Chapter 17
It felt strange not to check on Gil last thing in the evening. She had been his nurse for a year and a half and had shared his home for months. He’d been grumpy for most of that time, but never in a mean way. Somehow, she had come to like him and his curmudgeon ways. She would miss him.
She stood in the doorway of his room and stared at the empty bed for quite some time. Finally, she wiped her eyes, gave herself a mental nudge, and went in to pick up the empty wrappers and other trash the EMTs had left behind.
Technically, her job as his nurse had ended, and she was free to go home, but she didn’t consider it for even a second. Not before she had made sure Leo was okay—or at least as okay as she was going to get today.
She put the remainder of the food the neighbors and the members of Gil’s church choir had brought over into the fridge and tiptoed upstairs.
A quick glance into Sharon’s room showed her that she was asleep. The sleeping pill Holly had given her must have finally kicked in. Sharon had cried all the way home. By the time they had entered the house, she’d been so exhausted that Holly and Leo nearly had to carry her upstairs, yet she had still been too agitated to settle down.
Holly quietly closed the door and continued on to Leo’s room.
No answer came to her knock. Hesitantly, she opened the door a few inches and peeked in.
Leo’s room was empty. For a second, fear surged through her veins. Had Leo gotten into her car and driven off, not knowing where she was going, just away from the empty bedroom downstairs and the memories it evoked?
But then a light breeze brushed her cheek. The dormer window stood open. Holly knew instantly where Leo had gone.
She crossed the room, climbed onto the desk chair, and stepped out onto the roof. Once her eyes had adapted to the darkness, she spread her arms to both sides and balanced along the roof. When she rounded the chimney, she could make out a shadowy figure huddling against the bricks.
Leo.
She sat with her arms wrapped tightly around her knees and stared out over the town. Holly wasn’t sure she actually saw any of it.
“Hey,” she said softly as she approached so she wouldn’t startle her.
Leo didn’t flinch, almost as if she had expected Holly to show up on the roof. Or maybe she had just heard her climb up.
Holly settled next to her. They sat with their shoulders pressing into each other, neither of them speaking. She wanted to ask if Leo was okay but held back. Of course Leo wasn’t okay. Who would be after a day like this?
While Holly turned her head to study her, Leo continued to stare straight ahead. When they had been in the hospital, Leo hadn’t cried a single tear, not even right after her father had died. But now tears trembled on her lashes. It had been the same for Holly after her own father’s accident. She had held herself together for her mother and had only fallen apart after Sasha had taken her home.
Leo sniffed and brushed the tears away with an abrupt movement, as if she was annoyed at herself for allowing that display of emotion.
Holly wrapped one arm around her. “It’s okay to cry and be sad, Leo. Let it out.”
Leo stiffened. “I don’t need to…” she started to mumble, but the tears were already falling, much too fast now to brush them all away.
Holly’s eyes grew damp too. “It’s okay,” she said again.
With a groan, Leo buried her face against Holly’s shoulder. Tears soaked into the fabric of Holly’s shirt. Leo made no sound as she cried, but her body shook with silent sobs.
“God,” she got out, even as she cried, “what is this? I don’t normally…”
“Shhh.” Holly slid her fingers into Leo’s hair to keep her face against her shoulder and bent to kiss the top of her head. “This wasn’t a normal day.”
Finally, the shaking and the tears stopped. Leo hiccuped once and took a shuddery breath before lifting her face off Holly’s shoulder.
Her eyes were puffy; her nose was red and her hair a tangled mess. She blew her nose on a tissue, ran the back of her hand over both cheeks, and gave Holly a weak smile. “If my fans could see me now… Sexy, right?”
Holly regarded her seriously. “I don’t care how sexy you are. I just care about how you are here.” She gently touched her fingertips to Leo’s chest, right over her heart.
For a second, Leo looked as if she might start to cry again. Instead, she put her hand on Holly’s and pressed it to her chest. “Thank you for everything you did today. I don’t know how I would have survived all of it without you. I was in no shape to drive us to Kansas City and back without crashing.”
“Of course you weren’t. I wasn’t either when my dad…when we got the call from the hospital.” It had been five years, but right now, Holly felt raw, as if it had happened only a few hours ago.
“That’s different,” Leo said. “You and your father…you were close, right?”
Holly nodded and smiled, trying to hang on to the good memories, not the bad ones. “I was the quintessential daddy’s girl.”
“That’s just it. It was never like that between my father and me. We never got along. I really don’t know why…” Her voice wobbled. “…why it’s hitting me like this.”
