Chapter 13
Lack of sleep affected Riordan from the moment he woke. At breakfast, he drank three cups of strong coffee—not his preferred hot beverage—hoping it would shake the cobwebs from his mind—and dissipate lingering images of Sabrina writhing with passion in his bed.
The kiss. God, the kiss. He had indulged in a few dalliances, kissed his fair share of young ladies. But the brief one he shared with Sabrina in the darkened alley made every woman fade into the mists of his past. Her hesitance showed she’d not been kissed much. Not with genuine affection. But she’d soon returned it, pressing her lips to his. He wanted to devour her, taste every inch of her hot mouth, but he instinctively understood he would have to be patient.
For he had no intention of keeping his distance. Boundaries be damned. He’d never felt this way before. Never would he have believed that he could find an emotionally damaged widow appealing—by her own admission, Sabrina was all that and more. Behind her protective wall, he truly believed that a passionate woman waited for someone to show her affection and attention. How he yearned to be the man to scale the barrier and hold her in his arms. Show her what true intimacy consisted of.
After all, he had overheard part of her conversation with Mary before supper. He hadn’t meant to; he was about to knock when their voices carried into the hall. Blasted thin walls. She spoke of damaged trust and deep-seated fears, wounded pride and lost innocence. It tore at his heart, yet explained much: the aloofness, the pulling away from his touch, and the fright he’d observed in her shuttered expression at various intervals. Her marriage must have been worse than he originally imagined.
But now a spark of hope flickered in his soul. “I do not want to like him…but I do. I do not want to be attracted to him…but I am. It can go no further.” His heart had soared at her words, proof that he more than liked her. Hell, he could even be falling for her.
He had less than three months to show her that the attraction and liking could go further. It would be a challenge, and one he should not rush. The fact they were becoming friends was an excellent start. Slow and careful would win the day. Yet telling lies was not a solid foundation on which to build a relationship. Last night at dinner he’d been nauseous repeating the factory story. Technically, he hadn’t claimed the ten thousand pounds came from her father, but he doubted that she would parse his words that finely when his deception came to light.
When Sabrina mentioned the Wollstonecraft name he had choked. Kent was not far away; could he manage to keep his identity secret? What a tangled web. Damn her loutish father for calling his family “smug, do-gooder attention mongers.” This from a man who could not even be bothered to sit on the local board of education. The baron probably spent most days in his study, drinking brandy, content to allow others to attend to societal tribulations.
He must be in dire straits if he sold his daughter’s wardrobe to the local dress shop. Sabrina did not suspect. Riordan would do all in his power to protect her from the truth. She would be devastated to learn that her father sold her not once, but twice. How could a man treat his only child with such contempt and utter disregard?
As he escorted the ladies into William’s office, he banished such disturbing thoughts. After introductions, they all took their seats, he and Sabrina in front of William’s desk, Mary in a chair along the wall, close enough to participate in the conversation.
“I have two agreements for you to sign, my lady,” William explained as he opened the folder.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Sabrina said, “but I would like to make a slight amendment to the settlement. Instead of twenty percent, I wish for Riordan to have twenty-five percent.”
Damn. He was touched by her generosity. He was about to speak, but William beat him to it.
“Lady Pepperdon, Riordan has indicated to me that he does not want any part of the settlement. The full ten thousand is to go to you on the day the annulment is finalized. This agreement reflects his request.”
She turned to look at him; her beautiful eyes glistened with unshed tears. “Oh, Riordan. You’re kindness itself. But you are making a huge sacrifice and should be compensated accordingly. You deserve it.” Yes, underneath was a woman of immense emotion, and when it managed to bubble to the surface, it made her all the more alluring. Though her vulnerability was appealing, so too her determined desire to move on with her life on her own terms. God, he admired her for it.
Taking her hand, he brushed a kiss across it. “You will need every last farthing for your new life. Allow it to be my gift to you.”
Sabrina did something he didn’t expect: she leaned in and cupped his cheek with her free hand. He closed his eyes, drinking in the warmth from her touch. Time stood still, as if there was no one else in the room with them. But there is. He snapped open his eyes and found William staring at them incredulously, with one eyebrow arched.
Riordan cleared his throat. “The agreements?” Sabrina pulled her hand away and faced William.
“Of course.” William dipped the pen into the ink and handed it to Sabrina. “Read them over. The first agreement states that the money is yours on the day the annulment is granted. The second agreement is signed by your father, claiming the money will be deposited here after the marriage takes place. All the arrangements have been made with the baron’s bank.” William slid the papers across the desk for her to reach.
“What if…what if the ecclesiastical court does not grant the annulment?” she asked. “It could happen.”
