Chapter Fifteen
Five months later…
Sarah stood in the doorway to her tiny spare bedroom, observing the changes with a critical eye. A smile played upon her lips, her hand going to her slightly protruding belly and automatically smoothing over it. The nursery was done! Now all she had to do was patiently wait out the next four months for her daughter to make her debut.
Her daughter was the only thing that had kept her going the last few months. When she first found out she was pregnant, she did the arithmetic and realized she must have conceived Clint’s child the first time they’d made love on the island. After the shock wore off, happiness had filled her, and there’d never been any doubt she was keeping the baby. If she never saw Clint again, she would always have a part of him.
Her eyes moved about the room she and Susan had painstakingly transformed. They’d painted the walls a soft buttercup yellow, painting the woodwork around the doors, windows and baseboards a glossy white. The theme they’d finally decided on, after much debate, was teddy bears. And they were everywhere.
She walked over to the antique nursing rocker she’d found at a yard sale, sat down and looked at the crib with its umbrella mobile of colorful teddy bears. She couldn’t help the little swell of sadness whenever she allowed herself the luxury of thinking about Clint. She tried not to dwell on him, but he was never very far from her thoughts.
She still loved the impossible man; there was no doubt about that. She’d finally come to the conclusion she would always love him. That he’d apparently never come to the same understanding was something she would not acknowledge, because deep down inside, she still waited for the day when he’d show up on her doorstep.
“Hello, honey!”
She smiled as Susan walked through the doorway. “Oh, oh! I know that look.” Susan placed a big panda in the crib next to the pillow. “You’re thinking about Clint again.” The smile on her face seemed strained and out of place, considering her last comment.
“That’s not a teddy bear,” Sarah pointed out, ignoring Susan’s observation.
Susan shrugged good-naturedly. “I just couldn’t resist. Isn’t it cute?” She crossed her arms, turning from the crib to face Sarah. “And don’t try changing the subject,” she scolded.
“I’m not talking about Clint,” Sarah said stubbornly, rubbing her belly.
Clint had come between them more than once during the last few months. They’d had awful arguments about whether he should be told about the baby. Susan had been insistent that he deserved to know, while Sarah had been just as adamant he not be informed. Her reasoning? She didn’t want him showing up and professing his undying love just because he knew she was pregnant.
If he came back, it had to be for her. Sarah wouldn’t take him on any other terms. Moreover, she was holding on to the fact she did mean something to him. The stubborn man just had to figure out for himself that he loved her too.
“The nursery came out beautiful,” she said, changing the subject and surprising Sarah. She walked to the window facing the ocean and opened it, focusing her worried gaze on the shimmering water.
Sarah’s eyes followed Susan, recognizing the signs. She was fretting about something. “Thanks to you.”
“I only helped, like you did when I was expecting the boys,” she commented. “Remember?”
“I remember.”
Susan took a deep breath. “It’s a lovely day out. I’m glad you decided to take off today. Have you been for your walk?”
“Yes, mother.” Sarah smiled. “And before you ask…I’ve had a nice healthy breakfast plus I had two bananas for a snack just a little while ago.” She rolled her eyes and got to her feet, stretching. The action extended the gentle swell of her stomach.
“Come on, let’s go out on the porch.” Sarah figured the fresh ocean breeze was good for the baby and spent as much time as she could outdoors.
“I’ll get us something to drink and meet you there.”
The smile on Susan’s face was forced. Something was definitely wrong, Sarah sensed it. She was putting on a false facade of her usual cheery self, but they were too close for her to get away with it. A feeling of impending doom started to wash over Sarah as she made her way to the porch. God, she hoped it didn’t have anything to do with Clint.
“Here we go.”
Sarah made a face at the tall glass of milk Susan handed her. She’d been hoping for something more refreshing, like lemonade. She waited until Susan was sitting in one of the loungers before deciding to question her.
“I have something to tell you.”
“I want to ask you something.”
They spoke simultaneously, glancing at each other before smiling. “You first. I have a feeling what you have to tell me has something to do with Clint. Which might answer the question I have.” Sarah was sure that once Susan told her what was on her mind her own question would be answered.
Susan glanced away, avoiding Sarah’s eyes. Sarah’s gaze followed hers but there was nothing on the water to hold anyone’s interest. When she returned her gaze to Susan, fear made her question the reason she was biting down on her lower lip.
“It’s Clint, isn’t it?” Sarah said reluctantly, holding her breath.
Only then did Susan meet her eyes, her own filled with regret. “You don’t know how much I hate telling you this, honey. Promise me you’ll stay calm.”
