Chapter Twenty-Five

 

“Again?” I questioned.

They both nodded. “Pwease?”

That simultaneous speak was starting to get a bit less weird. Maybe.

“One more time, then you have to go to bed.”

They both looked at me with wide eyes and nodded again.

“Okay, fine. You twisted my arm.” I’d just opened the front cover of the book to read it for a third time when Brantley’s shout of “Shit! Eli? Ellie?” sounded.

“In here,” they chorused.

I shuddered.

Maybe it wasn’t getting less weird.

He rushed into the front room, stopping dead when he saw us. His hair was a mess, and he had the look of someone who was both frustrated and confused.

“Hi,” I said brightly. “Welcome back.”

He blinked at me. “I’m so confused.” He scrubbed his hand through his hair. “I don’t even know what time it is. There’s no way I’ve been on the phone that long.”

The twins, bless them, nodded sagely. “Hours, Daddy,” Eli said dramatically.

“We omost starved!” Ellie added.

“Oh, stop it. No, you didn’t. We found food just in time, didn’t we?” I said to them.

“I don’t know,” Eli continued. “It was cwose.”

“Close! Close? Oh, yes. Look at you. You’re skin and bone.” I gently prodded his side and he dissolved into a fit of giggles.

Brantley blinked at us. “I don’t know what’s happening here.”

To be honest, he looked exhausted.

“Well,” I said, closing the book and putting it on the coffee table. “Me and Ellie finally got done with the coffee table around six. We came down and you were on the phone, so after some attempted Cirque De Soleil moves, we rustled up the delicacy that is soup and grilled cheese, drank some milk and found some pajamas, and read about a dinosaur who poops everything out. Twice. We were about to read it a third time when you graced us with your presence.”

“Wait. What is the time?”

“Seven-thirty.”

“Jesus.” He rubbed his hand over his face. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even realize.”

“It’s okay. We’re all good, right?” I looked at both twins. “We had fun.”

They both nodded. “Bedtime now?” Ellie asked.

“Yes. For sure. Come on. I’ll take you up.” Brantley blew out a long breath. “Say goodnight to Kali.”

“Goodnight, Kawi!” they sang, scrambling up off the sofa. Then, they both stopped, turned, and jumped on me. I shrieked as I caught them, and they both planted a big kiss on my cheeks.

“Fank you,” Eli said.

“Goodnight,” Ellie echoed.

I squeezed them both with a laugh. “Night, guys.”

They grinned and got back up, running off to the stairs again. Brantley stared at me for a moment and held up a finger.

“Will you wait for me to come back before you leave?” he asked tentatively.

“Sure.” I smiled.

He looked as though he wanted to say something else, but changed his mind. He followed after the twins, and I looked at their piles of dirty clothes on the floor.

Brantley looked shattered, as if he could fall asleep standing up.

I got up and grabbed them, then ran them through the back to the utility area just off the kitchen. I put them in the dirty laundry, then returned to the front room and picked up the dinosaurs who had been attending Barbie’s wedding to Batman.

Then, with my hand around the tail of a T-rex, I froze.

I stared down at the toy in my hand.

Who had I become?

Not long ago, the idea of children terrified me. They were tiny, loud hellions who shouted and screamed. They were gross and dirty and messy.

Now, here I was. I’d taken over seamlessly, feeding them and getting them ready for bed, and now, I was picking up toys. Putting their dirty clothing in the laundry basket.

The scariest part?

It felt completely natural.

Sure, the twins had been scarily well-behaved, but that wasn’t the point.

A part of me…A part of me felt like I belonged here.

I took a deep breath and dropped Mr. T-rex into the toybox. He roared as he collided with a dump truck, but I muffled that by slapping the lid on top of the box.

My mouth was dry. When had I changed from a kid-hater to playing…well, playing mom? When had it happened? Was there a point, or had something changed?

Was it acceptance of feelings for Brantley?

Was it his acknowledgment of feelings for me?

Or had I just fallen so irrevocably in love with two, three-feet-tall pre-schoolers? With tiny hands and sassy grins and dimpled cheeks?

I mean, I hadn’t even thought twice about getting them ready for bed tonight. I’d just done it, like I knew what I was doing, when I didn’t. Not at all. I didn’t know where their pajamas were. I didn’t know where to put that stupid pooping dinosaur book away.

