Chapter 11:
Diana
“Hello, you,” I said brightly as Kavryiss flew up to the window leading into my person room in the D’Sharr’s quarters. He perched on the windowsill and took my face in his hands, kissing me gently.
There was a look about him that filled me with desire and then quickly evaporated into fear: the look in his eyes that screamed something was unmistakably wrong. I grabbed his hand and turned my head calmly.
“What is it?” I asked in a hush.
He stepped into the room and left his wings extended; he wasn’t staying. I watched his eyes rove about, wondering how much to tell me of whatever was on his mind.
“When is the last time you saw the D’Karr?”
I exhaled and waved him off, turning away from the window and walking back towards my research. “I’m not bothered to talk about this or about your alleged love for me right now, please.”
My stomach sank with my own words. If he didn’t tell me he loved me, I knew that my fire could fizzle out then and there. I turned back to him with apologetic eyes and pursed my lips, taking his hands into mine.
“What is it?” I repeated, softer this time.
He cleared his throat and pulled me close to him. “Do you trust me?”
“I don’t see why not,” I said, naïve as it was.
“Diana,” he said gravely.
“What's this about?” I demanded, growing frantic.
We heard a noise outside my door, and he slammed his hand over my mouth in a panic, his eyes wide.
He scraped his hand down the front of his face and huffed in a whisper, “Do you love me?”
I scratched my arm, hard, and shrugged helplessly. “I think… yes.”
His eyes filled with life and he inhaled sharply, satisfied and yet still terrified as his hands trembled against mine. “I want to be with you.”
“You’re looking for this?” I asked, setting his hand on my breasts and leaning up to kiss him.
He pulled away, and his eyes darted toward the door once more. “I’m looking for you,” he said, and I felt instantly comforted by his tone.
“Why though?” I said firmly.
He knew I loved him and I knew he loved me: this gravitational pull drawing us closer to one another each day. But I didn’t know why.
I knew he thought I was spoiled; I knew he questioned how a girl like me, who had just been given all the opportunities in the world to make a difference, could possibly want to give that up. Or, perhaps it was me who was questioning it. But I knew I did. I wanted to be with him. Just him. I was so tired of sharing someone; sharing an ideal of someone.
With Kavryiss, it was just real. Real from start to finish.
The purple shifter rolled his eyes and knelt down before me; his wings still spread in a grand gesture. My eyes went wide at the sight, and I ushered him back to his feet, but he pulled away, grabbing my hands.
“I can't believe I am doing this, but you’re forcing my hand. Here I am, Diana, begging.”
“Why do you need me; why do you love me?”
“You're kidding me,” he laughed. “You want flattery right now?”
“I’m not looking for flattery,” I said quickly. “I need to know. If we’re really doing this… You and me. If I’m going to give up everything then… I need to know why.”
“Because I believe in you. I...” The strong shifter’s face flushed hot with pinks and reds, and he grimaced. “I can't stand you, Diana. You are spoiled and difficult and stubborn... But I believe in you.”
The words hung in the air like a palpable object, taunting me with their honesty. With a heavy breath, he said, “I love you because you're incredibly smart. I love your determination. I love the way you brush your hair back. I love the way you say things as they are.”
I scoffed arrogantly, raising my brows at him. “You have nothing to offer me.”
“And that kills you,” he snapped. “But it doesn't mean you don't love me.”
I stared at him and then met him on the floor, kneeling in front of him. “I don’t want to.”
“Because it ruins your grand plan, right? I don’t care, Diana. When I’m without you, I feel a pull.”
I laughed. “That’s called your insanity.”
“I want to be with you. I want to spend forever only with you—for whatever it means. I want to spend those eighty years with you. When you're with Boradrith, I feel sick. When he touches you, I doubt that he could possibly feel about you the way that I do, and when I think of all the time I've known you and never—”
“Alright, alright!” I laughed. “I love you, okay! I love you,” I said, sweeter then, and I smiled bashfully at him. “You win.”
He smiled, and it filled me. I did. I loved him.
