3 months later
Note to self: I will never look at a music video the same. Ever.
I feel like I’ve held the same pose, done the same things over and over and over again. And that’s probably because I have. We arrived at the studio at six a.m. and are finishing up the last scene as the sky is cast into a beautiful dusk of yellow and orange. We’ve recorded the ending at least six times already, each time from a slightly different angle to capture the setting sun. Who knew making a music video was so damn draining?
I follow Beau towards the Mercedes SUV parked in the small lot behind the studio. He’s practically dragging me along in my black cowboy boots, my knees throbbing and my legs weak. The man that means more than any other–Eli excluded–opens the passenger door and waits until I slide into our vehicle. As soon as I’m securely in the seat, he leans through the open door and places another kiss on my lips. You’d think that it would get old, but it doesn’t. His desire to kiss me mirrors my desire to let him. I can’t imagine a day where kissing him wouldn’t hold the same appeal. His lips are my drug.
The backdoor opens and the reminder of what is happening slides into the backseat. The large black camera is poised directly at us, catching every moment of our shared kiss for the world to soon see.
It has been three months since the conclusion of Rising Star. Beau and I stayed to watch as the new champion was crowned. When they announced Ben Atwood as the winner, I was elated for my friend. He was hesitant to hug me at first, I’m pretty sure that had something to do with the fact that Beau growled at him when he approached and refused to let go of my hand. But I still hugged my former teammate and congratulated him on his victory. Beau even shook his hand and offered congratulations. When Ben returned his attention to me, he placed a gentle kiss on my cheek, turned back to Beau, and said, “Take care of her.” I held my breath as Beau extended his hand again and shook, silently confirming his promise to do just that.
After the show, I went back home to Chicago. The outpour I received when returning to my old life was amazing. Tiffany was there to put an instant smile on my face while I returned to my old job at Chaser’s. Evenings were spent on the phone with Beau. Even though the show didn’t monopolize his time, his commitment to his own record label and tour did. He finished out the last few weeks of his tour before flying to Chicago and knocking on my door.
Beau stayed in Chicago for a month while we determined where our future led. Ultimately, it was Eli who made the decision for us the day he came home from preschool and told us he wanted to move with Beau. How the little guy even knew we were discussing that very possibility still chokes me up. My son is enamored with the handsome cowboy, following him everywhere he goes. It’s a sight I never thought I’d see, but am so eternally grateful that it happened.
And Beau is just as caught up in Eli. My son is front and center in every decision he makes from where he’s taking me to dinner to where we’re going afterwards. It’s as if Eli is permanently attached to Beau’s hip; the father figure my son has never had.
It took me only a few weeks to get all of my affairs in order and plan the move. Mom had decided to stay in Chicago, but for how long is still unknown. Mom and Lee have been dating since she returned home from her visit to LA. We’ve enjoyed several dinners all together: Mom, Lee, Beau, Eli, and me. Lee loves to engage Beau in debates over the merit of new country vs. classic country. One big happy family.
The day we finished packing up the U-Haul will forever be one of the hardest days of my life. Tears streamed unchecked down my face as I clung tightly to the woman who has loved and supported me my entire life. She’s more than just my mother; she’s my best friend, and I miss her every day.
Nashville is so completely different than Chicago. While still a fast-paced city, it has a slightly laid back feel to it. Plus, there are cowboy hats and boots everywhere you turn, at least in the part of the city that we now live in. Eli took to the new style like a fish to water. He begged Beau to find him his own cowboy boots and a hat, which of course, Beau readily obliged. Even though he may wear his own small cowboy hat in public, his favorite hat to wear at home is Beau’s ol’ worn black one. Even if it’s still on his head, Beau will take it off and drop it down on my son’s head. He swims in it, but the picture is so adorable, you can’t help but smile every time you see it.
Today we’re leaving the downtown music studio where Beau records his albums. The first video for his new single was filmed today at different locations within the studio. The entire experience was an eye-opener, to say the least.
As Beau slides into the driver’s seat of our SUV, another black vehicle pulls up behind us. Now we can go. We make our way through the streets of Nashville, winding our way towards the home we now share. It’s bigger than any house I’ve ever seen. Together over the past month, we’ve been slowly making the house our home. Beau gave me free reign to make any changes that I wanted. The house was beautifully, professionally decorated so the only changes I made were to a guest room, which is now Eli’s room, and the family room, which is warm and inviting with toys strewn everywhere.
