Max made sure that the Uber I had called arrived safely before letting me leave his house. I needed to be away from him for a little while. Tonight was one of the most perfect nights I had ever had, but the ending had me putting up my walls again.

I lay in bed afterward, thinking of all of the words he had said and all of the ones I hadn’t. It was becoming a common theme for us. He would always pour his heart out and I just didn’t know what to say.

The sunlight shining in from the new morning was a reminder that last night had actually happened. I had made a fool of myself in front of Max, but for some reason he kept reeling me back in. He may have said he wanted all of me, but how much of a relationship did he truly want? I had once upon a time wanted the white picket fence, but those days were behind me, and I knew that that wasn’t so much of a reality anymore, at least not right now.

When I went into the kitchen, Lilly was already dressed, with a tea cup and an empty chair waiting for me. I knew she wanted all the details, but I had to decide how much I wanted to tell her and how much I still needed to keep to myself so I could process it.

“Spill.” I had sat down for no more than a second before I was telling her about the night, after we had left the apartment. The only thing I skipped was the after-dinner portion. I still hadn’t fully decided how I liked Max’s declaration, but Lilly came to the same conclusion I did.

“You are clearly sexually attracted to him, but I think you may have actual feelings for him, too.” We sat there in silence, hoping that this wasn’t a huge issue, except for the fact that I knew that it was. I know that if I admitted I was starting to have feelings for Max, everything would change. I wasn’t ready for that just yet.

“It was just one date.” I sipped on my tea. Just one date, that was it. “I doubt he would want to go on another one with me, and if I am getting feelings for him, then I need to run. It’s too soon and too close to Adam for this kind of rebound.” Even though Max kept saying all the right things, I knew he wanted something more, something with a ring. My phone vibrated between us. We both leaned in, looking at it, Unknown Number. I opened it before Lilly was able to see what it said.

Good Morning, beautiful.

I tried to clutch the phone to my chest, but she was already prying it from my fingers. I huffed at her once she finally got it.

“I feel like I’m not getting the whole story of what happened last night.” I went to grab my phone back, but she moved it out of reach. I made it seem like the date fizzled, but in reality, it did nothing of the sort. I explained the whole incident after we had finished dinner, though, down to every word Max had said to me. I hadn’t wanted to, but maybe Lilly was the person who could explain all of this to me, or at least I thought so. “He is very confusing.”

I huffed out my agreement.

“But so are you, babe.” Lilly patted my hand. I looked over at her in shock, but then it sank in. As much as I thought Max was being confusing, so was I. We were both trying to figure this out, but instead of working together, we were both taking our own routes in this.

I let my head rest against the table, and Lilly relinquished the phone so I could finally reply to Max. Maybe I could move this situation in a different direction.

Morning, Mr. Wellington.

I knew we had gotten past the formal stage with each other, but if I could bring it back there, maybe I could put this on hold for just a little longer. Max was not one to give up, and right when I thought he was going to leave, he brought me right back. He wouldn’t give me the option to leave him. I didn’t want to leave him, but the possibility of falling for this man had my head spinning and my feet itching to run. He had gotten under my skin this last month, and I couldn’t keep fighting the urge I got with him. I was in such a push and pull that I wasn’t just confusing myself, but everyone else around me, too.

When did we get so formal again, Alexa?

My heart fluttered at his flirtation. When I didn’t answer him right away, he texted me again.

I hope you have a great day, Miss Frelan.

My phone dropped out of my hand and landed back on the table. I let it sit there as I walked over to the couch, breathing deeply.

“What the hell did he text you?” Lilly followed me with my phone in her hand and started to unlock it. “How the hell does he know your maiden name?”

I didn’t answer her or Max. I let my phone sit on the table where Lilly had put it while I turned on a random movie channel. I knew Max had looked into my past. Hell, he had been the one to work through my divorce papers, but I never expected him to use my maiden name. He was already taking my marriage out of my life before I had fully done so. I hadn’t actually thought about going back to my maiden name, but now that he had said it, it didn’t sound like a horrible idea.

The next two days, I spent at home writing and reading, not texting Max. Every couple of hours, though, he sent me something new, but I ended up ignoring the texts. I really needed to figure out what I was going to do with him by Monday. He wasn’t stepping over a line at all, but he was stepping on my toes, and that wasn’t a dance that I was wanting to do right now.