Sarah’s hand went to her belly. “For the baby’s sake, I promise,” she murmured, knowing it was the only thing she could say that would set Susan’s mind at ease.
Susan took a deep breath before continuing with reluctance. “Clint disappeared about a month ago.”
“A month!” Sarah felt panic sweep over her before forcing it down, recalling her pledge to Susan. “I don’t understand. How can someone just disappear? Did anyone know what his destination was?”
“Aunt Lois just found out. He’d apparently been away on some secret job for the government. He’s actually been gone longer, but when he failed to make a scheduled rendezvous, they realized something was wrong.”
Oh God, he’d been on one of his missions. “What about Stan…” It suddenly occurred to Sarah that she didn’t know his last name.
“If you mean Stan Rivers, he’s been in contact with Aunt Lois. Apparently, he and Clint have been friends for years and work together sometimes.”
“Yes, he must be the same Stan. I only met him once briefly, when he flew us off the island. What’s he saying about this?”
“Not much. Just enough to give us hope that he’s looking for Clint and will let us know what he turns up. From what I gather, Clint was somewhere down in South America.”
Sarah digested the information and tried to remain calm. A month was a long time to be missing these days. She closed her eyes, seeing his hard face. Recalling his rough ways, and his tenderness, how he’d always made her feel so much like a woman in his arms. Tears trickled down her cheeks, and she opened her eyes, refusing to start thinking about him in the past tense. He was alive, she knew it.
She wouldn't accept anything else.
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to tell you, but I felt you should know. Stan will find him, I just know it.” There seemed to be nothing more Susan could say.
Sarah looked out at the water reaching for her glass, taking a drink of the now lukewarm milk. She didn’t care. Nothing mattered. A sob escaped her in spite of her efforts to hold it back. She waved Susan away when she made a move toward her. Her hand smoothed over her belly.
Would she ever see Clint again?
****
Angel.
Sarah’s sleep-dazed mind refused to believe what she was hearing. She must be dreaming again. She’d cried herself to sleep that night thinking about Clint, and now she was hearing his voice calling out to her. It wasn’t fair! She’d gone to sleep hoping to escape the memory of him. But since finding out about his disappearance a week ago, he’d haunted her day and night.
She burrowed deeper into her pillow, fighting the urge to bring the covers up over her head. It was already too hot. And she hated turning the air conditioner on because she loved the sound of the surf pounding on the shoreline during the night, lulling her to sleep. The ceiling fan overhead was as high as it would go and offered little relief.
Kicking back the covers, she lay there more asleep than awake, wishing the little breeze blowing in through the windows would cool off her body. She felt like stripping off her T-shirt and panties but couldn’t bring herself to sleep naked now that she was showing. She gradually drifted off again.
It was seven o’clock when Sarah woke for the second time. Instead of the early morning sunlight usually streaming through the windows, she awoke to a storm that had blown in during the early morning hours. An overcast gloom filled her bedroom, followed by a rain-induced wind that caused the curtains to flap.
The cool air was a wonderful change from the humid heat of the night, and she left her bed, going to the window and letting the mist blow over her body. She closed her eyes. Sarah loved the rain, and the thunder and lightning didn’t keep her from standing there for a few minutes more.
When she opened her eyes, Sarah saw an angry ocean churning. Large waves crashed against the empty beach, and she pitied the soul brave enough to test Mother Nature by being out in it. The pounding rain and fog prevented her from seeing if there were any vessels further out.
Taking another deep breath, she turned to go to the kitchen, coming up short when she stepped outside her bedroom. To get to the kitchen, she had to cross through the back of the living room. She gasped, taking in several things at once. The French doors were open, and there was a man standing out on her porch, at the very edge by the steps. He was just staring out at the ocean, letting the pounding rain beat against his body.
He was tall and wide shouldered and, from the way his clothes were hanging on him, he must have recently lost a lot of weight. His long hair was clinging to his head and neck and his clothes were drenched by the rain and clinging to his body. Something about his clothes sparked a fleeting memory in Sarah. She couldn’t tell what color they were, only that they seemed familiar somehow. Her gaze narrowed on them, finally recognizing the ugly green color. Oh God, he was wearing army fatigues!
She sucked in a disbelieving breath, slowly walking through her living room toward the door. Being afraid never entered her mind. She had to reach him, had to be certain.
Please God, don’t let it turn out that I am dreaming! Her hand flew to her stomach and the closer she got the more she was convinced it had to be Clint.
Hot emotion clouded her vision, filling her eyes before spilling over onto her cheeks and further still, falling onto her swollen breasts. One hand smoothed over the life inside her womb, assuring her daughter everything was going to be all right, while she clenched her other hand into a fist against her trembling mouth.