The buzz surrounding our time on the show still hasn’t died down completely, and now it’s even worse with all the hype of the special program the network is planning. Beau and I continue to be extremely private, and that makes the invasion that much more difficult to deal with. Every time someone asks about our relationship, we always answer with a polite “no comment.” The only problem with that statement is that it neither denies nor confirms the rumors hemorrhaging from the media, giving the viewers and readers the opportunity to draw their own conclusion. And that’s fine. Our story will be told soon enough.
One more night in the presence of the film crew before we can return to our normal lives. Well, as normal as can be expected when your significant other is a musical genius. Beau’s fourth album is produced and getting ready for distribution. Most of it was planned in what little down time he was allotted while we were on the show, but he added one song to the track list before he would approve the final edition.
“Ready?” Beau asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Of course,” I reply as we both slide out of the vehicle.
Hand in hand, we walk up the steps leading towards our front door. We’ve slightly altered our routine to accommodate the camera crew that is shadowing us. It’s more difficult for them to make their way out of the vehicle in the garage and get through the interior door that leads to the mudroom. Plus, something about lighting, yada, yada, yada.
Laughter floats from the family room that instantly warms my heart. I’ll never tire of hearing my son’s sweet voice or his happy laughter. And lately, since Beau has entered our lives, I hear that sweet sound nonstop.
“We’re home,” I holler from the front entry.
I hear his little feet on the hardwood floor as he runs to greet us.
“Mommy!” Eli yells, followed closely behind by his newest friend, a six-month-old rescue pup named Waylon. I never imagined having a dog, but all it took was Eli mentioning it one time, and suddenly Beau is buying dog treats and chew toys.
“Hi, sweetheart,” I tell my son as he plasters a big hug around my neck. “Were you a good boy for Grandma?” I ask, looking over his shoulder for confirmation.
“Yep!” he exclaims as he shimmies down my lap and launches himself at Beau.
“Hey, buddy.”
“Guess what, Beau. Grandma and Lee are going to move here with us!”
I look up at my mom who isn’t even trying to hide her smile. Beau and I had invited her to stay a week ago when we planned their visit to Nashville, but I didn’t push the issue. She had promised to think about relocating here and that was good enough for me.
“Really?” I ask as tears fill my eyes.
“Yeah, really. I know you really only invited me temporarily, but I talked with Lee and we both thought we’d like the change,” she starts.
“Are you kidding me? Of course, you’re both welcome,” I say as I pull her into a fierce hug. Just the thought of having my mom close again brings me much joy and happiness.
“Well, Beau offered us the guest house out back, so we won’t be moving in here with you. I’ll still be close enough to help with Eli while you’re at the studio and stuff,” she adds with a smile.
The studio. Our studio. There’s a small studio behind the house that Beau had built when he purchased this place. It’s the perfect location to record music or write songs. That’s what I’ve been doing these past few weeks. I’ve been writing music. It’s something I’ve never tried nor ever realized I’d wanted to try. When we settled in, Beau took me out back and showed me his private little oasis. He started working with me further on playing the guitar, just a few basic notes, but suddenly, words started to flow. Beau started to write the more I started to say. By the end of a very late night, we had written a song. Together.
While Eli attends his new school, I spend my time in the studio. I’ve written several songs or even more snippets of lyrics or pieces of melodies. I’m not sure if they’re any good, but Beau seems to get excited with each piece of music I show him.
Over dinner, we discuss plans to move Mom and Lee to Nashville. Beau is a planner and executer so when he gets an idea in his head, he’s going to sit down and figure it out until it’s set in stone and right. He can’t seem to move on until the problem is solved or the dilemma taken care of. Which works well for us because I’m a little more laid back.
The camera crew follows us around like Waylon, trailing and circling at our feet everywhere we go. To the store. To the park. To the studio. We’ve spent hours in the studio writing and playing around, and I’m starting to question the network’s vision on this so-called reality show. Because in reality, we’re boring as hell.
