Mia rushed back home, kicking herself for leaving her phone.

She was so excited that Nick was coming back that she thought she’d rush out to the store to grab what she needed to make him a great big feast. He loved lasagna and had told her that, next to his mother’s, hers was the best he’d ever had.

Such a compliment was definitely the kind of thing that could make a girl’s head swell with delight.

She placed the grocery bags down in the kitchen and made her way up to Nick’s room, eager to see him. All she could think of was being in his arms.

It was crazy that she’d only seen him yesterday, but it felt like eons to her.

The door was open so she ran straight inside. When she saw him sitting by the window with a large rucksack on the floor next to him, her nerves spiked. She looked about the room and drew in a breath when she saw that his things were all packed up.

Everything was packed, some in boxes.

“Nick…” She returned her gaze to him and found he was already looking at her with huge, sad eyes.

He stood up and walked over to her, then stopped just a few breaths away. She didn’t think she’d ever seen him look so drained in all the time that she’d known him.

No, wait. She remembered. He looked similar after his father died. That was how he looked. Something must have happened.

“Where are you going?” she asked, unable to hide the panic in her voice.

“Mia, I have to go away.” He could barely look at her.

“Where? Why? I don’t understand.” She looked at him, searching his eyes. “Did something else happen with Alan?”

From what he’d told her earlier it sounded like the police had Alan in custody and would deal with everything else from there.

“I’ve been thinking that, it’s best if we…”

She stared at him waiting for him to finish, waiting to hear what he had to say, feeling her heart being pushed over the edge of hell.

“What? What, Nick?”

“We can’t be together.”

His voice sounded so far away, like a distant echo. Like it wasn’t real. She felt light headed. Dizzy, as all the air left her lungs and the blood drained from her.

She shook her head, not understanding, not accepting. “Why? Why can’t we?” her voice sounded frail.

“I don’t think that we should be together.”

“That’s it? You can’t give me more than that?”

“I can’t. I… Look, this is for the best. It is.”

She looked at him, feeling her heart squeeze within her as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

“You said always. It wasn’t true?” She believed him.

He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them again, a small tear ran down his cheek. He opened his mouth to answer but didn’t say anything. He just walked back over to the window, picked up his bag and left.

That was it; that was all. Nothing more.

It was as if the magic they’d shared over the last few days never happened.

Mia broke down the minute she heard the front door close.

* * *

She hated going to Claire’s house when she was so upset. She hated not being her normal, happy self that would visit with goodies and girly films.

Today, Mia couldn’t even pretend that things were okay. But Claire being the great friend that she was took her into her arms the minute she saw Mia on her doorstep and saw how torn up she was.

Mia told her everything. Yesterday she hinted at being with Nick and promised to tell her all that had happened. Today it was all that had happened and more.

“Mia,” Claire began, wrinkling her nose. “That sounds completely off to me. It doesn’t sound like Nick.”

Mia couldn’t think about what sounded right or wrong, or if it was like Nick or not. All she knew was what happened. That was what she had to work with, and it had stunned her to the core. She might not have been with Nick for very long, but them being together didn’t just happen overnight and she felt like she’d had her heart ripped out of her chest. Every time she remembered what he said to her she hurt, her soul quivered with the loss and lack of understanding.

“Mia.” Claire rested a supportive hand on Mia’s shoulder but she was crying too much to answer. “It just doesn’t make sense. Before he went to Florida things were fine. He then came back and broke up with you?” Claire was shaking her head.

Having it said like that highlighted the weirdness in the whole damn situation. Nothing made sense. Nothing at all.

What an awful time she was having. First Alan, now Nick. The thing was, Alan wasn’t anything to her, and honestly, it was loneliness that drew her to him. He was different to the usual types of men she went for, so she thought why not. She gave him a chance. But he’d screwed her over.

She didn’t even think about their relationship when she discovered his deceit, other than to reason that it was part and parcel of the plan.

Nick, on the other hand, was a different matter. She’d always felt like this.

This. Why was she calling it this?

The feelings she had for Nick had a name. It was love. That was why she was so torn up. That was why she felt so devastated.

It was because she loved him.

“I don’t know what to say, Claire,” she attempted against the tears.

“Something must have happened in between the time that he left and came back.”