“He was your father,” Holly said, as if that explained it all. To her, it did. She turned her hand and intertwined their fingers. “And maybe it’s hitting you like this because you never got along. You’re grieving not just for your father, but also for all the lost opportunities. It’s gotta be tough to know you’ll never get the chance to settle things between you.”
Leo slid her knees away from her chest, stretched out her legs, and put their hands down on her thigh. She studied their linked fingers for a while before looking up. “We did, you know? Settle things between us. Well, kind of.”
“You did?”
Leo nodded. “After what you said to me at the creek…about me wanting to spend time with you only so I didn’t have to deal with my dad…”
“I shouldn’t have said that or that you were okay with no sex only so it would be easy to walk away.” Truth be told, she’d been grabbing at straws, trying to find reasons to keep her distance so she wouldn’t end up getting her heart broken.
“No, you were right.”
A stab went through Holly’s chest, but she forced herself not to react.
But apparently, Leo knew her well enough by now to sense how much that had hurt. She tipped up Holly’s chin with her free hand so their gazes met. “I didn’t mean it like that. I love spending time with you, just because…because you’re you. You get me. You see me—the real me.”
The pain in Holly’s chest was replaced by warmth. They looked into each other’s eyes.
Leo cleared her throat. “What I meant is that you were right about me avoiding having to deal with my father. I knew it all along, but I was content not to think about it or do anything about it. What you said at the creek…that really hurt.”
Holly bowed her head, unable to look her in the eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Leo squeezed her hand in silent acknowledgment. “At least it kicked my butt in gear and forced me to face the past. To face my dad. So when I got back home, I offered to take over the night shift.”
“How did that go?”
Leo covered her eyes with her free hand. For a moment, Holly thought she might be hiding renewed tears, but then Leo chuckled. “God, I might be the world’s most inept nurse. Dad got pretty frustrated with me. He is…was not the most patient man.”
“So unlike his daughter,” Holly said with a smile.
Leo grimaced. “Who threw a bottle of wine and stormed off instead of staying and talking it out. Yeah, maybe he and I really do have something in common. That’s where our awkward conversation ended up last night—Dad pointing out that we have two things in common.”
Holly gave her a questioning gaze.
“Music,” Leo said. “And women.”
Gil had really said that? “Wow, that’s—”
Leo sighed. “I know it’s not much.”
“No, no, that’s great. For a man like your father, that’s a huge concession.”
“It is. It didn’t magically erase all the problems between us, but I thought…I thought maybe it could be a new beginning. And now…” She raised her empty palm skyward as if trying to reach for something that would forever escape her grasp.
“Sometimes, that beginning is all that counts, and you’ll have to trust that it would have been the start to something great, even though you can’t be sure of it. It’s still a good thing that you got to share that with him.”
Leo seemed to think about it for several seconds, then she slowly nodded and turned to look at Holly.
“What?” Holly squirmed a little under that intense gaze.
“I’m just wondering whether that’s true about us—you and me—too. Maybe we should have that kind of trust too and just…try.”
“Are you really up for that discussion now?” Holly wasn’t. All she wanted right now was to hold Leo and take away her pain. Rejecting her a second time was impossible tonight. Because you don’t want to hurt her…or because you want to say yes to whatever she’s offering?
“You’re right. Add awful timing to the list of things my father and I have in common.”
Holly shook her head. “You talked and found some common ground just in time…” She bit her lip. “I’d say that’s pretty good timing.”
Leo wrapped her other hand around Holly’s and gave a gentle squeeze.
Again, their gazes connected.
Holly swallowed. She had to get Leo off the roof, out of this emotionally charged atmosphere, before she could do something stupid. Like kiss her. It surprised her how much she wanted to do that.
Leo looked away first. “Is Mom still sleeping?”
“Yes. I gave her something so she could sleep through the night.” She got up, carefully balancing on the roof, and pulled Leo up with her by their joined hands. “And now I’ll take you to bed too. Uh, I mean…”
“Relax. I know what you mean.”
They climbed back to the window, with Holly leading the way, and slipped into the room.
“Are you going home?” Leo asked. “Or will you sleep in your…in the guest room?”
It didn’t sound like a casual question. There was need behind it. Holly studied Leo’s face, which was still a little puffy from crying. “Where do you want me to sleep?”
Leo’s shoulders lifted and fell under a deep breath. “I want you to stay. But not over there.” She waved toward the guest room and lifted her gaze to Holly’s eyes. “I want you to sleep with me.”
Holly’s mouth was as dry as a bag of sawdust.
“Uh, I mean, sleep,” Leo added hastily. “Just sleep. I…I don’t want to be alone tonight. But if it would make you uncomfortable…”
The tremor of vulnerability in her voice made Holly’s heart melt. She couldn’t say no—and she didn’t want to. “No, it doesn’t. Come on. Let’s get ready for bed.”
