Chapter Twenty-Two
Harper
The lakefront house in Big Bear is my favorite getaway. It’s bright and airy with a spectacular sunset view courtesy of vaulted ceilings and an entire wall devoted to windows. I slept like a baby last night upstairs in my room overlooking the lake. I left the window open so a cool breeze and the subtle sounds of nature could lull me to sleep. This morning the sky is blue for miles, the lake smooth like glass. I’m cozy in a pair of loose sleep pants and a ribbed long-sleeved shirt.
My plan for today is to watch Buffy reruns, shop Etsy for sunscreen lotions (I bought a coconut raspberry-seed lotion last time that I need to buy again for sure), and if the water isn’t too freezing, take a swim in the lake.
When the doorbell rings, all my plans go up in smoke.
He came.
I’d given Levi the address yesterday after we finished eating and I told him I wanted to pack and drive up here before it got dark. He’d kissed me on the cheek and said, “Later gator,” so I let my hope go. I hadn’t made it exactly easy for him to join me, and that makes me someone I’m not proud of, but I’m scared. He gives me a sense of hope that is beautiful and terrifying at the same time. I want to be upfront with him, tell him how my emotions are freaking me out, yet I’ve kept my feelings close to my chest for so long, it’s easier to push people away.
I pad across the hardwood floor to the front door in my bare feet. What will I do if he’s brought me something I don’t like? Worse, what will I do if he’s brought me something I love?
Worse, worse, he is my heart’s desire, so it doesn’t matter what he brought. His showing up is all I really want.
Maybe I’m overthinking all of this, and it’s Gail from next door.
I open the door and am completely unprepared for the vision in front of me. It’s not our friendly neighbor, but Levi, looking incredibly hot in aviator sunglasses, jeans, and a fitted gray V-neck T-shirt casually tucked-in at his belt buckle. Sitting beside him is the cutest fawn-and-white-colored bulldog I’ve ever seen.
“Hi,” Levi says, sliding his sunglasses to the top of his head. His eyes eat me up in a way that makes my body tingle.
“Uhh…”
He tilts his head a little to the left—and I swear the dog does, too—and stares at me with an aren’t-you-forgetting-something expression.
“Hi,” I say. That one tiny greeting earns me one great big smile. My knees wobble at the impact. “What…how…” I’m so delighted to see him, his smile, and his friend, that I can’t form a proper sentence now.
“The ‘what’ is we’re here to be with you. This is Hank. He’s just turned one, is potty trained, likes to take walks along lakes, and thinks you’re beautiful. He’s on loan from a couple that lends out their dogs.” Levi bends to pet Hank’s head. “True story. They let dog lovers who don’t want or can’t have a full-time pet borrow their dogs in exchange for a donation to the shelter. The couple screens each borrower carefully so they know their dogs are in good hands. I’m certain he’s in good hands with you, and I’m thinking I nailed the heart’s desire.”
It’s a miracle I don’t melt right there on the doorstep. I do, however, kneel down and say hello to Hank. “Hi, Hank. It’s very nice to meet you.” I rub the top of his head and scratch behind his ears. Hank gives me a sweet, laid-back look, which obviously means he adores me as much as I already adore him.
I rise to acknowledge the other adorable male. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say we can stay.”
“You can stay.”
Levi drops the leash, cups my face in his hands, and kisses me. All I can think is we get to do this all weekend long, and nothing makes me happier.
“Come inside,” I murmur against his lips.
“I plan to, multiple times.” He sucks on my bottom lip before letting me go.
Oh lordy.
“Did you find the house okay?” I ask as they follow me toward the family room. The bottom floor is one spacious room divided into sections so I detour into the kitchen to get a bowl of water for Hank.
“Yeah.” Suddenly, Hank’s leash clinks on the floor and Levi is right behind me. He puts his hands on my hips and slides them down my thighs while he kisses the side of my neck. “I’ve been thinking about my hands on you the entire drive here.”
I turn and take his wrists before we’re naked and on the kitchen island in ten seconds. “Let’s not rush,” I say, and walk backward to lead him to the couch. I’m still getting used to the amazing fact that he drove all this way to see me.
The view catches his eye. “Wow. We may never leave here, Ham.”
There’s something very appealing in those words. So many things he says to me hold weight inside my head and heart. I don’t know what to do with all of it, so I shove it away.
Hank follows us, plopping down on the area rug before we sit. “Did you bring stuff for him?” I ask.
