking time bomb. And by the end of the week, it had detonated—just not at all like I had imagined. And for the second time since the night she’d caught her mom with me, I became a casualty of her disapproval. Yet this time, the pain it left me with was physical.

Thomas approached me after school in the senior parking lot on Friday. I hadn’t spoken to him all week, so his presence caught me by surprise. The red flag was there—I just didn’t have enough time to recognize it before he slapped me on the shoulder and said, “So, Emma’s gonna be at her dad’s this weekend. Guess that means you’ll spend the next two days banging her mom, huh?”

“Excuse me?” I turned my narrowed, squinted gaze at him, then glanced around the lot to see if anyone had overheard. “Keep your voice down, Thomas.”

“It’s not like it’s a secret.”

I stopped dead in my tracks, as if I’d hit a brick wall. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? Who knows? And how?”

“Oh, I have no idea how many people have heard. Emma told me.”

“Told you what?”

He craned his neck side to side, then leaned closer. “That you’ve been fucking her mom.”

“That’s none of your business. And she shouldn’t be going around telling people that.”

“Hey, man…” He held up his hands in surrender. “I’m not judging. She’s pissed about it, but between you and me, I say more power to you. I mean, her mom’s hot. How long has that been going on, anyway? Em said she thinks it’s been a while, that she’s noticed little things here and there but just thought she was being paranoid. I told her it couldn’t have been that long. There’s no way I’d be able to keep that shit a secret. I’d be telling everyone I could that I was getting busy with my friend’s mom.”

“That’s enough, Thomas. You don’t know what you’re talking about, so you should probably shut up. Whatever Emma’s told you, just forget it, okay? She has no idea what she saw.”

“Yeah…whatever you say.” He was seconds away from getting popped in the mouth if he didn’t drop it. And to prove how dense he was, he added, “Just tell me one thing…how is she in bed? Like if I end up putting a ring on Em’s finger, what do I have to look forward to?”

I stood a few inches taller than him, so when I leaned forward to get in his face, I had to bend down a little. “Say that again, and you’ll regret she ever told you anything. Got it? I’m done talking about this.”

“That good, huh?”

He didn’t get a chance to say anything else, because a second later, my fist cut through the air, landing square on his jaw, sending him scrambling to regain his footing before he fell. He held his face, a scowl creasing his forehead, as if he wasn’t sure what had just happened. And as soon as he realized I’d hit him, he retaliated.

I didn’t stop him from landing a punch. He pulled his arm back, and I just stood there, waiting for the blow, which caught the corner of my mouth. As the taste of copper spread across my tongue, I lunged for him, and before I knew it, we were on the ground, someone screaming in the distance.

The frantic wailing came closer, and out of nowhere, three bodies pulled us apart. Thomas stood in front of me, only a few feet away, while we both fought to catch our breaths. My chest heaved as I took him in, noticing the blood smeared beneath his nose and bright-red skin marring the left side of his face. I had no idea what I looked like, but based on the tang of metal pooling in my mouth and the throbbing along my brow bone, I didn’t imagine it was much better.

Emma stood in front of him and cradled his face, assessing the damage caused by my fist. She peered over her shoulder, glaring in my direction, but before she could spew her venom at me, her hatred turned to surprise, then fear.

I twisted around to see what had caught her attention, only to find one of the teachers heading our way. We didn’t have enough time to flee, and there was no way they’d let us off the hook for fighting on school grounds. I hadn’t been in a brawl in three years, and never at this school, though I’d known of several people who had. They didn’t take this shit lightly, especially for those of us who were eighteen. This close to graduation, Thomas and I couldn’t chance that kind of trouble, yet it didn’t appear we had much of a prayer of getting out of it.

“What’s going on out here?” Mr. Stable ordered, his voice harsh and angry. He glanced between Thomas and me, then leveled his stare on Emma. “What happened?”

Thankfully, Thomas had enough sense to squeeze her shoulders, preventing her from ratting us out. “Nothing, sir,” he interjected, saving Emma from speaking. “We were being stupid and tripped over each other. Emma helped us up.”

She craned her neck and lifted her chin to regard her boyfriend, then brought her wide eyes back to the science teacher. He studied the three of us for a moment before giving his attention to the other two students—the ones who’d broken us apart. There was no telling what either of them would say, so I held my breath and waited for the inevitable.

