‘Mary … No … I shouldn’t … You and me …’
‘You want this too, don’t you?’
Instinctively their bodies pressed together, providing her with exactly the answer she’d wanted. Dante groaned as if trying to resist but then slid his arm around her back and pulled her just that bit higher. After hesitating for what seemed like for ever, his lips pressed against hers. Mary’s vision blacked out as their mouths parted and the wetness made her feel as if her body had turned to molten lava. Nerve endings pulsated with a rhythm that betrayed hidden desires.
He pulled back and stared with inky eyes full of intent, even though they couldn’t see. Then he kissed Mary with an unexpected tenderness that made her want to weep. She ran her fingers through that burnt-caramel hair. After what seemed like hours of cascading waves of pleasure, they broke apart.
Mary gasped as if she’d just done the most exhilarating high dive into hot, tropical water and come up for air. Kissing with Jake had never made her feel like that. They scrutinised each other – Mary with her eyes, Dante with his touch. She scoured that handsome face, with its scar that spoke an unspoken story; with the tilt of his head that meant she had his full attention. Dante softly ran one hand down her neck and across her shoulder. He bent down again and ran his lips across her throat.
‘I love the way you smell,’ he whispered.
Mary took his hand. Shyly, she turned towards the restaurant. His eyebrows rose.
‘Mary? Are you sure? But—’
‘No buts. I came to Italy to live my life.’
Dante squeezed her hand and picked up his stick. He led her inside and locked the doors.
‘I’ll be up in a minute,’ he murmured.
‘Okay. I’ll leave my bedroom door open.’
Heart pounding, Mary climbed the flights of stairs, not wanting to wake the others. Finally she reached the top floor where only her and Dante resided. Perhaps he’d gone into the men’s toilets. Due to her unexpected pregnancy, Natale had made sure contraceptive products were available to customers. Nervously, Mary looked in the mirror. Her hair was ruffled. Her lips swollen. She moved to the bed and sat down on the edge.
Apart from Jake, she’d only slept with one other man and that had been a mistake. She was sixteen. At a party. A bit tipsy. With a sense of loneliness greater than ever in her belly, as couples paired off, she’d started talking to Callum. He was okay. A little shy like her. They’d crept upstairs to one of the bedrooms and it had just sort of happened after seconds of fumbling with buttons and working out positions. Over in a few minutes. Painful. Embarrassing. And stupid, she’d quickly told herself.
Mary was on the contraceptive pill to help monthly cramps, but had scolded herself for not protecting herself against anything else. It hadn’t even left her feeling as she’d hoped – grown-up. Confident. Loved. She never saw Callum again and was grateful.
As footsteps sounded coming up the stairs, she couldn’t help a grin. Dear me, Jill wouldn’t approve of that pity party, however small. At least she’d met Jake and sex with him was … nice. An English teacher had once told Mary never to use that adjective as it didn’t really mean much but in this case it was the only appropriate adjective.
She’d watched movies. Seen how you were supposed to reach some sort of climax and when that never happened, with her, she’d felt stupid – just like she had at sixteen. Assumed it was her fault. So – Mary blushed at the memory – she’d always mimicked the noises that she’d heard in those films. Moans leading to gasps. And when she stopped, Jake would too as if he’d finished some sort of job.
According to magazines lots of women faked that sensation. Mary smoothed down her hair. Perhaps that was her destiny. Maybe she just wasn’t wired to fully enjoy being intimate. But what if Dante could tell and thought her odd?
A low knock sounded. He came in and closed the door. Dante leant his stick against the wall and held out his hand. Mary stood up and, feeling dizzy, hurried over, passion cancelling out her reservations. She lifted her hands to his face and gently pulled him down. Her on tiptoe again, their lips met and rippling sensations appeared in her stomach and further down. She gasped, overwhelmed by a need to feel him inside her core. He ran a finger down her face, kissed her on the mouth but then pulled back, chest heaving …
She took his hand and led him to the bed. They both sat down.
