Chapter Fourteen
Harper was driven to kiss Tara as they entered their home. He’d seen it in her eyes throughout the evening. They were too busy making sure everything went smoothly for Kira and Garret to do anything about it. Now? They were alone. And he was desperate for some intimate, quiet time with her.
“Hey,” he said, touching her elbow as they entered the kitchen, “would you like to have a glass of wine or something with me in the living room? We barely got to say five words to each other tonight.”
“Yes . . . I’d like that . . .” She stepped away from his hand on her elbow and picked up the sides of her dress. “I feel like a princess, but right now, I’m more like Cinderella and it’s approaching midnight.”
He stepped back, his gaze moving from her shoes up to her head. “You’re not going to turn into anything else but who you are.” His voice lowered as he saw a flush spread across her face. Harper reached out, barely grazing that warm, smooth cheek of hers, watching her eyes go soft with longing—for him. He could feel it. Wanting to taste her lips on his once more. “Are you going to change first?”
She made a muffled sound and dropped the fabric, giving him a grin. “Well, I’m waffling because I hate wearing bras and I want to get out of this one.”
His brows rose. “Really?” The color of her cheeks deepened. Her shyness was endearing to him. “I hadn’t noticed.”
“Oh, sure, Harper. Your whole life is about seeing details. I’m sure you knew I don’t wear a bra when I work around here. I only wear one if I go horseback riding or something special, like tonight.”
It was his turn to feel heat crawling into his face as he held her teasing look. She looked so beautiful to him, her gold hair slightly mussed, framing her features. Beneath the lamplight above them, he could see caramel and sunshine colors intermixed. He wanted to slide his fingers through those silky strands. “Mmm,” he said. “How about I get you some wine? I’m pretty tanked up and topped off with that punch from the party,” and he touched his belly area.
“Okay,” she said, a little breathless. “I’m going to change and I’ll meet you on the couch.”
Harper wanted nothing more. “I’ll climb into some familiar clothes, too,” and he grinned. Watching her pirouette around, the fabric shimmering against her lithe body, the lace across her shoulders and enclosing her arms, Harper enjoyed the photo of Tara that he took with his heart. Turning, he followed her, and they each went to their own bedroom.
No one was more surprised than he was later when he sat in the corner of the couch, having gotten Tara her glass of white wine and setting it on the coffee table in front of him. He’d opted for a red T-shirt, jeans and sock feet. She reappeared in her soft gray gym pants and a loose-fitting, sleeveless pink tank top. Her hair was brushed, a gleaming cape around her shoulders. Best of all, she was barefoot. Smiling, Harper was going to stand up as she drew near, but she waved him to sit back down.
“This looks good,” she said, giving him a grateful look, reaching for the wineglass.
“You weren’t hitting the punch bowl like I was,” he offered, smiling as she settled down next to him, nestling her hip and then her long torso against his left side. Harper was surprised by her move. Since the bear incident, their familiarity had dissolved, much to his frustration. Lifting his left arm, she leaned into him after curling her legs beneath her. He liked her snuggling up.
“I wasn’t anywhere near the punch bowl. Me and the girls were at the gifts table, opening them up so Kira and Garret didn’t have to spend time doing it themselves.”
“I should have thought about that,” Harper said, frowning. They were across the way at the food tables, helping Kassie and her staff keep the appetizers coming out warm. It had been a hungry crowd. And the food had been delicious.
Sipping the wine, she licked her lower lip and relaxed completely against him. “You guys were just as busy as we were. Don’t feel bad about it.”
Moving his fingers lightly up and down her upper arm, he said, “You’re worth remembering, Tara.”
“Well,” she said lightly, “it appears Noah and Dair are thinking about getting married, too. They haven’t set a date, but we’ll be old hands at this the next time around,” and she smiled.
Her lips were sculpted, without any lipstick on them, and it took everything Harper had to remain relaxed even though his body was burning up with need for Tara. She was happy, and it was the first time since the bear incident he’d seen her buoyant. “Those two are definitely in love, no question.”
“Dair is hesitant, but I understand why.” She slanted a look up at him. “Her PTSD stuff.”
“But she’s got to see that Reese and Shay have worked it out. And so have Kira and Garret.”