That night, we finally fall into the one place the cameras aren’t allowed to go: our bedroom. It’s our escape away from the demands, the noises, and the realities of life. Here, we’re just Beau and Layne, and we’re usually naked.
“Here ya are,” Beau says from the doorway of my little sitting area that I use for reading.
“Here I am,” I say with a small smile. As Beau steps closer, I shut my book and set it down on the small table sitting right next to his favorite guitar.
“I was thinkin’, we should fire up the jets tonight,” he says as he squats down in front of me. I run my hands through his dark hair, savoring the rare moment of Beau without a hat on.
“Fill it up,” I tell him, referring to our large jetted garden tub in the master bathroom. Every time we’re in it, I’m reminded of the hot tub in Denver, and especially what followed.
Once we’re both inside, me nestled comfortably within his strong legs, I finally start to shake off the stress of the day. Beau runs his rough hands along the outside of my arms, up to my shoulders, and then down my back. Everything seems to float away as I let the soothing pressure of his hands lull my mind into nothingness.
“So what did ya think of your first music video?” he asks, that deep, twangy southern drawl tickling the shell of my ear.
“It was exhausting.”
Beau’s soft chuckle fills our bathroom. “That they are, darlin’. Are ya ready for the world to see it? Not only is it your big video debut, but the way we’re ending it is like openin’ the proverbial door and allowin’ the world to step inside our private lives.”
“They’re already here. Even if we weren’t doing this special, they’d be there because of your career.”
“And yours…”
“Well, I think I have to achieve a career in order to endorse one,” I tell him.
“Don’t sell yourself short. You’ve already sold two songs in the last few weeks. Keep that shit up and you’ll be the bread winner in this household and not me.” I know that isn’t even remotely possible, but I appreciate him trying to boost my ego a bit.
He’s correct, though. I have sold two songs in the last couple of weeks. One is being pitched to Little Big Town and the other to Chris Young, respectfully, by their labels. Who would have guessed I’d be writing music that was primarily country? Definitely not me. I still don’t even know who half of the stars I meet on the street are. Beau has to point them out to me every dang time. It’s embarrassing, actually. I live in freaking Nashville, could be standing next to George Strait, and I probably wouldn’t realize it.
Note to self: See if they have a Country Legends for Dummies book.
“Only two more days,” Beau whispers as he softly caresses my back.
“Only two more days, but then the show will air in a month or so and our quiet will turn right back to crazy.”
“Sweetheart, our life is always crazy. The only quiet I get is when I’m in here with you.”
“In the bathtub?” I sass.
“Not exactly what I meant,” he chuckles. “When I’m behind these closed doors where no one is permitted, I’m finally allowed to breathe. The stress of the business, making music, the demands, cameras and fans, it all fades away. I can finally be me when I’m with you.” His statement is punctuated with his lips caressing my shoulder.
An uncontrollable shiver tears through my body. My skin is flush from the water, but starts to burn under each graze of those long fingers. His hands glide smoothly over my wet body, stroking and seducing me with each touch.
Suddenly, Beau stands, water cascading over his perfect body. His erection is tall and proud, silently begging for a little attention. My fingers twitch to give it all the care it needs.
Beau doesn’t speak as he steps out, wraps a towel around his waist and releases the drain. With water dripping from his arms, he reaches down and picks me up from the tub. Not even bothering to grab a second towel, he cradles my wet body in his arms and heads towards our bedroom.
“Where are we going?”
“I’m takin’ the woman I love to bed.”
*****
Two Months Later
Holy crap, I’m about to see myself on television. Again. The network special airs tonight–Beau & Layne: In Love. After four days of following us around at home like a new puppy, as well as covering the first stop on Beau’s tour that kicked off a little over a month ago, I was glad to see three cameramen, one producer, and four production assistants take off at the end of filming. It was exhausting and invasive.
Eli will make minimal appearances in the special that airs tonight. Before I could even voice my motherly overture about him not being affected by filming and keeping his air time to a bare minimum, Beau had already stepped in and laid down the law. There’s something about that cowboy when he gets all bossy and uses that low, no-nonsense, this-is-how-it’s-gonna-be voice. That voice does crazy things to my lady parts. Especially when he takes an authoritative stance regarding Eli.
