Alek did not say one single word after they got into the expensive sports car. He listened to his friend curse their way out of the dirt drive since there was no way to avoid the potholes left by winter weather. He and Corie had meant to get them fixed but just hadn’t gotten to it yet. It was now something he no longer had to worry about.

 It took them almost five long hours of continuous driving to get to downtown Boston. Ethan had called the Ritz Carlton on their way down and reserved them a couple of rooms.

Several times during the drive, Ethan had tried to get Alek to talk to him, but he was completely ignored. Alek stared silently out the passenger car window for the entire trip. He rarely even looked towards his friend.  

He had fucked up. Badly.

Alek knew he should have told Corie a long time ago who he was, but he got caught up with them being together and how he was falling in love. Every day it got harder and harder to tell her. And now, it completely blew up in his face. He had lost the best thing that had ever happened to him. Alek was even considering giving up the band for her, that’s how much he loved her. The day she rescued him during the blizzard, she not only saved his life but changed it too.

He realized what he had with Caroline wasn’t love. He thought it was, but it was more like an extreme lust. They had a hot crazy sex life, but when it came down to it, that’s all they had. With Corie, he found someone he could talk to and while they did have all that non-stop sex that new relationships tend to have, they could also just sit around and watch a movie or just read. Just being with her made him happy. He was unequivocally in love with Corie.

There was no way he would have ever considered leaving the band or changing anything in his life for Caroline. Corie was an entirely different story. He’s do anything for her, except apparently telling her the truth about who he really was. That just showed how screwed up he really was.

He hated himself right now. This was completely his fault, and he had no one to blame except himself. If he had manned-up and confessed everything early on, he wouldn’t be heading away from the woman he loved. She despised him right now, and he didn’t blame her. When Corie had sent him away and told him to forget all about her, it crushed him. How could he forget what they had? His heart utterly belonged to her.

When the car finally pulled into the front of the luxury hotel, Alek got out and grabbed the smallest bag he had. Nothing else needed to come in with him, especially the guitar. The last thing he wanted to see was anything that reminded him of why Corie hated him. Midnight Steel was the reason.

The car was valet parked much to the delight of the young attendant waiting at the valet stand. Alek stood back and let Ethan check them in. When they got in the elevator, Ethan suddenly blurted out, “Man, you need to talk to me.”

Alek turned and glared at his friend.

“Don’t blame me for this,” Ethan told him. “I had no idea that you lied to her about who you were. What did you do, fall in love and lose every bloody brain cell you had?”

Alek spun around towards his friend and shoved him up against the wall of the elevator. “Fuck you, Ethan! You have no fucking idea what you are talking about! Why didn’t you stay out of my life? Why the bloody hell did you have to come here and ruin everything!”

“Laz, get your arm off my throat. Now!” Ethan growled at his friend. “Now.”

Alek hadn’t even realized that he had his forearm pressed up against Ethan’s throat. What the hell was wrong with him? This was Ethan, who had been his friend since he was ten when they stole apples together from a local outdoor market. He took a step back and released his hold on Ethan. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

The elevator doors opened, and they stepped out into the hallway. Alek extended his hand for his room key. “No,” Ethan told him firmly. “Not until I understand what’s going on with you. My room first.”

As much as Alek didn’t want to talk, he knew he owed it to his friend. Maybe Ethan could help think of a way out of this mess he created. “Alright.”

They found Ethan’s room and dropped their bags inside. Alek sprawled out his long frame on the sofa while Ethan grabbed a couple of beers from the mini fridge and handed one to Alek. With a quick twist off of the cap, Alek drank half of it down right away.

“Okay, so I get that you didn’t tell her about who you were. And I know you were a bloody pain in the ass the whole last half of the tour and I definitely didn’t understand it. We’re living our dream, man. This is what we worked so hard for those early years when we could only find gigs in those fucking dive bars. We on the top, Laz. We’ve been here for a while with no signs of the fans letting us fall.  We have fame, fortune, and women, so what about that was so bad that you began to hate everything. Make me understand,” Ethan said.

