Covent Garden…but take care not to judge before you meet me this time, love…
“Oh, Miss Cunning.”
It was the third time since Sybil’s carriage had arrived outside the Covent Garden theatre that Hannah had put that unspoken plea to her. The one that begged they go anywhere else but where they were now. Granted, her always-nervous maid was more than entitled to her reservations. Particularly given Sybil’s suspicious two-hour disappearance during her trip to Hatchards.
She, of three days ago, would have felt a modicum of shame for causing her maid worry. After all, Sybil was at all times practical, logical, and, above all else, not given to the dramatics. But that had been before. Before Nolan had shown her the wonder of a winter picnic with nothing more than Gunter’s ices for their treats.
And his kiss…do not forget his kiss.
Heat burned low in her belly, leaving an ache inside for more of his touch. “As if I could…”
“What was that, Miss Cunning?”
Sybil’s cheeks blazed hot. Studiously avoiding Hannah’s eyes, she made a show of looking out the window. “You needn’t worry. I’m merely conducting research, Hannah.” Which wasn’t wholly an untruth.
From the frosted windowpane, she detected Hannah tip her head. “Research?”
Sybil pushed her spectacles further up on her nose. When she trusted she was no longer a blushing mess, she plastered a serene, reassuring smile on her lips and glanced over at her maid. “Indeed. It was the reason for my lengthy trip to Hatchards yesterday and for my visit to Covent Garden.” In the early morn hours, when there was no performance scheduled. Not for the first time since Nolan’s daily note had been delivered to her via Hannah, her curiosity piqued.
All the tension left her maid’s frame. “Of course. Research.” She giggled, that expression full of relief that filled her eyes. “I thought the note that arrived this morn…” It would, of course, become decidedly difficult to explain away the notes that would continue to arrive over the next nine, eight after this one, exchanges with Nolan.
While her maid rambled on with talk of her own silliness, a pang of regret struck in Sybil’s chest; a dull throbbing very close to where her heart beat. Which was preposterous. With the exception of an apoplexy, a person couldn’t truly suffer pain inside one’s heart. And yet, how else was there to account for that aching hurt? For soon, he would collect his coin. And she would go off to the country and think with fond remembrance of Nolan Pratt, Baron Webb. Whereas he? Would he even think of her a day from tomorrow?
“…I knew it was silly to worry, miss…” her maid finished, momentarily diverting Sybil from that inner tumult and returning her to something vastly safer—Hannah’s worrying.
Yes, of course. Sybil Holly Cunning, the dutiful daughter who studied journals and periodicals, who helped with the running of the house and Father’s collections, would never dare do something outrageous…or even remotely fun. “Silly, indeed,” she murmured. Did the girl hear her frustrated annoyance? It was annoyance with not only Hannah and the whole of Society for seeing her in that dreary light, but herself for having been so consumed by logic that she’d lost sight of simply enjoying life.
Scanning the Covent Garden Square, Sybil passed her gaze over the empty piazza with its low railings. There was no sight of him. But then, given the scandal they courted, no one should catch a glimpse of Nolan here. Knowing that, and understanding it with the same logic she’d lauded herself for over the years, still did not erase the fear that he’d abandoned their agreement. Do not be silly. He’d given no indication that he intended to or wanted to. His kiss certainly hadn’t hinted at a man eager to be free of her.
“I’ll return in a short while, Hannah,” she said and opened the door. The driver was immediately there to help hand her down.
“What?” Hannah squawked like one of those crows whose cries resonated in an early autumn quiet. “I cannot let you…go off on your own.”
Layering her hands on other side of the door, she blocked the girl from climbing out. “Hannah, you know I require silence when I’m conducting my research.” When the servant continued to protest, Sybil cut into her words. “No harm came to me yesterday and none will come to me now.”
