THE SECOND GIDEON heard the buzzer being pressed repeatedly, he knew it was Lucy. He hadn’t even tried to hide. He’d known what he was doing today and, as sick to his stomach as it made him, Roman was right—it was the right thing to do. Hurt her a little now and set her back on the path she’d carved out for herself.
Knowing that did nothing to prepare him for the fury on her face when he opened the door. “Lucy.”
“No, you do not get to Lucy me as if nothing’s changed.” She pushed into the apartment and spun to face him. “What the hell was that tonight, Gideon?”
He kept his expression stoic, knowing it would make everything worse. “I’m just doing what you contracted me for.”
She actually took a step back. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re going to take that stance now? What happened to you wanting me to pick you?”
“I was wrong.” It actually hurt to say the words aloud, and it hurt more to see the naked pain on her face. He forced himself to keep talking. A little hurt now, rather than a big hurt later. “This was fun, but you were right when you pointed out that I’m not the keeping kind.” She’d survived her breakup with Jeff. She’d bounce back even faster from this mistake with him.
Because that was how she’d see it in a few weeks—a mistake, a bullet dodged.
“You’re serious.” Lucy shook her head. “What happened between leaving my bed and writing me a note and...” She trailed off. “What did Roman say to you?”
She always had been smart. He let nothing show on his face. “He didn’t have to say anything. A little distance was all I needed to realize that we aren’t suited.”
“Aren’t suited.” She pressed a hand to her chest as if he’d reached out and hit her there. Gideon felt like he had. She finally took a deep breath and lifted her chin. “You’re a coward, Gideon Novak.”
He flinched. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“You. Are. A. Coward.” He could actually see her putting the pieces of herself back into place, though her bottom lip quivered, just a little. “Last night was too good and, I’ll be honest—it scared me, too. But the difference between you and me is that I fought that fear and focused on how good it could be.” She raked him with her gaze. “I’m not fighting for this. I spent too long fighting to be with someone who didn’t even try. I won’t do that again, Gideon. This was barely a bump in the road and you’ve already jumped ship. Fine. So be it.” Her lower lip quivered again, but she made an obvious effort to still it. “I chose you, and you didn’t choose me.”
It felt like she’d stabbed him and twisted the blade. “Lucy—”
“No. Your actions speak just as clearly as your words and I’m not stupid. I understand.” She drew herself up. “Consider our contract terminated. Keep the fee for all I care, as long as I never see you again.”
Gideon watched her walk out of his apartment—and out of his life. He shut the door softly behind her and walked to his kitchen and stared blankly out the window. It’s done. Something that took so much effort to coax into being, decimated in the course of a single day.
He braced his hands on the edge of the counter, an anchor to keep from chasing her down and trying to explain. There was no explaining this in a way that accomplished the severing of their relationship and left her pissed off enough to leave him behind for good. As much as he’d hated hearing it, Roman was right. Gideon hadn’t been thinking straight from the second Lucy contacted him. If he had been, he would have set her up with someone else for her matchmaking needs. He wasn’t qualified for either of the things she needed from him, and he sure as fuck wasn’t an unbiased party.
Letting his own selfish needs overshadow hers, and then convincing her to see things his way...
Yeah, there was no explaining that away. Cutting Lucy loose was the best thing he could have done for her.
He let his head drop between his shoulders. The best thing for Lucy, but he’d be riding this wave of pain for the foreseeable future. Getting out of town might help, but the memories of what they’d done here and elsewhere would still be waiting to ambush him when he returned.
No, better to stay and push through the worst of it.
A band around his chest formed, blisteringly hot and so tight he exhaled in a rush. He’d just ended things with Lucy.
Ended for good.
Gideon slumped against the counter. He’d known that woman for six damn years. Had been respectful of her relationship with Jeff and never said so much as a word out of line. Had backed the fuck off and left her alone after things had imploded so she wouldn’t have to look at his face and see a constant reminder of the lies she’d fielded.
Through it all, a small part of him had been sure that it would work out. One way or another, he’d find a path to Lucy. That he’d win her if he was just patient enough.
He huffed out a pained laugh. He should have known better. He’d been so busy putting her on a pedestal, he hadn’t stopped to ask what she wanted. Worse. He’d ignored what she’d wanted in favor of his own desires being met.
She hadn’t picked him.
If he hadn’t forced the issue, if he’d just stayed in the place she’d designated for him, he could have maintained their friendship. Would it be painful watching her marry another man? Fuck yes. It would have ripped his still-beating heart out of his chest to smile and congratulate her on picking a man who’d do as a husband.
But less painful than standing there, realizing he was never going to see her again.
* * *
Lucy wandered the streets for hours. She’d intended to go home, but the thought of four walls closing her in was too much to bear. It wasn’t any better on the street—the city itself boxed her into place, preventing her from running until she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, was too tired to process the level of Gideon’s betrayal.