Alek took a smaller swig of beer this time before answering Ethan. “I’m not sure I understand myself. We are living the life you and me always talked about, and I loved it all. We’ve been doing this for years, but some time in one of the dozens of cities we passed through, I realized it wasn’t enough anymore. I love you and the band, and playing live on stage is the best rush I ever experienced, but I wanted more. I wanted to run off stage still on that adrenaline high we get, covered in sweat and know I had someone there for me. Not the groupies that follow us or the new girls that show up in each city, but someone I was excited to see. Someone who wanted me…for me. Those chicks on the road want me for who I am and my money. They want Laz the rock star and the glamorous life they think that comes with it, they don’t want me…Alek. With everything we had and everything we were, I was lonely.”

For years he used women like that to get what he wanted from them, sex…pure and simple. They wanted to sleep with a rock star, and he was more than happy to oblige them. New city, new women, and a new one night stand was what they lived for, except he didn’t want that anymore. He wanted someone to love him – Malcolm Alexander Lazare, the man his family still called Alek. He enjoyed staying home and relaxing most evenings. After living on the road for so long, quiet nights at home was all he wanted. People thought he partied all the time and lived the rock star lifestyle, but that wasn’t him.

He had moved his parents out of Tottenham years ago, and they were comfortable in the house they had in Southgate. He had offered many times to move them to the more affluent Chisholm or even where he was in Chelsea, but they were happy where they were. Alek didn’t blame them as he knew they were more comfortable living among people who led lives similar to them. They refused to let their lives reflect that their only son was a millionaire rock star.

Alek lived in a big expensive house that was professionally decorated. He hadn't had the time to even consider doing that himself. But, it was cold, sterile, and he hated it. The only room he enjoyed was the one place he had made into his own. He took one of the salons and filled it with comfortable furniture, his guitars, and a big screen TV. That was all he needed.

That’s why he enjoyed being at Corie’s so much. Her house was so comfortable and homey, yet upscale that he loved every bit of it. For a kid that grew up in the city, he found life in the country pure heaven. He wanted that back. He wanted her back.

Alek drained his beer. “When I had that accident, and Corie found me, I wasn’t thinking straight. Eth, I was frozen being out in that blizzard and scared to death when I woke up. I was stuck in the car, and she was able to get me out. I thought I was going to die out there. So, when she asked my name, I said the first thing that popped into my head – Alek. Once we made it to the house, I realized that she didn’t recognize me, so I just went with Alek. It was so good to be treated like an ordinary person, without someone fawning all over me. Then more I got to know her, the more I was falling for her.”

“Why didn’t you tell her then who you were, Laz?” Ethan finally said. “There was no way you could hide that from her forever. Midnight Steel is too big.”

“I know,” he agreed. “I just didn’t know how to tell Corie and not have her get mad at me, so I said nothing.” He saw Ethan shaking his head. “I know. I was an absolute fucking idiot not to have told her, but I didn’t know how. Now she won't listen to me. Fuck, Eth, she told me to forget all about her. How the fuck do I do that? This is killing me.” Alek’s voice broke on those last few words. He closed his eyes tightly as he felt the tears start.

“Then I say you need to figure out a way to fix this. Maybe start by calling her. She’s hurt and angry, and you need to make her realize that you know you fucked up, and it will never happen again,” Ethan told him.  “Here’s your key, go call her.”

Alek quickly wiped his eyes, embarrassed by the tears. He stood up and took the key card packet from Ethan. He took a few hesitant steps towards the door before stopping and turning back to his friend. “Thanks, man. I could always count on you.”

Ethan raised his beer in acknowledgment and Alek headed out the door to find his own room.

The next morning that’s where Ethan found him, in his room passed out drunk on the bed and still in the clothes from the night before. Having been through this before when Laz split with Caroline, he had held onto the second copy of the room key. “Laz, man wake up,” Ethan said with a long sigh. “C’mon man, get the fuck up.”

“Leave me alone,” Alek mumbled after Ethan had shaken him several times.

“No, man. Get your ass up.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re better than this. Get in the shower and sober up!”

Alek sat up slowly rubbing his eyes. His head was spinning, his mouth was dry, and the last thing he wanted to do was get up. “How did you get in here?” Ethan held up a key card. “Give it to me,” Alek demanded.

Instead, Ethan put it in his back pants pocket. “Sorry, man. I’ve been down this road with you before. I take it you couldn’t get in touch with Corie?”

