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Need Me (Coopers Creek Book 4) by Bronwen Evans (18)

Chapter 18

Pulling up to Robert’s house that evening, Brooke smiled when she saw Corky running towards her car, Sketch scurrying after his best friend. She got out and returned the dog’s enthusiastic greeting, hugging and ruffling his ears. Then she picked Sketch up and was treated to little skunk kisses.

Giggling, she headed for the mudroom door.

It opened and Robert stepped outside. “What are you doing here?”

His cold tone startled her. “I came to see how you were. You didn’t answer your phone or my texts.”

He looked at her dispassionately. “That’s because there’s nothing more to say. It’s over between us.”

Brooke felt like someone had hit her in the stomach. “Why? I don’t understand.”

He folded his arms over his chest. “Because I’m not changing my mind about having kids and you want them. There is no compromise here. I love you too much to trap you into a childless marriage.”

“Don’t I get a say?”

“You might be able to accept my feelings at first, but eventually, you’d come to resent me and it would rip us apart. Let’s just call it quits right now and save ourselves a lot of pain.”

Dumbstruck, Brooke stared at him. His face was set in grave lines, his gaze flinty and direct. Recovering, she asked, “You love me?”

He gave a curt nod. “That’s right. I fell in love with you. Head over heels, completely in love with you. I think about you and want you all the time.”

Brooke stepped towards him, but he backed away. “Loving me is a good thing, Robert. I care about you so much, and I think about you all the time, too.”

“Can you live a life with no children?”

Sorrow wrenched her heart. “Robert, can’t we talk about this?”

“What more is there to say? Can you really see yourself married to a man who doesn’t want kids?” Robert asked. “Be honest with me and yourself.”

She hadn’t realized that he had such strong feelings for her. “You love me and you want to marry me? We haven’t been together very long, Robert.”

His expression softened. “I know, but I can’t help how I feel, Brooke. I tried to stop it, told myself how stupid I was being.” His self-deprecating smile tore at her. “I should know not to become attached to any woman because it’ll only end up the same way.”

Her chest constricted. He was breaking up with her! Robert wasn’t trying to hurt her though. He really thought he was doing the right thing. He was trying to spare her feelings, to release her to find someone else. But she didn’t want to be released. She wanted to be with Robert.

However, searching her heart, she knew that what Robert had said was true. She wanted babies, and he didn’t. How could they stay together when they were at such an immovable impasse?

This time when she approached him, Robert didn’t back away. Placing her palms on his chest, she gazed into his eyes as hers brimmed with tears. “Robert, you’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met and any woman would be so lucky to have you. You don’t want to hear this, but you’re hurting yourself needlessly by denying yourself the opportunity to raise children. I cannot imagine the gut-wrenching pain of losing a child, but all life has risks. I choose to be with you, even though I know you could be called out to a rescue and never come back. But I’d want as much time with you as I could get.

“I wish there was something I could say or do to make you see that denying yourself a child is cutting you off from one of the greatest joys in this world.” Her lips trembled as she tried to smile. “I hope that one day you find someone who can break through that wall you’ve built around the part of you that made you such an incredible dad. I just wish that woman was me.”

Tears stood out in his eyes, too. His anguish gouged another hole in her already wounded heart. Rising on tiptoe, Brook pressed a farewell kiss to his lips. Just as he started to respond to her, she broke it and stepped back. “Goodbye, Robert.”

She got in her car, turned around, and headed towards the road. Looking in her rearview mirror, she saw that Robert stood watching her drive away. He looked so forlorn that she almost turned around and went back to him.

That would be a mistake, she knew. It would only prolong the heartache. Tears streamed down her face and halfway home, she pulled over on the side of the road and broke down completely.

* * *

Two weeks later, Brooke sat out on her porch, trying to enjoy the evening breeze while she drank her second glass of wine. Thunder growled in the distance and lightning danced in the approaching stone-gray clouds. Normally, the beauty of a storm uplifted her spirits, but she couldn’t find any joy in the natural splendor.

Her world had turned dull with the loss of Robert. Woodenly, she went about her daily routine, performing her job as well as ever, but without her normal vitality. She barely mustered the energy to smile and rarely laughed.

