Fuck!

With one arm crooked around the pole, I swiped at Maddie with my other hand and ended up with a handful of air. The guy on the other end of my rope was likely swearing at me and struggling, as it felt like my heart dropped into my harness.

Unlike a cartoon character, she didn’t hover for a moment before gravity set in. Her arms stretched out toward the red ball but she was at least an arm’s length away from reaching it. Bobbie screeched down below; probably frantically letting out a lot of rope quickly through the carabiner so she didn’t get yanked up as Madeline went down.

I held my breath until I saw her bounce onto the net below with a grunt.

My body was starting to shake from emotional shock and physical fatigue, but thankfully my belay partner below sat back in his harness to keep me under control.

“I’m coming down!” I yelled in warning then began rappelling down the pole. Though I was irritated that I hadn’t completed the challenge, my need to see Madeline was stronger. As I descended, I watched her crawl across the safety net to the edge. She was okay. She was okay.

Now that I knew she wasn’t hurt, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to shake her or kiss her. What happened to the confidence I believed she had? Was I wrong about her? Why didn’t she just do it?

As my feet touched the ground, Madeline rolled off the net, landing on the hard ground with an “oof” expelled from her chest. Instead of unclipping the rope, I just unbuckled the harness and shoved it down my legs to shake it off.

I stalked over to her as she brushed dirt and pine needles off her tight black pants.

“What the hell was that?”

Against her pale face, her eyes seemed darker than usual and her cheeks were reddened from the wind. The harness had left puckered lines in her clothes, and her legs were a little shaky.

“I jumped!” she snapped. Her arm went over her head with her elbow bent as she tried to stretch out. The twinges in my arms would have to wait until we were done here.

“No, you fell. There’s a big difference.”

“I reached for the balloon.”

“It was a half-assed effort, Madeline. I expected better from you.” I didn’t understand why she hadn’t tried harder. Didn’t she want to succeed? She had been so capable and confident on the swinging log.

Bobbie caught my eye, and she gestured that they were headed back to the lodge. I nodded at her then turned back to find Madeline’s pointy little finger in my chest and her eyes a little watery.

“What do you want from me?”

I stopped short. That was a damn good question. Did I want her to succeed? Yes. Did I want her standing tall and proud? Sure.

I reached out to smooth back the tendrils of hair around her face that had escaped her ponytail. It was bad timing that my cock twitched as she pushed my hand away, her eyes flashing.

“That was unfair, cruel and unusual. God only knows what labor laws you broke coercing me to plummet to my certain death—”

“You. Didn’t. Jump.” With each word I leaned closer, my lips closer to hers than was appropriate. Why couldn’t she just take responsibility for her indecision?

“Yes, I did!” She put her hands on her hips, looking ready to stomp her foot like a little kid.

“You fell, Madeline. It’s called the Leap of Faith, not the Drop of Doubt. Why are you fighting me on this? You failed. You gave up.” Exasperation and disappointment burned in my chest. “God, I wish I could spank you right now.”

Her lips parted on a gasp and her chapped cheeks bloomed darker. She stumbled back.

Wait. What had I just said?

I mentally played back my impetuous words. Shit.

“Mister Gage, I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that, ah, incredibly inappropriate statement,” Madeline said shakily, looking down at the ground. Her hands went to her face, the backs of her fingers curved against her rosy cheeks.

Motherfucker. I hung my head.

“I’m sorry. That was, uh—there was no call, no justification for me to say something like that.” I wanted to bang my head against that damned pole. But I didn’t say there was no reason for it either.

This woman had me turned inside out. We’d been playing with fire for… well, I wasn’t entirely sure who’d grabbed the matches first. Either way, we were close to getting burned. I turned away from her, thoroughly disgusted by my lack of discipline. My frustration had gotten the better—or the worse—of me, and I knew better.

Half a dozen deep gulps of mountain air did little to calm me. Everything was too bright around me—the trees, the sky, even the dirt under our feet. Closing my eyes, I searched for some control. How could I possibly rehabilitate this situation?

I had to face facts. I wanted her. I shouldn’t, but I did. There was also a chance she wanted me too—if she didn’t quit and sue me. But I also had to admit that I was being a bully, plain and simple, and this was not the time or place. My eyes still shut, I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth a few more times to center myself.

When I opened my eyes, she was gone.

* * *

Since clearly I became a raving lunatic in casual clothes, I skipped lunch to change back into a pair of dress slacks and a starched button-down shirt. As soon as I fastened the buttons of the crisp white cuffs, the steel of my everyday armor shielded me again. My back straightened; my will hardened.

When I looked in the mirror, however, there remained an unfamiliar softness around my eyes and mouth. It grew even hazier as I thought of Madeline.

I don’t know how long I spent practicing grim expressions, but my face was almost back to normal when a knock at the door interrupted me.

