“Fall in Love” Phantogram
What in the hell am I doing?
What have I been doing all day? First breakfast with my family where I seriously considered sitting on AJ’s lap as we ate. Then ice skating with my niece. Had he always been that cute with kids? When he showed me the fire station, he put one of his passions on display and I went weak-kneed. That was why I’d let him talk me into dinner and a movie up at the ski area.
Well, that and the kiss.
That freaking idiotic kiss.
The one I’d give my left arm—and probably right, come to think of it—to have on repeat for the rest of my life. But he hasn’t tried to kiss me again. He’s been sweet, and painfully respectful. I find myself aching for his touch.
He’s everything I fell in love with. Hell, he’s so much more. So much in fact, that I could tumble head over heels in a matter of moments if I let myself. Or if he kisses me again.
Inwardly, I groan. I have no business falling for AJ Jenkins. What good could ever come from it? We’re still at the impasse of him living here, choosing here, and me not.
Good Christ, he’s going to kill me.
Because that kiss, that eat-your-heart-out-Nicholas-Sparks kiss, said everything we didn’t know how to. I would have let it lead to a hell of a lot more than kissing, too. And judging by the way AJ grabbed my hair and pulled, he’s a hell of a lot better at that whole, more-than-kissing thing then he was in high school.
“Cam, what’s barreling through that pretty little head of yours?” he asks from the driver’s seat where we’re parked.
“Uhhh…” He catches me off guard and I stutter almost as hard as I blush. I hope he can’t see in the dark.
But there’s this rolling boil beneath my skin, flowing from head to toe and back again. In the faint dash lights, I catch his eyes raking over me, probably the cause of the heat, and I turn an even more brilliant shade of scarlet than I was before. Judging by the smirk that pries on his left cheek, and the way his eyes fall away only for him to look back up from under his eyelashes, he’s figured out where my mind went. And he’s proud.
I can’t help but think he should be. Kissing someone like that takes talent.
“You asked why I never said anything. Sort of. You told me last night you couldn’t wait around for me to swing the knife…?” His voice turns up in question, wanting me to confirm his assessment.
For a moment, I can’t think. I can’t breathe. Going from my wayward thoughts to the breakup is bone jarring. Like he’s slammed on my internal brakes and given me whiplash.
“That’s why we’re not together right, Cam?” he asks again, his voice so soft and gentle.
“Yes,” I barely manage a whisper.
His shoulders slump as he leans down to rest his forehead against the steering wheel. “I never said anything because the moment I walked out of that room with my mom, I walked into the room with you and my dad. Everything inside me shifted. I knew I’d lied to my mom. And that what I really wanted was to follow you to the ends of the earth, the ranch be damned.”
His whispered confession should rip me in two. I should be turned inside out at the admission that we broke up for nothing, but I’m not. My idiotic heart is somehow soaring and knitting itself back together properly all at once. After all these years, I feel right.
“Really?” I manage despite the whirlwind blowing through my insides.
“Yeah, really.” He rolls his head on the wheel to look at me.
“So…?”
“So all these years of pain were unnecessary. Yeah, yeah they were.” His eyes fall back to the floor of the truck.
“That’s not what I was going to ask,” I say, almost teasing.
That pulls his gaze back to mine. “Oh?”
“So you really did love me?” It’s only part question. For the first time in years, I’m thinking it may just be fact.
“Don’t hate me, but I think I still do.” He can’t look me in the eyes when he says it, instead he covers his head with his arms, twisting himself up completely with the steering wheel.
Right then I make a decision—I’m going to kiss him the way he kissed me. I don’t know how we’re going to fix this, I don’t know if we can, but for the evening, we can kiss each other like it’s all we know. It’s all I care to know anyhow.
I pull at his arm and he drops it dramatically, his forehead stays lodged against the leather until I shove at his shoulder too. That gets him upright but he still won’t look at me. If he did, he’d see the smirk I can’t hide.
