Chapter 8

Emily

Okay, there was something wrong with me. I don’t remember ever in my entire life being so nervous about someone coming over. I sat back on the couch with a huge sigh. If I straightened my living room one more time, I think I’d officially become OCD. Sure, I had obsessive habits, but they helped calm me—they didn’t rule my life. So I should be more relaxed now that most of my apartment was crazy clean, but I hadn’t taken a single second to straighten up in my bedroom. Actually I’d closed the door instead. Like that would somehow stop me from thinking about me and Reb in there. On my sheets. Naked.

Clearly I hadn’t thought about it. Not at all. Nope, him and me naked and writhing on my special satin sheets that I’d never had the occasion to use was the last thing on my mind.

I could still hear Jessica’s voice ringing in my ears.

Just give him a chance. He’s worth it.

I prayed to God that she was right. Of course her little tidbit about his past had made me see him in a different light. It was enough to give him that chance, but I wasn’t sure if I had the courage to tell him that he’d only get the one chance. I didn’t trust easily, and like an elephant, I never forgot.

After Michael, I couldn’t afford to be wrong again.

He was most of the reason I’d practically become a born-again virgin. I didn’t trust my instincts. But if Jessica was willing to vouch for Reb, I’d take a chance on him. Maybe.

I jumped at the pounding on my door. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to guess who that was, but still I checked my peephole before I even touched the handle. Like he knew I’d check, Reb faced the door straight on, and I swear to God, he stared directly into my eyes. How did he do that?

I took a second, trying—and failing—to calm my racing heart before I opened the door. Reb shouldered his way into my apartment when I barely had it opened a crack.

“I don’t want that crazy bitch to see me waiting outside your place. No telling what insane fucking thing she’d do.” Reb tossed an arm around my shoulders and led me over to my couch. Pulling me down to sit incredibly close to him, he brushed my hair back off my face. “You doing okay, sunshine?”

“I, uh, yeah. I’m fine.” I bit my lip, unnerved by his closeness and the ease in which he just took over. The man overwhelmed me with no effort at all. “I got someone to cover my shift.”

“Good. Hopefully this whole clusterfuck doesn’t screw your schedule up too much.”

I nodded tightly and tried to act like I was comfortable cuddling with a tough biker on my couch. Like I’d done it tons of times. Ha. “So what’s going on?”

Reb sighed and scrubbed his free hand over his face. “I have to give him back. Brittany’s bringing him over.”

“Wait. Tuck? You have to give Tucker back to his mom?”

“Yeah.” Reb turned his head, and the pain I saw in his eyes took my breath away. “She filed something with the courts and my lawyer says I have to give him back. That if I don’t, it could really fuck up my chances to get full custody when all this shit is sorted out.”

“But she left him alone. How could they—”

“I said the same damn thing. My lawyer is filing an emergency petition or whatever the fuck it’s called. But until it gets in front of a judge, I’ve gotta play by the rules we’ve already agreed to.”

“Wow. That’s insane.” My heart hurt for the two of them. I could see how much this pained Reb, and I didn’t have to guess how much Tucker would rather spend time with his father. I’d seen it with my own eyes last night. Reb was an amazing father.

Maybe Jessica was right.

I cuddled closer to his side. “So what do we do now?”

“We get to tell Tucker in a few minutes that he’s going back to his mother. That’s why I wanted to meet you at your place. Brittany’s bringing him over in a few.”

“Would you feel better if you stayed close to him tonight?”

“Fuck yeah. But I can’t. Too much time near my ex isn’t good for me or Tuck. Not that she’d let me hang out anyhow.”

“But I would. You can stay here. With me. Tonight, I mean.” I swallowed nervously. I was pretty sure I sounded like a babbling moron right about now…

“Aww, baby, that’s too fucking sweet of you.” Reb leaned over and tugged me toward him until I sat in his lap, straddling his legs while he reclined back in a sprawl. “I guess I’ll have to find some way to thank you.”

I didn’t need a mirror to know that I was blushing. Damn my pale skin.

Reb’s hands rested on my butt. He playfully gave me a pat, then demonstrated the reason behind those awesome rock-hard abs of his as he easily sat up from his slouched position without jostling me. Which put his lips within kissable distance.

