Chapter Seven
Complete satisfaction and terror were tightly entwined in Nate’s gut, and they didn’t seem interested in letting go anytime soon.
Nate wasn’t ashamed to admit that he’d probably earned his playboy reputation. Still, he’d never had sex that was even remotely comparable to what he’d just shared with Ellie. It had been far more than the fulfilment of a long-held desire—in the space of an evening, she’d somehow managed to work her way right inside him.
He looked down at the top of her golden head as she shifted restlessly in his arms, rolling his eyes at himself. The fireworks might have only been discharged tonight, but they’d been set to explode for years.
Ellie stirred in his arms again, and he caught a glimpse of her face. The panic that he saw made his gut clench.
“Hey. What’s going on?” Adjusting his position on the bed, he pulled himself to a sitting position and tried to wrap his arms around her, but she danced just out of his reach and shimmied to the edge of the bed.
“Nothing. I just… I’m going to go grab a shower.” She looked around, nerves apparent in every movement, before she tugged on the loosened sheet, wrapping it around her body.
The symbolism couldn’t have been more readily apparent—she was shielding herself, constructing a barrier. But why?
Guilt flamed as a possibility occurred to him. Ellie wasn’t like most of the women he took to bed, and right now he couldn’t be happier about that. But had he been so wrapped up in finally having her in his arms that he’d missed some signal? Had he pushed her too hard, too fast, and not realized that it was too much?
“Talk to me, Ellie.” Catching the edge of her sheet in his fist, he held tight when she tried to stand. She huffed out a breath of exasperation, glaring at him over her shoulder.
He knew her well enough to note the other emotions swirling in her eyes at the same time.
“I’m fine, Nate.” She tugged the sheet up, covering her cleavage. “I just need a few minutes to myself, okay?”
“No.” Not caring about his own nakedness, he slid across the bed to seat himself beside her. Catching her chin in his hand, he gently tilted her head so that she looked him right in the eyes. “I need to know what just happened. I thought you were right there with me. Was I wrong?”
A battle raged over her face, and his body tightened when he thought she would insist on staying mute. Finally she heaved a great sigh, tension evident in the stiff lines of her shoulders.
“Look. I just… I’ve always known who I am. I’m the good girl, the one with everything together. The one in control.” Her lips were pinched into a thin line when she looked right at him. “I can’t reconcile that with what we just did. How can I like you holding me down and telling me what to do? That’s… isn’t that against everything I believe in?”
He studied the worry in her face, which should have lessened after admitting her fears. She obviously wasn’t telling him everything, but then, after having sex just once, he didn’t really have the right to demand access to all of her innermost thoughts. They’d tackle what was laid out in front of them first, then.
“Do you think less of me because I like to be in control?” He made sure that his voice was mild, accompanied by a brush of his knuckles over her cheek, a gesture meant to calm.
Ellie blinked, clearly startled. “What? No, of course not. Why would I think that?”
“Then why would you think less of yourself for being on the other side?” He stroked his fingers through her hair, and she visibly relaxed under his touch, though the shadows in her eyes remained.
“I don’t understand.”
“What we do in the bedroom, what we crave, it’s not the entirety of who we are.” It wasn’t the first time that he’d had this conversation, but this time it was more important than ever that he get his point across. “Enjoying being held down and spanked doesn’t have any bearing on any other aspect of your life, not unless you want it to.”
She studied him with those wide eyes, and he found himself again missing her glasses, which seemed an integral part of her. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again.
“Ask whatever you want.”
She shifted and the sheet fell to her waist, but he forced himself to keep his eyes on her face, for the time being at least.
“I don’t know if this is something I’ll want to do forever.” She swallowed thickly, and he found himself wanting to trail kisses down the slender column of her throat. “I think it’s something I want because… because it’s you.”
And that sound was his ego swelling. He had to fight the urge to puff out his chest.
Until her next words, anyway.
“So maybe it would be easier for me to think of it that way for now. I don’t usually have flings with men, either. So when I… when I go back to my real life, then I can decide if this is what I want all the time.”