She tried to make it sound casual, as if it were something she did every day, but Leo seemed to look right through her.
“Are you sure?”
Holly nodded. “I’m sure. Do you want the bathroom first?”
“No, you go ahead.”
As Holly passed her on the way to the door, she squeezed her hand. Amazing how naturally little touches like that came.
She went into the guest room to get her pajamas before stepping into the bathroom. Her hands were a little unsteady as she slid out of her clothes and turned on the water in the shower.
There was no reason to be nervous, she told herself. Nothing would happen. Leo was grieving.
But maybe that wasn’t what made her so nervous. Okay, not just that. Sleeping with someone—just sleeping—was pretty intimate for her, especially in a bed as narrow as the one in Leo’s childhood room. There was no way to avoid touching, being in some kind of contact all night. Would she be able to sleep like this?
She wasn’t used to it. She and Dana hadn’t lived together, and she’d never been eager to have sleepovers because she knew they came with certain expectations. Maybe that was part of why she had been so willing to enter into a relationship with Ash, who was so deeply closeted that she rarely risked staying over or having Holly stay the entire night.
“Holly?” Leo called through the closed door. “You okay?”
“Uh, yeah, I’m fine. I’ll be right out.” She hadn’t realized how long she’d been in the shower. Hurriedly, she shut off the water, toweled off, and put on her pajamas.
A cloud of steam followed her as she opened the door to Leo’s bedroom. “It’s all yours.”
Leo’s gaze swept over the thin straps of her pajama top before veering away. “Are you really okay with this?” She waved her hand toward the bed.
“Leo…” She stepped closer until she could take Leo’s hand and feel her body heat. “If we’re doing this…” She paused, suddenly not sure if she was talking just about sleeping in the same bed tonight or about giving a relationship a chance.
“If we’re doing this…?” Leo prompted.
Holly gave herself a mental kick to unfreeze her brain. “You’ll have to trust me that when I say I’m okay with something, I am okay with it.” That didn’t mean she wasn’t nervous, of course.
“Okay.” Leo nodded. “I’ll try to do that from now on.”
From now on… She was definitely talking about more than just tonight, wasn’t she?
Holly stared at Leo’s retreating back. When the bathroom door clicked shut behind her, she told herself to stop overthinking things and slid beneath the covers.
The sheets smelled of Leo, and so did the pillow. She pressed her face against it, breathed in deeply through her nose, and closed her eyes. Mmm. She couldn’t say what it was that Leo smelled of, maybe almond soap and a faint trace of perfume. Whatever it was, it was nice. Very nice.
The water in the bathroom cut off.
Either that had been the quickest shower in the history of mankind, or Holly had lost track of time while she had immersed herself in Leo’s scent. Her cheeks burned.
The bathroom door opened, and Leo stepped out in a pair of cute, pink boxer shorts and a white tank top. The damp ends of her hair brushed her nearly bare shoulders, and Holly drank in the sight of her smooth skin and long legs.
Before Leo could once again ask if it was okay, Holly held up the covers, inviting her to slide into bed beside her.
Leo crawled into bed, and Holly settled the covers over them.
They lay on their sides, facing each other, not touching, but with just a few inches of space between them.
When Leo reached out a hand, Holly didn’t flinch away. She wanted Leo to touch her, to establish a connection.
Instead, Leo reached across her and flicked off the lamp on the bedside table, throwing the room into darkness. Only a bit of silvery moonlight filtered in through the window they had left open.
A wave of disappointment swept over Holly as Leo’s hand dropped back to the bed. At the same time, she couldn’t help smiling at herself and her own eagerness. Only twenty-four hours ago, she had wanted to keep her distance from Leo. What had happened to that resolution?
Slowly, careful not to brush against Leo’s body in the darkness, she turned around. The rustling of the covers indicated that Leo was doing the same, so now they were lying with their backs toward each other.
Holly lay with her eyes open, listening to Leo’s breathing. If one of them turned around in her sleep during the night, they’d practically be on top of each other.
“Holly?” Leo’s voice, sounding almost like that of a child, broke the silence. The mattress shifted as she rolled over, onto her other side. “C-can I…?” Her hand tentatively brushed Holly’s shoulder blade.
Instead of answering, Holly rolled onto her back and opened her arms.
Leo cuddled up immediately, one arm wrapped around Holly’s middle. She fit her face into the curve of Holly’s neck. Her hair fanned out across Holly’s shoulder and tickled her skin.
“Your heart is pounding,” Leo whispered into the darkness. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Besides, this is about making sure you are okay.” She tried to make out Leo’s features in the pale moonlight. “Are you?”