I put my hands on his shoulders to keep my balance. Looking down into his eyes, I melted at the tenderness I saw there. Something about me put that look into his eyes. The thought that I could have such a profound effect on this big, bad biker gave me more power than I’d ever felt before. For the first time with Reb, I took the lead.

Leaning down the extra centimeter, I closed my eyes and covered his lips with mine. My lips moved over his in a chaste and gentle kiss. And he let me. Aside from his hands cupping my butt, he made no effort to take over or make me deepen the kiss. He just let me choose the speed I was comfortable taking. It was the sweetest and most arousing thing I’d ever felt.

Groaning, I took the kiss deeper. Trying to tell him without words how much I liked this new side of him. Rewarding him, I guess. My tongue swept into his mouth and timidly rubbed against his. Still he didn’t take the lead. Growing bolder, I continued to kiss him, while my hands roamed down his chest. I caressed the muscles beneath his shirt and my own nipples throbbed in arousal. I ached to lean into him and rub my tight nipples in his chest hair, but our position and clothing made that impossible.

Inches from ripping his shirt off, a knock at the door had us breaking apart.

Reb groaned and buried his face in my cleavage.

My hands ran over his buzzed hair and inexplicably I held him there. Let him take a second to gather himself with his face buried in my boobs. But after a few beats, I pressed against his shoulders. “Reb, you gotta let me up. I have to let them in.”

He pulled back slightly, at least until I could see his eyes, and he raised an eyebrow all arrogant-like. His face still inches from my boobs, he barked, “Come in.”

“Reb!” I squealed as I tried and failed to break away from him. Instead I was only able to twist and look over my shoulder to the door just in time to see Brittany and Tucker walk inside. I swung back to Reb and glared at him. “Let me go. Now.”

He gave me a patronizing pat on the butt, then swung me down onto the couch next to him, where I’d sat only minutes before.

“Hey, Reb. Emily.” Brittany’s eyes sparkled with merriment as they swung from my glowering face to Reb’s smug one. “Tucker had lunch an hour ago, so he’s good to go. If you don’t need anything else…”

Reb shook his head. “Nah, we’re good. See ya later. Tell Stitch thanks for letting me snake his woman for the day.”

“Not necessary.” Brittany’s smile matched her sparkling eyes. “You know we’d all do anything for you and Tucker. See ya later, Emily!”

I could only gape as I watched Brittany give a little wave, then close the door behind her. Was the sight of me sprawled on Reb’s lap an everyday norm? It didn’t even make a blip on her radar. So what did that make me? Just the latest chick to almost get caught with her pants down on top of him? One of the many loose women in Reb’s life? My shoulders shrank a little at the thought. Was that how Reb saw me? Or was that just how I saw myself?

“I’m bored. Where’s the remote, Emily?” Tucker’s small voice broke through my morose thoughts and gave me a whole other set of worries. Tucker had seen us together—like that. Oh God.

“It’s, um…” I threw a panicked look at Reb, but the heartbreak I saw in his eyes erased every irritated emotion from me. In all the craziness of the last few minutes, I’d forgotten why they were here. Reb had to give his little boy back. I sat up straighter in my seat and let Reb take the lead this time.

“Come on over here for a second, bud. We’ve gotta talk about something.” Reb’s lips twisted into something that resembled a smile but broke my heart.

Tucker, blissfully immune to the tension in the room, walked over to stand in front of his dad. Reb grabbed his arm and tugged his son onto his lap, a position I’d been in only moments ago, but so much more innocent this time.

“So, I, uh—” Reb paused and cleared his throat. “Shit, this is harder to say than I’d thought. Uh, listen, buddy. In a minute I’m gonna take you over to your mom’s, and you’re gonna stay with her until tomorrow night. Just like usual. But if you need anything—anything at all—you can come over to Emily’s place and me or her will be here for you. Okay?”

Tucker nodded sullenly. All the animation had drained from his face. His dad might as well have told him that he wouldn’t ever get a bike. The sight hurt my heart, and I could tell from the shimmer in his eyes that Reb was feeling the same.

Reb swallowed hard, then continued. “I don’t want you to worry about anything. What’s going on—all this—is adult drama and has nothing to do with you. Your mom and me love you so much. We just got to figure out how to get along together—me and her.”

“But Dad, I don’t want to. I wanna stay with you!”

“I know, Tuck, but you’ve got to spend time with your mom, too. And remember, if you need anything, me or Emily will be right here for you.”