“Yeah.” He glances at Hank. “I should probably get him situated before we…” He trails off.
“Good idea. I’ll undo his leash while you go to the car.”
“Okay.” He gives me a quick kiss.
I flub getting Hank’s leash off three times because I’m watching Levi’s broad shoulders. This is too much. Crazy-ass thoughts run through my head. Like, I want to have his babies. What the ever-loving fuck is that about? I have never had a thought like that in my life. I need to get my hormones under control immediately.
And avoid the naked thing until I do.
Levi strides back inside with his arms full. His biceps bulge underneath his shirtsleeves in a sexy, effortless way that does nothing to curb my affection.
I put Hank’s leash back on him and pop to my feet. “How about a walk? You guys have been in the car for a while and should probably stretch your legs.”
“Sounds good.” He puts down a dog bed, a canvas bag with “Hank” written on the outside, and a duffel bag I assume is his.
“Let me put my Uggs on and we’ll go.” I slip my feet into the fur-lined boots I left next to the sliding French door, tucking my pants legs in, and snag the house key off the coffee table.
Fresh, cool, late-morning air fills my lungs. We’re the only ones out for a stroll along the lakefront, since the uncultivated ground dissuades most people on this stretch of quiet beauty.
I hold Hank’s leash. Levi holds my hand. We walk in comfortable silence.
For the first couple of years after Joe died, I went from one day to the next silently punishing myself. I shut down my emotions. I quit friends. Quit swimming. Not because I stopped loving it, but because I couldn’t bear to be in a pool. My magic was contained in that water. Out of it, I was nothing special, which was how I wanted it. But the pool was also the place where I always found myself. Giving it up meant I lost a huge piece of who I was.
Instead of persevering, I crumbled. And I was glad for it.
Now? That’s not the case.
The wound Joe’s death left will never be gone, but it doesn’t torment me like it used to. The reason for that is the incredible person beside me. I feel everything again when I’m with Levi, most significantly happiness. Joy. Love.
I throw the uninvited thought out of my mind. I want that as much as a bull wants a cattle prod up the ass.
Lying to yourself isn’t going to make the feeling go away.
“What are your thoughts on anal?” I blurt into the silence. Jesus fucking Christ. I can’t believe I said that. It’s because I was reading Cosmo last night in bed. Not because I want Levi there. Although, he is the first guy I would entertain doing it with. Oh my God! Stop, Harper.
Levi chokes. “Umm…is there a right answer?”
“No answer. There is no answer. I can’t believe I asked you that. I was reading Cosmo, and you know that Confessions section? Wait. You probably don’t because you’re a guy and the magazine is for women. Mostly. I think.” I’m babbling like a weirdo, and I cannot stop. And Jesus, I just thought that to the tune of “I Like Big Butts and I Cannot Lie.”
I’m going crazy.
Love does that to you.
“I mean, if you read it, that’s cool. It wouldn’t bother me. I’m sure there are lots of guys who read it with their girlfriends. There are some great articles on sex I bet couples would be interested in together. Not just articles on anal sex, by the way, but all kinds of sex. So, yeah, I’m going to stop talking now.”
Levi is quiet so I turn my head to look at him. I’ve mentioned his smiles a gazillion times, I know, but the ear-to-ear grin he’s giving me now is new. I don’t know how to describe it, except to say it makes me fall for him even more.
He’s not laughing at me. He’s accepting me.
“One more thing,” I say, because seeing that look on his face makes me nervous so I drop my defenses entirely. “I’ve never done it.” I lift one shoulder like it’s no biggie. “But with the right person, I’m open to anything. I think you know how much I enjoy sex.” With you.
His eyes shine like liquid gold. “You’re saying I’m the right person? Because there is nothing I don’t want to do to you.” He brings us to a stop and guides my hand to his crotch. He’s most definitely enjoying our topic of discussion.
I palm him over his jeans. “The thought of anal turns you on?”
“The thought of you turns me on.”
Hank snorts. Levi and I chuckle at the timing and look down at our four-legged friend before we resume walking. We’ve got plenty of time for sex. The house is stocked with lots of food so we don’t have to go anywhere until it’s time to leave.
“So, I heard from Cane,” Levi says after we’ve taken several steps.
“He’s the kiteboarder, right?”
“Right.” He brushes something off his shirt. “He wants me to join him in Australia. I told him I was in. Movies are filmed in L.A. all the time, but I might not get another opportunity to go to the Sunshine Coast.”
