Julian
CARTER AND TORI’S wedding day begins with thick, gray clouds overhead, and I easily picture Tori wailing at Mother Nature for bringing them less than perfect weather. I’m pulling up my trousers when Ash stumbles into the bedroom, her pajama top askew and her hair matted on one side. My heart thrums, confirming that she’s adorable to me in any state but particularly appealing when she’s sleepy and disheveled. She grumbles a terse good-morning on the way to the bathroom, but I catch her wrist and pull her to me for a brief detour.
When she realizes I’m poised to kiss her, she grimaces, shrinks back, and covers her mouth. “No, don’t. Morning breath. Beer, barbecue chicken, chips and guac. You don’t want any part of this.”
I playfully shove her away. “You’re right. Thanks for the warning.”
Her eyes grow wide, and she grumbles some more. Stepping forward, I cut off her unintelligible remarks by placing my mouth on hers. But I don’t take the kiss further. My hands remain behind me, and only a sliver of space separates my naked chest from her torso. I speak against her lips. “Your move.” Then I step back and wait.
Her gaze darts to my bare shoulders and returns to my eyes before she snakes her arms through the spaces formed by mine and digs her fingers into the small of my back. “This is an important test of any relationship, you know. A morning breath kiss is a declaration of commitment. Are you ready to take such a big step?”
She’s smiling as she speaks, but I’m taking her question very seriously. Yes, I want to be committed to her. In my mind, that’s settled. What’s still left to be determined is how to navigate this unexpected development so that it doesn’t bite me in the ass.
I don’t alter my stance. Keeping my hands off her allows me to focus on the kiss and all it’s meant to communicate. I dip my head and capture her bottom lip between my teeth, scraping it gently before I suck it into my mouth and release it. Watching her reaction is its own pleasure.
Her pupils flare, and then her lids fall closed. “Yes. More, please.”
I spread my legs wider, giving myself room to shift, and then I drop butterfly kisses up her neck to her chin, eventually working my way to her lips and grazing them with the tip of my nose.
“Julian,” she whispers.
Her voice, breathy and strained, changes the sound of my name, the longing she injects into it making the word almost unfamiliar to my ears. It’s not the cry of arousal that I’ve heard before, two nights ago most recently. This time she speaks it like a lover, like someone who knows I am hers and doesn’t want to wait any longer to have me.
My erection, full and heavy, answers, pressing uncomfortably against the zipper of my pants. That discomfort jolts me out of the moment. We can’t do this here and now, despite the clawing need in my gut to fuck her for hours. I rest my forehead against hers as we both slow our labored breaths.
“I promised Carter I’d help him double-check everything outside.”
She nods, a look of regret dampening the lustful expression she wore seconds ago. “I told Tori I’d help her get ready.” Under her breath, she says, “It’s the least I can do.”
Am I reading her correctly? Is that sadness in her eyes? I pull her close, my lips feather soft on her temple. “Did you have fun last night?” I pull back and tip her chin up when she sighs. “What is it? Did something happen?”
Ash furrows her brows and shakes her head. “No, nothing like that.” She pulls out of my arms and sits on the bed. “Tori and Carter asked me to perform for the reception.”
I join her on the bed and squeeze her thigh. “That’s fantastic, baby. Good thing I brought your guitar.” Wagging my brows, I tap my temple. “My forward thinking saves the day.”
“I told them no.”
I sit on that news a minute. Obviously, it’s her decision to make, but I wish she would have said yes. When will she realize her music is her passion? When will she stop pretending that she’s satisfied switching jobs every six months and leaving her living situation to chance? I predict she’ll be defensive if I ask these questions, so I start with something easy. “Why’d you say no?”
“I’m not a performer, Julian. I’ve never played my instrument in front of a large audience. Tori and Carter’s wedding isn’t the place to make my debut.”
“Why not? It’s mostly family. They’ll support you.”
“Or they’ll think it’s laughable that I’d want it for a career.”
“It’s clear you’ve thought about it. Do you?”
She pinches the fabric of her pajama pants and shrugs. “I don’t know what I want.”
I suspect she won’t want to hear this, but committing to her means I won’t hold back my thoughts, even if I run the risk of pissing her off. “Here’s the thing. I think you know what you want, but you’re afraid to go after it. I understand. Your brother’s a big star, and how the hell could you compete with that, right? And your sister’s a single mom raising two kids, and she’s kicking ass as a high school coach, and what have you done in comparison, right? If that’s not enough, your aunt’s a crabby mess who sees everything as a competition and raised her daughter to think the same way. So I get it now. If you don’t try for what you want, you won’t ever fail.” I shrug, pursing my lips into a no-big-deal expression. “There’s a certain logic to that, I guess.” I raise my index finger in the air. “But here’s the wrinkle.”