“But, Miss—”
“I do not require an escort,” she said sharply and set her teeth. The whole of the world would believe a woman incapable of knowing her own mind and free movement. Even her father, who took pride in Sybil’s academic acumen, never truly granted her the freedoms that were afforded to men. At the stricken look in her maid’s expression, she softened her tone. “Thank you,” she said gently. “I assure you I’ll come to no harm.”
Tenacious in ways she’d never seen her, Hannah wrung her hands. “But, miss, the viscountess will sack me should any harm befall you.”
Ultimately, that is what it always came down to…responsibility. What tasks was Sybil responsible for and who was responsible for her. It was a juxtaposition that proved the mockery of a woman’s place. “No harm shall come to me. I’ll return shortly,” she pledged. And not encouraging a further debate on the merits of going off on her own, she crossed the street and strode through the square.
As she walked, she breathed in slow, steady breaths, taking in the winter air and letting it fill her lungs. Cleansing and empowering. All the while, she looked for Nolan.
When she had enlisted Baron Webb’s assistance, she’d neatly laid out her reasoning for selecting him as well as her expectations for his services. In all her dreams, wonderings, or musings, Sybil never considered she could feel so—alive. Not wicked or wanton, as her mother had professed a lady mingling with a rogue was wont to do. But alive.
Yet, it was not solely the memory of Nolan’s kiss that held her so transfixed but rather what she’d gleaned about the gentleman in the two days she’d known him. For Nolan was not the rake the world took him to be. He was far more.
…I’ve a brother who can’t marry because of my handling of the finances and a sister who can’t have a proper London Season for that very same reason…
Sybil chewed her lower lip. He was a troubled brother, with two siblings, and by his own admission, a largely friendless gentleman. How very much at odds that real image painted was than the one crafted by Society. Questions whirred through her mind. He’d neatly sidestepped her probing and then, with the lesson he’d shown her yesterday, killed all further talk of his life.
It hadn’t been until she’d returned home and sat reading a copy of Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility that she’d allowed herself to wonder once more.
Her musings stopped as she reached the bottom of the steps leading up to the theatre and did a small turn around. Her breath left little puffs of white in the winter air that fogged the lenses of her spectacles. Hastily removing them, she dusted the glass along the front of her cloak. Putting them on, she continued looking. Where was he?
“Approximately thirty steps to the right and continue back.”
She jumped and did a quick search for Nolan, following the sound of the voice. “Noel?”
“Ah-ah, you’ll need to be more discreet than that, love.” His husky, teasing baritone sent another wave of excitement through her. Alive. I am alive whenever I am with him. With a spring in her step, she all but sprinted to the alley. Her maid would be staring out the carriage window even now, watching her every moment. The servant would wonder about the reason for her excitement. But Nolan, he was the recent joy she’d found in life. Oh, God. She may as well have been hit by a fast-moving carriage for all the enormity of that realization.
She couldn’t possibly find joy in him. This had never been about him. This had been about experiencing the thrill of things she’d never before done. I am a liar. Seeing him has brought me greater happiness than I’ve known in any of my lonely studies of books and periodicals.
Sybil broke out into an all-out run toward the alley, desperate to shake free of that sobering, terrifying thought. Her discovery, coupled with her frantic pace, had her breath coming hard and fast. She reached the entrance of the alley and skidded on a patch of ice. A gasp burst from her lips and then died as Nolan caught her in his arms. “Whoa.”
“Nolan,” she breathed, praying he took that faint tremble of her voice as a result of her exertions and not the effect of his nearness.
“This was not an ice skating excursion, Miss Cunning.” His lips brushed her temple through the fabric of her hood. “Though, there is something quite appealing about taking you in my arms upon the ice.”
And just like that, her anxiety faded and a deep laugh bubbled in her chest. Was there a gentleman in all of London more self-assured than the one who now held her? Not a single Societal lord had given her anything more than a half-glance and a requisite set. Until Nolan. And as he joined their fingers and silently guided her down the alley, through a backstage door, and inside the theatre, Sybil could almost believe that this was real. That they were not a couple joined by a business arrangement, crafted by her desperation. But rather, that they were young lovers, sneaking about, daring ruin, because, ultimately, they both knew they would only ever be together.