She wished she could snap out of it. She’d watched her mother mope after a man all her life. She definitely would never do that. She didn’t blame Robert for being truthful. But the heart wants what the heart and she just wished she could have made Robert face his fears. Or that Robert loved her enough to try.

Moving from her chair to the porch steps, she leaned her head on the pillar she sat next to. As she took another sip of wine, a vehicle pulled in her driveway. Her heartbeat leapt into a faster rhythm as hope rose that it was Robert, but her heart sank when she saw that it was Jamal.

Her eyes squeezed shut in aggravation as he alighted from his fancy Corvette. This made the third time in two weeks that he’d stopped to see her. Opening her eyes, she didn’t bother to raise her head from the pillar as he mounted the stairs and sat down by her.

“Bad day?”

She snorted and took a gulp of wine. “Yep, and it just got worse.”

“Ouch.”

A smile touched her lips. “Sorry if the truth hurts. No matter how much you keep coming back here, my feelings about you aren’t going to change.”

Jamal sighed and propped his forearms on his knees. “I know that. I finally accepted that the other night. You deserve to be happy. You really love this guy?” He bumped her with a broad shoulder. “I really do care about you, Brooke, it’s the truth. It’s killing me to see you in this kind of pain,” he said. “I was just checking up on you.”

Her gaze slid to meet his. “You were?”

“I came here tonight to check on you one last time and let you know that I’m leaving town. All the stuff with Great Grandma’s estate is wrapped up and I have some business in Japan to take care of. I’m flying out tomorrow morning.”

He put an arm around her and pulled her against his side. Brooke didn’t object when he hugged her. There was no passion in his embrace, only an offer of friendship and comfort. Burying her face against his chest, Brooke accepted it and thought how strange life was.

Here she was, finding solace in the arms of the man had thrown her away like old dishwater, while her heart yearned for the new man she’d fallen in love with. Although she hadn’t known it right away, Brooke realized that she’d lost her heart to Robert.

She missed him every second of the day and tortured herself by looking at his Facebook pictures. He’d made his pics of Liam public and Emily had told her that he’d told all their friends about his son. It had shocked them all, but they’d rallied around Robert, giving him their full support.

It made Brooke happy for his sake that he had so many people to lean on while he healed. They offered her the same sort of love and caring, for which she was grateful. She’d even cried on Tyler’s shoulder one night. Eventually, she’d run out of tears, but was still left with a hole as large as the Lunar crater in her chest.

Jamal kissed the side of her head, interrupting her train of thought. “I have to go. My flight leaves out of Denver in a couple of hours. Stay strong. You’ll get through this.”

She just shrugged in response and leaned away from him. He rose, bent to kiss her forehead, and said, “For what it’s worth, he’s a damn idiot for letting you get away. I know that from personal experience.”

A glimmer of humor sparked inside Brooke. “Take care, Jamal.”

He smiled. “You do the same.”

She nodded and he jogged down the steps. As he left, Brooke resumed her previous position and watched the storm roll in.

* * *

Robert patted Precious’s neck as they trotted along a well-marked trail that led back to his place. She was an excellent saddle horse and he enjoyed riding her. They’d gone about two miles when lightning had started flickering in the distance.

Not willing to take a chance, Robert had turned Precious for home, putting her into her smooth trot that ate up the ground. A couple of drops hit his head just as they arrived at the barn. He rode Precious right inside and halted her at the crossties.

Sliding off her bare back, Robert praised her and gave her the two baby carrots he’d been carrying in his pocket. She munched them happily while he took off her hackamore. The mare had bad experiences with a tradition bridle, so the bit-less hackamore suited her better.

His cellphone rang as he picked up a dandy brush. He always gave Precious a quick grooming after a ride. He was surprised to see Anna’s picture as he answered.

“Hi there. How are you?” he asked.

“Well, I’m a little frazzled,” she said. “Can you come to the hospital and help me?”

He fumbled over his words. “H-help you? How?”

“I need help feeding the babies. Chase had to go to Denver with Ric, Tyler and Emily caught Hayley’s cold and can’t be around the triplets. Kate’s on an emergency call and Brooke isn’t available, either,” Anna said.

Pain lanced Robert’s heart when she spoke Brooke’s name. “What about the staff?”