“I know, but she’s an amputee, Harper. It’s tough to have the lower half of one of your legs missing. She makes it hardly noticeable, and I admire her so much for her grit and wanting to fit in.”
“If anyone can convince her, it will be Noah. He’s good with horses and women,” and he grinned a little, watching her lips lift.
“You’re right. Noah has a special touch, but with Dair, he’s exactly what she needs.”
“I’ve watched Dair since she got here and she’s made huge, positive strides,” Harper said. “I think it’s the environment at the ranch, the fact we’re all PTSD vets. She arrived pretty tense and defensive, but over time, she shed all of that and relaxed. She’s a lot happier than when she first came. But then again? We were all where Dair was when we took a job here at the Bar C. And it’s taken us time to relax, too.”
She sighed and nodded, sipping the wine. “I don’t know about you, Harper, but for the last few days I’ve ramped down off that PTSD cliff.” She gave him a warm look. “Have you?”
“Yes,” he admitted, his hand stilling on her shoulder. “Maybe we were looking forward to something happy. Seeing Kira and Garret so damned high on each other? The wedding? What do you think?”
“I think you’re right. It’s so nice to be part of something that’s good and positive. It’s great to focus on a happy event.” She leaned forward, placing her wineglass on the coffee table. Returning to his embrace, relaxing against him, she placed her hand over his heart. Lashes lifting, she whispered, “I so want us to get back to where we were before the bear intruded. Do you?” and her voice dropped into an aching whisper, her fingers pressing more firmly across the soft fabric.
For half a heartbeat, Harper was stunned by Tara’s trembling admission. Automatically, he eased his hand through her silky hair, holding her gaze. “I want you in whatever way you want to share yourself with me.” He hesitated, his voice dropping. “I know you have issues, but I think they’re surmountable. And yes, the bear charge tore both of us loose from our fragile moorings. And I want to kiss you . . .”
She lifted her chin. “Kiss me, then.”
His whole world anchored and Harper unconsciously held his breath for a moment as he tipped his head forward to meet her parting lips. His mind canted, he lost the ability to think, only drown in the cushiony softness of her lips meeting his, firm, eager and filled with promise. His heart exploded with a fierce joy as Tara leaned into him, her breasts pressed against his chest, her hand sliding warmly up to his neck, pulling him closer, tighter to him. There was nothing in his life he wanted more than just this with her.
Harper wasn’t going to lie anymore to himself. He was falling in love with this woman who struggled daily to maintain some kind of normalcy in her ripped-apart life. She was so strong, and he felt that strength as her lips glided wetly against his, taking and giving, her breath ragged. He slid his fingers into her thick hair, relishing the feel of the strands, his nostrils flaring as he inhaled a scent that was purely her. A soft moan rose in her throat and he hungrily absorbed it into himself, his entire body erupting in fire and need for her alone. She was so fearless and vulnerable with him.
In his tumbling thoughts, washed ashore with glowing emotions of joy, he realized Tara trusted him. Harper kept his hands where they were. He wanted to caress her shoulders and back, but he didn’t feel her giving him permission to move or do anything else other than enjoy this life-changing kiss with him. It was enough, and a thread of sweetness flowed through him as he lifted his mouth from hers, kissing each corner and then pressing a soft kiss to each of her closed eyelids.
Tara sank her head against his upper chest, her arm sliding around his torso, holding him. Harper knew it was love, whether the word was ever verbalized between them or not. The way Tara looked at him, the way she touched him, told him that. There was lust in her grazing touch, and so much more. The awe in her expression, the respect and pride she had for him, was present. It made him feel like the man she had searched for but never found until now. And he wasn’t disappointing her, which was a huge relief.
Slipping his arm around her back, his other hand cupping her cheek as she lay her head against him, he closed his eyes, savoring the intimacy with her. This was what he needed, had always wanted but thought it impossible to ever have. Olivia had never been cuddly or maternal or wanted this kind of wonderful closeness. Right now, lust took a backseat to greater, more important emotions that clamored brightly within his heart, bringing light to his darkened soul. Tara filled him with hope that despite how broken he was by PTSD, her love, her intimacy with him, filled those cracks and crevices within him and were healing him.
