Names. Dates. Facts. Argh! How was she supposed to memorize all this stuff? She’d so much rather watch a historical romance than read a never-ending list of numbers, but her history professor didn’t think that counted. And science? There weren’t any romantic science movies that she knew about, so there was no chance of hope for her there.
Chelsea lay flat on her back for a minute, staring at the ceiling, then rolled over and stood up. As soon as her feet hit the floor, her knee buckled, and she caught herself on the bedpost as pain radiated throughout her leg. Oh, no. This wasn’t good. She allowed herself to sit on the edge of the mattress for a second, and then she pushed to her feet again, being very careful to distribute the weight evenly between both legs. That was better, but she knew she had to get over to Dr. Michelle. Something was wrong.
She made it out of the cabin and managed to lower herself down the steps, but she didn’t see how she was going to make it all the way over to the spa this way. The pain was bringing tears to her eyes, and she wasn’t a crier. Maybe she should text her parents. She didn’t know where they were, but they couldn’t have gone too far, and they’d help her. Of course, that meant admitting pain, and that meant admitting weakness . . . She didn’t like that idea.
She did have one other number saved in her phone, though—for a person she knew she could count on. She just had to swallow her pride to do it.
Taking a deep breath, she pushed the button. She might be the most stubborn person she knew, but she wasn’t going to stand there at the bottom of her steps all day, in pain and looking like a dork.
“Um, hi, Joey.”
“Hey. What’s up?”
“Are you busy?”
“Not particularly. Just hanging out in the break room until our next swim.”
“Could you . . . well, I need some help.” She closed her eyes. This was so embarrassing, she didn’t even want to see herself say it. “I’m sort of stuck at my cabin, and I need to get over to the spa.”
“On my way.” He hung up, and she exhaled with relief. Now she just had to hang on to the stair rail for a few minutes, and she could do that.
When Joey arrived, he was riding a four-wheeler, which he parked right in front. “I didn’t know what you meant by ‘stuck,’ so I thought I’d come prepared,” he said, holding up a coil of rope.
She laughed, even though the pain was getting worse. “Were you going to tie the rope around my waist and pull me over to the spa?”
He shrugged. “Rope is a very good thing to grab when you aren’t sure what all you might need.”
She shook her head, smiling. “I don’t think we’ll need the rope, but I do appreciate the four-wheeler. I’ve done something to my knee, and this was as far as I could get.”
Joey glanced around. “Where are your parents?”
“I don’t know, but we don’t need to bother them.”
He shrugged again, and she could see that he wasn’t entirely satisfied with her answer, but he didn’t press. Instead, he said, “Well, hop on. Or should I say, hobble on. And I don’t think you should try for astride—side saddle works fine.”
He supported her while she took the three hesitant steps toward the four-wheeler, then climbed on in front of her. “Hold on,” he said over his shoulder. “I’m going to take this really slow so you don’t slide off.”
“Much appreciated. I don’t think I’d enjoy that very much.”
They rode over to the spa, a distance so short that it only took a minute, and then he supported her while she slid off. “Can you walk inside, or would it be better if I carried you?”
She raised an eyebrow. “Carried me? Do you see blood spurting everywhere? Is my leg dangling from one sinew?”
“Is that how bad it would have to be first?”
“Yeah, pretty much. Just let me hold on to you like I have been.”
“Okay. You know where your limits are.”
“Yes, and being carried is way, way over them.”
She was put in an exam room immediately, and they only had to wait a minute or two for Dr. Michelle. “What on earth have you done to yourself?” she asked when she came in.
“I was lying on my bed, and then I stood up, and something popped, and here I am. Oh, and Joey wanted to tie me on top of the four-wheeler, but I told him no.”
“That’s completely not true,” he protested.
Dr. Michelle smiled. “All right, let’s see what’s going on here. Joey, can you wait outside, please?” Once the door was closed, she felt around Chelsea’s knee, poking some really painful spots. “Hmm. You’re pretty inflamed. I’m going to grab an ice pack, and we can elevate and ice it while we talk. We need to get the swelling down so I can see what else is going on in there.”
Talk? Talk about what? The way she’d said that, Chelsea didn’t think she meant casual chitchat. This sounded more serious.
Dr. Michelle had Chelsea lie back on some pillows, then she arranged her leg just so and put the ice pack on it. “There now,” she said, pulling the stool closer. “Where are your parents today?”
“I’m not sure. I think they might be rafting.”
Dr. Michelle nodded. “Listen, Miss Chelsea. I know that there are a whole lot of things that aren’t my business, but there are a whole lot of things that are, and when something’s hurting your body, I need to ask about it. I’m only trying to help you heal.”
“You sound kind of . . . ominous,” Chelsea said, giving a nervous chuckle. “What do you want to know?”