She paused at the threshold barely breathing, willing him to turn around. As if something passed between them, he did so, slowly, moving almost painfully. Their eyes met and clung for a heart-stopping moment. He continued to stand out in the pounding rain, and if Sarah didn’t recognize anything else about him, she did recognize the fierce emotion in the black eyes staring back at her.
He was different. Not just in the weight he’d lost or the leanness of his features, but something else. Something not seen by the naked eye. His eyes were haunted, like the eyes of a man who’d been to hell and back. A man who’d lost his soul. He was standing there before her, but his mind was somewhere else. Yet as Clint began to focus on her, his tortured gaze slowly filled with hope, and life.
Sarah didn’t hesitate. With a cry she completed her journey to the man she loved beyond reason, throwing herself into his arms, almost knocking him down. His arms closed around her, crushing her against him as if he’d never let her go. She cried and sobbed against him, raining kisses all over his face before he could capture her mouth with his own.
****
Clint drank the life from Sarah’s lips like a starving man who’d been denied nourishment, a man who would never get enough. He’d thought of nothing else the last two months. Thoughts of Sarah were the only thing that had kept him alive in the hellhole where he’d been imprisoned. Thoughts of her had given him the will to survive the beatings and torture. And he’d decided during those nightmarish weeks that if he came out alive, he’d find her and make things right.
He didn’t want to admit how close he’d come to giving up when Stan finally found him. As he crushed Sarah to his weakened body, claiming her soft, eager mouth, Clint realized he’d been given a second chance.
“I love you.”
Sarah began to laugh and cry at the same time. They’d said the words simultaneously, in between passionate kisses. “God, I love you!” she repeated, kissing his eyes, nose and cheeks. “How did you get here? Never mind it doesn’t matter! I thought I’d never see you again.”
Clint took her mouth again, his hands moving over her desperately, wanting to make sure he wasn’t dreaming as he had been so many times before. When his hand glided over her belly, he pulled away in shock, breaking their kiss to look down into her joy-filled eyes.
She answered his unasked question by taking his hand and placing it back on her hard stomach. There was no denying the flutter coming from within, against his palm. His eyes stared into hers with awe and disbelief.
“Say hello to your daughter,” she said softly, her eyes shining bright with tears of hope and happiness.
My daughter.
Clint felt his heart swell with love, and the hot sting of unexpected emotion filled his eyes, spilling over to mix with the rain falling down upon them. He couldn’t speak when Sarah reached up, and cupped his cheeks, love and tenderness overflowing in her beautiful eyes. He shook his head no, unable to accept the truth. He must be dreaming.
“Clint.” The sound of her voice forced him to meet her eyes. “You’re not dreaming,” she said, reading his mind. “This is real. I’m real…our baby is real.”
Our baby.
“God, when Susan told me you’d disappeared, I lost my mind. I didn’t want to believe I’d never see you again. I wanted to go looking for you myself!” She sobbed brokenly before continuing, “Tell me you came back for me.”
At that moment, it was as if new life had been breathed into Clint’s abused body. Sarah’s tortured, unsure words tore at his heart. He crushed her to him, closing his hands in her hair. He took a shuddering breath. “God, don’t you know yet how much I love you? Thoughts of you kept me going, Sarah. Gave me the strength to go on when I was in that…” He clenched his teeth, not wanting to subject her to the ugliness of what he’d endured.
“God, Sarah. I’ve got so much to make up to you. I fought my feelings for you. I fought you every step of the way. Brushed it off as lust when you had my heart all along. I don’t deserve your love…our child.” Clint fell to his knees, burying his face in her belly, his hands clutching the soaked material of her shirt. Thankful for so many reasons. “Our child…”
“Daughter,” Sarah pointed out. “And do you think you have a monopoly on being stubborn?” she teased.
Clint glanced up to meet her smiling eyes. “Maybe the next one will be a boy.” He gently pulled her down until she was on her knees in front of him. “I never thought I’d have a family.”
“Well, you have one now.”
He buried his hands in her hair. He never wanted to let her go.
“And we’re not going anywhere.”
Leave it to Sarah to make it sound like a threat. He grinned, for the first time in months. “Good, because neither am I, angel.”
Clint didn’t have to pull Sarah in for a kiss, she met him halfway. She brought her arms up and wrapped them around his neck. He crushed her against him, careful of her belly and the new life there. He was home. He didn’t know how long they stayed out there like that, and it wasn’t important. All that mattered was this moment in time.