“Maybe one of you could explain to me what I walked into.”

Both guys—juniors, I believed—shrugged while eyeing one another. “I didn’t see anything; I swear,” one kid said. The other raised his brows and muttered, “Neither did I. We were on our way to the field for practice. They were already on the ground by the time we got out here. We just came over to see if they were all right.”

“Did you see what happened?” he questioned Emma again.

To my surprise, she nodded, though she didn’t speak.

“Get to practice,” Mr. Stable said, waving the two guys off. Then, regarding the three of us—Thomas, Emma, and me—he snapped his fingers and nudged his chin toward the building behind him. “Come with me. We’ll get this sorted out one way or another. Maybe once your parents are called, we’ll get a few answers.”

I met Thomas’s stare just before he eyed Emma, giving her a silent warning to stay quiet. I used to like the guy, would’ve even called him a friend ever since Emma had moved next door to me, but after today, I couldn’t stand the sight of him. Although, I appreciated the lengths he went to in order to downplay our fistfight. I wasn’t dumb enough to ignore his selfish reasons for doing so, but in the end, it benefited me as well, so I couldn’t complain.

“You tripped?” Principal Meyer sat at her desk, pinning us both in our seats with her authoritative stare. “You two expect me to believe that you sustained a bloody nose, busted lip, and possible black eyes from falling over each other?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Thomas nodded from his seat next to me. “That’s what happened. Just like what we tried to explain to Mr. Stable when he found us in the parking lot. We were goofing off and lost our balance.”

“And what exactly were you doing that caused you to fall?”

Not waiting for Thomas to come up with a lie on the spot, I offered one of my own—after all, this technically wasn’t my first rodeo, whereas he’d likely never seen the inside of a principal’s office before. “We were excited about the weekend, so I ran up behind him and jumped on his back. He wasn’t expecting it and fell forward. I tried to catch us, but I wasn’t fast enough.”

She nodded, clearly disbelieving my tale, yet without anything to refute it, she couldn’t do much. At this point, there were no witnesses to our altercation—other than Emma. And she currently sat in the main office, waiting for Kristy to show up so she could be questioned. It was a gamble to trust that she wouldn’t give us away, but with her boyfriend in the same hot seat I was in, I doubted she’d tell the truth. If she could pin it all on me, she probably would, but since I wouldn’t have punched myself, that wasn’t much of an option.

“Well, it’s clear you two have your story set, and it doesn’t seem anyone will admit what really took place outside. Since neither of you have been in my office for any trouble before, and we’re only eight weeks away from graduation, I’m willing to show you a little leniency. Consider yourselves lucky that I’m only suspending you for one week. But I’m here to tell you…if your friend comes in here and tells me something different, there’s a good chance this will get much worse for you both.”

She all but told us to get our stories straight with Emma before she was called in. Granted, that was how I took it. For all I knew, it was every bit the warning she’d made it out to be. But I decided to heed her advice and glanced at Thomas, silently passing him the torch—Emma was his girlfriend, his problem to deal with. Not to mention, she wasn’t my biggest fan at the moment, so no matter what I told her to say, she’d do the exact opposite. Nothing good could come from me speaking to her.

“I’ve called your parents and left messages with them both, informing them of your week off. If anything changes, you’ll be called in next week, along with your parents, for a meeting with me to discuss further punishment. I really hope for your sakes that I don’t see your faces in my office again. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Thomas and I said at the same time.

“Good. You’re both dismissed.”

I pulled myself to my feet, as did Thomas. Then we rounded the chairs in the opposite direction before filing out. Emma sat on the other side of the room, next to the secretary’s desk. I took one look at her, made eye contact for a moment, and then walked past, not giving her the time of day.

She could be pissed at me all she wanted, but that didn’t give her the right to hurt her mother in the process. Telling anyone about my relationship with Kristy didn’t affect me; it didn’t make me look bad. The only person it hurt was her mom, and the fact that she didn’t care about that made me lose all respect for her.