Tucker pushed away from his dad. “This is stupid. You’re stupid. Emily’s stupid. I hate all of you!”

His face screwed up in anger, Tucker jumped off his dad’s lap and ran for the door. I watched in silent angst as Reb took off after him. I couldn’t even imagine what Tucker was feeling right now. Confusion. Anger. Betrayal. He was so young to be going through this drama. And the look in Reb’s eyes spoke to the pain he was feeling, as well. My heart hurt for the both of them.

Unwilling to shove myself any further into what was clearly a family matter, I did what I always do when I’m stressed: obsessive cleaning followed by obsessive hand washing. Standing at the sink, I looked at my bedroom door. There was one place I wasn’t yet willing to let my OCD fly. The familiar routine helped calm my frayed nerves somewhat, but I still startled when my front door opened abruptly.

“That goddamn bitch! I can’t believe her bullshit!” Reb slammed the door with such force that the entire building shook.

Or at least that was how it felt.

I eyed the keyed-up biker in trepidation. It was a crazy situation, but that didn’t help my fight-or-flight instincts at all. Right now they were pointed at “flight” in big, blinking lights. My tender scene with Reb just moments ago was forgotten. For all intents and purposes he was a stranger to me. He paced back and forth across my living room, anger apparent in every footstep. I stood still in an attempt to disappear.

“Does she seriously fucking think this bullshit will fly with me? That it’ll go unchecked? She’s gonna have a serious fucking wake-up call.”

I watched from the corner of my eye as he paced by me one more time. But this time, when he came to the far wall next to the front door, he turned and punched the wall with a sickening crack. Shrieking, I covered my head and dropped to the floor.

Silence reverberated.

Then a soft “fuck,” from Reb.

I crouched on the floor trembling, my heart pounding in my ears. I wasn’t aware of anything around me. All I could think of was the last time Michael had gotten ahold of me. That look in his eyes. The muffled sound of his fist hitting me.

From somewhere far away, I heard a muted voice calling my name. Slowly lowering my hands from my head, I blinked in confusion as Reb’s face filled my vision. Not Michael. Reb. He sat on his butt within arm’s reach of me but had yet to touch me. Like he knew he was dealing with a flight risk.

I sat back onto my butt and covered my face with my hands. Michael wasn’t in my life anymore, I reminded myself sternly. I hadn’t seen him in six months, and he hadn’t slapped me around for two years before that. And yet my little pep talk didn’t stop the tears from welling in my eyes or the sobs from shaking my shoulders. I really didn’t want to cry in front of Reb. But like a few minutes ago, my mind and my body were in two different places.

“I-I-I’m so s-s-s-sorry.” I could hardly talk with the sobs wracking my body. “I d-don’t kn-kn-know what came”—I stopped, took a deep shuddering breath, and sighed—“over me.”

I couldn’t bear to look up to see how Reb was handling my freak-out. I didn’t want to see that look in his eyes. The one of disgust—or even worse, pity.

“You’ve got nothing to apologize for, baby.”

I really wished the ground would swallow me whole even as a warmth spread through me at his whispered “baby.”

“In all this bullshit with Rhonda I forgot about your shit with the dipshit. I just…I don’t want you thinking I’m like him. Because I’m not. I don’t hit women. The fact that my bitch of an ex is still alive is proof enough of that.”

I couldn’t help but smile wryly at his screwed-up defense. I’d met Rhonda, so I saw his point. With one last shuddering sigh, I wiped my thumbs under my eyes, then peeked up at him.

He scrubbed a hand over his buzzed head. “This isn’t going to work, is it? I just…” He sighed and gave me a grim smile. “I’ll get one of my guys to watch Rhonda and make sure Tuck is taken care of, but I don’t think I should stay over tonight, sunshine. Clearly you need more time.”

He put a hand down between us to push himself up. I reached out and covered his hand with my mine. “Wait, Reb. Don’t go.”

“I don’t really see the point in staying. You aren’t—or can’t be—comfortable with me right now. I’m moving too fast. That’s just the kinda guy I am. I see something, I take it, and fuck the consequences. But this…” He gestured to my hunched figure in front of him. “It’s just fucking breaking my heart, sunshine. You deserve someone a hell of a lot gentler than me.”

He made a move to get up once more, and I put a hand out on his chest this time. His skin jumped like I’d touched him with a hot iron.