“Room service!”

Bobbie was on the other side when I yanked the door open. A domed plate and a glass of water covered in plastic wrap sat on top of the cart beside her.

“I’m not hungry.”

Her foot wedged in the door, stopping me from closing it on her. “No way, we gotta talk.”

“My staff is waiting for me.”

“My staff is waiting on them.” She rolled the cart in, the heavy door shutting behind her. With two pinched, practiced fingers she plucked off the steel cover to reveal what looked like a club sandwich and some sweet potato fries. Then she ate one.

“I’m not tipping you.”

“Big bro, all my life you’ve been giving me tips. How to do my homework, how to clean my room, how to get a job, how to dress for success, how to get a guy—”

I scowled. “I’ve never told you how to get a guy.”

“No?” She smirked. “Good thing, because I think you’d give shitty advice. The point is—you’re bossy.”

“I am the boss, Pinky.” Really, she wanted to waste my time with a childish squabble? I could go there. “You know what we’re going to do tonight?”

Another few yam fries found their way into her mouth. My own mouth watered at the smell of them. “You’ve already taken over the world, Brain. But you’re not the boss of me.”

I leaned back against the back of the couch, my arms crossed over my chest. “And, we’re ten years old again. Just when I thought you’d finally grown up.”

I’d hurt her feelings. I had enough experience with it to recognize it in her eyes. The usual guilt and irritation rushed through me, leaving me even more on edge.

“I’m really trying here,” she said quietly. “Didn’t Mom tell you?”

“Yeah.” I sighed, not wanting to hurt her further, but I’d been burned before.

It was hard to have real faith in Bobbie. She’d get a job then lose it. She’d move in with a guy, then end up in the ER with a black eye. In the past ten years, it seemed as though my sister was on the fast track to being a professional fuck-up. I told myself that she wouldn’t have frustrated me so much if I didn’t know she was capable of more. But I was tired of bailing her out and still she didn’t seem to take accountability for her life. Well, until now.

“You like this job, don’t you?” The pride when she mentioned her staff earlier was obvious.

Her smile was so wide it nearly filled up the room. “Yeah, I really do. But I think I’m also good at this, Brian. I like being outside, like being with people visiting. This place, being out here in the mountains… I don’t know. I’m so insignificant and tiny compared to them, and they’ve been around thousands of years.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You’re comparing yourself to a mountain?”

“I just mean that I guess it’s giving me perspective. My life is small and short, and I’ve been kind of wasting it. Crappy jobs, crappy friends, crappy men. By the way, it’s nice to see Aaron again. It’s been, uh, a long time.” She blushed a little.

“He’s always been around,” I said. But you haven’t.

“I never come to your office.”

That was true. She rarely visited me at work, even when she’d lived in the city. I’d always thought she was just disinterested or couldn’t be bothered. Now it occurred to me that maybe seeing that kind of success and productivity made her feel bad about herself.

But why should I feel guilty about what I’d accomplished, just because my little sister was a failure? I went to school, I put the work in. It wasn’t my fault she made the choices she had.

“I had a good time catching up with him last night,” she said.

“Aaron?” To hell with it. I was hungry. I reached for the sandwich and took a big bite.

“He talked about Maddie a lot.”

Smaller bites, I reminded myself, as I suddenly had a hard time swallowing. “Did he?” Peeling the wrap off the water glass, I asked casually, “What did he say?”

“This and that.” She shrugged, acting just as casual as I was—which meant we were both faking and totally aware of it. “The kind of work she does, how you’ve changed since she started, that kind of thing.”

What? I downed half the water in one swallow, chasing another bite of the sandwich. Damn, I hated those little hotel glasses.

“How I’ve changed? What does that mean? I haven’t changed.” Internally I was panicking. Was my attraction to her making me soft at the office? Was it obvious to everyone?

She held out her hands. “Hey, don’t look at me. I just met her. Aaron says that you’re just more of an asshole now, for some reason. Actually, the words he used were ‘whiny little bitch.’”

Oh. I chewed on the sandwich, thinking about that. Bobbie poked around the suite, presumably checking on Housekeeping’s work or counting towels or something. Her voice echoed in my bathroom.

“He says you like her.”

It was a good thing she couldn’t see my face at that moment. I swallowed then tossed the crust on the plate. I was done. “She’s very likeable,” I said mildly as I wiped my fingers with the napkin.

Bobbie’s head appeared from behind the bedroom door with a smirk on it. “He thinks you like her like her.”

So juvenile. But not untrue. “What, were you guys gossiping all night or something?” Her face turned red and she hid behind the door again. Wait a second… I stalked into my bedroom. “Just how much ‘catching up’ did you do?” I was so unsettled that I was using finger quotes like a douchebag. “What were you doing all night?”