“Claire, maybe it’s best if I just accept it and leave it alone. I don’t want to hope. I don’t want to see something that’s not there and end up feeling worse than I already do,” Mia cried, wiping away her tears.

“I understand, and normally I would definitely agree. It’s just that it’s odd. Can’t you see that, Mia?”

“I can, but I don’t have the strength to try and find out what this is about. I don’t even know where he is.”

“Glenn must know. Ask him,” Claire nodded.

Glenn was probably the best person to ask, but if she asked and he told her, what would she then do with that information? Could she go and see Nick and find out what the hell was going on?

Or should she leave it and accept that he didn’t want to be with her.

The thought brought more tears with it.

“I’m so tired, Claire. I can’t breathe.” She put her hand to her chest and broke down. Claire pulled her into her arms to comfort her, but all Mia felt was that void that filled her from the minute Nick told her he didn’t think they should be together.

* * *

It was amazing how bad memories could overpower the good ones. It was the bad ones that tended to be clear while everything else faded.

Nick flicked through scenes of his past in his mind, trying to grab onto happy memories. Memories of his parents, his mother and father who loved each other fiercely and loved him even more.

He thought of time spent by the beach when they lived in L.A., time spent with his grandparents, holidays and vacations. But it was all a blur, and so unlike the clear image he had of the day his father died.

He remembered everything about that day, from what he ate to the impending feeling of doom and the coppery smell of blood.

There was so much of it. It literally poured from the wound his father had sustained from the gun shot.

Nick had just turned twenty and was back from college for the summer break. He’d heard some of the guys he used to hang out with were back, too, so he thought he’d go see them at the usual hang out, an old garage on the edge of the city. It was deserted and near the park. Perfect for what they used to get up to.

Bob Shelby was the ring leader and the guy to get your buzz from. Name any kind of drug and he could get it for you. Nick was never into drugs the way he was, he could stop when he wanted to for longer periods of time. Bob couldn’t and even became a dealer. Nick didn’t know how he managed to get himself mixed up with such a crowd, but he was well into the mix by then.

What was ironic was Nick’s father was a very notable police detective, who was well known all over the city for the work he did in the community. As a Marine, he’d won several awards and medals when he served his country. He was a man of honor.

Except for Glenn, immediate family, and the loser friends Nick used to hang out with, no one knew Nick had a drug problem. It started when he was seventeen at the party where he met Bob.

While Nick had always had the greatest respect for his father, he never listened to him. His father thought he had the skills for the Marines and encouraged him to try it after college because Nick was so hell bent on having the college experience and being away from home, living life. But Nick thought the old man was just trying to relive his glory days through him.

His mother worried night and day that that wild streak Nick had would land him in trouble, and it nearly killed her when she found out he was into drugs.

It was actually Glenn who told her, but it wasn’t for malicious reasons. Glenn ended up telling both his parents after a particularly bad night when Nick ended up in the hospital after trying something he wasn’t used to. He still, to this day, didn’t know what the hell it was. Glenn saved him, though. If not for Glenn, Nick was certain that he wouldn’t be alive today.

While Nick was away at college, Bob had been arrested several times, but he’d never been placed in long-term custody because the cops didn’t have enough evidence on him to pin him down for possession or supplying.

Unbeknownst to Nick, they were watching Bob. Watching and tracking, and waiting for the perfect time to grab him. And what was worse was Bob had gotten involved with the big guy, the serious drug lords who didn’t mess around. And if you crossed them, it meant sure death for you. That was why Nick’s father had been adamant that he had no dealings with Bob whatsoever.

At twenty, Nick thought his old man had lost his mind, trying to tell him what to do. He’d been away from home and was an adult who didn’t need his parents to tell him who he could be friends with.

That hellish day Nick didn’t even stop at home for an hour before he made his way to meet Bob, who’d messaged him about an opportunity to make money that night. Nick was with Glenn when he got the message and Glenn immediately saw the danger in it.

Nick didn’t, and despite his parents’ forewarnings and Glenn’s worries, he went to meet Bob.

Little did he know that Bob would have some new friends who were bad news. New friends he’d pissed off in the worst way possible by not doing what they wanted him to.

Nick arrived when they were at the height of their argument, and his attempts to defend Bob immediately made him a target. He didn’t know that the new friends were stacked out with guns.

The main guy raised a gun to him the minute Nick voiced his defense of Bob, ready to kill him.