Beau has never overstepped when it comes to Eli. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I find myself easily sharing the parenting responsibilities with him, allowing him to discipline or teach him important life skills like cooking eggs and picking up your socks off the bathroom floor. Sharing the parenting load comes easy when I’m sharing it with Beau. He’s going to make an amazing father. Someday.
“Mommy! There you are!” Eli shouts over the sound of the television. We’re sitting all together on the worn leather couch that Beau refuses to get rid of for sentimental reasons. This couch was the first thing he purchased when he moved to Nashville from Oklahoma in search of a musical career. Even though the thing is old and well-worn, it’s more comfortable than any piece of furniture I’ve ever owned so I’m in no hurry to get rid of it. I just like to get him all riled up by threatening to toss it in the trash. Shhhhh.
I turn my attention to the massive television centered on the wall in the rustic family room at the rear of the house. Sure enough, there I am with Beau as the intro to our special plays out. You can’t hear words over the love song the network purchased the rights to use–the song I’m now very familiar with.
Eventually, the brief intro ends with that full-on, steamy kiss from our final episode. Becker stands before the camera, positioned in the center of the Rising Star stage. “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I’m Becker James, host of Rising Star. Over the next hour, we’re going to have a special look at the relationship of Beau Tanner and Layne Carter. As you may recall, Beau and Layne took social media by storm towards the end of last season’s show. Let’s take a look back at how it all started.”
Highlights of the show fill the screen. From my audition for the judges and first glimpse of Beau to the accusations by contestants over our speculated relationship. It’s all there in high definition color. The producers focused on the smoldering looks and extra-long glances when we thought the cameras weren’t rolling. But, as always, the cameras caught everything!
Eventually, we get a glimpse at Beau and Layne now. The first shot is of us walking hand-in-hand out the front door of the home we share, each of us carrying a travel mug of coffee. The first thing I notice is the extra poundage I apparently have put on in the ass and hips region. I guess when they say the camera adds ten pounds, they aren’t shitting…
Note to self: Lay off the midnight snack-sized Snickers.
On the couch next to me, Beau picks up Eli and sets him on his lap. Eli sits transfixed on the television screen, watching our every move with a subtle little smile. Beau takes his free hand and links his fingers with mine. The gesture is soothing and reassuring.
“You look hot in those pants,” he whispers.
“I look like I’ve eaten nothing but Oreos since I left the show.”
“You speak nonsense, woman. You’re hotter than a crawfish boil on the Fourth of July.”
I stare at the man I love for several seconds before bursting into fits of laughter. “Did you just speak Southernese to me? Is it considered a compliment in Oklahoma to compare me to crawfish?”
“Naw, I just wanted to make ya laugh. What I wanted to say wasn’t exactly appropriate for small ears.” Beau’s eyes turn to smoldering ash right before my very eyes. He goes from casual to turned-on in point two seconds flat. The sudden desire to cross my legs is strong, but I know it’s futile against the ache that only Beau can create.
Beau seems to read me like a book and leans over to kiss my shoulder. The soft caress of his lips against my skin promises things to come with each swipe of those very talented lips. “Behave, you.”
The sound of singing draws my attention back to the television. Over the next thirty minutes, we watch with America as our lives are broadcast for the world to see. My time in the little studio behind the house, Beau picking Eli up from preschool, a grocery store run, and, of course, backstage access from his show at the Ryman Auditorium–the show that kicked off his latest tour. The producers do a great job at showing how hectic, yet incredibly normal our lives are. There’s no fighting. No drama. No unnecessary stage acting to boost ratings or create more hype. Just Beau and me and what works for us.
At the very end of the program, Becker thanks us for participating in the network’s special. As if we had a choice…
“I leave you tonight with the exclusive first look at Beau Tanner’s new video for “Stay With Me,” off his forthcoming album, Cross The Line, releasing later this year. Beau and Layne sang this song on their very last episode together. I hope you enjoy.”
The familiar opening melody to the song I sang on stage with Beau in Denver–the one he wrote for me–starts to play. While I was a major part of the process of making this music video, I have yet to see the finished product. Beau viewed it a week ago, but I wouldn’t let him give me the details. I opted to be surprised tonight with the rest of America.
