Chapter Eight
Nightfall brought a chill to the tower. Shivering, Addy washed her face and combed her hair with her fingers, doing her best to complete her nightly rituals.
She plucked a fallen hair from her gown that was badly rumpled and creased. She’d have to sleep in her wedding dress, for she had no other clothes. Her linen chemise would have served as a sleeping garment, but the finely spun cloth was very sheer. She had no wish to be immodest when Garrett could come into the chamber without warning.
As she walked to the bed, she heard the key in the lock. Garrett entered, a blanket tucked under his arm. Handing it to her, he said, “I meant to bring this earlier, but I was busy with other matters.”
How curious she was about those other matters, especially after he’d been called away earlier by a young boy. Even more pressing, though, was the need to know more about Garrett, and what had molded him into the man standing before her now.
Knowing all she could about him would surely help her win him over to helping her.
She accepted the offering. “Thank you.”
“As we both know, nights in Cornwall, even in summer, can be cold.”
So they were still in Cornwall, as she’d suspected.
She tucked that bit of knowledge away and said, “Did you stay in Cornwall, then, after you left Ferringstow?”
“For a while. Why do you ask?”
“I am merely curious.” Managing a smile, she said, “I have not seen you in years, after all.”
He studied her and then his lips tilted up at the corner. “A lot has happened since we parted.”
“So I gather.” Suddenly, the bittersweet tug of old memories and lost love lingered in the air between them. Sitting on the bed, she asked, “Will you stay awhile and tell me about those years?”
His smile faded. “I have things—”
“Please. You need not stay long if you do not want to.”
Reluctance flickered across his features. She saw guilt and pain, too, swiftly hidden as he assumed control of his emotions. “Very well.”
He fetched a chair, brought it to the bedside, and then sat, stretching his long legs out in front of him. She tore her gaze from his muscular arms, crossed over his chest. Arms that had held her with such tenderness….
“Why did you stay in Cornwall?” he asked, drawing her from her thoughts.
She fingered a crease in her gown’s skirt. “I had no wish to go elsewhere,” she admitted. “The ocean, the wildness of the land…these things are in my blood.”
He nodded slightly, as though he understood.
“Instead of sending me away to become a ward at another lord’s castle, my father hired tutors to come to Ferringstow, some of them from as far away as London. They taught me household management and all else I would need to know to be a nobleman’s wife.”
“I am surprised you did not marry long ago.”
Her hand curled into the shimmering silk. I never wed, Garrett, because I gave you my heart. I wanted no one else. “I had suitors,” she said, “but none of them were men I wanted to wed.”
“Until you met the lord to whom you are now betrothed?”
Addy heard derision in his tone. She coolly met Garrett’s gaze. “I had no choice in my betrothal. The king decreed that I had to wed Lord Ransford, and one does not disobey an order from the crown.”
His arm braced on the chair arm, Garrett rubbed his fingers down his jaw. “Did you contact the sovereign and try to change his decision?”
He sounded as if opposing the king was a rational option. “My sire did not. While I was willing to write to the king myself, he….”
“He?” Garrett urged.
“He told me not to. He…feared what the sovereign might do.”
Acknowledgement flickered in Garrett’s eyes. “Your sire worried he might lose all.”
She nodded, blinking to hold back tears. “Truth be told, he has been rather outspoken. He has good reason to be concerned.”
“God’s blood,” Garrett muttered.
“My father is a loyal, honorable man,” she said. “He believes in the sovereign’s divine right to rule England. Yet, after hearing what the king has done….” Of his years of cruelty, manipulation, and corruption, her mind added, but she didn’t day say such things to Garrett, who was close to the king.
“You will go ahead with your marriage, then.”
“What choice do I have?” She hated the desperation in her tone.
“Lord Ransford is a powerful man. He can give you—”
“I do not care.” Rebellion burned inside her. “Wealth and power do not interest me. I dreamed….” She bit down on her bottom lip. “I wanted to marry for love. I wanted a husband I trusted above all other men, who adored me as much as I treasured him, and with whom I would have children we would both cherish. With my husband, my best friend, my soul mate, I would live each day to the fullest.” How foolish her dreams sounded now.
“You have no love for Ransford, then?”
She shook her head. “I wish I had never met him. I wish…you and I had run away together years ago.”
A hissed breath broke from Garrett. “Addy.”