He blamed himself for not telling her about Jeff’s cheating sooner. She knew that. She’d even used that to ensure he wouldn’t say no to helping her.
She’d also foolishly assumed that, when push came to shove, he’d get over it.
Lucy looked up and breathed a sigh that wasn’t quite relief. She dug out her phone and called. Her sister answered on the first ring. “What’s up?”
“I don’t suppose you’re home?”
All joking disappeared from Becka’s voice. “Yes. What’s wrong? What happened?”
Burning started in her throat, making it hard to swallow. “Buzz me up?”
“Yeah, right away.”
She hung up before her sister’s concern had her breaking down in the street. The walk up the rickety stairs to the tiny apartment Becka insisted she loved was a lesson in torture. As if her body knew she was almost safe and had decided now was the perfect time to break down completely.
Becka opened the door as she lifted her hand to knock. Her sister wore a pair of brightly printed workout pants and a sports bra with more straps than was strictly necessary. Lucy stopped short. “You have class.”
“I already got someone to cover for me, so don’t even think of turning around.” She stepped back. “Now, get in here and tell me everything while I make some tea I threw together this weekend.”
That almost brought a smile to Lucy’s face. “Is it better than the last batch?”
“The last batch was the exception to the rule, though thank you very much for reminding me of it.” She made a face. “I couldn’t get the taste of licorice out of my mouth for days, no matter how many times I brushed my teeth and drowned myself in mouthwash.”
“Live and learn.” Her voice caught, because living and learning was exactly what Lucy hadn’t done. She’d been so sure she knew her path, and yet the first chance she had to take a detour that would ruin everything, she’d jumped in headfirst.
“Sit. Immediately.” Becka took her coat and purse and tossed them onto the threadbare couch. Then she guided Lucy into a chair at the small dining room table and headed for the stove. The loft apartment meant Lucy only had to rotate a little to keep her sister in view.
Becka got hot water going in an ancient-looking kettle and doled out loose leaf tea into two wire tea steepers. The few minutes it took to get the water boiling was enough to calm Lucy’s racing thoughts a little. “I’m sorry to drop in like this.”
“What are sisters for if not to be there when you need them?” Becka poured the hot water into two mugs and brought them to the table. “This is about Gideon.”
She started to deny it, but what was the point? She’d locked down everything after the Jeff fiasco, and all it had done was completely isolate her from the world. Maybe talking through it with her sister was the right choice.
“I... He changed the rules on me. I had a fully fleshed-out plan, and every intention of following through on it, but I didn’t anticipate him. Our connection. He showed every evidence of wanting more with me—we even talked about it and he said so in as many words—and then I wake up this morning to find him gone.” She had to stop and focus on breathing for several moments. Even with the break, when she spoke again, her voice was strained. “I thought we were meeting tonight, but when I showed up to dinner, he’d set me up with another man.”
Becka’s blue eyes, so like Lucy’s, went wide. “I think you’re going to have to rewind to the part when you woke up alone. You had sex with Gideon?”
She’d left out that part of the plan, hadn’t she? Lucy cleared her throat and stared at the ever-darkening water of her tea. “We’ve been sleeping together since the initial agreement. It started out as a way to get my confidence back sexually, but things...changed.”
“They’ll do that when sex is involved.” She shot her sister a look, and Becka gave her wide eyes. “Not that I would know, of course. Your dear little sister is most definitely one hundred percent a virgin.”
She snorted. “I’d believe that if I hadn’t caught you and...what was his name?”
“Johnny Cash.” Becka laughed. “Don’t look at me like that. I know it wasn’t his real name, but I was eighteen and he was hot.” Her smile fell away. “So Gideon pulled a bait and switch on you? That’s seriously shitty, Lucy. I never pegged him for the type to play games like that, but I’ve been wrong before.”
“We Baudin women don’t have the best of tastes in men.”
“You can say that again.”
She was tempted to let them skirt into safer territory, but the raw feeling inside her only got worse with each minute that passed.
Lucy pulled her mug closer. “I promised myself that I wouldn’t fall in love again—that I wouldn’t even put myself in the position to do so. Feelings and caring on that depth only cause pain. I didn’t expect him. I couldn’t fight against the connection or the way he made me feel.” The burning in her throat got worse. “I thought we had a chance, Becka. A real chance. That maybe I didn’t miss my chance at a happily-ever-after, and maybe it could be with Gideon.”
“Oh, Lucy.”
She laughed, the sound vaguely liquid with unshed tears. “That’s very foolish, isn’t it?”
“It’s hopeful. There’s nothing wrong with hope.”
Except it was hope that had gotten her into this situation. It was because of hope that every beat of her heart felt as if someone were stabbing her. Hope had driven her to lay her heart bare for Gideon, and it’d gotten crushed in the process.
She took a drink, ignoring the way the hot water scalded her mouth. A small pain compared to her emotional wounds. “Screw hope. I want nothing to do with it anymore.”