It was odd how easily a person could embed themselves in the very fabric of your life, because it didn’t seem like a day went by without Farid at least visiting me or spending time with me in the week since coming home.

We had meals together. We talked, both over the phone and in person. He gave me updates from work that Dan was feeding him—which told me that their encounter back in the apartment had been resolved, in some part—and he told me what it was he actually did, because he seemed to have a surplus of free time.

“My family owns majority stocks in a couple of tech companies,” Farid explained. “But my family’s main source of income is in oil. I was trained to diversify our portfolio.”

So for all intents and purposes, I was actually dating an oil magnate of some kind. That wasn’t scary at all.

I gulped and kept that little tidbit of information in the back of my mind.

Besides that, I was trying to get back into the swing of things, which included getting outside. I couldn’t keep relying on those grocery shopping apps. I knew I had to get out there and face the music, so to speak.

I went back to work today for the first time since coming home, just to pick up some documents and make sure everyone was working well without me. It took me about two or three hours of psyching myself up to gain the strength to take the first step out of the apartment. The entire walk and bus ride there made me anxious, but all in all, I managed. When I got to the office, I was even able to see Farid and Dan in a meeting in one of the conference rooms, and they looked perfectly fine.

It was like nothing had ever happened, at all. In some ways, that was a big relief.

Almost as soon as I got home, though, Farid called me to ask how my day was going and wondered if he could come over and bring some dinner. Without even thinking about it, I said yes.

I was sitting on my couch an hour later, only half-watching a mindless sitcom on the TV while I browsed through some office documents and memos, when Theo plopped down beside me, a bowl of cereal in hand, offering me a big grin.

“Farid coming over again tonight?”

I nodded. “In about an hour or so.”

“You know, for someone who hasn’t taken you out for a date, he sure is showing up a lot,” Theo said. “You might even assume he was bringing the dates to you, instead.”

At first, I scoffed and returned my attention to the sitcom in front of us. That couldn’t be right. We weren’t dating. It was…it was just like in the hospital, when Farid was visiting me. He was visiting. It wasn’t a date.

Right?

Though honestly, I was asking more because I was curious, not so much because I was anxious. When I thought about it, the idea of dating Farid seemed less intimidating now.

I slowly turned to Theo, who was grinning at me while he was chewing on his cereal, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. “For someone who’s gotten out there and had his fair share of dates and hookups, you’re surprisingly dense, aren’t you?” he said.

“That’s not the first time I’ve heard that,” I replied bitterly.

Theo nodded and chuckled. “Well, what are you going to do about it?”

I shrugged. “I’m not sure there’s really anything to do.”

“You’re not freaking out or anything?” Theo asked.

“I’m wondering why I’m not freaking out about it,” I replied. “But maybe it’s because a little part of me already knew. He’s been here almost every night since bringing me home.”

“I’ve basically got a functional relationship with the guy as well,” Theo replied. “Not the same way as you, but…”

I laughed and shook my head. “But you know, I still don’t know why he likes me,” I admitted.

“Why ask that?” Theo tilted his head and stared right into my eyes. “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth and all that.”

I shrugged. “Honestly? You know the kind of guys that are out there. No fats, no fems, no Asians—if they’re not just looking for a hookup, they’re looking for some kind of perfect relationship that’s also open because getting your physical needs met is important, or some shit—or they give you hope that something could happen between the two of you when really, they’re just waiting for something better to come along.”

“So what you’re saying is, you’re projecting your insecurities onto Farid because aside from being a little feminine, none of those things really fit you, and you’re guilty yourself of being with someone while waiting for something better to fall in your lap,” Theo said, his voice a deadpan drawl as he pointed at me accusingly with his spoon.

“I didn’t say I wasn’t being hypocritical,” I snapped, and then pouted. “It’s just hard to imagine why he’d be attracted to me, of all people.”