Oh, God, what madness was this?
Pausing at the base of an inside stairwell, he shot a searching look over his shoulder and she schooled her features. Praying it was dark enough that he’d not see her flushed cheeks. Praying that he didn’t see the panic running amok inside her. And worse…the longing he’d inspired after just two days of knowing one another.
“Have you changed your mind?” he challenged. His breath, tinged with brandy, wafted over her lips. That scent so very heady she may as well have sipped from the same spirits.
Finding her voice, she angled her chin up and met his gaze squarely. “Do you take me for a coward?” she asked, stiffening as he brought a hand up.
He caressed the pad of his thumb over her lower lip. The flesh quivered and then parted. “You are a good many things, Sybil Holly Cunning, but you are no coward,” he murmured, his chest rumbling against hers.
Questions whispered around her mind. A desire to know what he saw when he looked at her. She contented herself with that veiled, vague, and simply beautiful almost-compliment he’d put to her. His gaze moved a path over her face and then he lingered it on her lips. Her breath lodged in her lungs. She fluttered her lashes, needing his kiss, craving it.
Then he drew slowly back and she wanted to toss her head back and rail at the loss of that unoffered gift. “Come,” he said softly. He then led her up the stairs. With every step, an orchestra’s lively hum grew with an increasing loudness.
“You are very familiar with Covent Garden,” she observed, casting a quick glance back.
He winked. “I’ve made many ‘visits’ to the theatre.”
Sybil jerked her attention forward as an unwanted sliver of envy reared its head for the chorus girls and opera singers who’d, no doubt, earned his attentions. Not a single one of them would have been plump like her with spectacles and a penchant for prattling on when nervous.
Nolan brought them to a stop on a rafter overlooking the whole of the theatre.
She gasped. Fluttering a hand to her breast, she managed nothing more than two syllables—his name. “Nolan.”
He motioned for her to sit. She did not think of the impracticality of being nearly one hundred feet above a theatre, in the midst of a performance practice, sitting on her knees with this man, a stranger three days ago, now a friend and partner in crime.
She slowly pushed back her hood so she had an unobstructed view of the theatre. With her gaze, she devoured the sight below. Actors pranced about the stage in time to the music, while dancers moved gracefully through the intricate steps of their numbers. Sybil gripped the rail and closed her eyes at the dizzying height between her and that very stage.
“Bombastes Furioso.”
She glanced over at him.
“The show,” he clarified, pulling his gloves free. He stuffed the snow-white articles inside his cloak. “It is a dramatic production that satirizes the other tragedies. Clever work of Rhodes, really.”
Why…why… Nolan’s interest was not with the slender beauties prancing about the stage below, periodically yelled directions at by the stage director. He enjoyed the theatre. Drawing her knees close to her chest, she dropped her chin atop them. “What is it about?” she asked. A frisson of warmth curled around her insides at this intimate connection.
He scooted closer, until they sat elbow to elbow, and then he mimicked her pose, drawing his legs up. “The King of Utopia wishes to divorce his wife and marry another. Distaffina, however, is already engaged to a general. The lady is offered coin if she forsakes her pledge and, instead, marries him.”
“What does she do?” she whispered.
Nolan cast her a quick glance. “She chooses the coin.”
He said it with such a matter-of-factness. As though there had been no other course or choice for the lead heroine of that show. Sybil frowned. “Well, that is a dreadful story. Distaffina forsook her honor, love, and worth. And all for a coin.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she froze. And then her mind raced under the implication of the favor she herself had put to Nolan Pratt. When she’d concocted her plan, she’d thought nothing of going to one of the most notorious rakes in Society and hiring his services. But he was so very much more. He was a gentleman who enjoyed the theatre and had family and—
I’ve never hated myself more than I do in this moment. Self-loathing turned her stomach into a torrent of pain.