When Leo sighed, her breath washed over Holly’s neck, making her heart beat even faster. “I will be.” She shifted a little closer still, nestled their bodies together, and carefully settled her leg across Holly’s thighs.
As different as they were—Leo tall and slim, Holly curvy and shorter—they fit against each other perfectly. It was a completely new and yet strangely familiar feeling.
Leo hummed against her neck. “God, Holly. You have no idea how good this feels.”
“It feels really good to me too.”
“It does?” Leo asked quietly.
Holly nodded. “Oh yeah.”
“Good. I don’t want this to be just about what I need.”
Wow. How could she have ever thought Leo was a spoiled, egocentric superstar? She slid her fingers into Leo’s slightly wavy hair and started to caress her scalp.
Leo let out a sound that resembled a purr. Her eyes fell closed, her lashes fluttering like the wings of a butterfly against Holly’s skin.
Holly tightened her hold. She wanted to hug this moment close forever. How could anyone think that anything could be more intimate than this?
“Holly?” Leo’s voice was already tinged with sleep.
“Hmm?”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Holly said, but she could tell that Leo had already fallen asleep in her arms.
Holly tenderly trailed her fingers through her hair and held her while she slept until she finally drifted off too.
Leo floated awake from the most amazing dream she’d had in years. She lay there with her eyes closed, trying to hang on to it for as long as she could. Then, as her brain became fully awake, she realized that it wasn’t a dream. She was still cuddled up to Holly, as if they hadn’t moved an inch the entire night. Maybe they hadn’t. Instead of tossing and turning with thoughts of her father all night as she had expected, she had slept peacefully.
At that thought, it all came flooding back with the force of a tsunami. Dad! Her body stiffened in Holly’s gentle embrace. A cascade of images from yesterday hailed down on her—her father lying motionless in his bed, the sound of his harsh breathing and then the awful silence, the ambulance doors closing behind him, and the piercing sound of the monitor in the hospital.
New tears burned in her eyes, but she forced them back. Her throat still felt raw from last night’s crying. Boy, that had been unexpected. Grief had moved in like fog, creeping up on her. The only thing that had chased away the swathes of mist had been Holly’s presence.
Leo clung to her and let Holly’s steady heartbeat beneath her ear soothe the jagged edges of sadness piercing her chest. In a little bit, she would get up and check on her mother, but first, she wanted a few more minutes in this quiet haven with Holly.
She lifted her head off Holly’s chest and watched her sleep. Holly’s full lips were slightly parted, and her auburn lashes threw shadows onto her cheeks in the soft orange light of sunrise. Her hair was mussed, and Leo’s fingers itched to reach out and smooth it back into place.
Tenderness filled her, almost like an ache.
As if sensing her perusal, Holly stirred against her and, still half asleep, snuggled even closer. It took another minute before her eyes blinked open. She stared at Leo for a few seconds, as if she couldn’t figure out what they were doing in bed together, then the corners of her mouth tipped up into a smile. “Good morning.” Her voice was husky with sleep.
Simply adorable. Leo smiled back. “Good morning.”
Holly yawned and stretched beneath her, and Leo suddenly became aware of where exactly Holly’s leg rested—right between hers.
She bit back a groan and struggled against the urge to press even closer.
Holly reached up with one hand and ran her fingers through Leo’s hair while she studied her with a concerned gaze. “How are you feeling?”
Leo fought to sum up the chaotic mix of emotions running through her. Sad, surreal, happy, embarrassed, and a little aroused. “I’m okay.”
Holly gave a tiny tug on Leo’s hair and looked at her skeptically.
“Really,” Leo said. “It could be a lot worse.” Without you here. Reluctantly, she rolled to the side, away from temptation. “What happens now?”
“You should probably help your mother with the funeral arrangements.”
Reality hit her as if someone had poured a bucket of ice-cold water over her head, reminding her that there was a world full of problems beyond this cuddly, warm bed. She sighed. “Yeah.”
“I can help too, if you want.”
The cold receded a little. “Don’t you have to work?” That was what she had meant when she had asked her what would happen now—with Holly…with them. “I mean, you’re not our…uh, my father’s nurse anymore, so won’t the agency send you somewhere else?”
The thought felt wrong. Four weeks ago, she had viewed Holly as an intruder and wondered what she was doing in her parents’ home, but now Holly seemed to belong there. Imagining the house without her father and without Holly sent a shiver through her.
“Eventually,” Holly said. “But it’s Saturday, so I’m not working.”
Romancing Holly by taking her casket shopping hadn’t been part of Leo’s plan, but she felt ill-equipped to handle it all on her own. Was it wrong to lean on her so much? She had never relied on anyone, at least not for emotional support. Why change now?