I didn’t know anything.

Except for the fact I was screwed. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Between breaking hearts and healing them.

Maybe even breaking my own.

Shit.

I ran my fingers through my hair. The band from this morning’s braid was around my wrist, and I pulled my hair into a rough, loose twist on top of my head.

I needed a drink. My mouth was so dry I doubted I could speak.

I walked into the kitchen and got some water from the fridge. I drank and drank, stupidly hoping it would calm the rapid beats of my heart.

Kids.

I was in love with two kids who had stolen my heart.

And their dad was doing the same thing.

And now, after this evening, my question wasn’t “could I do it?”

It was, “Am I good enough for this family?”

I didn’t want to ask it. I didn’t want to know the answer.

“Kal—oh, there you are.”

I turned at the sound of his voice.

Regret settled over his expression, and he wiped his hand over his jaw. “I’m so fucking sorry, Kali. What was meant to be a simple phone call turned into an intern fucking up three accounts, and me having to call every man and his mother to get it sorted out again.”

“It’s fine,” I said. And I meant it. “They weren’t a problem at all. They were perfect for me.”

“That’s not the point. I’ve already asked so much of you—Jesus, I didn’t even know the time. I thought it’d been half an hour, not over two.” He leaned against the counter and rubbed his face. He was frustrated with himself, and it was plain to see he was trying to keep it together.

Nothing I said to him right now would change that.

So, I acted instead.

I put the bottle on the table and walked to him. He still had his face buried in his hands, so I gently reached up, clasped his wrists, and pulled his hands away.

Guilty eyes found mine.

I leaned in and kissed him.

A gentle touch, meant to do nothing more than take some of the frustration away from him.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into him, and softly kissed me back. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing, especially after our conversation earlier, but it was all I wanted to do.

I wanted him to know that I didn’t care.

That I wasn’t angry or annoyed. That I didn’t blame him, because shit happened.

“Point taken,” he muttered when I pulled back slightly. He didn’t release me, though. “Were they really good?”

I nodded. “I came down and Eli was watching TV. Apart from him trying to give Ellie a leg-up into the cupboard and them watching me cook while sitting on the table…”

“All in all, it was a success.”

“Nobody got hurt, so yes.”

He half-smiled, and it actually reached his eyes. “You know, it’s funny. For someone who admits she doesn’t want kids, you’re amazing with them.”

I looked into his eyes. “Your kids make it easy to be.”

“Clearly, you’re forgetting that time when you bathed them.”

“No. I just learned the lesson not to bath them.”

He laughed, and I could see the tension leave his body. “Lucky you. I wish I had that option.”

I grinned. “You need to have something to eat.”

“Are you bossing me around now?”

Nodding, I flattened my hands against his chest. “Yes. You need to eat something.”

“Can’t I just have you instead?” He slid his hands down to cup my ass.

“Food and sleep would be more sensible,” I started, my breath hitching.

“I’m sensible all day. You make me want to be stupid.”

“Are you trying to say that being with me is stupid?”

Brantley paused. “See, I feel like no matter what I say here will be wrong. This is a trap, isn’t it?”

I raised my eyebrows. “I don’t know. Do you think it’s a trap?”

“That’s definitely a trap.”

I did my best not to laugh, but I’d never had a poker face, so that attempt lasted all of five seconds before it collapsed and I burst out laughing.

“I knew it,” he muttered. “I’m not hungry.”

“Lies. You have to be hungry.”

He shook his head. Then, with strength that shouldn’t have surprised me, he gripped my waist and pushed me back toward the table.

“What are you doing?”

“Ssssh,” he whispered, pushing me until my butt bumped the edge. He picked me up, sitting me on the edge, and stepped between my legs. “Shut up and let me kiss you.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I think I just squashed a bit of grilled cheese with my hand.”

He pulled back slightly. “That’s a turn-on if ever I heard one.”

“Squished grilled cheese,” I said, picking up my hand and confirming my thoughts. “Helping libidos everywhere.”

He removed the offending, half-eaten sandwich, and did a quick sweep of the table to make sure nothing else would get in the way of what was clearly about to become a make-out session.

I was okay with this. Especially when he got a cloth wet and wiped off my hand.