She was clearly sorting through her feelings, and that was what he’d wanted her to do. But her words were a scalding hot knife to his soul.
Back to her real life. The life that she had without him. Because she thought he was nothing more than the playboy friend of her brother, the guy who was fun to play with but not to keep.
The notion didn’t sit well, but now was not the time to push, not when her emotions were so close to the surface.
“Let’s order some food.” Changing the subject abruptly, he stood and crossed the room to where the ancient corded phone sat beside the television. He didn’t miss the way her eyes tracked his movements.
There was hope. At least, he hoped there was hope.
“We had dinner already.” Her voice was cranky, and at this he wanted to smile.
While he sure didn’t want to hurt her, he didn’t mind getting under her skin.
“I’m not hungry,” she said.
“You’re forgetting how long I’ve known you.” Absently he flipped through the dog-eared ‘locals guide’, which contained a few equally worn takeout menus. He pulled out one for a steakhouse that had been around for as long as he could remember. “I’ve seen you eat an entire pepperoni pizza.”
“Wow, that makes me feel sexy.” She glared at him, her cheeks flushing crimson. “Why would you say that?”
“Are you kidding me?” He tossed the menu onto the bed, then dipped his head and kissed her, brushing his tongue over the seam of her lips until she emitted a small moan. “Do you know what a turnoff it is to take a woman to dinner and be forced to watch her pick at a salad with little pieces of chopped up chicken on it?”
“I like salad with chicken.” She scowled, but when he settled his hands onto her shoulders and started to rub she seemed to relax a fraction.
“Do you know what the real meaning of the word sensual is?” Nate let his hands trace down Ellie’s upper arms, stroking feather-light touches over the tops of her breasts, savoring the way her breath hitched. “It means of the senses. All senses. And watching a woman take sensual pleasure in a decent damn meal awakens all kinds of other needs for me.”
“I—oh.” Ellie arched into his touch. He circled her rosy nipples once, then drew his hands back up to her shoulders. She moaned with disappointment when he removed his touch completely, tossing the menu into her lap.
“Now pick something, or I’ll pick it for you.” He grinned, then tugged the sheet away entirely, making her squeak. Her hands fluttered to cover herself, but as if she’d remembered his earlier order, she instead set them on the bed and clenched them in the sheets.
“Might I remind you, I have to fit into a bridesmaid’s dress in two days.” Under his stare she shifted restlessly, her breath coming faster, her pulse beating like a hummingbird’s wings at the base of her throat.
Watching the way that she reacted just to his stare had his own arousal kicking in, and he felt his cock start to rise.
“Well, if it eases your worries at all…” Lazily, he took himself in his hand and pumped slowly, the simmering heat in Ellie’s eyes engorging the flesh. “You’ll only be wearing that dress until I can get you out of it.”
“What?” she asked.
Her stare fastened on the slide of his hand on his own cock. That, more than the touch itself, had his own need coalescing, his pulse speeding, the blood pumping through his veins.
“I mean… I thought…”
Yeah, he knew what she thought… she thought that they were already done, that by tomorrow he’d have moved on to a new conquest.
He had news for her. As long as she was willing to be in his bed, in his bed she’d be. Starting now. So he closed the space between them, sweeping the menu onto the floor. Seating himself on the edge of the bed, he pulled her into his lap so that she straddled him.
The sweetness between her legs made contact with his cock and he hissed aloud. Fuck, but she was already wet, ready for him.
Sweeping her hair to one side, he dipped his head and licked the soft skin of her neck. She cried out, her legs clenching around his hips, and he let the sensation take him over.
“I thought you were about to force-feed me.” Ellie gasped as Nate shifted them back on the bed so that he laid full length, her glorious curves on full display on top of him. Clasping her hips in his hands, he rocked her against him and swore out loud as her slick heat slid over him.
“I am.” Reaching between their bodies, he caught her clit between two fingers, sliding back and forth until she started to pant, then sheathed himself with a condom and slid into her heat. “I definitely am.”