Because she could, she realized. For once in her life, someone stood by her without expecting anything in return—and Leo wanted to let her.
“If you really don’t mind…”
“I really don’t,” Holly said firmly. “You don’t have to go through this alone, okay?”
Tears welled up unexpectedly. “Thank you,” Leo croaked out.
They came together in a tight embrace in the middle of the bed.
“You’re welcome,” Holly whispered against her temple.
Leo slumped into the passenger seat of Holly’s Jeep and pressed the balls of her hands to her closed eyes. Who knew that making funeral arrangements was so exhausting? When her grandparents had died, she hadn’t helped with anything beyond ordering the nicest wreath money could buy, but now she had to take care of everything.
Her mother wasn’t up to making any of the decisions—selecting a casket, picking out the clothes her father would wear, taking care of the obituary, and choosing which music would be played during the visitation and the funeral. The to-do list seemed endless.
“Home?” Holly asked from the driver’s seat of her Jeep that was parked in front of the funeral home.
“Not yet.”
“Leo, you have to take a break and eat something.” Holly reached across the middle console and put her hand on Leo’s leg for a moment.
The touch raised Leo from her emotional stupor. She opened her eyes and turned her head toward Holly. “I will. But there’s one more thing I need to do first. Can you drop me off at Ashley’s flower shop? I need to order the flower arrangements for the funeral.”
“I don’t need to drop you off. I can come in with you.”
Leo shook her head. Holly had helped her so much already. There was no need to put her through talking about flowers with Ashley. Surely Ash’s denial of their relationship still stung. “Thanks, but I’ll be fine on my own for this one. Maybe you should go home. Your family is probably wondering where you disappeared to.”
“Probably. But how will you get home?”
“I’ll just walk. It’s not that far, and I could use some fresh air to clear my head.”
Holly hesitated. “All right,” she finally said but didn’t look happy. She took her hand off Leo’s leg, put the car into drive, and pulled away from the curb.
Two minutes later, they were parked in front of Ash’s flower shop.
Holly shut off the engine. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come in with you?”
Leo wasn’t, but she nodded anyway. “Will I see you…?” She cut herself off before she could add the later, not wanting to take it for granted that Holly would return to the house. “Will you come to the funeral?”
“The funeral?” Holly echoed. “You will see me later, when I come by to check on your mother.”
Part of the tension inside of Leo eased. She smiled at Holly. “Just on my mother?”
Holly mirrored the smile. “Well, since I’ll be there already, I might as well look in on you too.”
Their gazes held across the middle console. Leo felt as if strings were growing between them, tying them to each other and tugging her forward, toward Holly.
Holly leaned across the middle console too, making Leo’s heart pound with anticipation. When their lips were just inches apart, Holly paused, shook her head as if at herself, and then hastily retreated to her side of the car.
What…? No, don’t go! everything in Leo screamed out.
“I, um… See you later,” Holly croaked out.
Still staring at Holly’s mouth, Leo licked her lips and tried to get herself back under control. As much as she wanted to kiss her, Holly was right. They hadn’t resolved anything between them, and besides, this wasn’t the time or the place. “See you later.” Reluctantly, she climbed out of the Jeep and closed the door.
They looked at each other through the glass of the side window. Neither made a move to part ways.
Get a grip. Just because Holly wasn’t going to accompany her was no reason to act as if she were heading into a war zone, not a flower shop.
Holly gave her an encouraging nod and a wave before starting the Jeep and pulling away.
When her taillights had disappeared in the distance, Leo squared her tense shoulders and entered the flower shop.
The bell over the door tinkled. Moist air engulfed her, heavy with the scent of roses, orchids, and other flowers that Leo couldn’t identify.
There was no one in the store.
“I’ll be right there,” Ash’s voice came from a back room. The sound of a radio playing drifted over from the same direction.
Leo stuffed her hands into her pants pockets and looked around. A large refrigerated glass case took up one wall, while the others were lined with metal buckets and vases full of flowers in all colors of the rainbow.
Apparently, Ashley had done well for herself.
A minute later, Ash emerged from the back room in a green florist’s apron. “How may I—?” She froze. “Leo!”
Leo shifted on the balls of her feet. “Hi.”
Her gaze never leaving Leo’s, Ash rounded the counter. “I heard about your father. I’m so sorry.” She wiped her hands on her apron and then wrapped her arms around Leo.
For a second, Leo stood ramrod straight before lifting her arms to return the embrace. The heady scent of Opium swirled around her, triggering memories of high school. It had been Ash’s signature fragrance even fourteen years ago. Back then, Leo had always thought the perfume aptly named because it had been like a drug for her. She had lived for one of the rare but warm hugs from Ash.