“No. I left her a dozen messages and even more texts before she sent me the text on my phone.” Alek picked up his cell off the nightstand next to the bed, scrolled until he found the message and handed it to Ethan.

Corie wrote, “Stop calling me. I do not want to talk to you. You did this. You ruined us by lying to me. We’re done. Finished. Just leave me alone.”

“The only thing left for me to do was get drunk,” Alek said after Ethan handed him back the phone. “She hates me, so what else am I going to do?”

“You’re going to shower, mate. Then we’re going to get something to eat. I can have us on an evening flight back home tonight.”

Alek got up off the bed, but stopped halfway to the bathroom, when he heard Ethan say that they were heading back to London tonight. He didn’t want to go, but there was no reason to stay in the states. Corie made that perfectly clear.

It was time to head home.

 

 

Corie didn’t sleep at all during the night. First, Alek kept calling her non-stop, so she had to finally take the home phone off the hook Then after she sent him the text telling him to leave her alone, she turned off her cell too. The rest of the night was spent lying on the sofa wondering how he could have done this to them. Why was he pretending to be someone he wasn’t? And why didn’t he think he could tell her who he was? Apparently, he hadn’t trusted her at all. If there was no trust, then there couldn’t be love. There was no way she trusted him now.

But sadly, she knew that she still loved him. She was her own contradiction which was why turning him away was so hard. She had to be able to trust him and right now she didn’t. He was just another guy in a very long list of guys that had betrayed her. They always did. Why couldn’t they be like the guys she always wrote about. They weren't perfect, but at least they never cheated or lied to the heroine in each of her stories.

She quickly sat up on the sofa her eyes wide with the realization that her new story was more like her life than she realized. Grayson, the Prince, had told Olivia that he had lost his job in the financial world and decided to travel for a little while. Grayson was her Alek. She was going to have her female lead get upset, but forgive him when he professed his love for her. How could she have that happen now when couldn’t she forgive Alek?

That’s when Corie realized that real life was so much more painful. Her books were nothing but fairy tales with happy endings, but real life was seldom that way. How could she finish the book that was so personal to her when it hurt so much? It was so easy to write about Olivia and Grayson when she had been so happy, but now it killed her to think of what Grayson was doing to Olivia. He was lying to her just like Alek has done to her. There was no way that Olivia should forgive Grayson if she couldn’t forgive Alek. She couldn’t write a lie, but she was so far into the book that there was no way for her to change it again. DeeDee would be furious at her, plus there wasn’t enough time for her to go back to the novel she started before Alek crashed into her life.

Deep down she knew that something was off about him, but she chose to ignore it. It was scary how close to reality her book had become. It was like her subconscious knew he was lying to her the entire time.

“I was such a fool!” she yelled as she threw a pillow across the room. “Damn him for thinking he could con me with his lies. If his friend hadn’t shown up, I’d still be stupidly thinking he was the perfect guy.”

Corie got up from the sofa, and after a full night of crying, she was determined it was time to pull herself together. The first thing she did was go upstairs and change the sheets on the bed. Anything that Alek had left there or reminded her of him was thrown out. There was a t-shirt, a razor, and some assorted toiletries that made it into the wastebasket. That was just what she found in the bathroom.

She sat down on her bed with memories of them flying through her head. He was everywhere. In such a short time, he had impacted every aspect of her life.

She saw him brushing his teeth in the bathroom. She could still hear him softly playing the guitar. And she could definitely still feel his hands on her. It was like they had been made for each other as their bodies fit together perfectly. He had made her feel things that she had never experienced before. The memories started to become so overwhelming that Corie grabbed a handful of tissues out of the box on the nightstand and dabbed at her eyes as the tears began to flow.

Once again she let them come as the pain of losing Alek was simply devastating. Curling up on the bed that they used to share didn’t help either, but she was powerless to move. It also wouldn’t have made a difference. Alek was everywhere. She got up from the bed and dug the t-shirt out of the trash. Holding it up to her nose, she inhaled that scent that was purely Alek. As mad as she was, there was no way she could throw this away.

Corie slipped off her jeans, then her own shirt and bra followed landing in a heap on the floor. She dropped Alek's shirt over her head and closed her eyes. She hated herself for doing this. It was nothing short of torture to smell him on her like this, but she couldn't stop herself. Corie headed back to her lonely bed and fell into a deep dreamless sleep that didn’t have her waking up until the next day.