‘This might sound silly but … this feels so right,’ Mary said.
‘You say that as if not many things have felt right before.’
‘I had a difficult childhood.’ Mary swallowed. She didn’t often share her history. What was the point? She had to get on with life. ‘I grew up with foster parent after foster parent. My mum … I can hardly remember her now.’
He bristled. ‘That must have been …’
‘It was scary – never experiencing a feeling of belonging.’
He paused. ‘Look, Mary … I … you … Please. This was just a kiss.’
She leant back, heat rising up her neck. ‘I … I know—’
‘This. Us. No. Not a good idea.’
He’d changed his mind? Perhaps he’d never felt the same. What if her feelings weren’t real? What if the dancing, the mugging, had confused her … It was all so confused.
She swallowed, throat now feeling scratchy and dry. Just as it had as a child, when she recognised that look crossing a foster parent’s face – just before they were going to announce she’d have to move on. Mary gulped as she recognised the sheepish smile. If he could see, she knew there wouldn’t be eye contact.
‘Us … it’s no good,’ he repeated.
‘It felt good,’ she said and tried desperately to keep her tone light.
‘But we … work together,’ he said and raised the palms of his hands. ‘And tonight my emotions are all over the place. Silvestro … he reminded me of how much I used to love my job. How much I miss it. Feeling useful. Sorting out people’s lives. I shouldn’t have let this happen.’
She stared at him and for the first time since arriving in Rome, she oh so wished he could see. Just for a split second. It would help her read his thoughts – although his body language made his position clear. Those strong forearms crossed over each other, as if setting a boundary. And to be fair they were both adults. Why should a few snatched kisses lead to anything more?
‘It’s okay. You didn’t let anything happen. We both wanted it. I mean … I made the first move.’
Silence fell. Dante tilted his head. ‘Mary? We just got carried away after an … emotional day, right?’ Hopefully, his mouth upturned. ‘As if you could ever put up with a man like me.’
She sat up straight and for a second covered her face with her hands. Tightly she closed her lips, to swallow a gulp of agony rising up her throat.
‘Mary?’
She peeled her shaking hands away. Closed her eyes tightly. Swallowed hard. ‘Sorry,’ she managed and forced a chuckle. ‘Just dying of embarrassment here, seeing as I started it all. Talk about humiliation.’
‘Never say that! It was a mutual decision,’ he said, ‘and very … nice.’
He’d used that word. Perhaps he’d only enjoyed it physically and, unlike her, wasn’t really moved.
‘Of course you are right. I … felt knocked off balance today, too. It’s not every day you get mugged. And sorry for going on about my past.’ She forced a laugh. ‘I really pick my moments.’
‘Don’t apologise for that,’ he said gruffly. ‘It sounds like you had a difficult time.’
Mary’s face puckered. ‘It’s no problem. Honestly. All of that happened a long time ago.’
Dante’s shoulders relaxed. ‘Great. I mean … don’t get me wrong … what happened it was …’ He bit his top lip.
‘As you said – nice. In fact, let’s not get carried away – it was passable,’ she said, somehow managing to keep her tone light. ‘I guess Cheyenne’s right about kissing – how to do it isn’t something people forget.’ She pretended to yawn. ‘Gosh. Is that the time? I don’t mean to be rude, Dante, but I could really do with some sleep. You’d better head off to your own bed. And well done again – for today, sorting out Silvestro.’
His brow knotted briefly. ‘So … we’re okay?’
A silent tear trickled down her face. How embarrassing. She should have stuck with her first instincts. He was as indifferent to her as she’d originally thought. What a fool. She’d ended up losing the roll of the dice.
‘Of course. Honestly. Look at us, behaving like a couple of teenagers. Buona notte, Dante. See you in the morning. Now I must just nip to the bathroom.’ Mary jumped up, pulled on her dressing gown, and opened the door, banging into it as she headed into the hallway.
‘It’ll be okay. Chin up. You’ll get through this,’ she whispered to herself.