Now all it did was make her think of the way it had felt to be wrapped in Holly’s arms all night. Apparently, Opium was no longer her drug of choice. She much preferred Holly’s lighter, more subtle scent.
“Thanks,” she mumbled when they let go of each other. “I’m here for, um, flowers. For the casket.”
Something shifted on Ash’s face, from a friend offering comfort to professional florist. “Of course. Did you have anything particular in mind?”
Leo lifted her hands and then dropped them. “I don’t have the slightest idea about flower arrangements for a funeral.”
“Lucky for you, I do,” Ash said with a soft smile. “Let’s see… Did your father have a flower he liked?”
“I don’t think so.”
“What about his favorite color?”
Jeez, this was embarrassing. She didn’t know the answer to any of these questions. Maybe she should call her mother. But then she decided not to. Her mother had been the one to take care of her father for many months; now it was her turn. “Um, blue, I think.” At least that was the color of the tie he wore most often.
“Blue. We can work with that. What about these delphinium?” Ash walked around the store and pulled out flowers with long stalks, their blue blooms encircling the stem. “We could weave in white carnations or maybe lilies or orchids.” She added the flowers she had mentioned and held them out for Leo to see. “What do you think?”
Leo tried to decide whether her father would have liked the arrangement. Had he even liked flowers? Finally, she decided that it didn’t matter. He was no longer here to see it, so the flowers were more for her mother than for him. “Looks good to me.”
“So, when will the funeral be?” Ash asked.
“Monday at ten.”
“I’ll make sure the casket spray is at the funeral home in time.” Ash put the flowers she had pulled out back into their buckets. “Do you want me to arrange flowers for the altar and boutonnieres for the pallbearers too?”
Leo had no idea what boutonnieres even were, so she nodded. “Yes, please. Just bill me for everything.”
Ash shook her head. “No bill. I won’t charge you for a thing.”
“Ash, you can’t—”
“We’re still friends, aren’t we?”
Were they? Leo wasn’t sure. Ash paying for the flowers seemed odd, definitely beyond the status of their relationship. “You’re friends with most people in town. If you did this for everyone…”
“You’re not everyone, Leo. We were best friends.”
“Yeah, but this is your business. You need to make a living, and I can imagine that it’s not easy to stay afloat in such a small town.”
“I’m doing great,” Ash said.
“Well, I’m not exactly a starving artist either. I can afford to pay for the flowers, you know?”
“This isn’t about money. Let me do this for you and your father.”
Leo hesitated. Since she had left Fair Oaks, she had learned that most seemingly selfless favors like that came with a hefty price tag later. People always wanted something in return, even when they pretended otherwise. But maybe it wasn’t always this way. It wasn’t with Holly.
“Thank you,” she finally said. “That’s very generous of you.”
Ash reached out and squeezed her arm. “If there’s anything else I can do for you…anything at all…”
There was something in her voice and in her eyes that made Leo wonder if that offer included a far more personal form of comfort than flowers. To her own surprise, she wasn’t tempted to find out.
“Thanks. Will I see you at the funeral?” With Ashley, she meant the question exactly as she had asked it, not hoping for an earlier time to see her.
Ash’s hand was still on her arm. “I’ll be there.”
“See you on Monday, then.” Gently, Leo freed herself of Ash’s grip and walked to the door without looking back.
Holly walked into her house and went straight to her laptop, which she had left on the couch on Thursday evening. It felt like weeks, not barely two days ago, and she hadn’t fully processed everything that had happened since then.
As soon as her laptop was open, she clicked on the Skype icon in the task bar and logged in.
Meg should be back from her business trip by now, but that didn’t mean she was hanging out online.
Please be home. Please be home.
She scrolled through her online contacts. A green tick was displayed next to Meg’s avatar, indicating that she was online.
Yes! Hopefully, Meg would be by her computer. She clicked on the contact and then on the call icon.
On the second ring, Meg’s smiling face popped up on her laptop screen. Her hair, which was always carefully spiked, stuck to her head on one side.
Normally, Holly would have teased her friend about losing the battle with her hairbrush, but “normal” had gone out of the window the moment Leo had returned to Fair Oaks.
“Hi, Nerdy Nurse,” Meg said.
Holly didn’t bother with pleasantries. “I did something really stupid,” she blurted out.
Meg groaned. “God, please don’t tell me you got back together with that closeted flower girl!”
“What? No. It has nothing to do with her.”
“Phew.” Meg wiped imaginary sweat off her brow. “What is it, then?”
