Chapter 15
The tears had stopped as she stared at the wall of books before her. Tucked in a chair that faced away from the door, she remained quiet. It was, perhaps, selfish to have vanished after such an uproar but she’d needed time to gather her thoughts and her dashed dreams.
She ran her gloved fingers over her ivory skirts. The gown was beautiful but it was for naught.
How could she have been so impulsive? So thoughtless. She was supposed to be intelligent. Had she been so desperate that she’d been determined not to see any obstacles?
Yes. She had been.
She dropped her head back to rest on the chair. It had not occurred to her that this night would end badly.
In fact, she’d been fairly certain it would be a triumph. Now? Now what chance had she to marry? Well, she had a vast fortune. She could surely pay someone to marry her. But she would not find a man of good character.
He’d bloody ruined her.
Well, she hadn’t helped. She couldn’t deny that.
Bursting into tears in the middle of a ballroom did not a good impression make.
But regardless, she was now very damaged goods. She had come with a great many problems before. After tonight, it would be irreparable.
Soft steps on the carpet penetrated her reverie and she sat as still as she was able, desperately hoping some trysting couple had not come to the library for privacy.
The steps drew closer and she tensed.
“Beatrix?”
The American accent was unmistakable. She winced. She didn’t wish to see him. She didn’t. What had possessed him to search her out?
“Beatrix,” he called softly again. “I’m fairly certain you’re here. I’ll leave you alone if you truly wish it, but I’d like to speak with you.”
It was tempting to stay hidden, to make him go, to stay in the shadows with her thoughts.
“Beatrix, forgive me,” he said into the darkness.
It was the poignancy and regret in his voice that caused her to call out. “I’m here, you awful man.”
A soft laugh tumbled from his throat and before she could stand, he was beside her.
“Is it comfortable on the floor?” he asked.
“You should ask Ellesmere,” she retorted, folding her arms just under her breasts.
He winced. “It was badly done of me. But I thought he had hurt you and I—”
“Acted without thinking,” she cut in, determined that he should at least see his part in all this.
“I can’t explain what came over me.” He sighed, standing awkwardly. A strange change for such a usually confident man. “But the idea that anyone might cause you pain. . . It did something to me.”
“Yes, well.” She craned her neck and eyed him. “It did something to me, too. I’m ruined now.”
The look of pure contrition was unmistakable. “It’s been explained to me.”
“You didn’t realize I’d be ruined?”
“I must have done in some capacity.” He drove a hand through his thick hair. “All I knew was I had to protect you. I did it in a very poor fashion. I hurt you more.”
She sighed. “Oh, not truly. It is greatly inconvenient. But I think I am beyond the ability to be hurt now.”
“That’s not true,” he said softly, his voice as soft as silk. “I saw the pain in your eyes tonight.”
She blinked and looked away from him. “It’s just that I thought I could hold on.”
“You can,” he said firmly.
She snorted. “Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not.”
“Hold on to what then?” she challenged, her anger and sadness rising to the surface again. “My family is gone and I cannot make them come back.”
“Hold on to me.”
Much to her shock, he sat down beside her on the floor, his shoulder brushing hers.
She jolted at both his statement and the touch. “I beg your pardon?”
“Marry me.”
She leaned back from him, studying his face to see if he jested. “Surely you have lost your wits.”
“I don’t disagree, but it seems an excellent solution to both our states.”
She gave a sharp shake of her head. “I don’t want your pity.”
His brows rose as he pointed out, “Do you think it was pity that caused me to belt Ellesmere in the face?”
Struggling to understand, she bit the inside of her cheek. “I don’t know what it was.”
“You’ve done something to me that I can’t explain,” he confessed quietly but ardently. “Every ounce of me longs to possess you. To protect you.”
She narrowed her eyes. Surely, this couldn’t be happening. He was not proposing on the library floor. “Didn’t you warn me about being a possession today?”
“Not that kind of possession,” he corrected quickly as he turned his torso towards her. “I don’t want to own you. I want to take you in my arms and know your every curve and thought until there isn’t a part of you that I do not know as well as myself. Is that not mad?”
She gasped. Could he mean that? It seemed so. “If it is madness, I suffer from it, too.”
His eyes lit with excitement. “Then let’s be mad together.”
Could they? It seemed impossible. Just the day before, she never could have imagined Adam marrying. Now, here he was proposing just that. Would he come to regret it?
Did it matter?
Her heart slammed in her chest. This was her chance. With Adam, she could marry, have children, live in her family home and actually admire her husband. And most importantly, her son would, first and foremost, be the Earl of Westport. That was what mattered.
What woman could hope for more?