“There. Now, will you shut up and let me kiss you?”

“Are you going to do it anyway?”

“Yes. And I have half a mind to end with giving you an orgasm because you deserve it.”

I eyed him. “We’ll see.”

He grinned, then swooped. Lips on mine, hot as hell, and all too addictive. His hands massaged up my legs, over my hips. He flattened one on the table and pressed the other against my back to stop me falling backward.

His tongue flicked against my lips.

I bit his lower one.

He chuckled, making me grin. His hand crept up my back, and our bodies were pressed close together when he kissed me again. His tongue battled mine, and I felt this kiss all over. My nipples hardened and my clit ached, and I knew without a doubt that I needed him inside me again tonight.

I needed more.

I needed to make sure the way I felt was right—that I hadn’t been clouded by sex. Not that having more sex was the best idea to fix it, but still.

Then, I froze at a knock.

We stopped kissing, and at the same time, turned our heads so we were facing the doorway.

There, we found two pairs of eyes, fixed firmly on us.

And I had never seen such a look of disgust on tiny people in all my life.

“Ew,” Eli moaned. “That’s yucky.”

Brantley released me and cleared his throat. “Why are you out of bed?”

“There’s a spider in my woom,” Ellie announced.

“And a fwy in mine,” Eli said. “Can we swap the bugs?”

“No. We cannot swap the bugs.”

“Can I sweep in Ewwie’s woom, then?”

“Sure, but I bet Ellie wants the spider gone.”

She shook her head emphatically. “No. He’s called Bob.”

A spider named Bob.

How original.

“Right,” Brantley said slowly. “Eli, grab your stuff and get in the opposite end of her bed, okay? Feet to feet like you used to do.”

He nodded, and they both ran back up the stairs like a herd of baby elephants.

Brantley took a deep breath and looked at me. “It’s like they don’t want me to get laid.”

I laughed and jumped off the table. “So dramatic. You just went in too early. Rookie mistake. And now you have to answer all the kissing questions.”

He groaned. “The good news is that I finally have my bedroom to myself.”

He looked at me pointedly.

“Oh god, no. That’s a bad idea and you know it!”

“Stay.” He pulled me into him. “Please. Stay with me tonight.”

I wavered. On one hand, it was a terrible idea. On the other hand…

“Kali, please,” he said in a low, husky voice, sliding his hands down my back.

“Fine,” I whispered. “But you’re cooking me breakfast.”

He kissed me, smiling. “Done.”

 

***

 

Waking up to the feeling of a hard, hot body behind mine and a heavy arm over my waist was a new one. It’d been two or three years since I’d been in a relationship and spent the night with anyone.

I wasn’t sure what this was with Brantley, but as I slowly opened my eyes and wriggled, I liked it.

“Stop wriggling,” he murmured, slipping his arm beneath the covers and hooking it around my waist. He pulled me right back into him, tucking my butt against his groin and tangling our legs.

“I wanna see what time it is,” I whispered, leaning over and blindly patting my hand around the nightstand for my phone. My fingers connected with it. I almost knocked it off, but somehow managed to save it before it fell onto the floor.

I hit the power button on the side and winced as the brightness blinded me. Quickly unlocking it and changing it, I was able to check the time.

Six-thirty.

“Aw, shit,” I said.

“What?”

“I have twelve missed calls from my mom.” I dropped my head back down onto the pillow. “And a text message demanding to know why my car was still parked outside yours at eleven last night.”

Brantley buried his face in the pillow and laughed.

“Don’t laugh. She’s insisting on breakfast. Since this sleepover was your idea, why don’t you come and explain it to her?”

He propped his head up, his elbow digging into the pillow, and looked down at me. “What exactly am I supposed to say to her? “Sorry, Mrs. Hancock. I kept your daughter at my house all night so I could fuck her senseless?””

I frowned. “A little less graphic might be the way to go.”

“Just be honest and tell her you spent the night. Who’s she gonna tell?”

He had a point. While my mom was at the center of every gossip circle in town, she only ever received gossip about me. She never gave it out.

“Mmph,” I hmped. “I need to speak to her anyway. May as well kill two birds with one stone.”

He nodded. “Now, put down your phone and come back to sleep for an hour.”