I got to my car as fast as I could, not willing to chance running into Kristy on my way out of the building. She’d be angry at me for getting into a fight, but having her daughter dragged into the middle of it was something I didn’t care to deal with. I refused to deflect the blame onto Emma, which would’ve left me with nothing to say while she shamed me with accusatory eyes.

And that would be worse than the rejection she’d dealt me a week ago.

However, that didn’t stop her from finding me.

Once I exited the parking lot, I wasn’t in much of a hurry to drive home. My reluctance only grew worse when my cell rang, Dad’s name flashing on the screen. And after hearing his voice, every move I made became sluggish, drawn out by the disappointment I harbored for letting him down.

After stepping into a pair of mesh shorts and pulling the shirt I’d worn to school over my head, the doorbell rang. I made it down the hall before the knocking began, and by the time I neared the front, it had turned into thunderous pounding.

I swung open the door, fully expecting to find Emma on the other side. To my surprise, it was her mom. I peeked outside, noticing Emma’s car absent from the driveway. Feeling bold and uncaring, I leaned against the frame, still shirtless, and cocked my head while waiting for Kristy to speak.

As she took me in, every inch of my body on display before her, I couldn’t help but notice the despondency in her eyes. The inconspicuous hint of green that flared once she met my gaze sent a shooting pain through my chest, deflating my animosity and calling to the dead organ that had once beat for her. It still did, even if the purpose had withered away.

Taking notice of my face, she gasped and lifted her hand, as though she were about to touch me. Yet she stopped herself, dropping her arm to her side and glancing away.

“What are you doing here, Kristy?” Acting detached was the only way I’d make it through this—her being here, so close I could wrap her in my arms and pretend for one more second that I hadn’t lost her. It was how I’d made it through the last seven days. Although, this was the first time since walking away from her that we’d shared the same air.

“I just left the school. Are you okay? I heard about the fight, but for some reason, I never expected to come here and find you like this.” Either she was delusional, or she had yet to accept that she was my kryptonite, my Achilles’ heel.

She’d assumed Thomas couldn’t have hurt me.

Yet I wasn’t about to admit I had let him.

Because then I’d have to explain why—that I was desperate for a physical pain to distract me from the emotional agony I suffered. Telling her that would only make her feel worse, and like I’d realized in her kitchen last week, no good would ever come from that.

“I’m great, couldn’t be better. Thanks for checking on me.” I took a step back to close the door, but she blocked it by following me, moving into the entrance so I couldn’t shut her out. “You shouldn’t be here. Emma will be home any minute, and if she sees you…” I shook my head, refusing to finish my thought. The words weren’t needed. We both understood the consequences of Emma catching her at my house.

“Let me help you with that.” She lifted her finger, motioning to my face, and then pushed me aside as she invited herself into my home. “Where do you keep a first-aid kit?”

I didn’t move from the entryway, nor did I close the door. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“I’m sure you are. Just like you took care of yourself today with Thomas.” Stopping at the end of the front hallway, she turned and flitted her hand in the air, rolling her wrist as if gesturing to some obscure object. “By the way, how did that come about? What would possess you to hit him? Of all people, why Emma’s boyfriend? I thought the two of you were friends.”

“We are. In fact, he’s coming over later to play X-Box.”

She clearly wasn’t amused by my sarcasm.

“Emma didn’t tell you what happened?”

“No.” She shook her head, dropped her arm, and continued into the house on her own.

Realizing I stood in the open doorway in vain, I slammed it shut and followed her into the kitchen. She hadn’t been inside many times, and of those, they were almost always spent in my bedroom. So it came as a surprise when she knew exactly where to look to find the bandages and antiseptic cleansers—keeping them above the sink must’ve been a parent thing.

She amazed me by effortlessly switching the roles we had grown accustomed to in our relationship. For as long as we’d known each other, I’d taken the lead and she followed. Now, she controlled the situation, guiding me to a chair at the kitchen table to tend to my wounds. Without batting an eye, she took charge. Although, if I’d thought about it beforehand, I would’ve realized this was her natural role—the nurturing mother.

We’d spent so long hiding from Emma that I’d hardly seen the two of them interact, and never with her in this position. What should’ve turned me off did the opposite. I found myself attracted to her even more, drawn to her caring, attentive, maternal side. It kept me from protesting or pushing her away. It also caused my palms to burn for her touch, my arms to ache for her embrace, and my heart to yearn for the beat of hers.