Now with nothing but free time on her hands, Corie rearranged the extra bedroom that had been turned into the small studio for Alek. He had moved a few pieces of furniture out as he said the acoustics were better that way. In the end, she completely changed where everything was to give the room a different feel to it. She had to do anything to erase Alek from it. 

It took her another couple days before she finally walked into her office to face her computer. Corie had lost almost four days of writing, and that was something she never did when she was on a deadline. Her new book was at a standstill. She had absolutely no idea how to proceed writing about a relationship that was inspired by her own. What she had once thought was perfect now only brought her heartbreak. How could Olivia be happy when she wasn’t? Her female leads were always her, how could they not be?

Before her fingers touched the keyboard, she took out her planner. Usually, at this time in her writing process there wasn’t much going on, but once she got closer to her book coming out, there would be meetings about marketing and a book signing tour. It was one of the few times she left Maine.

However, there in her planner was a trip to see DeeDee in New York, that in the chaos of the last few days, she had completely forgotten about. She had to be there in two days to talk about her work in progress and future book ideas. Suddenly, a light bulb went off. She had asked Alek to come with her to New York, but he said he’d rather stay at the house. This way she could concentrate on her meeting and get back to Maine as soon as possible. When she tried to convince him it would be a nice getaway for them both, Corie realized that he distracted her with some very intense kisses that lead to some crazy sex in the barn. It was definitely a memorable afternoon for them, but he did it to sidetrack her. Alek didn’t want to go to New York City because he knew that someone would surely recognize him. In small-town Maine, that didn’t happen, but in a big city like New York, his lie would blow up in his face.

“Bastard,” she mumbled under her breath as she searched for her travel folder. There she confirmed she had a flight out of Portland into LaGuardia on Thursday morning. Since it was a couple hours’ drive to Portland, Corie logged onto her computer and booked a night at a hotel near the airport. Coming back, she would make the drive home without staying over. She was not looking forward to this meeting at all.

 

 

“What do you mean you don’t know how to finish the book?” DeeDee exclaimed, frustrated with Corie. “You’re the one that convinced me to change course midstream. I need a completed manuscript in less than eight weeks. You’re my one client that always finishes early, and now you may not even finish at all?”

Corie squirmed in her seat, knowing that she was disappointing her publisher. She had never missed a deadline before, but she was stuck on what to do. Her eyes lifted up from the staring down at the plush carpeting on the floor to meet DeeDee’s. “I’m sorry. I just can’t come up with a way that the scenario I created would end up with a happily ever after.”

“Why not? Why do I sense there’s more going on here than you are telling me?” DeeDee and Corie had worked together for many years. There had never ever been a problem with Corie not meeting a deadline. Something was not adding up, and DeeDee could easily see that.  

As hard as she tried, Corie could not stop the tears that had threatened to fall. DeeDee instantly got up from behind her desk and grabbed a box of tissues. Then she led Corie over to the leather sofa she had in her office.

“I’m sorry,” Corie apologized.

“Don’t be. Just tell me what’s happened and together we’ll figure this out,” her long-time publisher told her. “You’re not just a client of mine, Corie. I’ve always considered you a friend. So please let me help you.”

Their two-hour scheduled meeting went way into the afternoon as Corie told her all about Alek. She started with the night of the blizzard and finished with the day she told him to leave. Corie poured her heart out to DeeDee knowing she was talking to a friend.

“So let me get this straight, you rescued Laz from Midnight Steel but didn’t recognize him. Then he told you his name was Alek so he could try to hide from the world because he was tired of being a rock star. Do I have that right so far?”  Corie nodded that she did. “This is so crazy,” DeeDee said shaking her head.

“Okay, then while he was stuck at your house you two managed to fall in love, but he still never told you who he really was.” DeeDee shook her head in wonder. This was any woman’s fantasy come true. “How did you not recognize him, Corie? They are the biggest rock band in the world. Even my kids know them.”