Never had he felt the welling up of love that he felt for Tara right now. Her honesty gut-punched him and made him realize that his first marriage had been a total sham because both of them had been so immature. Tara brought truth and honor to them as a couple. She played no games. She wasn’t manipulative and she was mature far beyond her years. How brave she was. And she deserved no less from him. Harper kissed her hair, smoothing some strands back against her temple with his fingers.
“I cherish every moment with you, Tara. I have from the day I met you.” Swallowing, his throat tight with nearly overwhelming feelings, he rasped, “You need to know that you’re a bright and shining light in my life. I never thought I would ever experience what I do in your arms, with your kisses. You make me feel hope, make me feel alive, and I dream . . . I dream of something so much better for both of us if we can just keep talking and showing how much we mean to each other.” He pressed another kiss against her hair, the honeysuckle scent rising into his nostrils.
“I feel the same, Harper,” she whispered against his T-shirt, nuzzling into his chest with her cheek. “I feel so wonderful when we’re like this. You make me feel safe.”
“I always want to be there for you, sweetheart. And I will be if you’ll let me. We’re going to have ups and downs, but it’s moments like these that bind my wounds and I know what we have can help heal us together, Tara.”
Nodding, eyes closed, Tara tightened her arm around his middle, content to rest against him, wanting nothing else. “I don’t want this moment to end. . . .”
“Me neither . . .”
* * *
Tara tried to steady her voice, her heart pounding so hard that she hesitated for a moment before speaking. “Do you really think we can do this, Harper?” She saw him give her a lazy, boyish smile that melted all her building fear.
“I’ve been waiting for you from the day I met you, Tara. I know I’m a bad risk, having been married and divorced, but I’m older now. I know what caused it to fall apart.” He smoothed his thumb across her cheek. “I think our feelings for each other are strong enough, still growing toward each other, to take this shot at happiness. You make me happy, Tara. I always feel so damned good when you’re around me. You have no idea how much I look forward to having breakfast, lunch and dinner with you. I want to know what you’re thinking because you’re smart, sensitive, funny and sympathetic. I like to see the world through your eyes, your thoughts and ideas.”
His earnest, gruffly spoken words feathered through Tara and she felt her heart expand until she thought it might burst open with such profound joy that she might die of euphoria. “I—I guess I never knew you felt like that about me.”
Grimacing, Harper slipped his hand to her shoulder, gently smoothing out the material across it. “I haven’t exactly been the most demonstrative person with you. That’s my fault. But we’ve been through some pretty hectic ups and downs since meeting, too. It seemed we went from one crisis right into another one. There was no quiet time, no backwater where we could relax and honestly open up to each other. First, it was Cree Elson. Then, the bear incident.”
“God, this stuff happens in threes,” she muttered, shaking her head, enjoying his hand gently moving along her shoulder. “I hope I’m wrong about that . . .”
“Maybe we’ll get lucky this once,” he said. “Two’s enough in my book. We deserve some down time.”
Snorting softly, Tara said, “I’ve never had luck, Harper. It doesn’t figure in my world, believe me. I have to earn everything I get.”
“Well,” he rasped, leaning over, kissing her wrinkling brow, “that’s going to start changing right now.”
His lips brushed her flesh, sending wonderful sensations of pleasure through her. She felt her breasts tightening, her whole body catching fire, simmering, wanting Harper. As he drew away, his hand coming to rest over hers, calmness in his gray eyes, she felt the bubbly joy moving through her. “I hope you’re right.”
“Tell me what you want right now, Tara. Talk to me.”
Her voice was soft and filled with emotion. “I want more than your kisses, Harper. I want you. All of you. The wounded part of me is unsure. The healthy part of me is positive I want to get past all these hurdles and be with you.”
“We’ve been through so much, Tara. I think if you look back at your life in the military, you’ll see you were always a risk-taker. I was one in my military job, too. We both need to use that risk-taking side of ourselves and use it now. We did it and survived combat. You and I aren’t in combat with each other. We’re trying to find a way, a passage, toward the other. If you look at all you’ve survived in the military, you’ll know in your heart that we’re a risk worth taking. You and me,” and he held her gaze, waiting for her answer.
Harper was right. She tucked her lower lip between her teeth for a moment, glancing away, hearing the deep emotion, the yearning, the need for her, in his strained voice. “I remember my mom telling me that life wasn’t for the weak. Living was always going to be challenging. It takes courage and bravery to live. She warned me that there would be times when I’d be so scared that it would paralyze me. And she was right on all counts.” Melting beneath his tender gaze, she managed, “It’s time I risk my heart. I can’t keep listening to the negativity in my head. I need you, Harper. All of you. I’m willing to try . . .” and she choked, tears burning in her eyes over her decision.