“Hang on.” I quickly replied to Mom’s text confirming I’d be home at eight for breakfast and then put my phone down.

“Thank you,” he said when I settled back under the covers.

“You’re grumpy in the morning.”

“You woke me up. I had a plan to wake up before you and seduce you, but now I’m awake with an uncomfortable erection.”

I shifted and rolled over to face him. “That’s not my fault.”

“Your bare ass has been against it all night. It’s one hundred percent your fault.”

“You’re the one who made me spend the night.”

“I didn’t make you do anything.”

“True, but you gave me a very compelling argument.”

He hooked one arm under my neck and hugged me into him. “Mhmm. It’s eight inches long and likes you very much.”

“I can’t say the feeling isn’t mutual.”

He chuckled and squeezed me. “Stop it, or I might start to think you don’t want to go back to sleep.”

I leaned up and blinked. “Maybe I don’t.”

“Mm?”

“What’s the point of going back to sleep for an hour?”

“You’re right.” He effortlessly flipped me onto my back and positioned himself between my legs. “I can make you come at least three times in that hour.”

“Ambitious,” I said, running my hands up and down his arms. “You think?”

“I know.” He dropped down and kissed me. His cock brushed against my clit, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, giving him the chance to deepen the kiss.

He did.

Desire built as we kissed. We’d both only had a few hours sleep, so there was no reason for me to be so awake, much less this…needy.

All I knew was that I still wanted more of Brantley.

Still both naked from the night before, he made easy work of turning me on, traveling down my body in a succession of touches and kisses, from my neck to my nipples and down my stomach. He slid down the bed, taking the covers with him, and parted my legs with a gentle grip.

He glanced up at me seconds before he flicked his tongue over my clit.

My hips twitched. It was crazy, how such a gentle touch could evoke such a reaction.

I threw my arm over my eyes as he explored me with his tongue. He was a master at it—the way he took his time yet brought me close to the brink so quickly was a miracle. He dangled pleasure in front of me only to take it away again, and I both loved and hated that.

Because, when I finally came, it was the best fucking orgasm. And he knew it, because he slid back up my body with a smug smile.

I blushed as our eyes met.

“One,” he murmured, holding my gaze before going back down.

I gasped when he closed his mouth around my clit and sucked, flexing his tongue against it. It was so tender, and I gripped the sheets as heat washed through me once again.

Jesus Christ—he’d been down there ten seconds and already, I was on the edge.

A second one slammed into me. He’d barely done anything, and I was biting my lip to keep from moaning too loudly. He kept his tongue there until I stilled, when he once again leaned over me, this time, with his cock already positioned at my pussy.

He slid in easily, whispering, “Two.”

Note to self: he took a challenge seriously.

Long, slow thrusts into me covered both our bodies in a thin sheen of sweat.

This time was different.

Not like the first time against the wall—and not like last night, where it’d be hard and fueled by pure lust. This time was gentle, almost sweet, and although a part of me wanted it quicker and harder, I knew it wasn’t right.

I knew this was.

This slow, easy sex wasn’t a raw fuck. It was raw emotion, and I felt it in the way that he kissed me as he moved. In the way his fingertips moved across my skin almost reverently.

In the way my heart skipped a beat when our eyes met and I gasped.

In his eyes, I saw something.

It was a mere flash, a shadow passing over his gaze, but before I could grasp hold of it, he kissed me again. Deeper, and he fucked me a little harder, too. Not much harder, but enough that with a raise of my legs, burying himself further inside me with each thrust.

And pretty soon…

I forgot all about it.

 

***

 

“Shit,” was all I could say as I pulled up in my driveway.

I was an hour late, and my mom’s car was sitting there. My curtain twitched in the front room, so she’d obviously brought her spare key and let herself in.

I was really hoping to have been able to get in and shower and not have this conversation while wearing Brantley’s t-shirt.

Damn it.

That’s what happens when I have the great idea to have sex and fall asleep right after.

Of all the times the twins could interrupt us, waking us up would have been a great one.

We won’t even discuss the fact I ran out while Brantley was struggling to explain in kid-speak why I was in his bed this morning.

On one hand, I wanted to thank my mom. On the other… No. Not at all.