“I don’t listen to rock music, DeeDee. I’m more into country, so I never paid close attention to them. Sure, I know who they are, but obviously, I don’t know what they look like. I feel like I gave myself to a stranger…a fraud. I just don’t understand how he could say that he loved me when he was lying to me the entire time. Trust is such an important part of any relationship, and he ruined that. That’s why I don’t know what to do with the book. I didn’t think it would hurt as bad as it does. How can I have Olivia forgive Grayson when I can’t forgive Alek? I feel like I’m lying to my readers.” Every one of her books was such a part of her, so Corie simply couldn’t justify Olivia forgiving Grayson.

DeeDee took Corie’s hand in hers. She had been through emotional turmoil with many of her authors before. “Did he seem sincere when he apologized?”

“I guess.”

“C’mon, I know you are hurt, but was he sorry? Was he upset that you told him to leave?” DeeDee was trying to get Corie to see it from both sides, but first, she had to get her stop thinking how this was affecting her only.

Corie looked at her friend. While this was never the type of situation she and DeeDee ever actually talked about it felt good to get her opinion. “Yes, he was,” she admitted. “He begged me to forgive him, but I told him that he had to leave. That night he called me non-stop until I took the phone off the hook, both home and my cell.” Corie saw the way that DeeDee was looking at her and she rolled her eyes. “I know what you are going to say, but I don’t trust him. How can I when he couldn’t even be honest about his name!”

“Technically, he was since that’s what his family calls him, he just didn’t tell you what that rest of the world calls him. He wanted you to treat him like a regular guy, just like his family does. The lifestyle he’s living can take a toll someone, and it sounded like he was fed up with it.”

“I know that’s what he was thinking, but why didn’t he tell me the truth when things got serious between us? When I heard him play his guitar the first time, it was so beautiful and perfect that I asked him if he played professionally and he told me no. He flat out lied to me, DeeDee. He lied about everything.” It angered Corie that he could have told her then. That was the perfect time to confess who he really was, but he didn’t. He just kept playing her for a fool.

“I bet when he denied who he was, he never expected to fall in love with you. Once he did, he maybe couldn’t figure a way out. I agree that he screwed up big time, but if he’s really sorry, can’t you give him another chance?” When Corie shook her head, DeeDee added, “Have you tried to see it from his point of view?”

  Even Kelsey had encouraged her to do the same thing. She just didn’t want to do it. He lied. You don’t lie to someone you love, why didn't anyone understand that? Corie was starting to get frustrated. “I’m not ready to give him a break.” She took a deep breath. It was time to get back to solving the problem with the book. ”So now you know why I am having a problem finishing the book, so how do I do it? How can Olivia forgive Grayson? How?”

This is where years of dealing with authors and their insecurities came into play. “I know how much of yourself you put into your novels, but Olivia isn’t you. I know you started to write this about you and Laz, but you need to take an objective step back. This is a fantasy, just like all books are. Women want to get lost in someone else’s life that they would love to be their own. We all want the prince or the billionaire or even the rock star to fall in love with us, and so does Olivia. Let her forgive Grayson. Even if you can’t, she has to. Let your readers live the dream.”

Corie knew that DeeDee was right. She didn’t want her to be, but she was. It was time for her to think like the professional she was. “You’re right. I didn’t want to have Olivia forgive him for deceiving her, but I have to.” She turned to look at her publisher and friend. “Thank you. I needed the push you gave me to finish it the way it should be. I’ll have it done on time. I promise.”

“I know you will, sweetie. That’s what I’m here for. Are you staying in the city tonight?” DeeDee asked. It had been a long afternoon, and it was time to get home to her family.

“Yes and I’ve kept you way too long today.”

The two ladies stood up, and Corie pulled DeeDee into a tight hug. “Thank you. At least now I know what I’m doing with the book. You got me to see past the hurdles I put in front of it. You’re the best!”

“I know,” DeeDee laughed. “I’m used to writers and your hurdles. I’ll call you next week to see how you’re doing, alright?”

“That’s perfect. I should have everything figured out and back into the swing of things by then.”

Corie gathered her purse, and once again the two of them hugged. During the cab ride back to her hotel, ideas were running through her head about how to make Olivia’s forgiveness believable, but not let him off too easy. By the time she sat down at the desk in her hotel room, she already had a plan in place. She opened her laptop, and her fingers flew across the keys so she wouldn’t forget everything that was running through her head. Olivia would forgive her prince, but Corie wouldn’t make it easy for him. No way.