Lilly had set us up with junk food for each day so that we wouldn’t have to leave the apartment. Even on Sunday, Erica came over for a vent session on life in general. Around eight that night the doorbell rang. All three of us looked at it in confusion since our pizza had already arrived twenty minutes ago and we hadn’t ordered anything else.

“I’ll get it.” I offered to get up from the comfort of the couch first. I was dressed in my yoga shorts, a tank with a large knitted sweater draped over me, and long socks. It covered enough and was comfortable, so I wasn’t afraid to answer the door in only that. I wasn’t prepared when I answered the door though.

“What the hell are you doing answering the door in that?!” Max’s anger radiated through the entire apartment. I was pretty sure our neighbors had heard him. I didn’t have time to answer as he dragged me off to my bedroom and closed the door behind us. He remembered there was no lock on my door, so he pulled my chair over and propped it under the door handle. “Why haven’t you answered my texts?”

“You can’t just storm in here like that!” I moved myself away from him to the middle of the room. I got a better look at Max now, though. The small light in my room showed me an unshaven face, unkempt shirt, and wrinkled pants. This wasn’t the Max that I knew, but for some reason it drew me more towards him, just as it had when I had seen him in his kitchen. He was losing himself with me, and I couldn’t figure out if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

“I can and I did.”

“You can’t just intrude on my life whenever you want to.” Max didn’t care what I was telling him; he stalked closer to me. “I didn’t text you back because I needed time to think.”

“And what have you been thinking about?” I couldn’t look him in the eyes as he moved into my space. Heat emanated off his body, but instead of warming me, it sent shivers up my spine.

“You.” It was the truth. All I had been thinking about was Max, even when I tried not to. He just seemed to linger in my thoughts.

“And…?” I had to say it. Someone did.

“I don’t think I can be the woman you want, and I don’t think you can be the man that I need.” I didn’t know why I said it, but in my heart, I knew that at least a little of what I was telling him was the truth, just maybe not the part about him. I heard his sharp gasp as he took another step forward. Our bodies were pressed together, but nothing else touched but our chests.

He took my face in his hands. We stood there, staring at each other. I knew he wasn’t the kind of guy I needed right now, but I couldn’t help the pull that I felt towards him. I closed my eyes and breathed in. Max leaned his forehead against mine and I took a step closer. His hands moved down to my waist, looping around me.

“Max, I can’t do this. I’m not ready to settle down again.”

“You talk too much.” His lips touched mine, and that was when I opened my eyes. I pushed him away quickly, but Max’s hold tightened on me.

“You can’t just fix things with a kiss.”

“There isn’t anything to fix yet, but I’ll remember that.” He brought my face back close to his. “You don’t have to settle down with me yet, but I’m not letting you out of my life.”

“Max, please.” The plea didn’t sound painful, but more a sound with pleasure attached to it. Max was going to break my heart one day, and my mind had made itself up that it didn’t really give a shit. I was losing all control in this situation.

“I’m not letting you out of my life, Alexa. I have worked too hard to get here with you. I don’t care what your past is or where we go, but right now all I want to do is kiss you again.” He moved a little closer to me, but this time I didn’t push him away. “And this time I don’t want to hold back.”

With that, his lips were on mine and my body melted into his. His right arm lifted me ever so slightly off the ground as I pulled my arms around his neck and brought his head down closer. His lips tasted salty, making me crave him more. Max’s left hand gently tugged on my hair, pulling our lips away from each other and sending his directly to my neck. A moan escaped my lips, and his reaction was to slam me down on my vanity dresser. My back was against the cold mirror; my legs naturally went around his waist, bringing his hips to my core.

He fit perfectly there and I could feel him growing harder. He growled against my neck and captured my lips again. He moved his hands to the hem of my tank, slowly caressing my sides and up the middle of my back. I started to think how familiar this was and I stilled myself under his touch. I hadn’t thought about my dream about Max since the week it happened.

“What’s wrong?” Max leaned his forehead against mine. The moment felt so intimate that I didn’t want to ruin it.

“Nothing.”

I kissed him again until I couldn’t breathe, but he stopped me. Pulling my face close. I kept my eyes closed.

“Lies.”

“If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.” Lilly almost didn’t believe me when I told her it happened.

“Try me.”