The beginning shows Beau walking into the recording studio, down the long hall with photos of famous smiling faces hanging from the walls, and into the control room. He looks hot in a pair of tight Wranglers, a western style black button-up shirt, worn boots, and his trademark Stetson cowboy hat. I understand instantly that the video is depicting the process of making a video. Quickly, Beau is standing in the middle of the recording studio singing into the mic.
His voice is low and seductive as he sings the opening lines of our song. The video bounces between Beau standing in the recording booth and master producer, JP Sanders, in the control room. JP is the cream of the crop when it comes to record producers, and Beau was extremely excited to secure him for his new album.
When Beau gets to the refrain, he sings strongly and confidently into the mic. It’s a euphoric experience watching him sing, even if it’s on screen. He holds so much passion for what he does that it’s truly hypnotizing to witness.
Suddenly, Beau reaches the end of the refrain and pulls back from the mic. I step slowly into the shot, moving to a second microphone that wasn’t visible until this moment. The producer was going for a casual, yet chic look for the video so I’m wearing a black smock-style top that hangs off my right shoulder, a jean skirt that borders on too short, and pair of black cowboy boots. Yep. Beau convinced me to buy my first pair of boots, swearing that they’re more comfortable than anything I’ve ever worn. And after you get past the initial “breaking in” period, I concede that they are pretty dang comfy.
The hairs on my arms stand on end when I start to sing. Even though the video took two days and was shot from so many different angles that it left my head spinning, the finished product is amazing. It really doesn’t look as if it’s a compilation of dozens of cut and pasted takes. It looks like one fluid take from start to finish.
When I finish the second refrain, it cuts to Beau and I sitting in the control room, smiling and cutting up with JP. We both bob our head to whatever it is he’s playing from the board. Looking relaxed, Beau and I smile at each other between cuts of Beau playing the guitar in the studio.
Finally, Beau and I step up to our microphone. Instead of using two mics, we’re shown sharing a singular microphone. We each hold the mic stand, his hand wrapped protectively around mine. This is the first real indication that whatever started at the end of the reality show has continued. Oh, sure there has been speculation. Paparazzi have stalked us religiously since our time on the show ended, but we made sure to never give them what they really wanted. What they received instead was photos of us walking together or riding in the car. Touching or anything intimate was rarely displayed for the world to see, which is what led to the most recent rumors–break-up gossip.
Together, we sing the remainder of the song. It’s about love and a future. About asking the other to spend the rest of their life together. It speaks of hope and commitment. Everything Beau and I stand for, but have never allowed everyone else to see.
Until now.
As the song winds down, the video cuts to the production room where you see hands moving slides on a soundboard, each one having such a key part in the audio quality coming from the adjacent room. Reaching the end of the song, JP moves all of the slides downward, fading all of the elements of the music.
And there we are. Exiting the studio and heading out to the street. Beau isn’t alone like he was when he entered the studio. This time, his hand is wrapped firmly around mine as I walk beside him. Stepping onto the sidewalk outside, the glass door closes, separating us from the camera that was following us.
But the camera doesn’t cut. Instead it captures the moment that the world has been waiting for. Beau dips me in the middle of the sidewalk, in full view of the cameras recording our every movement. When he kisses me, it’s fierce. Passionate. Absolute. When he brings my left hand up to his face, Beau essentially flashes the camera the big piece of juicy story they’ve been waiting for. What America has been waiting for.
Confirmation.
Adorning my left ring finger is a glimpse of the breathtaking diamond and sapphire engagement ring Beau and Eli presented to me the night before we started making this video. This was never part of the original plan, but when JP told us of his vision on that first day of filming, we went with it. Knowing that the network was striving for that big bang factor, I’d say they definitely got their money’s worth.
The video fades to black.
I finally pull my eyes away from the television and glance at my fiancé. His soft eyes match his smile as he gazes at me with more love than I ever expected to receive in this life. The video may be over, but our lives have only just begun. I have no idea where we’re headed, but as long as we’re together, we’ll weather any storm.
He is the music notes that complete my life and make my heart sing.
My song begins and ends with him.
~ THE END ~
If you originally chose The Dangerous Door, you can go back and read here.