For the first time around AJ, I pull off graceful and smooth as I slide across the console to straddle his lap. His breath catches as his hands move automatically to my hips. It doesn’t bother me in the least that the steering wheel is pressed into my back every bit as hard as it was pressed into his forehead.
I snake my arms around his neck and pull him swiftly to me. Our lips are back against each other, tracing the trails they both know too well and have to learn all over again. I can taste the rich pasta AJ had for dinner on his lips but also his sweet, familiar flavor. Then there’s the smoke lingering on his skin from the cedar he works with.
He’s firm but soft, his lips dance against mine until he stops to nibble my bottom lip. I gasp but it’s cut short by him returning to full kisses. He swallows breath after breath until my chest may actually burst. In the back of my mind, I wonder if I can keep up with him.
AJ’s hands move from my hips up between my shoulder blades, crossing and hugging me in a way that makes everything inside me melt. Never have I felt like two bodies could become one before. But now, kissing like this, I’m sure it’s a possibility.
He breaks away from my lips and tucks in under my ear. Those perfectly delectable, firm confident kisses trail down my neck toward my collarbone. When my jacket gets in the way he starts back the way he came and I can’t help but roll my head to the side. He doesn’t need more encouragement. He kisses harder, then snatches my earlobe between his teeth before biting down to pull.
I moan downright explicitly.
“Fuck, Lamb,” he whispers against my lips before he takes them again.
I can’t help but start rolling my hips against him. His erection grows obvious between my thighs and he kisses me even harder than before. But then he pulls away.
“Trust me?” he breathes as he leans his forehead against mine.
I nod because more than anyone in my life, I trust AJ. I always have, it just took this trip and our mistakes being laid bare to remember that.
He carefully deposits me back in the passenger seat and starts the car. He pulls out of the parking lot with a priceless smirk on his face. He’s painfully handsome with disheveled wavy hair and happiness oozing from his pores.
I’m watching him so intently that I don’t realize where we’re going until we pull between an old pump shed and a giant snowbank. We’ve parked in this spot a million times before and I can’t help but smile.
“No.” I try to be firm.
“Oh, yes.” He’s beaming and it makes it impossible to be serious.
“Jay, come on. We’re adults. If we get caught they won’t chalk it up to childish shenanigans.” I’m shaking my head at him but I’m pretty sure it’s the only thing telling him no. The rest of me...
“Did you just say shenanigans?” He laughs loudly and I find myself joining in.
“I don’t have my swimsuit,” I say between giggles then bite my lip to hide the flush of my cheeks.
“You know what? I think I forgot mine too.” He’s being playful but there’s a deep husky undercurrent in his voice.
He’s gotten better at the seduction thing. Way better.
Without waiting for another protest, he gets out of the car, ducks down to hide his keys in the wheel well and I burst out in wild, ringing laughter. We learned the lesson of keeping car keys and clothes separate in case a speedy retreat was necessary years ago. When AJ pops up from tucking them away he has crooked eyebrows and a seemingly innocent look. My laughter doubles.
He comes the rest of the way around the car and pulls open my door. I’m about to get out when he leans in and kisses me. This one is far too brief but somehow just as passionate as the parking lot five minutes ago. It leaves me hanging, literally, my lips poised in a pout where he’s pulled away.
“Get on,” he says as he turns around in the doorframe.
I don’t argue, I just climb out and onto his back. I’m wearing the stilettos again so navigating the snow would be pointless anyhow.
Just like so many winters so many years ago, AJ cuts through the knee-deep snow toward the thick iron bars. Unlike so many other times though he sets me down by the fence rather than encourage me to stand on his shoulders.
“Jay,” I whisper, “you have to help me over.”
“Learned a trick or two since the last time we did this, Lamb.” He leans over and kisses my temple then digs in his pocket.
He pulls out something that looks like a key but not quite. The head isn’t formed right. He shoves it in the lock and with a simple click, it opens. I can’t believe we don’t have to scramble over the top. I’m quite sure somewhere Dr. Garcia is relieved. A botched attempt would have made for the third time AJ rushed me from here to the ER.