“From the day you left me, I have missed you.” Sadness filled her as she said, “You were the man I dreamed of marrying. The only man I have ever wanted.”
God’s holy blood, but he’d loved her too. Wanted her too. But he’d known then, as he did now, that he could never have her.
“What about you?” she asked, her eyes glistening.
What about him? Was she asking how he’d felt about her? He didn’t want to talk about that—
“I mean, what happened to you after we parted?”
He breathed a silent sigh of relief. “I went to live and train at another keep closer to the coast, and then left to find a livelihood elsewhere.” He’d left a great deal unsaid, but ’twas better that way.
“I did not realize you had stayed in Cornwall.”
She sounded hurt. Was she wondering why he hadn’t written to her or tried to visit her, when they’d lived reasonably close to one another? “I was warned not to contact you after the letter I penned to you saying I was leaving,” he said. “At the time, I had no choice but to agree.”
Her throat moved with a swallow. “Were you forced to leave my father’s keep because we went to the cave together?”
“Aye. I was accused of leading you astray.”
She made an indignant sound. “I told my sire of my feelings for you. When I said I loved you, the captain of the guard…revealed you had quit the fortress. He said you had abandoned me, because you did not feel about me the way I did…about you.”
Lies! The agony of being forced to leave her revived within him again. “I assure you, I did not leave you because I wanted to.”
She was silent a long, poignant moment, then asked, “How long did you live—?”
“About six months. At first, I enjoyed staying there, but as the weeks went on….” I learned that Ransford wasn’t a compassionate soul concerned for my welfare, but was a cruel, manipulative bastard. “I would have run away except…I had little money, and nowhere else to go.”
“Oh, Garrett.”
Her pitying tone made him scowl. He didn’t want to be pitied. He hadn’t been crushed by his difficult circumstances; he’d learned to survive. He’d escaped the hell of his youth, depended upon no one but himself, and used his fighting skills to make a life for himself, and later, for Corwin as well. If he had the choice, he wouldn’t change one thing about his life…except, mayhap, having to leave her.
“I did not mean to offend you.” Her right hand twitched, as though she barely resisted the urge to touch his arm in comfort.
“I do not like talking about my past,” Garrett said.
“I gathered that. If you do not wish to tell me more, I will understand.”
A wry chuckle scratched his throat, for he’d heard similar words from her before, years ago. She might say she understood, but curiosity would continue to burn in her eyes and in her conscience; she’d merely wait until another opportunity, such as the morrow, and would ask again.
Better to tell her all now and get it over with.
“During those six months, I found work on my days off with a farmer whose fields were close to the castle. I didn’t earn very much, but saved my coin until I had enough to pay my own way. My lord had already bought me a horse and a sword—”
“Mercy. He must have been fond of you.
Fond? Nay. He found me useful. With his costly gifts, he bought my loyalty and silence.
“After I left,” Garrett said, “I traveled around England, never staying in one spot for long. I ended up in London. There, after proving my fighting skills, I was offered a chance to train alongside the sovereign’s men. When King John gathered his armies to go defend his lands from the French king, I went too.”
That summer years ago, when they’d watched the waves roll in over the rocks and sand, he’d told her how he’d love to journey across the sea to distant lands. “Did you sail on the ocean?” she asked, and from her expression, he guessed she was recalling that moment, too.
“I did.”
“Was it as wondrous as you had hoped?”
“Not really. The vessel was dirty, crowded, and full of rats. Many of the men suffered seasickness. After days at sea, we were all glad to be on solid ground once again.”
“I can imagine,” she said.
“Once we reached France, we fought one battle after another and were constantly on the move. In a town in Normandy, I met Corwin, the boy who summoned me earlier.”
“He is not your son, then.”
“Not by blood. I have never married,” Garrett said, his thoughts returning to Rouen months ago. “After a skirmish in which we had lost many men, we were counting and making a list of our dead. Young boys appeared and started going from corpse to corpse, pulling rings from fingers and taking knives and cloak pins, no doubt to sell. I yelled at the nearest lad—Corwin—and pursued him to get back what he’d stolen, but he was fast, and I lost him in the town. Later that day, I happened to see him in a back alley. He was pleading with a man who was furious that Corwin hadn’t brought him more items. The lout hit Corwin, knocked him to the ground,—”
“Nay!” Addy whispered.