She opens her mouth in mock outrage, suggesting she knows I’m bullshitting. “Can’t wait to hear it.”
I take her hand and squeeze it. “This isn’t about Carter, or Lydia, your aunt Carol, or anyone else. You’re enough just as you are. So this is really about you and what you want.”
She pouts at me. “I think you’re overstating the situation, and your reverse psychology isn’t working.”
My head is still attached to my neck, so I’ll safely assume she doesn’t want to bite it off. I’ll keep going. “Oh, yeah. How many jobs have you had in the past three years?”
She squints as though she’s mentally calculating the answer to my question. “Four.”
“And how many apartments have you rented in that time?”
“Four.” She points a finger at me. “But this last one wasn’t my fault. My roommate and her boyfriend were douches.”
“Okay. And what about that one semester in college? What happened there?”
She frowns. “That was a disaster.”
“So you left.”
She nods, her chest visibly deflating at the same time. “Yeah, I left.”
I place my arm around her shoulder and draw her in for a hug. “You have a beautiful voice, and you’re a gifted musician. It’s okay to be afraid to fail. That just means it’s important to you. But not trying to do something that’s important to you for fear of failing? That’s a waste.”
Someone bangs on the door, depriving her of the chance to respond. “Hey, you two. We have a wedding to attend, and Ashley, we need to help the bride get ready. Save the sexual gymnastics for later.”
Ashley shakes loose of my hold and shout backs. “Getting ready now, Eva.”
We both rise. She grabs her toiletries while I slip into my shirt and jacket.
“How do I look?” I ask, holding my hands out to the sides.
She surveys me from head to toe and gives me a soft smile. “Handsome. Now I need to take a shower and get this funk off me.”
“You do that. I didn’t want to say anything before, but you’re smelling a tad ripe.”
She sticks out her tongue and dashes into the bathroom. Before she shuts the door, she pokes her head out. “I should clarify. I didn’t say no to Tori when she asked me to play. I told her I’d think about it. Thanks for giving me more to think about.”
Is it possible to smile with your whole body? Because my grin feels like it’s bursting from my chest. “You’re welcome, baby.”
THE CLOUDS BREAK before ten o’clock, the sun arriving like an honored guest whose appearance is vital to the festivities.
Carter and I stroll around the perimeter of the seven-by-thirty-foot tent and tug on the poles staked in the ground. The setup is simple and designed for easy build and breakdown before and immediately following the wedding and reception. Someone’s done this safety check, we’re sure, but when it comes to Tori’s special day, we’re not leaving anything to chance.
“You have the ring?” he asks.
I pat my inner jacket pocket and pretend to be alarmed. “Shit. Where is it? I had it a minute ago.”
Carter’s eyes go round, and his body sways as though he’s going to faint. “Tell me you’re joking.”
I grasp his shoulders and steady him. “I’m joking, man. I’ve got you.”
He takes a deep breath and releases it through his nose. “Just wait until you’re in my shoes. I’ll remember this and pull some similar shit, for sure.”
A vision of Ashley pops into my head. I’d stagger from the implications of my subconscious if I wasn’t standing in front of her brother. “I wouldn’t expect anything less of you, my friend.”
We give each other a quick hug.
“Hang on. I need a pic of you two together,” a voice to our right says.
Carter’s grin spreads into a full-blown smile when he sees its owner’s face. “Jewel, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s so great to see you.”
His personal assistant cuffs him on the shoulder. “Ha-ha. Careful, Mr. Stone. Or is it Williamson today?”
“It’s Williamson for these purposes.” He winks at her. “I want my marriage to be legal and all.”
Jewel bumps me with her shoulder. “Hey, J-Money.”
Christ. I’ve told her several times I hate that nickname, but she never listens. Another tactic is in order. “What’s up, Cubic Zirconia?”
She screws up her face at me. “Did you just try to make a . . . joke? It was a bad one, but still, the effort alone is impressive.”
Yeah, even I must admit that was bad. If Ash were here, she’d pat me on the back and give me a sympathetic smile.
“Hello? Julian?”
I shake my head loose of Ashley-related thoughts. “Yeah, what’s up?”
She raises the smartphone in her hand and motions for us to stand together. We comply with her directions, and she snaps a pic. Jewel grins at the result as she views it on her phone. “Awww, look at you guys. Hashtag besties forever.”
Carter shakes his head and hits her with an overly dramatic eye roll.
“Don’t be ungrateful, mister. If it weren’t for me, you’d have your publicist on your ass.”
Carter trembles in mock fear. “Does Dana know?”
Jewel’s eyebrows rise an inch. “Are you kidding me? If she knew, she’d be here with the paparazzi. Nope. She doesn’t know yet, but I think she suspects something’s going on. She’s been asking lots of questions, and I’ve been deflecting. Just being your phenomenal personal assistant, as usual.”