Theo stared at me for a moment, then snorted. “And you know no one’s going to feel sorry for you asking that question, right? Poor little cute boy. He wears guyliner and mascara and he could eat an entire cow and still look like a model, and this Arabian billionaire is smitten with him.” His voice had gotten all mocking and squeaky, and I stared at him in bewilderment. “Whatever is he going to do?”

There was a moment of silence that passed between us as Theo finally scooped up a spoonful of his cereal and munched on it.

“Technically, he’s only Arab on one side of his family,” I muttered after the moment had passed. “And I don’t want anyone to feel sad for me.”

“Good, because you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who would be.” Theo grinned as he continued to eat his cereal. “If it helps, I want to ask you a question.”

“Go for it.”

“When you’re hooking up with a guy, do you think about why you picked that guy in particular?”

I pondered that for a moment. I leaned back against the couch and took a deep breath. “I guess not,” I responded honestly. “I’ve told you about why I hook up with guys before, haven’t I?”

Theo nodded. “I think the same principle applies here. He’s not looking for reasons. He likes you. You might be his type, and that should be all the answer you need at this point. The more you fret about not being perfect, the more you end up making things a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

I looked down at my cellphone and saw the candid shot I got of Farid while he was lazing around on the couch in front of me. I smiled as I took note of the sharpness of his features, and his long eyelashes, and the way he looked as he stared down at his own phone. His tanned skin looked lighter bathed in the light of his phone. I ran my thumb over the picture of his face on my phone, and I couldn’t help but smile.

I liked him. I well and truly liked him, in more ways than one. Physically, he was perfect. He looked like he took care of himself. Emotionally? Well, he was much more stable than I was, that was for sure. A stiff wind could have knocked over my self-confidence and my anxiety-riddled ass would be on the floor, completely unwell by now, were I facing the same kinds of problems and issues Farid probably contended with on a daily basis.

“I guess you’re right,” I finally conceded to Theo. “I have been wondering too much about it, when really, an answer could be as simple as that.”

I should have been more familiar with illogical things. I lived my life following my whims and emotions for some part of it, after all.

“I mean, I get it,” Theo said. “When it feels like there’s a guy way out of my league who actually likes me, it feels like a really big deal when they give me any attention.”

I gave a little smile and nodded. “The weird thing is that I’m not panicking or anything, exactly. It’s just…hard to believe, that’s all.”

“I can understand that,” Theo replied, taking another bite of his cereal. “The trick is just to enjoy the time with one another and don’t let your expectations get too high, so that if he does do something big, it makes it all the better and more memorable. But if he doesn’t, then you’re not torn up about it.”

He gave me a little pat on the shoulder and stood up. “Well, I think I’m going to go back into my room. If he’s coming over tonight, you’re gonna need to prepare anyway,” he mused.

I tilted my head. “Why do you say that?”

Theo shrugged. “I don’t know. Don’t you think that tonight might be, you know, the night? Haven’t you been seeing each other pretty regularly? And I don’t see you guys really do anything more than cuddle up against one another from time to time. Then again, it’s not like I’ve been around during your dates.”

Maybe the thought of getting more intimate with Farid should make me anxious, but it didn’t. Instead, a smile bloomed across my face.

Theo looked at me and grinned. “It’s natural to feel excited. I’m glad you actually feel a little normal about this.”

“Is this how normal feels?” I asked, trying to make the sarcasm as oozing and natural as I could. “Because I really didn’t expect it to feel this way at all.”

It was true. If this was normal jitters and regular levels of excitement, then it was a strangely positive experience. I had that swooping, butterflies-sort-of feeling in my stomach but I was oddly happy. The most interesting thing about it was that it had been weeks—ever since before the attack, even—since I felt that void inside myself threatening to consume me again. I knew it was only being kept at bay, however. It would be foolish to say it was gone completely, but it felt like I could handle it now more than ever before.

It was as though I had been given some extra strength, or an extra set of hands against the barricades while the void called from behind it. But it was still there.