Dr. Michelle crossed her legs and rested her arms on her top knee. “You’ve only been in here once so far, so I can’t claim to know everything, but I’ve picked up on some definite tension between you and your parents. There’s also something going on between you and school, and then another thing going on between you and Joey. Your body is carrying a great deal of stress, and if you don’t start getting some of this worked out, you’re going to do damage to yourself. Even more damage.”
“You’re saying that my emotions are showing up in my body?”
“That’s right. I know it sounds weird, but that’s how these things work. You are an entire unit—your mind, spirit, and body. If one part of you is out of whack, it influences the other parts.”
Chelsea pulled in a long breath. “Yeah, well, you could say that I’m pretty out of whack all over the place.” Without any warning whatsoever, tears started running down her cheeks. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”
Dr. Michelle handed her a tissue. “Do what anymore, Miss Chelsea?”
“This whole perfect daughter thing.” She wiped her eyes, but she knew it wouldn’t do any good because the tears were still coming. “It’s this crazy balance between looking right and acting right and performing academically and performing in the pool. I have to be perfect all the time or they don’t have any use for me. I keep telling myself that I have to be patient with them because that’s how they were raised, but this isn’t fair. It isn’t right.”
Dr. Michelle nodded. “You’re doing a good thing by trying to see this from their perspective and understand why they’re doing it, but you’re right—this isn’t how it should be. Their parents shouldn’t have put those kinds of expectations on them, and they shouldn’t have put them on you.”
She paused for a moment as if remembering. “I saw a talk show once years ago about something similar, and one key point stood out to me. Our parents instill in us certain things as we grow up, and then when we reach adulthood, we must go through and decide which of those things to keep and which to discard. It’s like weeding a garden and maybe choosing tulips instead of daffodils. Your parents could have chosen to weed out this need for perfectionism, but they allowed it to grow. What are you going to keep in your garden, Miss Chelsea?”
“Not this. Absolutely not this.” Chelsea felt as though a giant hand had reached into her chest and was squeezing it. “What can I do about it?”
“I’d say that you start right here and right now and start weeding that garden. You’re an adult—you don’t have to wait until you’re a parent yourself to start. You decide what you want for yourself. But here’s the hard part.”
Chelsea grimaced. “I knew there was a hard part.”
“There always is a hard part. That’s how we grow.” Dr. Michelle patted her shoulder. “You need to get honest with yourself, and then you need to sit down with your parents and be honest with them. And then you have to act on whatever you decide is true for you.”
Chelsea pressed the palms of her hands into her eye sockets. “You aren’t asking for much, are you?”
“Believe it or not, I’m not the one asking for it. You are. Your muscles are tense, your pupils are huge, and your pulse is rapid—I’ve been watching it there on your throat this whole time. And that’s just what I’ve observed sitting here—I’m willing to bet that if I ran some tests, I’d find that your adrenals are shutting down. Now, I’m not going to run that test—I’m just telling you what I think I’d find.”
“I do push a lot and feel like I’m not getting anywhere,” Chelsea admitted. “I just thought it was because I wasn’t strong enough.”
Dr. Michelle exhaled sharply. “Oh, good grief. We’re going to change that mindset right now. Your body can only do so much. Your mind can only do so much. Your spirit . . . well, you get the message. You are exhausted, Chelsea, and you have got to look at your life and reorganize it. You have to decide what you really want and then pull back on everything else. Trust me—this is what you need.”
Chelsea nodded. She could feel the truth of what Dr. Michelle was saying, even though she didn’t like it. Talking to her parents . . . that was going to be rough. Deciding what she really wanted . . . that was going to be hard too. Which of her dreams were really hers, and which were her parents’?
Dr. Michelle stood up and checked the ice pack. “I’m going to bring in the portable ultrasound machine and see if we can take a gander at your knee. If that doesn’t work, we’ll x-ray it. I have a sneaking suspicion that I know what’s going on, but first, a question. How much are you exercising it?”
“I’m swimming two hours at a time, three times a day.”
“And in between?”
“I stretch and do flex and extensions while I’m doing other things, like studying.”
Dr. Michelle tilted her head to the side. “So basically you’re exercising it all the time?”
“I’m moving it a lot, but I don’t know if it’s all the time.”
“Honey, you’re working it to death. You’ve got to give it time to heal.” She exhaled and shook her head. “I just want to wrap you up in a blanket and tell you to sleep for a million years. That’s how badly you need rest. For now, though, let’s get that ultrasound and see what we can find out.”
Chelsea closed her eyes and allowed a few more tears to dribble out while she waited. She felt as though her chest had been ripped open and grated, but at the same time, she felt relief and gratitude. Maybe she could finally stop running on this hamster wheel.