I don't know how long I sat on the bench staring in the direct that Reed went. I placed my head in my hands and allowed my tears to it hit the ground by my feet. I didn't care to try to stop them. My heart hurt.

I was able to gather myself enough to walk back to my car. Deep down I’d hoped Reed would either come back to find me or be sitting by my car. Neither of those things happened. In my car, I dialed Noel's number. She answered after a few rings.

"Hey girl, hey! What's shaking?"

Noel's upbeat voice traveled through the line. My voice caught in my throat and a sob released.

"Pen, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

Heck yeah, I was hurt. My heart was broken, and I didn't know if it would recover from Reed. I tried to take a few deep breaths to be able to speak.

"Penelope, you’re scaring me. Where are you? Do I need to call the police?"

"N-no."

"What's wrong. Please talk to me."

"I think Reed and I are over." The omission brought on a whole new set of tears.

"What? Why?! Things were going well with."

"Can you meet me at my house? I'm headed home now."

"Of course, I'll be right over. I'll bring wine."

I hung up the phone and rested my head against the steering wheel. How could he not trust me enough to believe what I said? You couldn't have a healthy relationship without trust. I was also afraid for Abby. Despite how she had treated me I wanted her to get help.

Noel was pulling up to my place just as I got there. Sometimes her antics were crazy, but I was thankful to have her as a friend. She’d drop anything to help me if I needed it. Those types of friends were hard to come by.

She pulled me into a hug as soon I got out of my car. I didn't want to have a break down right in front of my building, but the tears wouldn't stop. She let me cry for a few minutes before putting her arm around my shoulder and guiding us inside.

Noel made me sit on the couch while she poured us both a glass of wine.

"Judging by the way you sounded on the phone I was tempted to let you drink straight from the bottle. Seems like you may need it."

"What I need is a new life."

"What happened Pen? I thought you two were ok."

" I thought so too."

I took a few gulps of wine to calm my nerves.

"You know how I told you about his sister not liking me?"

Noel nodded her head.

"Well I talked to my dad about it and he said I should invite her to lunch to see if we could talk. He thought if she got to know me that she wouldn't feel like I was a threat. I talked to Reed, and he seemed to think it was a good idea. So we went to brunch today. She was acting standoffish as normal. I laid it out for her that I wasn't trying to get between her and Reed. That seemed to register with her. It thought we were making progress."

"Then what happened that could have ended things with you and Reed? I dont understand."

"When I left the restaurant Abby said she had a ride home. I didn't want to press the issue and Reed hadn't mentioned anything about her possibly needing a ride. So I left, but when I got to my car, I realized I’d left my keys at the restaurant. When I went back, I saw Abby in an alley with a man."

I took another gulp of wine before I said the next part. The part that essentially ended my relationship.

"She bought some kind of drugs off of the guy and was doing them right there in the alley."

Noel's mouth fell open and her eyes about bugged out of her head.

"Wait, what? I thought she was supposed to be going through rehab."

"She was or is. I don't know what’s going on, but I know what I saw. There was no mistaking it."

"Dang, Pen that’s crazy. Did you confront her about it?"

"No, I didn't want to get too close to the dude she was with. He could be dangerous for all I know. I told Reed."

Noel’s lips pressed together before asking, “What did he say?”.

"He didn't believe me. He got really angry and said that he had to think about his sister's wellbeing. He told me no to contact them."

My tears were overflowing again. Retelling the story felt like reliving it. It was admitting that it was real and I didn't want to believe it was.

"Oh sweety, come here."

Noel pulled me into a hug and I cried in my best friend's arms.

"I know that man loves you. I don't believe for a second that things are over between you two. He may be upset now because he doesn't want to see that his sister may not be doing everything she says she is. He's probably in denial. No one wants to think the worst of their loved ones."

"He doesn't love me. He doesn't even trust me," I said between sobs.

Noel rubbed my back. It was comforting. It felt like something a mother would do when their daughter's first boyfriend broke her heart. Not my mother though. I wasn't used to being nurtured..

"Just because he hasn't said it doesn't mean it's isn't true. You love him and you haven't told him. What's done in the dark always comes to light. Addiction is not something she’s going to be able to hide from him for very long. He'll see and when he does, he'll be crawling back on hands and knees. He just better hope you’ll take him back."

Part of me hope Noel was right. He was the first person I’d loved since Alec. If I were being honest, he was the only man I'd ever loved. What Alec and I had wasn't love. I thought it was at the time, but it was a case of manipulation and verbal and mental abuse.

The other part of me didn't know if I would be able to forgive him if he did come back. I didn't know if I could be with a man that didn't even trust me, and could throw me away so easily. I made a promise to myself when things with Alec ended that I would never let another man make me feel less than worthy. I was worthy of love. I was worthy of commitment. I was worthy of respect.