“How did you…?”
“I work with metal, ya know?” He chuckles then grabs me by the crook of my elbow and pulls me in.
The giant pool of The Alpine Lodge is exactly as I remember. It snakes around half of the front of the lodge then wraps around to the back corner. There are only one or two lounge chairs near the emergency exit we slip in, most guests choosing to be close to the heaters and the bar. It’s a long-standing tradition for high school kids to cut the wire to the lone camera that monitors this hidden nook. If the current GM is anything like the one that reigned when we were kids, he’s given up fixing it unless corporate is coming to town.
I kick off my heels knowing that the stone deck is heated and will feel downright blissful on my feet. I only pause for a moment to curl my naked toes into the warmth before frantically working at my clothes. Last I saw, AJ’s dash read eleven degrees.
AJ has a childish grin plastered on his face, every bit the goofy boy I loved in high school. He’s whipping off layers, revealing the flooringly gorgeous man he’s grown into.
I’m wearing nothing but matching lace underwear when I tiptoe to slip into the water, but he grabs me, pulling me back. His front is pressed to my cotton covered back before I realize I’m up against bare naked skin not boxer briefs.
“Please?” he murmurs into my hair and his hands dance on my tattoo.
I would never agree to skinny dip in high school. Getting caught was one thing, getting caught naked was something else entirely. But now…
Before I can think too much about it, I nod and reach for my bra but he catches my hand. With a surprisingly strong grip, AJ pushes my hands back to my side. His fingertips brush up my arm and every inch of me goose bumps. It has nothing to do with the chill.
He unhooks my bra with one hand then reaches up to crook a finger in each strap and slide it down my arms.
“Oh, Lamby,” he whispers before planting an ardent kiss on the nape of my neck. The soft plop of my bra on the deck is followed by AJ’s knees. Ever so gently he encourages me to twist. Seeing him bent before me is enough to make my mouth drop open. And when he slowly peels my thong down, my heartbeat starts stuttering. I try not to fidget when I realize that he’s staring at the naked apex of my thighs.
I can’t stand still, though, and my ankle folds ever so slightly. His hands come to my hips and he steadies me. My hands naturally fly to his hair and weave in.
He starts moving at the same time I start pulling. Not one moment later, his tongue is between my thighs. I can’t help but yank on his hair as he purrs. His tongue leisurely traces every inch between my legs and my nipples respond, sticking out hard and straight into the starry night sky. My eyes flutter shut to relish the way his hands feel on me and his tongue in me. Part of me can’t believe that it’s AJ’s mouth on me. All of me thanks God for it as he works downright devilish magic.
“Everything about you is better than I remember.” His voice is ragged and it forces my eyes open to find his.
He’s looking up at me and his hand is reaching for my breast as if it’s a moth to a flame. When just the prospect of having his hands on me makes me shiver, he remembers himself. “Shit. I’m an ass. It’s freezing out here.”
Without making too much of a splash he grabs me and places me in the water. I turn to watch him slink in after me.
There are muscles on AJ that I didn’t know existed highlighted by moonlight. Everything bunches and flexes as he lowers himself to the deck. He has next to no body fat, a few gnarled scars, and some chest tattoos. Every inch of him is perfection. And I’m sure it’s my imagination, particularly because it’s freezing outside, but a few of those inches have gotten bigger. Or longer. Or thicker. I shove my hands over my mouth to stifle a girlish giggle.
“What?” he says as he stops, casually sitting on the edge instead of getting in.
“You’re freaking gorgeous,” I sputter.
He laughs louder than he should and reaches for my arm to pull me toward him; I wade in between his legs.
“I’m gorgeous? Look at you.” He bends to kiss me.
That’s when I see it. A tattoo inked on the inside of his thigh. A single number that I know has to do with me. I’m afraid to ask, to burst our bubble, but I can’t help myself.
My fingers move to his thigh and I whisper, “Why the number thirteen?”