How could she sum up what had happened during the last few days? “Leo’s father died yesterday, and I got her down from the roof and then I slept with her, and now I don’t—”
“Wait a minute!” If she were a cartoon character, Meg’s eyes would have bulged out of their sockets. “You did what?”
Holly mentally reviewed what she had just said. “Oh. Oh no. No, not like that. We slept—just slept—in the same bed. She didn’t want to be alone, and I…I wanted to be there for her in whatever way she needed.”
“And Leo would be…who? Jeez, Holly, I go on a business trip for two weeks, and I don’t know what’s what in your life anymore.” Meg waved her arm like a drowning person wanting someone to throw her a lifeline. “Catch me up, please. Leo…Is that the woman who owns the bakery?”
“Bakery? No, that’s my friend Sasha. Leo is…” Holly stopped herself. Should she really tell Meg? Well, she trusted her, and it wasn’t as if Leo’s full name was a big secret. It was even on Wikipedia. Still, she fixed a gaze on Meg that would have terrified a hardened criminal. “This has to stay between you and me, okay? You can’t tell a soul.”
Meg’s eyes widened. “Not even Jo?”
“Um, you can tell her, but no one else. And tell Jo to keep quiet about it too.”
“O-kay.” Meg drew out the word carefully. “Now I’m almost afraid of what you have to tell me. I don’t have to sell a kidney to bail you out of jail or something like that, do I?”
Holly shook her head. “It’s not a kidney thing. It’s more of a heart thing.”
“You’re in love with this mysterious Leo?” Meg’s voice came out in a squeak.
“No, no, no. Not love.” It wasn’t…couldn’t be, right? Not this fast. “But…”
Meg held up both hands. “I really think you should start at the beginning. Who is this Leo? Does she live in Fair Oaks?”
“No, and that’s part of the problem. She…” Holly lowered her voice, even though no one could overhear her. “Her full name is Leontyne Jenna Blake. She is—”
“Holy fucking unicorn!” Meg screamed so loudly that Holly turned down the volume on the laptop and shushed her. “Jenna Blake? The Jenna Blake?”
“The one and only.”
Meg inflated her cheeks and then blew out a breath. “So you and Jenna Blake are…?”
“Not me and Jenna. Me and Leo.”
A blur of motion filled the screen as Meg waved her hand. “So you and Leo are…? You became close? Like, romantically close?”
Holly bit her lip and nodded.
“Wow.” Meg sank against the back of her chair. “How did that happen?”
“I have no idea. I didn’t even like her when she first got here. I thought… Well, I assumed a lot of stupid things about her. But once we got past that, we started spending time together.” Holly took a deep breath and told her everything that had happened between her and Leo in the past four weeks—their argument in the rain-pelted Jeep, the evening at the bar with the gang, going on runs and getting scones together, nearly cuddling on the bed while watching Central Precinct, taking Leo to see the puppies and kittens, playing the piano together, and climbing up to Leo’s secret spot on the roof.
She couldn’t help smiling through most of her story. These were all happy memories, she realized—the happiest she had made in some time. When she came to the point where she had told Leo they couldn’t be together, all she could think of was the look in Leo’s eyes. It reflected the pain she felt herself.
“Then her father died, and everything else took a backseat,” she finally ended her story.
“Understandably. Is she okay?”
“I hope she will be,” Holly said.
“Are you okay?”
Holly ran her fingers through her hair. It didn’t help to sort out her chaotic thoughts. “Yeah. Kind of. It’s just a lot to process.”
“Hell yeah! I never thought you’d get involved with Jenna Blake!”
“We’re not involved. Not really. Like I just said, I ended it before…” Before what? Before she could hurt me? She put that thought aside for now. “And she’s not Jenna to me. She’s different, Meg. Different than how I thought she’d be. Different than Dana and Ash. She’s smart, considerate, funny, and generous.” Holly realized she was babbling and snapped her mouth shut.
“Does she know?”
The question didn’t need a qualifier. Not between them. “Yes. I told her when she first asked me out. Didn’t I mention it?”
“Nope. Apparently, you skipped the interesting part,” Meg said. “So, how did she react?”
Holly sighed. “You know how it goes. They tell you they are fine with it…until they aren’t and start to resent you.”
“Is that what happened—or what you assume will happen?”
“It’s what I know would happen if I got involved with her,” Holly said. “It happened with Dana and Ashley too.”
“You just said she’s different from them.”
Trust Meg to beat her with her own words. “I thought you of all people would tell me it’s not worth the heartbreak and that I’m fine on my own.”
Meg gave her an impish grin. “Nah. If you want the stay-away-from-her speech, you’ve come to the wrong person. Jo always calls me the most romantic aromantic in the world.” The grin faded away, and she studied Holly with an earnest expression. “Seriously, though, the way you talk about her, it makes me think there’s something there. Why don’t you give it a chance?”