I closed my eyes as she dabbed a wet cloth to the side of my mouth, ignoring the sting of disinfectant against the cut. But after a few seconds, I no longer needed to ignore it, because her voice acted as Novocain when she asked, “Are you going to tell me why you hit Thomas?”

“No.”

“Okay…is it fair to assume it had to do with me?”

“You can assume whatever you want.” I realized I was being difficult, yet I couldn’t bring myself to admit what Thomas had said. To do that, I’d have to tell her that Emma had told at least him, if not others, about the two of us, which would leave her in a tailspin of panic, and likely, anger as well. It was easier to be defiant than to knock her world off its axis.

She huffed, her exhale bathing the side of my face in her irritation. “Does he know about us? Did Emma tell him, and that’s why you hit him?”

For a moment, I contemplated telling her the truth, but then I decided against it. Instead, I opened my eyes, found her studying my face, and then settled my hands on her hips while shifting her directly in front of me. Her breath hitched as she moved to stand between my legs, holding onto my shoulders to steady herself.

It was wrong of me to do, to distract her this way, but it was my only option.

“One of these days, when Emma’s out of the house with a family of her own, you’re going to look back at this moment…at me and what we had together. You’ll ask yourself if you made the right choice, if you gave me up for the right reasons.”

“Ash…”

“Please know that you did. I don’t blame you—if anything, I respect the hell out of you for doing the right thing. As hard as it is, and as much as it hurts, I can’t help but love you even more for choosing your daughter. Hopefully, you’ll think of me and understand that all I wanted was to give you everything. I wanted to love you the way you were meant to be loved. I wanted to cherish you and put you first, exactly where you deserve to be in someone else’s life.”

“Don’t…” A sob caught in her throat as she blinked away a tear. It was just one, but it was enough to drown me in the sorrow that filled it. “Don’t say that. Please, don’t do this.”

She didn’t want to hear the truth, but once I started, I couldn’t stop. I needed to make her see that she would be okay. She didn’t need to worry about me. And if that meant I had to tell her how I felt, then I would give that to her and then lick my wounds later.

“I’m the one who fucked up, Kristy. I didn’t take the consequences seriously. I didn’t understand how much this would impact Emma, or what it would do to your relationship with her. And because of that, I lost the first woman I ever loved. I fell for someone I was never meant to keep…and that’s not something you should ever carry the burden of.”

Another tear slipped free, and it took everything in me not to reach up and wipe it away. I had to force myself to keep my hands on her hips and not pull her closer. Not fall into her or rest my head against her chest, just to hear her heartbeat one more time.

“You taught me so much—about life, about me, about love and being in love. I’ll never regret a single moment of having you. Just promise me you won’t, either. Promise me you’ll see the value in our relationship, and then move forward knowing you’re worth the sun and the moon and the stars…and everything in between.”

She stepped away, out of my hold, until my hands fell to my lap. Turning away, she sniffled. Her hands furiously fought to dry her cheeks, wiping away the pain that leaked from her eyes. Yet the more she tried to hide, the more her back shuddered with grief, giving her away.

I pulled myself from the chair and moved to stand behind her. Placing my hands on her shoulders, I lowered my lips to her neck, just to breathe her in once more. Lifting my head enough to bring my mouth to her ear, I whispered, “In the moments we feel like we’re about to break is when we find out just how resilient we truly are. And once it passes, we move on stronger and wiser. You’re not weak, babe. Quite the opposite. So don’t allow yourself to feel like you’re going to break, because if either of us crumbles, it won’t be you.”

“Ash…” She turned, wrapping her arms around my torso and burying her face into my chest.

I pressed a kiss to the top of her head and gave myself ten seconds to memorize this moment. Then I pulled her arms free, hating everything about this, wishing I could change it. “You need to go before Emma comes home. Staying will only make it worse.”

This time, it was her turn to step away with downcast eyes, and then walk to the door while I remained frozen in place in the kitchen. It was her turn to leave me without another word, without a goodbye or promises of seeing each other later.

Yet no matter who walked out, no matter what house we were at, it still left me with a gaping hole in my chest, a useless heart, and an ache that would never go away without her.