“—and continued to pummel and kick him. I had to intervene. I confronted the man and warned him I would kill him myself if he laid a hand upon Corwin or any other child again. Then I took Corwin back to our camp. He fought me the whole time, clearly fearful of me, but I offered him food and safety and treated his wounds. Once he had calmed down, I told him I would train him to be my squire. He would have a good life with me, if he wanted. He has been by my side ever since.”
“You saved his life,” Addy murmured.
“I suppose I did.”
“’Twas noble of you.”
Noble? His nightmares proved his depravity. In them he saw the injured boy on the sand, begging for help, while Garrett turned his back and walked away.
Garrett startled at the rustle of silk.
“You did more for Corwin than most other people would have,” she said earnestly, her fingers closing around his hand and squeezing.
“I did what was necessary,” he said gruffly. Her touch spread through him, coaxed him to accept her comfort and let her past the shield protecting his emotions.
He pulled his hand away.
Disappointment etching her features, she straightened. “You did what was right, Garrett. You should be proud of yourself.”
Hellfire, he wasn’t a saint. He shifted in the chair, wishing she would stop—
“I pray you will do what is right with me.”
The softness he’d seen in her expression was gone, replaced with resolve. Her courage was admirable, but the circumstances of her abduction were far more complex than Corwin’s situation.
Disquiet churned inside Garrett, stirring up a powerful entanglement of emotions. Unable to bear the weight of her stare any longer, he stood, the chair scraping back on the planks.
“Do not leave. Please.”
“I must tend to the horses.” A lie. ’Twas Corwin’s responsibility. Garrett’s instincts, though, told him to flee, now, before she made him even more vulnerable.
“Fine. Run away.”
He growled. “I am not a coward.”
Her gaze thoughtful, she said, “I did not believe you were. Now, however….”
Her words hung in the silence between them. Not a hint of apology tinged her gaze. Yet, he sensed sadness within her, a profound regret that caused an answering hurt to flare inside him.
Run, his conscience cried.
“I will see you in the morning.” He started for the door.
“Wait.”
He paused, his back to her.
“Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?”
Refuse. Run. Now!
“I have hardly slept the past few days, for I have been preoccupied by the wedding. Tonight, with my mind so unsettled….”
He hated the way her voice shook. Moreover, Stockton had said she wouldn’t be rescued for a couple more days, which meant her imprisonment wasn’t ending anytime soon.
“I ask only for a few moments,” she pleaded.
“All right.”
When he returned to the bedside, she spread the blankets over her and lay down on her side, cushioning her head on her left arm. The chair creaked as he sat again.
Frowning, she patted the space on the bed behind her.
Addy wanted him to lie with her? Sinful excitement tingled through his veins, along with a sense of misgiving. “’Tis not proper—”
“No one else will know. Just for a moment,” she said, shivering.
Guilt poked at him, for the tower was indeed chilly. He’d already given his own blanket to her; he couldn’t take Corwin’s, for the boy needed it. Grudgingly, Garrett nodded, then knelt on the bed and stretched out behind her atop the blankets. On instinct, his right arm went over her to draw her in close. Her silky hair tickled his nostrils. As memories flooded back, he closed his eyes on a fierce pang of nostalgia.
She sighed, her shoulders lowering on the exhalation. He braced himself for what she’d say next, but she remained quiet. He listened to her steady breathing. The crackle of the burning torches and the occasional hiss of wind outside filled the silence.
A raw pain spread through his chest. He’d missed holding her. He yearned to nuzzle the back of her neck and kiss her, the way he had years ago, but he had no right to take such intimacies. She belonged to another man.
He must be content with this brief moment together, knowing he’d never hold her again.
Her eyes shut, Addy savored the weight of Garrett’s muscled arm around her. He still smelled of fresh air and earthy male, scents that roused recollections of him running through the waves, grinning and splashing her while the white foamy water swirled in around them.
With him, she’d felt protected. Cherished. Free. Part of her, clinging to those memories, still felt that way now. More poignant, though, was the desire to recapture the bond between them, to remind him of who he’d been and what they’d been to one another. ’Twas her only means to sway his loyalty.
She must be careful, though, not to push him; he’d bolt, and might never let her get close to him again. So, she lay still. She kept silent, while she savored the sensation of being held, focused on the press of his chest against her back as he inhaled and exhaled.
So warm….
He sighed, and his arm drew in tighter around her.
Tears welled behind her eyelids, but she remained still. Silent.
Come back to me, Garrett. Set me free, before ’tis too late.