Alexander

 

 

 

And who could blame her? I’m a pathetic twenty-six-year-old man who couldn’t even have sex with a woman paid to get it on with him.

“They were prostitutes. I found out when I took the first woman home. She kept trying to push things with me. All I wanted to do was get to know her. Maybe kiss her,” I said and gave a side glance to Aria to find out how she was taking it.

Her color was better. She didn’t appear like she was about puke anymore.

“What do you mean she pushed things?”

I turned toward her, propping my knee on the bed. “She kept touching me. Trying to unbutton my shirt and move in to kiss me. At one point, I gave in to kissing her, but it wasn’t long before her hand started to wander. So, I stopped it . . . stopped her.”

That was embarrassing. I never wanted to tell Aria any of what happened but my mother hadn’t given me much of a choice. Either explain things to Aria or completely lose her forever. At least if she left now, she would know the truth and not the lies my mother had said to paint me as the pathetic loser.

Maybe they weren’t lies.

She reached over and placed her hand on mine as it rested on my knee. Her touch sincere, soothing, and I kept thinking if Aria’s hand began to wander I don’t think I would stop her.

“But how did you realize she was a prostitute?” Aria asked, her thumb brushing back and forth over my hand.

“She let it slip. When I stopped her before she could, you know, grab me,” I pointed to the zipper in my jeans, “she mentioned how my mother paid good money for her time. When I told her to get out, the woman broke down, afraid she wouldn’t get the rest of her money. She cried that she had a baby at home she needed to take care of.”

“Oh no, that’s terrible,” Aria said moving her other hand to my shoulder. Every place she touched radiated, sending electricity straight to my crotch.

I was having trouble keeping my attention focused on her eyes. They kept falling to her lips, to her tits.

“It made me realize she was just another victim of my mother. I wanted to help her. I wanted to help them all. So, I let my mother continue her little game of controlling my life, but when I would take these women home, I would help them. Give them money, better housing, and found them good jobs that wouldn’t require them to do what they had been doing. Until my mother found out.”

I didn’t realize what I was doing until it was too late. My hand lifted and I let my fingers drift across Aria’s cheek until one finger trailed to her bottom lip. She was soft and that lip felt plump. My mouth watered to taste it.

“Do you want to kiss me, Alex?” Aria asked, her voice a whisper but rough around the edge.

In my head, I had answered her question a thousand times. But in that moment, I couldn’t utter a word.

I moved toward her, scooting as close as I could before I dipped my nose to her cheek. Aria was the world and I inhaled. Instead of the satisfaction I thought I would find from her scent, I desired more. I brushed my lips over her temple and it was like kissing silk.

“God, you’re sweet. So sweet,” I mumbled.

“You haven’t even tasted me yet,” Aria said causing something to snap inside me.

Perhaps it was the years of frustration or how long I had wanted her, but I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want to be the good guy anymore.

My fingers moved from my knee to the back of her head and within seconds, she was moaning as I curled my fingers into her hair, forcing her head back. I lifted my head and found her darkening brown eyes, opening wide for me. Her face was all lust, pain, and fear bound together into a few perfect features.

“Do you want me to taste you, Aria? Is that why you’re here . . . for my tongue?”

Her fingernails curled into my shoulders as she held onto me. Fuck, it hurt but felt so incredible.

She wanted sweet Alex but didn’t realize a monster would come out. I tried to pretend I could be normal. Hoped if I met the right woman I would be so attracted to her that I wouldn’t want to act this way. I wouldn’t be so fucking aroused by all this.

“No,” she said and I loosened my grip on her hair.

I knew I would frighten her. How I desire a woman, it’s not normal. After today, I would probably never see Aria again.

Sitting back, I studied the grooves of the dark wood on the floor. There was something soothing about the natural grain as it meandered lazily. I needed to focus on something to bring me back from that high of tasting Aria.

“Alex, what are you doing?”

She deserved an explanation. Forcing her like that, I didn’t want her to leave scared of me. Even if she didn’t like how I was, the last thing I wanted to do was frighten Aria.

“I’m sorry, Aria. I got carried away. Please don’t think I wanted to hurt you.” I finally got the courage to lift my head and face her.

Her brow wrinkled. “You didn’t hurt me, Alex. I admit I was surprised at what happened but nothing you did hurt.”

That was a relief.

“Good. I know what I did was wrong. I understand if you never want to see me again.”

Everything happened so quickly. Her touch and how she softened as I talked about those past women, it felt almost unreal. I never thought she would understand why I helped those women. The way my mom put it, I was crazy for wanting to help people who could never change.

She believed that, always had, but I never did. I knew there were choices people made in life, tough choices that they didn’t necessarily want to make, but life forced them to do it.

The way Aria looked at me, for the first time in my life I felt understood. In my mother’s eyes, I’m still a sad, foolish little boy. But, for that moment, I was seen as a good person. As a man.

And then I had to ruin it by extinguishing the light and turning everything black.

Her hand moved to my chin, turning it so she could gaze into my eyes. They shone, big and brown, crinkling at the edge with a smile. “Now why would I never want to see you again, Alex? That was the hottest non-kiss I have ever had. For a virgin, you seem to know what you are doing.”

What?

“I didn’t scare you?”

Her hand slipped down. Her fingers trailed down my neck until she placed her palm on my chest. It was warm and I ached for that heat.

“No. I was hoping for more.” Aria bit her bottom lip as she tilted her head.

“What do you want?” I had to ask.

This was all so much. It was better than any fantasy I had.

Her eyes dipped to where her hand rested on my chest. “I should be asking you that. You’re the virgin.”

My mind raced with every thought I had ever had about this woman for the past three years. But one stood tall. It was the worst one because it was never a fantasy but cold reality.

“I may not know exactly what my mother has told you but I have a pretty good idea. If she’s paying you to help me, don’t bother.” I lifted her wrist, removing her hand from my heart.

I wanted Aria but not like that.

She stood and placed her hands on her hips. “Seriously? I know we may not have known each other for a long time, Alex. But I believe I made it clear at several points in our short time knowing each other that my friendship, or anything more, can’t be bought.”

Shaking her head, she turned and glanced around the room. Aria went over to pick up her purse and sketch pad while mumbling, “And here I was trying to get you to fire me.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, Aria.” I got up and went to grab her arm so she would look at me. “It’s just, every woman who has tried anything with me has been paid by my mother. You told me you talked to her. That she told you I was a virgin. I just assumed—”

“What? That trying to get you to hate me is my seduction technique?” Aria asked, her eyes wide.

“I don’t know. Why did you want me to hate you?”

I frowned because deep down I knew why. There was only one reason. and it wasn’t that I was a virgin, it was my mother. Who would want to be anywhere near a man with a controlling, crazy mother like mine? Sometimes I wish she had been the one to die in that plane crash, along with my father, and left me an orphan.

I hated myself when those thoughts went through my head.

“Because, Alex, look at your life. Look at your family. You have all the money in the world yet you don’t live. That woman controls you and you let her. My father tried to control me. I understand what you are going through but I made a choice. I chose to leave and never look back.” She pushed out of my grasp and walked to the doorway.

Just as she was about to turn the corner she said, “You could make that choice too but instead, you put up a mural.”