“I’ve thought about this before.” That sure caught his attention. He stood straight against me, lips no longer touching my body. I missed the lingering tingle of his scruff.

“What do you mean?” The look in his eyes told me just how curious he was about my answer.

“When I was still with Adam, I had a dream about you, but it wasn’t you to begin with, and then it was you, and it just kind of happened, but—” Max stopped my jabber with a finger to my lips.

“So you’re telling me that while you were still with your husband, you were having sex dreams about me?”

I wanted to smack the smug look off his face. “Yes.” I tried not to say it too loud, because even though it was only a dream, it felt almost like I was as bad as Adam, but I knew I wasn’t.

“I couldn’t have asked for better words to come out of your mouth.” He claimed my mouth and moved us to my bed. It wasn’t big, just a full size. We lingered in the air with me in his arms before Max tossed me towards the center of the bed. I lay on my back staring at him towering over me. I had never seen lust in a man’s eyes before, but that’s exactly what it looked like in Max’s.

“Max.” He moved himself above me, with both arms on each side of my face.

“Yes, my darling.”

“We can’t do this right now.” I tried not to swoon. I loved it when he called me his darling.

“And why not?” A finger moved down my throat, sending shivers through my body. I could feel Max’s length growing against my leg.

“Because I’m pretty sure I just heard Lilly and Erica accidentally hit the door.” A few choice curse words came from outside my room and then the TV blasted throughout the apartment.

I pushed Max off me and straightened myself up. We stood there in silence, not looking at each other. I didn’t know what it was between us, but it scared me. There was too much passion happening all at once. The room felt like it was closing in on us, trying to bring us closer together. I needed to get out.

“Alexa, wait.” Max grabbed my arm as I made my way to the door. “Are we going to talk about this?”

“About what?” I didn’t want to have the “us” discussion yet, so I played dumb.

“Don’t do that.” Hurt crossed Max’s face. I had never hurt someone, and the pain that showed in his eyes caused my heart to break. I knew that it was a possibility that I could hurt him, but I didn’t like the way it felt.

“I’m not doing anything. This has been fun, Max, but I’m not ready for what you think you are ready for. I don’t want to do a relationship, and I also don’t want to have a fling. I just want to be myself for a little while. Is that so much to ask? I don’t want to rely on anyone else for my happiness just yet.” Max’s distance from me grew with every word I spoke. I was ruining everything that he had been fighting for.

“Fine.” Like that, Max changed in front of my eyes. He straightened himself up, and the total mess of a guy who had walked through my door moments ago was gone. The Max I first met was back and I was just another girl, but there was something still in his eyes. The fire was still there. He leaned his head down towards me before he left the room. “I will never give up, Alexa. As much as you push me away, you are the only woman for me, and if I have to wait our whole lives for you to admit your feelings, then so be it.”

I held my breath as he walked away, leaving the door ajar. When I heard the front door shut, I sank down to the floor and cried. I was curled into the fetal position, trying to hug my knees to my chin. I thought the smaller I got, the more it would help me disappear from this situation completely. I didn’t know how I had gotten myself into this mess so quickly after Adam had broken my heart. Lilly and Erica lay on the floor next to me, cuddling me tight and not letting go. At least I had some form of support.

“You’re a crazy woman for letting him walk away.” Lilly’s words rang in my ear. At least I thought I had support.

“Am I really that crazy?” The words broke from me as sobs.

“You are.” The soft words came from Erica, and I knew if she was chiming in I had screwed up.

“What can I do?” I tried to calm myself and breathe, wiping away the tears. “I just fucked everything up with two words, one question. How do I come back from this?”

Lilly rubbed her hand up and down my back. This floor was not comfortable at all. Erica grabbed my face, looked me dead in the eyes and gave it to me hard.

“You tell him you love him, and don’t tell me you don’t. We all see how you look at him. If that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.” She wiped a tear away.

“You seriously have one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen, Alexa,” Lilly chimed in, and rested her head on my shoulder. These girls were my rock. Erica spoke up again.

“Open your heart, babe, especially if it could get hurt again, because there is no way in life to love safely.”

They were right. Safe wasn’t an option anymore. If Max was going to break my heart, I was going to jump on the rollercoaster that he was manning. Only moments ago I was evading this man, and now these girls were convincing me to give him my whole heart. And my whole heart he would get.