CHAPTER 15 – Grace
The woman who stared back at me from my cracked mirror was a stranger. Her bright eyes were dull and lifeless, the shadows resting under them giving her a hollow and strained appearance. Her skin was pale and her once beautiful, long hair hung like a curtain of misery. I’d cried enough tears to fill an empty lake, and now I was dry. I was numb. Ink had betrayed me, just like Jebediah promised he would. A dry and harsh chuckle left my cracked lips.
Jebediah was right—those were three words I never thought I’d admit to. Seeing Ink tangled in a blanket of flesh with Jeze while I knelt bleeding for seven hours in the bitter cold had taken the last of my strength. Upon reaching my cabin, I locked Fury and Hadley outside then collapsed into my bed. I’d slept for hours, my sleep restless and lacking the comfort I’d found in this bed and in Ink’s arms for the weeks prior.
Now I stood empty and emotionless before my mirror, my scissors within reach. Fury was at my table eating a bowl of porridge. Hadley sat beside him, her worried gaze on me. I’d let them in when Hadley threatened to have Fury knock my door down. He’d done enough damage to my home, and Hadley promised all she wanted to do was check the wound on my thigh from the bullet I’d taken out on that damn field. The idiot soldier on watch had lifted his weapon and let off a shot when hypothermia had forced me to fall from my knees. Just a scratch, Ashlynn said with a smile, though the fear in her eyes belied her casual remark. My thigh throbbed but was otherwise fine. The woman who stared back at me right now, she was not fine. I hated her. She looked like a broken doll. Reaching for the scissors, I felt the tension in the room thicken as I raised the sharp blades to my long hair.
“G-G-Grace,” Hadley stuttered.
Ignoring her, I hacked into the long locks.
I like your hair. Jebediah’s words played over in my head.
I didn’t want him to like anything about me. I wanted him to hate me, like I hated myself right now. I hated the way I looked, I hated how weak I felt, and hated how much I hurt. I was drowning in fucking hate, and it was getting harder and harder to breathe.
A sob breeched Hadley’s lips, and the chair Fury was on creaked. Was he comforting her? I doubted it, Fury didn’t do comfort. I chopped at my hair, allowing it to fall at my feet in large clumps. Once it was nothing but a jagged and uneven cut around my neck, I reached for the clippers I had used to shave the heads of many of Liberty’s men, including Ink. The thought of him made that empty chamber where my heart used to rest ache. My hand shook, but I pressed the clippers against my skull and drew them back through the remaining hair. It fell away like fall leaves, leaving my head almost naked except for a short, fine layer of hair. My hair had always felt like my armor, it made me happy, and I enjoyed the reactions of others when they took in the wild and curious styles I’d twist it into. But as I stared at my vacant expression now, it felt like a lie. I thought the flamboyant styles made me happy and free, but it was purely an image I was trying to project.
I wasn’t happy, nor was I free, and hadn’t been for a long time, perhaps not ever. I’d been caged by my father, caged by my own government, caged by the rebels who called our release a win for the rights of freedom, and now Jebediah threatened to cage me again. With my hair now gone, I ran a hand over the baby soft splinters that remained. I would no longer be caged, I would no longer hide behind silly hairstyles and insincere smiles.
In this moment, I was reborn.
Grace was gone and, in her place, stood a warrior.
The sharp knock on my door went barely noticed as my eyes narrowed in on this new woman who stared back from the mirror at me. Anger burned in her bloodshot eyes, and I liked that a whole lot more than the grief I’d seen only moments before. Somewhere behind me Fury unlocked the door, and Hadley whispered to someone in a harried voice. I ignored them all, watching the broken girl morph into something deadly and beautiful. The new visitor stepped up close, her reflection now watching me as curiously as the woman stripped bare watched her.
“Oh, Gracie,” she murmured, eyes full of compassion. “Come sit with me.”
A tug on my hand drew me to the small table which Fury had resurrected from the splintered wood after his fight with Jebediah’s soldiers. Ashlynn moved the chair so she was facing me, her soft hands cupping my own. Hadley and Fury were nowhere in sight. I assumed they were not far away, though, perhaps just outside my door.
“How’s your leg?” she asked.
The hurt in my leg was all but forgotten. “It’s fine,” I replied, my voice emotionless and robotic.
Ashlynn nodded then gave my hands a squeeze before releasing them. “I’ve been treating Ink,” she finally said after a short silence.
Treating Ink?
Had he been injured?