I laugh. Carter calls her his personal pain in the ass. I’ve seen them in action enough to know the feeling’s mutual. “Is that what he told you PPA stands for?”
Carter elbows me in the side and pulls Jewel away. “C’mon. I’d like you to meet my mother.”
I spend several more minutes checking the stability of the stakes in the ground, which is why I’m kneeling when Ashley descends the steps of the back porch, a small bouquet in her hand. If I weren’t on my knees already, I’d buckle at the sight. Her light blue dress skims the top of her knees, and its rounded neckline reveals only the slightest swell of her breasts.
She walks carefully along the brick walkway leading to the garden and heads straight to me, her eyes shiny and playful. “Hey, handsome man. Ready to get your best friend hitched?”
Aware we have an audience, I pull her into my arms. There’s no artifice in my smile when she nuzzles my neck and breathes in my scent. “I smell good, don’t I?”
She laughs. “You always do.”
“Weddings tend to bring out the romance in people, right?”
She tilts her head and regards me with a suspicious glint in her eye. “Yeah, I guess. Why do you ask?”
“If we’re a couple, shouldn’t we be affected by the mood, too?”
Her face clears, and she gives me a lopsided grin. “Ah, I see what you’re getting at.”
I cradle her face and pull her closer, and her eyes flash with a hunger that mimics my own. The kiss is chaste but tender and manages to be both promising and frustrating at the same damn time. After we slowly drift apart, she leans against me and lets out a happy sigh. Her affection moves me in the most elemental of ways, grafting itself onto my skin and burrowing bone-deep. Whatever happens after this is anyone’s guess, but even now she’s made a mark on me as permanent as the tattoo at my hip. I raise our clasped hands to my mouth and kiss the back of her hand.
When I look up to survey the backyard, I see Lydia staring at us. Our eyes meet, but she quickly hangs her head and studies her phone.
Then I spot my parents in the last row of chairs under the tent. Given their furrowed brows, there’s no mistaking their confusion. Well, Julian, I guess you’ve got some explaining to do.
“WE MADE IT just in time,” my mother says. She grasps my shoulders and spins me around. “How are you feeling? Everything good?”
I let her inspect me, knowing this is her way of assuring herself that I’m okay. “I’m great, Mom.”
The multiple bracelets on her wrist jangle as she strokes my cheeks. “My sweet boy, you look good.”
“So do you.” She looks ageless, in fact. Her beautiful brown skin is smooth and unlined, and her short hair is impeccably styled as usual.
She waggles her eyebrows. “You and Ashley look good together, too.”
My father grimaces and plonks down onto a rattan chair on the back porch. “When did this happen? In Philly, you said nothing was going on between you two.”
“It was LA, Dad, and yeah, I was telling you the truth then.”
“So, in that short time you two started dating?” he asks.
I shake my head. “No, listen, it’s not what you think.” I’ve always been honest with my parents, and I don’t want to start lying to them now. Still, I’d need a set of flowcharts to explain why and how we got to this point. I decide to give them the abridged version. “All right, here’s the deal. When we first got here, Ashley and I were pretending to be a couple, for reasons that aren’t important. Then something happened, or maybe it’s been happening for a while and I’m just now admitting it to myself.” I shake my head, trying to sort it out in my own mind. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. We’re together now, and I’m happy.”
My father massages his chest as he studies me. “Do you think that’s wise? What does Carter say?”
“He doesn’t know yet. We figured it wouldn’t make sense to spring this on him today. But I’m not worried about Carter’s reaction. He and I are solid, and my dating his sister isn’t going to change that.”
Our decision not to tell him isn’t motivated by a concern that he’ll be upset about it. Nevertheless, he’ll wonder how and when it happened, and given my long-standing insistence on separating my personal and work lives, he’ll be surprised by my choice to date his sister. That’s a conversation for another time and place, right? And a trace of doubt on my part is to be expected. I press my lips together and shove my hands in my pockets. Am I lying to myself? To my parents?
My mother is still confused. “Wait, wait, wait.” She rests two fingers on her temple as she paces. “So let me get this straight. Before you came to Connecticut, you and Ashley worked out a plan to fake your relationship?”
“Right.”
“And this entire weekend, you’ve been pretending to date?”
“Yes, but—”
“Excuse me,” Lydia says, her face peeking out from behind the door to the back porch.
My heart crashes to the floor and jumps back up into my chest. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
She tiptoes past us. “I didn’t mean to interrupt such an important conversation, but I need to get to my seat.”
Did she just wink at me?
Lydia skips down the steps like Bambi chasing a butterfly. Over her shoulder, she says, “Hope to chat with all of you after the wedding.”
“Who the heck is that?” my father asks.
“That’s Ashley and Carter’s cousin Lydia.”
And I’ve just given her the ammunition to ruin everything.