He grazed her temple, looked beyond her for a moment, then settled his warm gaze on her.
“We’ll take this a step at a time, Tara. There isn’t going to be a rush or an urgency, and even though I feel like it inside, it’s not the right track to take with you, with myself, right now. Do you agree?”
Giving a jerky nod, she whispered, “Yes, no hurry, no expectations, Harper, because I’m so damned scared I feel like crying and running away sometimes.”
He sighed and gathered her up against him, his chin resting against her head. “Then we’ll be afraid together, okay? We’ll run toward each other, not away from each other when that happens. Fair enough?”
Closing her eyes, pushing back the tears, Tara managed, “Y-yes . . .”
“Look,” he said patiently, “the worst scenario is that we discover through a process of trial and error that we aren’t meant for each other. It’s all right, because at least we tried. We found out, Tara. And that’s better than living the rest of our lives wondering if we’d had the guts to walk toward each other, instead of running away from possible happiness. We just won’t know until we give ourselves permission to try. Do you agree?”
She managed a croak of a half laugh. “You’re always so logical and calm. Yes, I agree.”
He smiled and pressed a kiss to her temple. “The worst is out of the way, sweetheart. And you’re the one who has to set the ground rules for us. Tell me what you want and I’ll try to give it to you. Just because we’re trying to explore what we have doesn’t mean this fragile relationship of ours is a done deal one way or another.”
“I need to hear that, Harper, I really do.”
“We respect each other, Tara. We care about each other. And we’re sensitive to each other’s moods and ups and downs. We’re doing the best we can even though we’re pretty well fractured by PTSD.”
“Are you scared?” and she lifted her head from his chest, searching for and finding his warm gaze. His mouth, such a beautiful part of him, twisted a little.
“Scared just like you. But everything we’ve ever dreamed about having is always a challenge,” and he caressed her cheek. “We’ll do this even though we’re scared out of our minds, we’ll inch forward at your pace. You’ll talk with me, Tara, you’ll tell me what you want so I know where my boundaries are with you. I’m no mind reader. This is going to be tough going because neither of us is used to working on a relationship like ours. I tried and it ended in divorce.”
“Yes,” she sighed, “and I’ve been avoiding it like the plague, knowing I was broken in so many places.”
“Yet you’re a good human being, sweetheart. You’re kind and caring and you aren’t selfish. Despite your wounds, you’re whole in ways so many others aren’t. Don’t you see that?”
“I guess,” she muttered, shaking her head. “My parents raised me to be a responsible person to others; the world didn’t revolve around me. I’ve always been that way.”
“And you have no idea how much that appeals to me, Tara. I like you just the way you are.”
“Thanks,” she whispered, touching his roughened jaw.
“Where do you want to start? What’s comfortable for you? And we’ll take it from there.”
“You have a say in this, too, Harper.”
“Of course I do, but I’m on a learning curve right along with you. I learned by clamming up with Olivia that I lost the marriage. I’m going to force myself to talk with you, to let you know where I’m at emotionally. Otherwise? It’s not going to work. I’ll be making a lot of mistakes, Tara, and I hope you realize I’m far from perfect.”
“My mom always told me there was a man out there for me, the perfect puzzle piece, like a jigsaw puzzle, who would fit me perfectly.”
“I like how your mom sees the world,” he said, touched.
“Mom is a jigsaw puzzle addict. She loves putting puzzles together.” Tara laughed. “I don’t like puzzles, but she loves them. She’s always got two or three sitting around on her desk, or at one end of the counter at the hardware store, or wherever she can start a new one.”
He chuckled. “Well, I kinda like the idea of fitting another person. That’s a nice way to see us.”
Her smile softened and she leaned up, her lips against his. “I want to sleep with you tonight. I want to love you and I want you to love me. I know it won’t be perfect, but it doesn’t have to be. Are you game? Is this what you want, too?” and she allowed her lips to barely brush his, feeling his immediate reaction, his arm tightening around her.
“We want the same thing,” he managed, his voice low and thick with so many emotions.