If Nolan sensed her silent shame, he gave no indication. Instead, he remained transfixed by the performance. He hummed a discordant tune that shattered the image of perfection that he wore so easily in his olive-hued skin. It was such an endearing, real depiction of who Nolan Pratt truly was that she caught her chin in hand and smiled.
“Do you enjoy the theatre?” he asked in his smooth, deep baritone.
Sybil fiddled with her skirts. “I’ve always disavowed fictional work,” she confessed, feeling snobbish for even admitting as much.
“On what grounds?”
“Because it is fiction.”
When he shot her a sideways look, she lifted her hands, attempting to explain. “Fiction is nothing more than dreams and wishes made up by the creator and hoped for by the reader or viewer.”
“…No. No. No…” The musical director lamented from down below. The greying man clapped his hands once. “From the beginning,” he commanded. The orchestra resumed its earlier playing.
Sybil returned her attention to Nolan. “I always thought there was greater wonder in taking details that are empirical facts and seeing how they can shape one’s actual life. More than a dream or a wish or a hope, but a reality.” Never realizing, until she’d plucked that copy of Sense and Sensibility from the shelf and reading that quote, how very dreary and empty such a way of thinking, in fact, was.
“Sometimes the dreams are easier, though, aren’t they?” he asked, faintly wistful, recalling her attention once more.
Again, the sliver of details he’d revealed about himself yesterday whispered forward. How very telling and important they were. “I don’t know,” she confessed. “I’ve always lived in my books.”
He met her gaze. “And I’ve always lived in the now, for my own pleasures. What are yours?”
That question gave her pause. It was an intimate one he posed, that moved beyond the businesslike dealing they’d struck. She wetted her lips. “I’ve always enjoyed uncovering obscure facts and details. Things no one knows.” She braced for his scorn. When none was forthcoming, she focused on something he’d previously said. “You enjoy the theatre?”
“I do.” He flashed her a dazzling smile that did funny things to her heart. “Don’t go telling anyone and ruining my rakish reputation, love.” But then, he abandoned that playfulness. “What of riding?”
“I’m rot at it.”
“But do you enjoy it?”
“I’m afraid not.” She’d never been one of those ladies to hold her seat and race wildly through the countryside like her sister, Aria.
“Swimming?”
Memories trickled in. Those long summer days when she’d slipped off, shed her clothes, and jumped in the ice cool lake. “My mother never allowed it.”
“I wager that did not stop you,” he pointed out with an uncanny understanding of who she was.
How did he know those things about her after just a handful of days? Unnerved, terrified, and equally warmed by it, she leaned into him. “No,” she confessed.
Nolan widened his grin. The slight dimple in his left cheek set loose another round of those butterflies inside her belly. “And I’d also wager you did so without a stitch of clothing.”
She felt the blush from her cheeks to her toes. “How did you…?” He favored her with another one of those feral smiles that had contributed to the image Society saw. “Oh, you were teasing.”
“Probing,” he corrected. “What of skating?” He gently lifted her heel and her breath caught as he held his hand against it.
“Wh-what?” But then he suddenly released her foot.
“There is something so very exhilarating in movement. Riding, swimming, boxing. It raises your heart’s beat and sends blood through you.”
Did he realize he let her into those pleasures that brought him joy? More than half-fearful he’d shut her out, she said tentatively, “I was a bookish girl.” They fell silent for a bit, taking in the rehearsal below. Her gaze, of its own volition, continued to creep over to him. “In Chinese philosophy,” she began softly. He looked her way. “They talk of life as a yin and yang. How you take what is seemingly opposite but when they are together, they are complementary to one another. Mayhap that is us, Noel.”
And as he took her hand in his, giving it a slight squeeze, this moment didn’t feel at all like a business arrangement, but something so much more.