“I agree,” she said, almost not believing she was speaking aloud.
A slow smile curved his lips. “I’m glad to hear it.”
She held up on a hand. “On one condition.”
His features grew wary. “What is it?”
“You’re a captain, Adam Duke.” She drew herself up, determined to find some dignity in all this mess. “I imagine that the sea calls to you. At some point, you will answer that call. So, you must promise me that you go nowhere until I am with child.”
The emotion which traveled his face then was unknowable, but he nodded. “I will not leave.”
“Good. Then when shall we be wed?”
“Tomorrow?”
She laughed. “Oh, the gossips will adore that after this night.”
“Do we care about the gossips?” He leaned into her, his warmth brushing her again.
This time, she did not pull away.
Cocking her head to the side, she grinned at him. “No. No we do not.”
And as he took her hand, she realized then that though she was to marry, she had chosen freedom. For with Captain Adam Duke, she would never have to be anyone other than herself.
*
“Wish me felicitations,” Adam declared above the tavern din.
Tony gawped at him and his brother’s face paled.
“You ruined her, didn’t you?” Alexander demanded. “What will I say to my wife?”
“I did not,” Adam corrected, affronted. He sat up straight, his evening kit chafing and he yanked at the cravat which, at present, felt like a noose. “Well, not exactly.
Alexander threw up his hands. “I knew it. You’re a wild man, Adam.”
“It’s what I adore about him,” Tony quipped, leaning his elbow on the table. “Do tell us. I love a good story.”
“Now, look here,” Adam defended, glancing about as if someone might suddenly come and disrupt the awkward conversation. “I may have quite the past, but despoiling virgins is not in it. I ruined her only in the sense that I gave rise to a great deal of gossip at Aston’s ball.”
Alexander narrowed his eyes, giving the sort of probing gaze that only a beloved brother could give. “Are you happy about this marriage?”
Adam thought carefully before he answered. “It certainly wasn’t what I planned on. But if there was any woman I could wed, it would be she.”
Tony’s mouth twisted with skepticism. “That does not sound like undying love.”
“Because it’s not,” Adam agreed, allowing himself to relax against the rough-hewn, wood chair. “We have an affinity for each other.”
And a passion, but he refrained from saying that aloud. Marrying for lust wasn’t the most advisable thing, but he also fancied that they were marrying for mutual understanding and companionship.
“Father will be thrilled,” Alexander said, smiling ruefully. “He always hoped you would settle down.”
“I’m not settling down,” Adam protested quickly. The very phrase felt like a death sentence, even if he thought Beatrix was the best woman he’d ever known.
“Oh?” Tony queried, laughing. “Are you planning on running all over town with the bachelors once locked in conjugal harmony?”
“Of course not.” He frowned. The truth was, he’d given no thought to what married life would be like. It struck him then that it was likely she would not be overly fond of him being out at all hours as he was wont to do. Being home at a decent hour would certainly be an adjustment. What exactly did one do at night?
Besides the obvious, of course. With Beatrix, he was fairly certain a good many hours would be spent in bed. Time he was anticipating greatly.
“You haven’t thought this out,” Tony groaned, banging his head down against the table in as dramatic a fashion as his father might have done.
“One doesn’t need to plan everything, Tony,” Adam informed, grabbing the man’s shoulder and helping him sit back up.
“Oh, don’t I know it.” Tony’s mouth crooked. “Have you met my father?”
“Aston is one of the reasons this marriage is happening.” He rubbed a hand to his temple. “I swear he orchestrated the entire evening.”
“It wouldn’t surprise me,” said Tony. “He loves to play God.”
“I’ve promised her that I will stay for several months,” he said at last.
“So, you don’t plan to live in England?” Alexander asked skeptically.
Live in England.
A wave of horror traveled through him. Of course. Everyone would expect it. And if they had a son, the boy would be an earl, the antithesis of everything he’d been raised to admire.
It didn’t matter. Surely, it didn’t. He could teach the boy the ways of the government of the United States, instilling a belief in the importance of the people and not just the aristocracy. Which, of course, meant he was, indeed, going to have to live in England.
He groaned, taking his own turn with the table.
“Oh, Adam,” Alexander sighed. “You’d best resolve this.”
“There’s nothing to resolve,” he said firmly, forcing himself back up. “We shall marry, have an heir and, well, we will live our lives as best we can.”
“Together?” Tony asked, a brow arched.
“Together,” he agreed. After all, even she had said that he was a captain. Beatrix understood that one day he would go. That he would venture the seas and be gone for months at a time. Yes, if any marriage would suit him, it would be this one. There was absolutely nothing to worry about.