Anna sighed. “It’s crazy here tonight. I don’t know if it’s the storm or what, but it seems like every pregnant woman in town is having their baby tonight. The staff is so busy. Please come help me, Robbie.”

His group of friends had picked up Kate’s nickname for him. Even as trepidation wound around his heart, Robert agreed to come. “I’ll be there in just a few, Anna.”

“Thank you so much.”

“No sweat.”

He hung up and leaned his head against Precious’ neck in frustration. The mare whickered low in her chest as though trying to comfort him. Straightening, he gave her a quick brushing and put her in her stall. As he jogged to the house to get his keys, Robert wished that he was going anywhere but to the hospital.

* * *

Gowned up, Robert stood at the door of the NICU, cold sweat trickling down his spine. Come on, you coward. Anna needs you. His sense of friendship overrode his anxiety and he stepped into the unit. The cries of babies and the sounds of various machines and heart monitors immediately hit him.

Looking around, Robert found himself surrounded by tiny babies. Many of them were attached to breathing and feeding tubes. He flashed back to the first time he’d seen Liam. Kelly hadn’t told him about the birth until after the fact, so he hadn’t been there to help bring his son into the world.

When the nurse had brought Liam over to the nursery window for him, Robert’s need to hold him had been a living, breathing thing. His life changed irrevocably the moment the pediatric nurse had laid Liam in his arms.

“Robert!”

Anna’s soft call broke into his reverie and he started for her. She sat in a rocking chair along one wall. Three incubators were lined up near her chair. Relief shone in her luminous green eyes. “Thank you so much for coming.”

“Sure. No problem,” he said, masking his unease with a smile. “What do you need me to do?”

She pointed to one of the incubators. “They took Andy off his feeding tube today since he’s able to bottle feed now. I breastfed him earlier, but he’s hungry again. I pumped some milk for him. Alyssa can breastfeed a little, too. Can you feed Andy while I feed her?”

“Uh, sure.”

Anna pointed to the nearest incubator. “That’s his.”

Swallowing hard, Robert stepped over to the incubator and looked down at little Andy. Although he’d grown over the past month, he was still small compared to other babies. He was over five pounds now, and Chase had told Robert that if the baby kept doing well, that Andy would probably be discharged at the end of the week.

Andy opened his eyes wide for a couple of seconds and then blinked them while he waved his tiny hands. In his mind, Robert saw another baby and grief threatened to bring him to his knees.

“It’s okay to pick him up, Robert. He’s tougher than you think,” Anna said.

Holding his breath, Robert reached into the incubator and slid his hands under Andy. With infinite care, he lifted Andy and cradled him against his chest. Moving over to the rocking chair, he sat down and settled Andy more comfortably in the crook of his arm.

Andy’s face scrunched up and he let out a huge cry.

Robert’s response was automatic, his previous experience in caring for an infant coming to the fore. “Hey, little man. Hang on.” He took the bottle that Anna gave him and offered the nipple to Andy. Robert laughed when Andy latched on and ate with lusty pulls on the nipple.

“Wow. Look at him go,” Robert said.

Anna chuckled as she covered her and Alyssa with a light blanket and began feeding her. “I think he’s trying to catch up to TJ.”

Studying Andy, Robert said, “I see that his hair has some red in it. He has your nose, too.”

Pride laced Anna’s voice. “Chase and I think so, too. I know that he’d have been perfectly happy with three girls, but I’m so happy that we had a boy. Now he has a son to play football with in a few years.”

“Knowing Chase, he’ll get the girls to play, too.”

“Most likely,” Anna agreed.

They were quiet, but the sucking sounds and little grunts of the feeding babies filled the silence. Every so often, Andy opened his eyes and his little brow furrowed as though trying to focus. Robert remembered that look well.

Thinking about Chase’s fertility issues, Robert thought how different it had been for him. Chase and Anna had beaten the odds whereas it had only take one time of unprotected sex for Robert to get Kelly pregnant. At only nineteen, he’d been terrified when she’d first told him that he was going to be a father. He’d thought that all his plans for the future had come to an end.

As Kelly’s belly had grown, so had Robert’s excitement about the baby and he’d begun planning for Liam’s birth. By the time Kelly had delivered her devastating news about not wanting either Liam or Robert, he’d had a class and work schedule figured out. Once Kelly had split, Robert assumed full responsibility for Liam and had excelled at fatherhood despite being so young.