“Because it won’t work.”
“And you know that how?”
“We’re too different. I’m ace; she isn’t. I’m a nurse; she’s a superstar. I live in Fair Oaks; she lives in New York. Do I need to go on?”
Meg snorted. “You think you’re an unlikely pair? I’ve got you beat by a country mile.”
“Um, you do?”
“Sure! Hello?” Meg pointed at herself. “Aromantic, asexual, a total chatterbox, and as Irish as a pint of Guinness.” She waved her hand toward where Holly knew Jo’s room was. “Romantic, not on the ace spectrum, taciturn, and Mexican American. How’s that for differences?”
All true, and yet her friends just seemed to fit into each other’s lives so perfectly. “Yeah, but it’s not the same.”
“Why? Because our relationship is not romantic, so it can’t possibly be as important?” A look of hurt flashed across Meg’s face.
“No,” Holly said hastily. “No, of course not. I’m sorry, Mordin. You know I don’t believe that at all. I just… Ugh. I don’t know. This situation has me all messed up.” She scrubbed both hands over her face and then dropped them to her lap.
Meg’s expression softened. She leaned closer to the webcam. “When I asked Jo if she wanted to be my queerplatonic partner, I was scared out of my mind. I thought she would think it was weird or not real or something. Even when she said yes, I kept doubting her…doubting us. I thought she’d leave me as soon as she met a hot woman who could fall in love with her. I never thought it would work in the long run.” Her grin reached from one ear to the other. “Now look at us. Five years later and we couldn’t be happier. In fact…we’ll start looking at houses on Monday. We want to buy something in the burbs.”
“Wow, Meg! That’s great.” Holly beamed at her friend. “I’m so happy for you guys.”
“Thanks.” Even the less-than-stellar quality of their Skype connection couldn’t hide that Meg was flushed with happiness. Her eyes shone.
In moments like this, Holly struggled to understand how her friends could insist they were not a traditional couple and that while they loved each other, they weren’t in love. It helped her understand how people who weren’t asexual themselves often had a hard time understanding her sexual orientation.
In the end, it didn’t matter whether she fully understood it or not, as long as it worked for her friends—and it clearly did. But what did that mean for her and Leo?
“So,” she finally said, “what’s your advice, Dear Abby?”
Meg laughed. “Why do people keep asking the aromantic for relationship advice?”
“Because you’re so good at it.”
A snort escaped Meg. “I take my wisdom from video games.”
“Oh, that reminds me.” Holly reached for the card she kept on the coffee table, ready to send out in time for Meg’s birthday next week. “I got you the autograph you wanted.”
Meg rubbed her hands together. “Great. I wanted to ask you about it, but with my business trip and all, I forgot.”
Holly opened the card and held it into the camera. “Can you read it?”
Meg’s forehead furrowed in concentration as she leaned toward the screen. “Happy birthday and many butterfly kisses,” she read out loud and wrinkled her nose. “Not that I want those. You can have them.”
A blush made Holly’s cheeks burn as the memory of the two kisses she had shared with Leo flashed through her—and nearly kissing her again earlier, in the Jeep. If she had ever needed proof that sensual attraction existed, she had it now. Not kissing someone had never been so hard, but she couldn’t keep giving Leo mixed signals, or she would hurt her even more.
“Oooh!” Meg let out a wolf whistle. “Looks like you already did! You really did skip the interesting parts of your tale.”
“Read the PS,” Holly said in a stern tone and raised the card to the webcam again to hide her blush.
“PS,” Meg read what was below Leo’s signature, “Triss is way cooler than Yen.” She huffed. “Ha! I take it back. Don’t get involved with her. She clearly has no taste in women.”
“Hey, she likes me,” Holly protested.
Meg sobered. “Okay, she has no taste in fictional women. But if she’s still interested in you after finding out you won’t jump into bed with her and after you tried to discourage her at every turn, I think you’ve got a winner on your hands and should give her a chance. That’s my sage advice.”
Could she be right? Part of Holly latched on to that bit of hope and didn’t want to let go, but another part was still afraid to get hurt again.
She glanced at the clock in the task bar. Leo had probably ordered the flower arrangements by now and was back home. “I should go check on her.”
“Yeah, you do that. Keep me up to date on how you two are doing, okay?”
“Will do. And Meg? Thank you.”
Meg grinned. “You can thank me by not throwing the bridal bouquet in my direction at your wedding.”
“Wedding?” Holly spluttered. “There’ll be no wedding.”
Still grinning, Meg waved and ended the call.