Theo laughed. “Yeah, this seems about normal. Frankly, I’m kind of happy to see it. Seems like I didn’t have to worry too much about you after all.”

Looking into my roommate’s eyes, I was suddenly thankful I was as close to Theo as I was. He might’ve spent too much time inside his bedroom playing video games, but he was a nice guy. And he worried about me, which told me that he cared.

“Aw. You worry about me?” I said, smiling.

“I’m not gonna lie. I used to,” Theo replied. “We both know what you’ve been through.”

I couldn’t help the expression on my face faltering slightly. “Yeah,” I said, my voice mirthless.

“You know he wouldn’t want you to be living the way that you have for the past couple of years, right?” Theo’s gaze seemed more pointed now than it ever was before, and I had to look away from him.

“Who? Farid? Or…him?”

“Both,” Theo replied. “But something tells me I won’t have to worry for a little while.”

I looked at Theo, who gave me a knowing smile.

“Just remember that in spite of how you think of yourself, we all think of you differently,” Theo said. “You’re worth it to us, and one day we hope you see that for yourself.”

And with that, Theo gave me a little salute with his spoon and sauntered back into his room.

Cryptic. And sweet.

Left to my own devices, it was odd to feel so…calm. And as I moved from the living room to my bathroom, I looked into the bathroom mirror and wondered why I felt so relaxed. I didn’t see a difference in how I looked. I could still see the wounds fading on my face, and I was still wearing a cast. The eyeliner that I’d applied for work earlier today still looked nice and dark. I’d taken a shower earlier, so maybe I just needed to freshen up a little bit.

It was only Farid. But then again, it was Farid coming. He knew that a big date going out into the world would have freaked me out, so instead, he slowly wiggled himself in and made a place for himself in my little, insular world. Honestly, it was ingenious, and definitely wily, and something that made me happy. Regardless of the why, which still evaded me, he wanted to find a place in my life. The reasons for it didn’t really matter, though, because I knew that in the end, emotions and attraction won over whatever logic my brain decided to come up with.

And maybe that was okay. Just like Theo said, if logic had never played a part in my hookups, then logic didn’t need to play a part in this, either.

I smiled. I freshened up. I got some work done. I dressed up nicely and even reapplied some of my makeup. Before I knew it, there was a ring of the doorbell.

“I’ll get it,” I hollered out to Theo as I walked down the corridor, even though I knew he probably had headphones on. Opening the front door, I smiled when I saw Farid’s tall form almost completely filling the doorway.

I always knew he was a man with a substantial presence, but it seemed all the more that way now when I stood there and looked up at him. Beneath his clothes, I still saw the way his muscles rolled with strength. His hair was styled to one side but it perfectly framed his features, especially with the thick five o’clock shadow he sported. He looked rather casual now, the top two buttons of his pink, pinstriped business shirt unbuttoned to reveal the tiniest peek of chest hair. He grinned at me, and I couldn’t help but respond with the slightest giggle right back, like some kind of schoolgirl. I’d never done that before, but this was new territory for me.

Seeing his entire expression light up when he looked at me made my heartbeat quicken. It wasn’t something I was used to, and I was sure I had a similar expression on my face.

The last time this happened to me…

I pushed the thought away as far as I could. Now was not the time to be thinking about those things.

A little part of me was still afraid that history would repeat itself on that end.

“Wow,” Farid said, breathlessly.

I tilted my head in question.

He gazed at me. “You’re breathtaking.”

I felt my face heat up. The corners of my lips couldn’t help but quirk. “That’s cheesy.”

“You’re right, but it doesn’t mean I’m wrong, either.” Farid laughed, and lifted one of his hands, showing off the bag of takeout he had. “Ready for a night in, Noah?”

I felt a flutter in my chest as I looked right at him.

If this was what a real date with Farid was, I’d take a hundred more of them.

“Yeah.”