The saying about riding a bicycle applied to Robert right then. It was second nature for him to prop an ankle on his opposite knee and rest Andy in the triangle his legs made. This gave him a free hand, which allowed him to play with Andy’s thatch of thick hair. He started singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider, which had been Liam’s favorite song.

He wasn’t an awesome singer like Chase, but he got by. A few nearby babies that had been fussing fell quiet upon hearing the song and Andy paused his for a moment. Then he resumed his meal. The bottle was nearly empty by the time Andy got his fill.

Spreading a cloth over his shoulder, Robert laid Andy on it and started rubbing his back in gentle circular motions interspersed with light pats. It wasn’t long before Andy let out a noisy burp.

“Good job, buddy,” he said, laying the baby back in his lap. “Way to go, champ.”

A sniffle made him look up.

Anna was watching him with tears in her eyes. “Oh, Robert, you’re so good with him. I can see what a wonderful father you were.”

A painful lump formed in Robert’s throat. “I loved being a dad, loved everything about it. Even when I was up all night when Liam had colic, I loved it. I hated being away from him.” He looked down at Andy. “Liam was the greatest gift I ever had and I cherished every moment I had with him.”

“Robbie, I know how much you love Brooke.”

Robert’s brow furrowed. “I do. With my whole heart, I love her.”

“She loves you, too, you know.”

Robert shook his head. “No. She cares for me, but she doesn’t love me.”

“Sometimes you don’t realize things until later,” Anna said. “I know for a fact that Brooke is in love with you.”

Robert’s heart slammed against his chest wall. “How do you know?”

Anna solemnly said, “She told me so herself.”

Breathing became difficult as Robert absorbed this information.

“Robert, if you really love Brooke as much as you say you do and want to marry her, why wouldn’t you want to create little miracles with her?” Anna asked.

Anger sharpened Robert’s tongue. “Did you get me here to try to change my mind about having kids? Is that what this is all about?”

Anna’s mounting temper was reflected in her eyes. “How dare you accuse me of using my children to manipulate you that way. I’m just talking to you as one friend to another. It’s just such a shame that you’re throwing away a lifetime of happiness because of fear. What happened with Liam was a terrible tragedy, but you can’t let it ruin your future.”

Remorse turned Robert’s face pink. “I shouldn’t have said that. It was uncalled for. I’m so sorry.”

She sent him a forgiving smile. “Apology accepted. Please just think about it, Robbie.” Her smile widened. “You two catching Kate’s bouquet was the universe’s sign that you and Brooke belong together.”

He groaned and a disapproving frown appeared on Andy’s adorable face, making them laugh.

Sobering, Robert said, “I always hoped to give Liam at least one other sibling, but I never met the right woman.”

“Until now, you mean.”

“Anna,” Robert said in warning.

She arched a haughty eyebrow. “What? It’s the truth and you know it. I’m not saying that you should decide anything right now, but at least leave the door open to the possibility of having children. What can it hurt to just think about it?”

Andy kicked his little legs and grunted. Robert chuckled. “Are you agreeing with Mommy?”

“If he’s smart he will,” Anna quipped.

The current subject was dropped as Robert put Andy back in his bed, but he was loath to leave. So, he took a turn with Alyssa and even played with Sammi’s (aka Twinkle) teeny hand through one of the holes in the incubator lid.

Twinkle was holding her own, and defying the odds and improving a little every day. As Robert stroked Twinkle’s downy hair, he came to a startling conclusion. This precious baby was clinging to life with tenacity while he wasn’t living the one he’d been given to the fullest. It was daunting to think that the barely three-pound bundle of joy had more courage than he did.

Finally, he made sure that Anna didn’t require any further assistance and took his leave. On the way out, he stopped at the nursery window, admiring the adorable infants for a few moments. Then, with purposeful strides, he left the unit.

Stepping outside the hospital, Robert was instantly buffeted by strong gust of wind and driving rain. Undeterred, he ran to his SUV, climbed in and left the parking lot with a single purpose in mind.

* * *

Brooke had moved inside to the living room when the storm had intensified, but she just sat in the dark while brilliant flashes of light flickered in the windows. As she reclined on the couch, a different sort of booming noise mingled with the crashing thunder over the house. Someone was pounding on her front door.