“Sleeping!” She bounced on the edge of my neatly made bed with a secret smile.

“With Aaron?”

She stopped bouncing and looked at the floor. Oh, fuck.

“He’s my oldest friend!” I felt queasy, a little violent, and a lot relieved that Aaron wasn’t into Madeline after all. But my sister—my little sister—wasn’t much better. I put my hand up and shook my head. “No way. Not happening.”

“Aw, that’s kind of sweet. But you can’t protect me all the time. I’m a big girl now.”

“Fuck that, I need to protect Aaron! Does he even know what you’re like now?”

She threw a pillow at me. “Asshole!” My reflexes were faster than hers, so she missed me but got nailed when I hurled it back.

“Seriously, Bobbie, do you think that’s a good idea?”

Her shrug was pointedly casual, which made me worry that she was already in deeper than she should be. “Maybe not, but it can’t hurt. It’s not forever, you know. Not much is.”

Our father’s death had affected us in different ways. She went the rebel without a clue route, and I campaigned hard for the overachieving arrogant ass of the decade award. We’d both been pretty successful so far. I couldn’t control what she did; I’d already discovered it was a waste of time and energy to try. It took enough of my time and energy to keep having faith that she would get her shit together.

“Don’t fuck him over, Pinky.”

“Thanks a lot! Did it ever occur to you that I might get hurt?”

No, it didn’t. But that was because while I had little faith in Bobbie’s ability to see things through, I knew she had a core of steel and a tough skin despite her tiny size. In contrast, Aaron was a big old chocolate teddy bear, just built like a linebacker.

She snorted. “I could say the same to you, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“You do like Maddie.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Like her like her. I could see it today.”

I doubted her ability to see anything of nuance with me. Bobbie and I had never been super close; she bonded more with our mother. Even after our dad died, I’d never gotten the chance to be the man of the family, since the family didn’t seem to care much about me. Being a “Junior” didn’t help.

It was around then that I started to go by Gage instead of Brian. I could see the pain on my mother’s face when she called me Brian, like I was a sad reminder of my dad—which, technically, I was. So I’d spent the past twenty years trying to make myself worthy of attention, for some fucked up reason that likely didn’t matter anymore.

“I like her too, Brian.” Bobbie nodded in approval.

I bowed. “Oh, thank you.”

“I know you don’t care what I think. I’m just telling you. But she seems smart and funny. And she doesn’t seem to put up with too much of your bullshit. Actually, she’s probably too good for you. Does she know what she’s getting into with you?”

Both my middle fingers went up.

“Seriously, you’d better not be using her,” Bobbie warned as she followed me.

Now that hurt a little. “What kind of an asshole do you think I am?” Truthfully, I was more worried about Maddie manipulating me, if she knew how much she was getting under my skin. “And besides, we’re not dating.”

The smirk on my sister’s face looked disturbingly familiar. I’d seen it in the mirror a few times. “That’s what you think,” she said.

“Thanks for lunch,” I said, holding the door open with one hand and rolling the room service cart out into the hallway. I left the “now get the fuck out” unsaid. Even if Bobbie didn’t know me that well, she knew me well enough to not be offended. It was too bad, because there were times when I really wanted to offend her.

“Okay, okay, I can take a hint.” On her way out the door, she paused to slip her arms around me in a quick hug. It was like being attacked by a koala—you knew they could be dangerous, but their cuteness disarmed you.

“It’s still nice to see you, Brain,” she said.

I reflexively dropped a kiss on her soft black hair. “Yeah, thanks Pinky.”

The sandwich sat like a rock in my stomach after she left, but a cursory glance at the mirror showed that dippy expression from earlier had been replaced by a scowl. Good enough.

What Bobbie said made me wonder, however. If I had been grumpier lately, then why would Madeline be interested in me? Was she into assholes?

Sure, I could be moody, but show me a wealthy person who wasn’t. Lots of money meant lots of problems and little time to deal with them. She had to deal with me all day long. In fact, she probably deserved a raise.

I just didn’t understand why she chose to be so disorganized and flighty, though. Didn’t she want to make her life easier? Didn’t she want to succeed? Nobody ever achieved anything by half-assing it. Perhaps she just needed to be pushed. She needed a boost, a tool to help her commit.

Damn, I really had to get her to try Happit.

Her hesitation on the pole had mystified me. It was so simple. Jump for the red ball. There was a safety harness. There was a net below. Yet she’d been petrified. Was it the height thing? Would she have jumped if she couldn’t look down?

The evening before, when she wore the blindfold, she’d been more assertive, more impudent. An idea began percolating in my head.

Maybe Madeline needed to close her eyes to her fears and insecurities—literally.

Maybe she needed to lose control in order to appreciate the value of mastering it. Then she could let go.