Shock jolted my heart back into an erratic rhythm, and I clenched my jaw tight. The fact I cared hurt because I wasn’t supposed to care. He’d lured me into thinking I was someone special to him, someone more. The sweetly whispered words, the promises, the gentle touch he offered me were supposed to be for me alone. Apparently, it wasn’t, and while his deception confused me, it mostly hurt.
“Ordinarily I wouldn’t talk about a patient, but Ink has given me permission. He knows you probably don’t want to speak to him right now, but he wants you to understand what happened.”
My brow furrowed. Was she going to offer me a replay of his time with Jeze? Bile burned my throat.
“Things weren’t as they seemed,” Ashlynn was quick to continue. “The drop off went as planned, but Jeze ordered Ink to travel in the back of the truck with her for the trip home. She said she wanted to talk. Trigger, Henry and Jebediah’s soldier traveled in the front. Jeze told Ink about Jebediah’s true intentions.” Ashlynn paused and took a deep breath. “The government wishes to privatize the prison system. Jebediah’s going to buy it… he will run the Underworld.” Her words were grave and filled with fear.
I nodded, Jebediah had told me much the same thing. “I know, Jebediah told me last night.”
Ashlynn nodded and continued, “Ink was exhausted. They traveled all night to get to the drop-off, and they had another eight hours ahead of them. He mentally checked out for a moment. He closed his eyes, allowed that brief instant of vulnerability and Jeze took advantage of it. She used an inhaler filled with NIM to drug him.” There was another pause, and I tried to swallow, my mouth dry, any words I might want to say locked inside. “She took advantage of him. He tried to fight the drugs, he tried to push her away, but once he was under the influence of NIM, he was gone and no longer able to control the situation. He was taken advantage of, Grace.”
My mind reeled with Ashlynn’s account of what had happened. The fickle bitch that was shock, stole my emotions for but a moment, and when she released them to me again, they flooded back in like a tsunami. Her story made sense because Ink never made promises he didn’t keep. He didn’t bother with lies or deceit. What you got was honesty, sometimes raw and brutal. My stomach rolled at the thought of Ink being taken in such a way, and I lunged from my chair, my shoulder pressing open the door to my cabin. In the light snow, I fell to my knees and threw up. Tears streamed down my face as I emptied my stomach. I hadn’t eaten in so long that only bile found its way into the slush beneath me. Ink was the strongest person I knew, and he’d been harmed in the worst possible way.
Once I’d stopped heaving, I climbed back to my feet and found my way back into the cabin where I quickly rinsed out my mouth. “Where is he?” I asked as I pulled a beanie over my naked head. Reaching for my jacket and scarf, I limped through the door with Ashlynn hot on my heels. Fury, who had been leaning casually against a tree moved to his full height, tension turning his body from casual restfulness to watchfulness. Hadley stood by her mom, stepping from one foot to the other nervously.
“Where is he?” I demanded again, my voice probably harsher than it should be.
“In the infirmary… resting.”
I don’t know if Ashlynn said anymore. Instead, I ran, albeit clumsily with my wounded leg, through the familiar compound. Ink had been hurt, drugged, raped, and I’d turned my back on him. I hadn’t given him a chance to explain. I’d tucked tail and scampered away like a child. For so long I’d demanded he see me as a woman, and when the moment came alone to prove I was, I’d blown it. The one time he needed me most, I’d let him down. I would never forgive myself.
“Grace,” came Ashlynn’s voice from somewhere behind me.
The people I passed watched me with curiosity in their features, fear halting them in place. No doubt, they were thinking if I was running from something, perhaps they should be too. It didn’t matter that my sudden frenzied run through the compound might be scaring others, I needed to get to Ink. Barging through the front door of the infirmary, I ignored the startled look from a young woman who stood by the sterilizing machine. Opening the first door I came to, I paused as I took in the father who sat on a bed with his daughter sleeping in his lap. She looked sick, and he looked tired as his hopeful eyes met mine.
“Sorry, wrong room.”
More carefully I tested each door until I turned a corner at the end of the long corridor. Finding Max sitting hunched over in a chair beside a closed door, I knew I’d found the right room.
“Gracie,” he said, standing.
Brushing Max aside, I turned the doorknob and stepped into the dimly lit room. Ink was sitting on the side of the bed, his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. Crestfallen was the first word that came to mind. Lifting his head, those beautiful blue eyes full of so much pain and sorrow found mine, and I ran across the room and climbed into his lap, my arms circling him as my head buried itself into the arch of his neck.
Ink said nothing, but he held me tight, his own face tucked into my shoulder. He trembled beneath me and I ached for him. My big strong Ink had been brought to his knees in the worst possible way. Protectiveness coursed through my veins as I held his hard and sturdy body as it shook beneath mine.