“What numb-nuts is out in this kind of weather?” she wondered, rising.

Brooke looked out the front window to see if she knew the car, but the deluge obscured her view. Sighing, she headed for the door and pulled it open. She emitted a frightened cry at the large dripping wet man on her doorstep until she realized it was Robert.

Her breath lodged in her chest as she recognized Robert. His rain-darkened hair was plastered to his head and his clothes were completely drenched, but he’d never looked better to her.

“What—”

It was all she got out before he hauled her against him and slanted his mouth over hers. He smelled of hospital corridor, horses, and rain, but his urgent, wild kiss sent her curiosity over the odd combination spinning out of her mind. She clung to his soaked shirt as he silently commanded her to part her lips.

Desire swept through her as she responded, her tongue meeting his in a warm, velvety clash. While he devoured her mouth, his strong hands gripped the front of her black tank top and ripped the thin material wide open, baring her torso.

He tore his lips from hers as he palmed her right breast. “I’m so sorry, Brooke. I’m so damn stupid and I hate that I hurt you,” he said in between raining kisses over her face and down her neck. “I love you so much and I thought that I was doing the right thing by letting you go. I know how foolish that was now.”

The intense light in his eyes and his admission rendered her speechless. She’d dreamt about him coming to her just like this, declaring his love for her. Maybe it really was a dream. Was she in reality asleep on the couch, dreaming of the man she loved?

Robert cupped her head and wrapped an arm around her waist. His wet clothes dampened her skin and she knew that he was really here holding her and saying what she’d longed to hear. A delightful shiver ran up her spine when his thumb grazed her nipple.

There were things between them to discuss, but her need for him to hold and touch her was greater. “Make love to me. I need you.”

He scooped her into his arms, and started up the stairs. As he carried her, Brooke truly felt like the heroine in a superhero film. Her hero had returned, swooping in to save the day.

Once in her bedroom, Robert set her down and drew the ruined tank top down her arms. Arching an eyebrow at him, Brooke took off his glasses and dried them with it. He caught her wrist when she would’ve sat them on her nightstand. His mouth curved in a sexy smile as he slipped them back on.

Their eyes locked and held for a few moments before they fell on each other, desperate hands unfastening buttons and tearing at clothes until they fell naked onto her bed. Brooke didn’t know when, but at some point, Robert had retrieved a condom. Wanting to touch him, she stole it out of his hand and curled her fingers around his erection. His chest rose and fell fast as she caressed her way up his torso and worked him slowly.

He was hard and soft all at once and the need to taste him was too overwhelming to resist. Lowering her head, she flicked her tongue over the tip, and then took him deep into her mouth. His guttural groan was drowned out by rumbling thunder.

Brooke enjoyed his musky taste and rain-scented skin, but she’d only circled the head a couple of time before he implored her to stop.

“It feels too good, sweetheart. I won’t last.”

Relenting, Brooke opened the condom and rolled it down his penis, loving the way he throbbed against her palm. Smiling, she lay back, pulling him down on top of her. Winding her arms around his neck, she teased him with her tongue, touching his lips and pulling back again.

With a growl, he grabbed her jaw and claimed her mouth. Lifting her hips to his, she guided his rigid shaft to her core. Her back arched as he entered her slick sheath in one smooth, swift thrust.

Breaking their kiss, Brooke said, “Before we go any farther, I want you to know just one thing. I love you, Robert. You are the sexiest, kindest, most exciting man I’ve ever met and my heart belongs to you.”

His mouth opened, but she shook her head. “Show me, my sexy Superman. Show me.”

The fire in his eyes matched the bright flashes of lightning that came in through the windows as he hooked his arms under her legs and set about fulfilling her request.

* * *

With deliberate strokes, Robert made good on drilling Brooke into the mattress. With every slow thrust, he tried to convey his powerful feelings to her. It amazed him that the dazzling, passionate, strong woman wrapped around his body loved him. His heart swelled with happiness when she told him again.

He didn’t utter a single syllable, but he responded to her by bringing her as much pleasure as possible. Everything about her excited him, especially the answering thrusts of her hips, and her shuddering climax made her achingly beautiful to him as he came with her.