Even now, Nick could remember staring at the cold steel of the gun and thinking it was going to be his last few seconds on Earth. But as the gun fired, the bullet never caught him.

He remembered being shoved out of the way so hard his shoulder felt like it dislocated, and it was only when he hit the ground that he saw his father there, too.

He was on the ground with blood pouring out of his chest, his own gun raised in the air as he’d fired it at the guy who tried to kill Nick.

Nick’s father had managed to shoot him and his squad had moved in on the rest of guys, who mostly surrendered after seeing they were heavily out numbered.

The scene was chaos, people were everywhere, but Nick zoned in on his father, who had saved him and had taken a hit doing so. He’d never moved so fast in his life. Nick rushed over to his father feeling panic and worry weigh down on him like a fifty-ton truck had dropped on his shoulders.

Nick tried to pick him up off the ground but his father protested and insisted on staying down. The bullet had caught his father right near his heart and there was too much blood gushing out of him to stop it. The movement had caused more to flow.

His father being the tough guy he was tried to talk to him through the searing pain.

He said, “Look after yourself and mother for me, son. And please stay out of trouble. Drop these people.”

“This is all my fault,” Nick had said. “All my fault.”

“Don’t you dare blame yourself!” his father shrieked, grabbing onto him. “Don’t do it. That is an order, boy. A father’s duty is to protect his family. I love you. Now promise me you’ll do as I ask.”

“I promise,” Nick told him.

His father smiled at him, ripped off his dog tags from around his neck, and handed them to Nick. The minute he took them, he saw his father’s eyes roll back in his head and the life leave his body. That was when his world changed.

Nick would never forget that moment as long as he lived. It was one of those moments in life where it scarred you and left its mark with the memory. His punishment was to relive the day forever.

It was Glenn that notified his father that Nick had gone to see Bob. Glenn got scared for him and did the only thing he felt he could do by alerting his father.

Glenn saved him, but Nick’s life came at a price that would never be repaid.

Despite his father’s guidance, Nick blamed himself. Especially when he saw how the grief got to his mother. Even though she never said it, he knew she blamed him, too, and it took her several years before she could speak to him again and look him in the eye with that motherly love he was desperate for.

It wasn’t until Nick graduated college and joined the Marines that things started to feel better. Before that, he went through some serious grief that affected him in ways he couldn’t describe.

It was Glenn that helped him through it all. He was there all the time, any time he needed him, always reminding him not to blame himself, always telling him it wasn’t his fault and that his father did what he had to do to save him.

It was that special attention and that priceless care that made him back off the night when Glenn first told him to stay away from Mia.

The same feelings for Mia flowed through him then. It was worse now. His feelings had amplified into something he couldn’t control. Just from those few short days. It was like adding fire to gasoline, it took no time whatsoever to explode and turn into a ferocious blaze of heat that would consume everything in its path.

One week and five days.

That’s how long it had been since Nick last saw Mia. Since that shit day when Glenn stabbed him in the back and brought the darkness back into his life.

He couldn’t believe this was the same Glenn. His friend.

God, it was a sick joke.

Nick had found an apartment near work, but hadn’t been to work and hadn’t seen anyone.

Sawyer had called him several times but Nick didn’t answer, and he never returned his calls.

He didn’t even know what became of Alan and his brother. Nick had just cut himself off from everything and everyone, even Mia.

She didn’t call. He never truly expected her to, and he didn’t want her to. He did, however, hope she would. It was okay. She was better off without him.

He wasn’t good enough for her.

No one was.

A knock sounded on his door, the sound taking him out of his thoughts and memories.

He’d been sitting by the window watching the oncoming nightfall. Last night he drank too much and was suffering for it now with a headache. He didn’t want to see anyone.

“Nick Wylder, you bastard, open the damn door!” It was Sawyer.

Nick shook his head. He didn’t want to see Sawyer, so he didn’t answer.

“Nick, I’m going to kick the door in if you don’t open it.”

“Shit,” Nick cursed, getting up. He knew Sawyer meant it. He’d seen him do it before. Nick opened the door and was greeted with Sawyer’s angry face.

He came in, shoving Nick so hard in his chest he stumbled backwards.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, man? You look like shit,” Sawyer balked.

Nick raised his hand and turned away to go back to his seat.

“Nick. Talk to me.”

“I don’t want to,” Nick said, shaking his head. “I don’t want to talk.”