“Face your enemy,” I whispered into his ear, and the shudders shook him even more. “Show no fear,” I continued, pressing my forehead to the side of his head, trying to give him every ounce of strength I possessed. “Fight to motherfucking survive, Ink,” I finished, my words having grown with determination.
I felt him nod against my skin as he shifted us back across the bed until he leaned against the wall. Taking a long, deep breath, he pulled away, but only enough to look down upon my tear-stained face. There were no tear tracks on his cheeks, but his eyes were full of pain and humiliation.
“I’m sorry, buttercup,” he murmured, his voice gruffer than I’d ever heard it.
Pressing my hand over his mouth, I looked him right in the eye. “No. You don’t owe me anything and especially not an apology. I’m sorry I ran—”
“You had every right to,” he spat out, the self-loathing clear in his outburst.
“No,” I pressed on, holding his cheeks captive so he couldn’t avoid me. “I failed you. I ran, and I promise just like you did, that I will never run again. I trust you.” Ink swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the motion. “We need to fight back. We can’t allow them to destroy us, which is exactly what they’re trying to do. They’re trying to tear us apart from the inside out.”
Ink nodded again, his gaze taking in every inch of my face. I wonder what he saw there because I was no longer sure who I was. Any sliver of happiness I’d ever allowed myself to feel was buried, and nothing but anger remained. Unexpectedly, Ink pulled off my beanie and the cool air licked the skin on my scalp.
“Baby,” he said on a broken sigh.
Running a hand over my buzz cut, I marveled at the unusual sensation that greeted me. “Jebediah said he liked my hair,” I whispered. “I don’t want him to like anything about me.”
“You didn’t have to do this.”
“It’s done,” I was quick to say. “It’s better like this, it can’t be used against me in a fight.”
“You won’t have to fight,” Ink protested, his gaze never leaving my new haircut.
“I’m going to fight, Ink. I’m going to fight for Liberty, right alongside you.” When he said nothing, doubt crept into my mind. God, he must think I’m an idiot. Things get tough, and Gracie shaves her head. “You hate it, right?” I said a little nervously. “It’s just hair, it’ll grow back.”
Ink silenced me with his lips pressed against mine. It was a hard kiss with Ink’s hands cupping my jaw and cheeks. It was a demanding promise spoken through his body. It was a reminder of who he was and what I was to him. And when he finished Ink pulled away, though only left a breath of air between our kiss-swollen lips.
“I want to be that noble man who says he will fight by your side for Liberty, but the truth is, buttercup, I’m fighting for you and you alone. If anything happens to you, I’m as good as done.”
“Don’t say that,” I growled, angrily.
“It’s the truth, Gracie. I need you to stay whole.” His hand brushed my thigh and pain shot through my body, reminding me how close I’d come to not being whole last night. Ink carefully removed his hand from my leg. “When you see the fucker who shot you, point him out to me.”
The last thing we needed now was Ink killing one of Jebediah’s soldiers. In the last twenty-four hours it felt like the game had somehow changed, that Jebediah’s power over us was growing like an out of control weed.
“Do you hear me, Gracie?”
I nodded, but I had no intention of pointing the soldier out. Burying my head in Ink’s chest, I took solace in his strong, steady heartbeat.
“I’ve been thinking…” Ink began. “If anyone can get out of the compound undetected, it’s Slink.”
Sitting up I watched the conflicted emotions playing over his handsome face. Reaching out, I stroked my name tattooed down his cheekbone. “He could go for help,” I whispered.
“But he’s just a kid,” Ink said with a nod.
“He is, but he’s fast, and he’s so freaking sneaky. If anyone can do it, he can.” Hope turned into excitement, making the bleakness that shadowed us feel a little lighter. “How long would it take for him to reach Nelson?”
“If he keeps up a good pace, a few days. He’d be alone in the woods, though. He’s spent plenty of time out there, but never alone. It’s dangerous.”
“It’s no less dangerous then in here. He loves the forest. He started going on hunts with his dad as soon as he was old enough to hold a rifle, he’s familiar with the territory around us.”
It felt wrong sending a boy on such a dangerous mission, but we were quickly running out of options. We needed help. We were appallingly out-manned and out-weaponed. Slink was the only person suitable for this type of job. He was fast, nimble, and he wouldn’t be missed once he got outside.
“I’ll talk to his father,” Ink finally conceded.
A knock at the door caught our attention and Ashlynn poked her head in. She looked exhausted, but also a little excited as she looked over at Ink and me.
“Grace,” she softly spoke. “Skye is awake.”