“Congratulations!” I hope I sound excited. My heart is in my throat. Levi will be an ocean away rather than a few city miles. “How long is the shoot for?”
He squeezes my hand. “Thanks. I’ll be there for two months.”
Sixty days. That’s a long time. Anything could happen. He could forget about me. Meet some cute Aussie and marry her.
“Until then”—he steers us around so we’re headed back toward the house—“I think we should read Cosmo together.”
I beam at him. Fucking beam.
…
Levi toys with my anklet. I’m lying on my stomach on top of the bed, naked. My arms are bent, elbows out, with my hands tucked under my cheek. The sheets are warm, tangled, smell like us. We’ve been here most of the day. Hank is sleeping in his bed in the corner of the room, snoring.
Levi kisses my heel.
Kisses the tiny mole shaped like a heart above the bone on my ankle.
His lips graze up my calf, leaving a lightweight touch that rumbles all over my body. He likes to take his time with me. I watch the glow of the candles on the bedside table. He likes to be romantic, too.
He passes over the ticklish spot behind my knee, and moves to my other leg, kissing the back of my thigh. I love the texture of his stubble, sharp at times, yet soothing at others. His fingers traipse along my skin, edging closer to my center.
“I love every inch of you,” he murmurs.
I close my eyes to let those words wash over me. He spends time alternating kisses and massages on the backs of both legs.
“The way you feel. The way you smell. And the way you taste.” He licks and nibbles and sucks up to the curve of my butt. His hands gently press my legs open. I suck in a breath. Squeeze my pillow.
He hooks his arms underneath my legs and lifts my hips, just enough to expose me to the air and his perusal. The bed shifts underneath his weight. He lies on his stomach, his face between my legs. I throb in anticipation of him touching me where I’m swollen and pulsing. Finally, his tongue flicks against my most sensitive spot. From this angle, the contact is exquisite.
I spread my legs wider and shamelessly grind against his face as he licks me from behind.
Fastens his lips around my folds.
Applies perfect pressure to my clit.
Over and over and over again.
When he slides a finger inside me, my eyes roll to the back of my head. I hold on for as long as I can, pressing back, throbbing, not wanting this incredible sensation to end. God, what Levi does to me. I know I’ll feel the effects of his stubble tomorrow and want to repeat everything multiple times.
“Oh God,” I pant. His mouth and fingers are too much. I can’t keep my orgasm from barreling down on me. I give in, moaning loudly. Flying high. Emotion slams into my chest and crowds my heart as I float back down to Earth.
Levi slowly breaks his mind-blowing suction as he lowers my hips to the bed. He kisses my butt cheek. “You.” He kisses my lower back. “Are.” He presses his lips to my spine. “Beyond.” He brushes my hair off my neck. “Compare.” He kisses the curve of my shoulder then lays his naked body on top of mine, slightly to the side. He wraps an arm around my middle and drapes his leg over my lower half so his hard, thick cock can slide inside me.
The first moment he stretches me always borders on the pleasurable side of pain. I’m small. He’s big. But the rest of the moments are all pleasure. He rocks against me in unhurried, steady thrusts, setting our tempo to a wicked-good rhythm. I’d never had sex without a condom before today, but I’m on the pill and clean. He’s clean. And since we reestablished that we’ve got this exclusive thing going on, it seemed right.
Having him bare is amazing. Special. I like him in my mouth, the weight, texture, and firmness. But I love him uncovered and buried inside me.
He moves deeper, hitting a place inside me I thought was untouchable. His lips graze the back of my ear. Our mingled breaths, strained with passion, fill the room. This. This is everything I imagined when I was sixteen, and so much more.
“Fuck, you feel good,” he says. “I’m not going to last much longer.”
“Me, either.” I don’t need to chase orgasms with Levi. They come after me. Especially when he slows the tempo to an agonizing slide like he’s doing right now. I scream his name when I come. He rocks once. Twice. And follows right behind.
Then he holds me in his arms as I fall to blissful sleep.
Blissful until I dream about him underwater, unable to reach the surface. He can’t breathe. He struggles, kicks and flails, but it’s no use. The pool, the ocean, I’m not sure which, is swallowing him. There’s no one to help him. He’s drowning.
I jerk awake. My hairline is slick with sweat. It takes a moment for my eyes to focus and for my mind to clear. I’m in bed. Levi has his arms wrapped around me. He’s right here. Sound asleep. Safe. Warm.
He’s okay, and I’m anything but.