I got out of my truck and walked toward the front door. Hell, I was twenty-six, and I felt like I was about to get an interrogation about where I’d been all night. Like I was eighteen and past curfew or something.

I actually felt a little shame.

Dear god.

I shut the door behind me. Mom was sitting on my sofa, legs crossed, and her hands resting on her knee.

“Well, good morning,” she said without turning around.

Which was when I looked in the mirror and made eye contact.

“I’m just going to—” I pointed toward the stairs. “Yeah.”

“Kali! Get back here!”

I took the stairs two at a time and slammed myself into the bathroom before she could follow me. Luckily for me, there were two towels on the rail.

I took my time showering and cleaning up. By the time I finally stepped out from under the water, I was sure I’d never been so clean in my life. I could practically hear myself squeaking with cleanliness as I made the dash into my room to get dressed.

I’d just picked up my blow dryer when she knocked at my door. “Kali. Are you dressed?”

I started the hairdryer.

It didn’t deter her. Clearly, she’d had enough of my shit, and she was coming in whether I was dressed or not.

Which was why I’d had a lock on my door as a teenager. I’d never imagined needing one in my own home, though.

“Good morning,” I said brightly. “Sorry, I was late. I slept in.”

She took the hairdryer out of my hands, turned it off, and put it on top of my dresser. “And just why were you sleeping in, young lady? And where exactly was that?”

I wanted to tell her there were some things parents didn’t need to know about their kids, but instead I mumbled something incoherent and took a step back.

She pointed to my bed in a wordless order.

I sat down. Like a disgraced toddler.

“Explain to me why your car was parked at Brantley Cooper’s house at eleven p.m. last night and was apparently still there this morning. And why you came in wearing something that looked suspiciously like a men’s t-shirt.”

I paused. “Do you, er…Do you really want me to go into it?”

She waved her hands and sat next to me. “Well, I guess you broke the ‘no cavorting with clients’ rule.”

See? That was a real line, no matter how much he laughed at me.

“Couple times,” I answered. “Oops?”

Mom laughed. “I knew exactly what you were doing there. So did your father.”

“Oops.” That time, I meant it.

“Oh, it was obvious. Every time I mentioned him you got all dreamy-eyed. Like that time you were convinced you were going to marry Justin Timberlake when I took you to see him in concert.”

“That might still happen.”

She rolled her eyes. “Talk to me, honey. I can see you have something on your mind.”

“Can we get coffee first?”

“Sure. I’ll make us some. Come down with me.”

I snagged a hair tie from the pot on my dresser, along with my brush, and followed her down. I took a seat at the kitchen table and did my hair while she made coffee.

A few minutes later, she set two mugs on the table and sat down. She didn’t say a word as I toyed with my braid. She simply sat, drank her coffee, and waited.

“I know we already had this chat. Kinda,” I started. “But, how did you know? That you could take on someone else’s child?”

She raised her eyebrows. The surprise registered on her face for a second before she realized and smoothed out her features. “I just knew. I didn’t wake up one morning with an epiphany that I was Mother Teresa or something.”

“Damn. I think that would have been easier.”

She nodded once. “Very much so. This question tells me that the way you feel about a certain family has changed an awful lot.”

I sipped my coffee before setting it down and wrapping my hands around the mug. I wasn’t cold, but goosebumps prickled over my skin. “I don’t know how it happened,” I admitted. I explained to her what had happened last night, and how easily I’d settled into a role that looked after them both without blinking.

“You love them. The twins.” It was a statement.

I nodded, looking into my mug. “They’re easy to love. Hard work, but easy to love. But, when does that stop becoming a novelty? I did it because I could. Not because I had to.”

“I disagree,” she said softly. “You knew Brantley was working. You knew it was obviously something important—something that couldn’t be interrupted. Someone had to look after the twins, and you did it.”

“But, the responsibility. When it becomes a responsibility and not just a one-time thing, then what?”

Mom studied me for a moment. “You’re afraid.”

“I’m not…afraid,” I said uncertainly. “I’m…I don’t know. This wasn’t my plan. I didn’t want kids. I didn’t want to walk into that house and fall in love with everyone in it.” I buried my face in my hands, taking a deep breath.

There.

I’d said it.

Jumped over the cliff.