“All I’ve ever wanted was the D’Karr to take me as his wife and rule over Dobromia. Now I can only think of one thing strong enough to change my mind. You. It’s been you this whole time.”
I leaned in to catch his lips with mine. He kissed me in a way he never had before; something more was behind it. Something more than love.
“Then we need to leave.”
I paled. “... Sorry? Isn't this the part where we make love and then argue over how annoying we find one another while secretly hoping the other reads through the lines about all the ooey-gooey love we feel?”
Realizing the severity of his visit my heart suddenly dropped, and I said, “Kavryiss, what's going on? You’re really freaking me out right now.”
My new love set his jaw and looked down to the floor; his eyes now lost to mine even as I tugged at his hand, begging for his contact again.
His words were crisp. “Sillevia wants you dead.”
I watched his expression grow grim, and I took my time with my words, testing them out in my mind before I finally asked, “How do you know?”
“Because,” he said and then held his breath. “Because I’m supposed to do it.”
I swallowed hard. “I take it from your big speech just now that you’re not following through very well?”
He simpered. “I couldn’t do it.”
“Then that’s a real problem for you,” I teased, despite myself. My whole body wracked with fear suddenly; as though anyone could be behind me at any moment.
“We need to get out of here,” he said with all the strength and determination in the world. “Tredorphen and I ha—”
I cut him off. “I need to tell Boradrith.”
Maybe he slept with other women, but I knew his love for me was real. I could feel it. He didn’t give up everything just to toss me aside. If the threat was real, then he would want to deal with it first-hand. Boradrith wanted me safe.
“Diana,” Kavryiss seethed, “You can’t do that.”
“Do you want me to die?” I snapped. “Because if you don’t follow through, then someone else will take your place. I’m not going to wait around hoping it doesn’t happen! Let me tell Boradrith, and he’ll get rid of her, and we can just be done with it!”
“I have a feeling... that things are about to go very wrong,” he said forcefully. “Don’t do that.”
“Why?” I demanded.
“Because I know what she's like, and if this...if it doesn't get done then...Diana listen—”
“No, you listen! Just trust me for once. Just let me tell him, and he'll throw her in the tower!”
“And then what about me?” he simpered as though suddenly wondering if our love was quick and ill-fated the minute we were up against the wall. “She’ll tell him I was the one to kill you and he’ll tear me apart.”
“Then we'll...” I blanched, a cold spire drilling up through my whole body. “Then you'll run.”
He blinked. “What about us?”
“I don't know what you want me to say, Kavryiss! You're telling me you were supposed to kill me and now you want me to feel sorry for you!?”
He stood from our kneeling and threw his hands into the air. “I want you to think about someone other than yourself for one minute!”
I watched him walk and swallowed. My expression closed up and my stomach twisted in knots as I exhaled over and over. “Then what?” I demanded sharply. “What’s the plan?”
“I'm leaving,” he agonized. “I'm going back with Tredorphen and Marina. You can come or not.”
“For the record,” I said, brooding, “I don't like ultimatums.”
He shrugged. “That's not my problem.”
“So you’ll do just like Tredorphen did? You’ll abandon Dobromia? You’ll abandon me?”
“It’s either I do that, or I stay here and die,” he argued. “And frankly, it’s the same fate for you.”
My face turned downcast, and I waved him off. “Go away,” I said quietly.
“Diana,” he said quickly and studied my face carefully. “Don’t try and figure this out for yourself when I’m right here with you. Please stop pushing me away.”
“I said go.”
With drawn-out hesitation, Kavryiss hovered in my window for moments and moments, waiting for me to say something to keep him with me, but I felt like I’d said it all.
His wings were strong as they took him away from me, fiercely fluttering against the heat until I couldn’t even hear a hint of him anymore.
I loved him, and I wanted to be with him. But I didn’t want to leave Dobromia. My life was here, and my heart was here. Not with Boradrith but here with these people. They may have hated me, but I loved them as well as I ever did the Earth. Maybe more.