He pulled in a sharp breath as he recalled the hurt that filled Mia’s eyes when he broke her heart. He couldn’t believe that he’d caused her to look like that.

Him.

And she cried. He caused her to cry and he hadn’t been able to comfort her.

Sawyer pulled up a chair and sat next to him. He’d calmed down and was looking more like himself.

“Nick, we’re friends, right?”

Nick turned to face him and beheld the concern in his eyes. Sawyer was a great friend, the best kind. But then Nick thought so about Glenn, too, at one point.

He didn’t tell Sawyer what happened, only that he’d moved.

Through the years he’d known Sawyer, he had never told him what happened to his father, either. He’d said he’d died while on duty. That came from the guilt he still felt over his father’s death.

“I don’t really know who to trust right now, Sawyer. You’re my friend today, but you might not be tomorrow.” Nick thought he’d be upfront with him.

“That’s a load of bull crap, man. Friends today and not tomorrow? Have I ever given you cause to think that, man?”

Nick thought for a moment and had to admit that in all the time that he’d known him, the guy had always been the same. Whereas Glenn had his moments. They’d had serious arguments. Sure they made up, but the fact that they fell out a lot was a point to highlight.

He’d put it down to knowing each other from their youth. They met when they were young boys, and sometimes they acted like they still were.

Nick had never argued with Sawyer.

“No, you have not.”

“Back in the Marines we went on some serious life-and-death missions, didn’t we?” Sawyer smiled.

Nick nodded. “I thought I was going to die more often than not.”

“Me, too, but I knew you had my back. And because I knew you had my back, I made sure I had yours. There’s a different kind of friendship formed when you put your life in someone else’s hands. They become your eyes and your ears, your gut instinct. So, Nick, we’re friends.” Sawyer smiled again with more conviction.

Nick held his gaze, appreciating his words. He felt a spark of hope against the distress he’d been feeling since leaving Mia.

Nick nodded again.

Sawyer cleared his throat and straightened up. “Now talk to me. Tell me why you’re holed up in this place when I need you at the station. Tell me why you aren’t answering my calls.”

Nick still didn’t particularly want to talk but decided he would. And so, he told Sawyer everything. Everything in full detail right from the night his father died to Glenn’s deceit, and his loss of Mia.

By the time he was finished talking, Sawyer looked completely taken aback and perplexed.

“Glenn is no friend to you, man. That is not a friend. I appreciate the desire to protect his sister, but he’s gone too far,” Sawyer stated, looking furious.

“I don’t know. Maybe he’s right. He didn’t say anything that was a lie.” That was what got to Nick the most. There was some element of truth to what Glenn said.

“Nick, we all did crazy things when we were younger. But it’s in the past. And as for your dad. Damn it, it’s really sad that he died, but saving you was an honor for him.”

“He wouldn’t have died if I hadn’t gone to meet my friend.” Nick shook his head.

“You can’t think like that. You can’t. Because he could have let that guy shoot you.”

Sometimes Nick wished that had happened. He really did.

“I know what you’re saying, but I still feel the pain, and Glenn threatening me like that just opened a wound that took years to heal.”

“You never told Mia?”

Nick shook his head. There was no way in hell that he would have told her. The fact that she was twelve at the time his father died made it easier for him not to talk about it with her.

“I don’t think she’ll see me in the same way if she knows.”

“How do you know that?”

He thought of Glenn’s taunts and imagined him telling Mia in that nasty, vindictive manner, along with everything else.

“I didn’t want her to hate me. Glenn’s aim was to make me look like scum and the kind of guy that would hurt her to no end if she stayed with me. He’s right, Sawyer, I’m not good enough for her.”

He wasn’t good enough for a girl like that. It was that fact that made Glenn so determined to keep him away.

“I can’t believe I have to point this out to you again,” Sawyer chuckled. “Do you know what she thinks? Do you seriously think that she’ll believe that?”

Nick simply stared at Sawyer.

He agreed, Mia’s opinion was an obvious thing to consider, but he was scared of the answer. Scared to find out what the one woman he’d ever fallen for might think of him if she found out what his past held.

It actually terrified him.

“I don’t know if I want to find out, Sawyer. I just don’t know.” That was the best answer he could give. It was the truth. “I think the best thing I can do is stay away.”

Sawyer looked sad to hear that.