A small part of Riordan hoped it would be the case. Marriage appealed to him. He was not his brother. Empty affairs soon lost all his interest. It had not taken long to come to the conclusion that he would much prefer an intimate, long-lasting relationship. A partnership. Lovers and friends. But this was about Sabrina and her fervent wish for independence.
“It could, but the chance is remote. However, if it happens, there is a clause in this agreement stating that the money is yours, and no one else can lay claim to it, not even your husband.” William paused, inclining his head toward Riordan. “On the slim possibility the annulment is refused, Riordan will not stand in your way if you wish to continue on with your plans regardless. Your independence—on your terms. You will live separately, though legally married.”
The ramifications of this significant point hit home with Riordan. If she decided to move ahead with her plan to live by the sea, he would be left in marital limbo. There would be no remarriage. No children. No future with any woman, unless he took a mistress. Rather bleak, when he thought about it. His father and grandfather had certainly had one or two short-term mistresses throughout the years, and they were content enough with their lives. But they had been married previously, and were widowers with children. In his haste to assist her, he had not fully comprehended all the variables.
Sabrina must have been having similar thoughts, for she turned toward him. “You’re giving up far more than I realized. How utterly selfish of me.”
“Sign the agreements, Sabrina,” he encouraged. “I will have a full and satisfying life, you need not worry. This will ensure that you will as well.”
Taking the sheets of paper, she reclined in the chair and read the forms. As she did, William turned his attention to Mary. “Miss Tuttle, Riordan would like to give you a portion of the pay that was owed to you by the baron. Unfortunately, the man refused to see to the obligations of your employment. Riordan will be reimbursed when the money comes through. Would five pounds suffice, with the balance of fifteen pounds and what you are owed for three months to be paid on the date of the annulment? Again, if not granted, I’m sure Lady Pepperdon will see that you are compensated.”
“Thank you, Mr. Chambers, it will be more than sufficient,” Mary replied.
Riordan glanced at Sabrina. Her brows were furrowed as she continued to read the documents. The room was quiet as they waited for her to sign. “I need to speak to Riordan. Privately. Do you mind, Mr. Chambers?”
William stood. “Not at all. Miss Tuttle and I will wait in the outer office. Though I must remind you of our appointment at the registrar’s office at noon.”
“Yes. Thank you.”
William and Mary departed, closing the door behind them.
“What is it, Sabrina?” Riordan asked.
She set the papers on the desk. “For once in my life, I’m not going to think of myself. I cannot allow this to go forward. I must admit that in my haste to escape my father and his abject plans for me I did not take in all considerations. For either one of us. This could go wrong in many ways.” She turned to face him. “You are a young man. What if you meet a woman and fall in love? You could never marry her if we were still bound together—if the annulment is not granted. What of children?” She shook her head. “We must call this off.”
Damn. After all he went through to get them to this point. “And how will you live?” he asked quietly.
“I have more jewelry to sell…and other items.”
“It will not be enough to live on for any extended period. You’ve broken with your father. There is no going back, only forward.” He paused, wondering what to say next. He did not want to force her into this temporary marriage. “Perhaps I can raise enough money….”
“No. Absolutely not. I cannot be beholden to anyone. The debt would hang over my head, and I have no way to reimburse the amount. I could never accept a loan, from you or anyone else.” Her tone was firm and adamant.
Wonderful. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. How could he ever reveal it was his money and not the baron’s? Tell her now, his inner voice whispered. Before it’s too late. He decided to take another tack. “Have you considered the possibility that we could make this marriage work?”
She blinked at him, her mouth slightly agape, no doubt from shock—he’d shocked himself. Yes, he’d briefly considered it, but sitting here with her, his emotions in turmoil, the idea held merit. “Hear me out: We get along. As you said, we’re already friends. It is more than some people have. Perhaps more than most.” He took her hand; it trembled in his. “I would never make demands of you, dominate you, or humiliate you. As far as the physical aspect, I’m a patient man, and I would wait until you are comfortable with us—”
Sabrina pulled her hand from his. Her expression held a degree of horror. “You’re no better than the marquess or my father, after all. You’re trying to…trap me.”
Damn it, was he? “No. Never.”
“I don’t want a real marriage. If we do this, it is a temporary arrangement. I must have your word on this, or I cannot go through with it.”
Well, he’d bungled this thoroughly. A wave of disappointment rolled through him. It appeared he was young and foolish after all. He’d splayed open his heart, literally handed it to her, and she’d tossed it back at him. “My apologies for suggesting it. You have my word. If you wish this to be temporary, then it shall.” He took her hand again, holding it firm. “Allow me to explain about myself. I don’t like being told what to do or being pushed about any more than you do. Nor shall I be told how and what to feel. I will not act as a stranger toward you. I can only be who I am. You must accept this, or I cannot go through with it.” He threaded his fingers through hers. They had removed their gloves when they first stepped into the office, making the touch of skin against skin stimulating—even more heated than when she’d touched his cheek earlier. “Make a decision, Sabrina. Stand up for what you want. For I shall. Every time.” And to my complete astonishment, I want you.