Mom gave me a moment before she gently reached over and pulled my hands from my face. She lay my hands on the table and squeezed my fingers, then said in a low, quiet voice, “You don’t get to plan who you fall in love with. I’m sorry, honey, but you don’t. You don’t get to plan who, how, or when it happens. You just have to go with it when it does. If you got to plan it, I never would have fallen in love with your father.”

“You wouldn’t?” I said softly.

“Nope. I’d just got divorced. It was my fault. I was the one who couldn’t have kids. My ex-husband couldn’t deal with it. And let me tell you, honey, I was furious.” She squeezed my hands again as if to make me understand. “I didn’t want to be around kids. I especially didn’t want to be a step-parent. If I couldn’t have my own children, I didn’t want anyone else’s, either.”

“I never knew you felt like that.”

“I was grieving. Unlike you, a family is all I’d ever wanted. I had the choice taken away from me. Until I met your father.”

“How did you go from that? To being so angry to being who you are right now?”

“I fell in love with your dad,” she admitted. “It sounds fickle, but that’s all it took. It wasn’t like you were a secret—I knew he had you, and although I wasn’t interested at first, the way I felt about him outweighed all my anger eventually. We’d dated for months before he introduced us, do you remember?”

I nodded. “I was pissed because he wouldn’t tell me anything about you.”

“And you made it known.” Mom laughed. “Until that point, I was still in denial about having kids. I was still angry. Then, I walked into your house, and you looked up from your homework, stared at me, then to your dad, and said, “I’m busy. I’ve asked for weeks, so, now you have to wait for me.””

I bit the inside of my cheek, smiling.

I was kind of an asshole teen.

“I fell in love with you there and then.” She laughed again. “And, Kali? The day I fell in love with you was the day I accepted I couldn’t have children. There was no need to, because there was a child out there who already needed me, and that child was you.”

The smile dropped from my face.

“And, if I’d had my own children, I never would have gotten the greatest daughter ever: you.”

A lump formed in my throat. “Weren’t you scared? About how your life would change?”

“I thought you weren’t afraid.” Her lips twitched.

“Hypothetically,” I said.

“Hypothetically, I was terrified. Not only was I entering into a relationship, I was entering into a relationship with a man who had a teenage girl. Jeez.” She winked. “I was afraid you wouldn’t accept me. That…I don’t know. I wouldn’t be able to be the kind of person you needed in your life. I didn’t know anything about you except what your dad had told me. It took a long time before I understood what you needed me to be to you.”

I pulled my hands from hers and took a deep breath. “What if…What if I’m not good enough for them, Mom? What if I fuck up because I’m not the person they need me to be?”

“Good enough? What is good enough? How do you measure how worthy you are to someone else?” She raised an eyebrow. “Do you know how many times your father and I felt like we failed you, yet you turned around and made it clear we hadn’t? That’s part of being a parent. There will always be times you feel like you’re not good enough, but as long as you give it your everything, then you can’t ever be any better than that.”

“It’s just so…different. They’re tiny. They need so much more than I did when we met.”

“It sounds to me like you’re talking through your excuses.”

I took a deep breath and let it out on a shudder. “Maybe I am. Maybe I need to talk myself into it. I don’t know. I just…you’re right. I’m terrified, Mom. Of so many things.”

She stared at me, her eyes piercing into me, seeing right through me. “You’re terrified of never measuring up to their mom in his eyes, aren’t you?”

Ding ding ding, we have a winner.

I nodded. “He loved her, you know? Really loved her. How do you cope with that? Knowing that they lost someone they loved enough to have a child with?”

She folded her hands on top of each other and looked me dead in the eye. “I cope knowing that even after that, even though he sees her every single time he looks at you, he trusted me enough to open his heart to me. Your dad still loves your mom, Kali. Understand that. He’ll ever stop loving her, and that’s okay with me. It’s a different kind of love.” She paused. “And the part you’re forgetting is that both of you are still young enough that you have your lives ahead of you. Just because he loved her a certain way, doesn’t mean he can’t love you just as much in a different one. Remember, he’s the one who was hurt.”

“What do I do?”

“You need to think about what you really want. He’s the one putting three hearts on the line, and he’s trusting you not to break them.”

“No pressure, then.”

“Listen to your heart, Kali. I promise it won’t steer you wrong.”