White-hot ecstasy engulfed Robert, stealing his ability to move. His head hurt a little from the intensity of the moment and a loud shout exploded from him. Locking his elbows, he panted as he gazed down at Brooke’s sated smile.

“Feel free to drive me into the mattress with your mighty hammer anytime, Thor.”

Arching an eyebrow at her, he said, “That’s Superman, to you, lass.”

She gasped in delight. “An Irish Superman! Unusual.”

“Oh, didn’t I tell you? I’m good at lots of accents.”

With a wicked grin, she said, “You’re good at lots of things, period.” She pulled him down on top of her and caressed his jaw. “Like loving me and making me feel special.”

“I do love you and you are the most special, incredible woman in the world, babe.” He smoothed a curly lock of hair back from her face. “I have some things to work through, but I’m not closing the door on having kids.”

Her forehead wrinkled and her eyes grew larger. “What changed your mind?”

He smiled. “The McIntyre triplets. I helped Anna feed them tonight. Everyone else was busy and there were a lot of births, so staffing was stretched thin. Anna called me, and I couldn’t say no.”

Robert moved off Brooke, and she rolled to face him.

“I feel like such a shit for not visiting them. I haven’t been a very good friend because I’ve been a complete ass,” he said. “I’m tired of letting fear hold me back from living a full life, Brooke. I’m not going to give in to it anymore. From now on, I’m going to treat the bad things in life the same way I do the mountain. I’ll keep finding the next hold and work my way past whatever obstacles lie in the way of happiness.”

“I love the sound of that,” Brooke said.

Running a hand over her side, he stared into her eyes. “Everything that’s happened has made me realize that I never truly grieved for Liam. I was so hell-bent on getting on with my life and honoring him by helping others that I forgot to let myself experience his loss. I just kept the pain locked up, but I didn’t deal with it. Can you be patient with me about kids?”

She took a deep breath and he experienced a sinking sensation in his chest. “Only if you can be patient with me about marriage. My parents should never have married, they didn’t suit, but neither of them would face up to the fact. I think that is why they were so miserable. When I marry I want to do it only once. I have a few nerves to get over before I can commit but when I finally do, you’ll know it’s because I’m sure. I love you so much, Robert, but I need more time to get to know you better before we make that kind of commitment. We owe it to each other to take our time and do things right.”

Robert pressed a kiss to her lips. “You’re so smart. Just one more reason I love you. I know I sprang the marriage thing on you, and I’m sorry about that. In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m not very good at relationships.”

She poked his chest hard. “No, the women you were with were the ones who sucked at relationships, Robert. Not you. You need to realize that.”

“I’m starting to.”

“Good. And about that guy in the picture with Liam?”

Robert made a face. “What about him?”

“I’d have loved to have him drill me into the mattress just as much as I do this guy,” Brooke informed him with another jab of her forefinger. “He has the same adorable, sexy, sweet smile and I’ll bet he was just as good at accents. I think he was every bit as nice to look at as the man lying here with me right now. The only thing I don’t like about him is knowing that he went through something so terrible and that he had to do it all alone.”

Gathering her close, Robert said, “You have no idea how much it means to me that you feel that way. I don’t know how your ex could be so blind and throw away his chance with you, but I’m glad he did. I’m sorry if he hurt you, but I’m not sorry that you’re mine now. I promise that I’ll never cheat on you or lie to you, Brooke.”

Brooke snuggled against him and kissed his shoulder. “You don’t even need to say that for me to know it, but I still like hearing it. You’re the most honest person I’ve ever met. Well, except for Hoss, but he’s a little too honest sometimes.”

Robert laughed. “Agreed. Where did Chase’s nickname come from? He keeps asking you, but you never answer him.”

Brooke’s shoulders shook with laughter. “I can’t believe that he hasn’t figured that out yet. He loves the TV show Bonanza and Hoss is his favorite character.”

Robert’s chuckle grew into a full belly laugh. Brooke shared in his mirth and they laughed until their stomachs ached and tears trickled from their eyes.

As they calmed down, Brooke brushed his still-damp hair off his forehead and brushed her lips against his. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

She touched her fingertips to his lips. “Fly me around the world again like the superhero you are.”

Robert kissed her fingers and rolled her over. “As you wish, milady.”