* * * *
The way he looked at her. The intensity of his gaze. Sabrina’s mind was in a whirl. Make the marriage work? He’d no idea what she’d endured. Perhaps she should have told him, at least enough to make him understand the reason why she did not want such an arrangement again. This false, transitory marriage she could endure, knowing at the end she could walk away and start her new life.
Could she take him at his word? He did state this would be temporary…but what if the decision was not theirs to make? Sabrina glanced down at their clasped hands. Her skin burned where he touched her. Her insides were aflame. This must be desire. What else could it be, unless she was suffering from a stomach ailment? I can only be who I am. Why did the statement simultaneously thrill and alarm her? The way he spoke, with such firm conviction, confidence, and emotion…she was not used to it at all.
Make a decision.
Her desire for freedom took on fresh significance. This was her plan, and she wanted to be in complete control of it. But whatever power she held over the situation slipped away in Riordan’s presence. Every time he touched her. If she wanted the money and her future, she had to move forward. Make a decision.
Slipping her hand from Riordan’s, she snatched the pen from the desk, dipped it in ink, and signed the forms. It was done. Sabrina pushed her chair from the desk and stood. “We had best recall Mr. Chambers and Mary and depart.”
Riordan stood and clasped her shoulders, turning her to face him. “You won’t regret this, Sabrina. It will all work out the way you wish.”
She walked away from him and opened the door. “You may come in. The forms are signed.” Mr. Chambers and Mary entered the room.
“Are you well, my lady? You look pale,” Mary whispered.
Sabrina glanced at Riordan, who stood close to Mr. Chambers. They were deep in conversation and examining the papers. Riordan picked up the pen as Sabrina turned to face Mary. “I’ll be fine. Last minute doubts. Let us get this over with.”
Within minutes they were strolling down the street to the registrar’s office. Riordan escorted Sabrina; Mr. Chambers walked beside Mary. Once they entered the office and introductions were done, the registrar wasted no time. The words were brief, spoken officiously. They exchanged vows they had no intention of keeping. “Solemnly declare…no lawful impediment…take as your wedded husband…”
It passed in a blur. Before she knew it, Riordan had taken her hand. “I promise to care for you above all others, to give you my love and friendship, support and comfort, and to respect and cherish you throughout our lives together.” The words brought her up sharp, startling her out of the haze she’d been in. Were these words part of the civil ceremony? Why did they make her heart ache with longing?
She blinked, more than once, not knowing what to do or say. Everyone looked at her, waiting for a response. “I…promise to care for you above…” Her voice died. She couldn’t remember the rest. Her mind drew a complete blank.
“All others,” Riordan gently encouraged.
Sabrina made the mistake of gazing into his striking face. Oh. No man had ever looked at her with such affection before. It was as if he meant the words—no, he acted the part of the eager groom, nothing else. “All others…to give you my…my…”
“Love and friendship,” he replied, his voice soft and husky.
This was far more intense than she’d imagined it would be. The air was thick with emotion. With a determined effort, she quickly recited the rest of the words without hesitating. The registrar declared them married.
Then Riordan cupped her face, his thumbs caressed her cheeks. My heavens, was he going to kiss her? He leaned in close. “I thought a kiss was not part of the civil ceremony?” she whispered.
He angled his head, a small smile curved about his mouth. “It’s part of this one.” He captured her lips with a bracing, wild kiss she did not expect. Not possessive, but bold and confident, passionate, and she gasped from the pleasurable shock of it. As she gasped, Riordan deftly slipped his tongue into her mouth and swept it about, tasting her, causing her legs to tremble.
It was over. The registrar offered his congratulations. “My best wishes, Mr. Black. My lady.” The voices grew fainter as the room began to spin. No, she would not swoon. She reached out, looking to grab something to steady herself. Riordan slipped his arm about her waist and pulled her close. His enticing scent of lime and bergamot allowed her to focus.
“I’ve got you,” he murmured close to her ear. His warm breath fanned her neck, causing the hairs at her nape to stand upright.
That’s what worried her. Had she stupidly placed herself in the possession of yet another man? A lump formed in her throat. Only this could be the one man she did not want to escape, and the prospect frightened as much as it excited her.
She was married. To a handsome man who stood as the ideal hero of her youthful dreams. How on earth would she be able to protect her heart?