“But I don’t want you to go. I just…I need a minute. That’s all.”

Reb sighed. “We’ve got a problem here, sunshine. I’m not the type to hit a woman. I do, however, like to punch walls and occasionally toss a chair across the room. That’s not gonna change. I can lie and say it will, but like I said, life’s too fucking short. You need someone who’ll treat you with kid gloves, and I must’ve left those fuckers in my other pair of jeans.”

“You’re wrong. Yeah, that stuff scares me, but despite my little anxiety attack I’ve never felt safer than when I’m with you. I don’t need kid gloves. I need someone who will respect me and push me not to accept the bare minimum. Jessica said you could be that guy. And I’d like you to stick around so I can see if she’s right.”

Reb threw back his head and laughed. “So let me get this straight. You want me to stay so you can prove to your friend that she’s wrong? It’s not the worst reason I’ve heard, but I gotta say it’s a new one. Usually girls wanna be with me to get back at their daddy.”

“I don’t want to prove her wrong. I’m really hoping she’s right.” I gave him a watery smile. “I like you, Reb. But if it helps, I think my dad would hate your guts.”

Reb smiled back at me. “Sounds good to me, sunshine. Let’s go sit somewhere more comfortable, then.”

I took his proffered hand and let him pull me up. Once I was standing he dropped my hand. We stood there, close enough to touch, close enough to kiss, but not touching at all. I’d never been one to go for bad boys. But something about Reb called to me. He was an intoxicating mixture of scary and sweet. I could see it in his gentle blue eyes and his neck tattoos. Not to mention those scarred knuckles that were dripping blood on my kitchen floor.

“Oh my God, Reb. Your hand!” I grabbed his hand and tugged him to the sink. After turning on the faucet, I ran his swollen knuckles under the water. “I think I have a first-aid kit in the bathroom. I’ve got some ointment or gauze or something. I just can’t believe you—”

“Emily. Look at me.”

I stopped mid ramble and looked into his suddenly serious eyes.

“I’m fine. Just a little blood. No big deal. It’s not the first time and likely not gonna be the last. Just give me a paper towel and let’s go sit down on your hard-as-fuck couch.”

Mutely I turned off the water and tore off a paper towel. He took it from me and wrapped it around his knuckles. A small amount of bright red blood bloomed in the paper. I gulped and tried not to look at his knuckles again as he led me to the couch with his uninjured hand holding mine. I really didn’t enjoy the sight of blood. “I should mop up before—”

“It’s fine. Sit down.”

I obeyed the tug of his hand and sat down next to him on the couch. So close to him that his jean-clad thigh rubbed against mine. So close I could feel his body heat radiating toward me. So close I could smell that scent that was undeniable Reb.

Leather. Tobacco. Man.

Reb just grunted when I sat down. He nonchalantly threw an arm around my shoulders, picked up the remote with his other hand, and turned on the TV. Like it was nothing. Like this was some scene from our everyday lives.

Meanwhile, I was trying not to hyperventilate.

I couldn’t remember the last time I just sat on the couch with a guy before I mauled Reb earlier this afternoon. Or didn’t want to remember anyhow, because those were the few untarnished memories I had of Michael before. I didn’t want to spend one more second thinking about that bastard.

So I settled in, cuddled up to Reb’s side, and feigned an interest in the nature show he stopped on. And it worked. Five minutes later I was practically on the edge of sleep in this man’s arms when he spoke.

“You wanna order pizza or something?”

I blinked blearily up at him. It took me a second to process what he said, then I sat up with a start. “No. I can cook. I’ve got some chicken in the fridge. Just give me—”

Reb tugged me back down into his arms. “Not tonight. You can play hot housewife tomorrow. Right now I just wanna sit here on the couch with you, eat some pizza, and drink some beer. So what do you want on your pizza?”

“I don’t have any beer. Sorry, but I don’t drink it. I could run out and get so—”

“Don’t worry about it, sunshine. I’ll take care of it. What do you like on your pizza?”

It felt like he was vowing to take care of me, too. A warmth that had nothing to do with his body heat swept through me. I cuddled closer to him and answered. “Pineapple and Canadian bacon.”

“Fuck me. Of all the toppings possible, really?” Reb groaned. “I guess there had to be something wrong with you. We’ll go halves.”

“Okay. My purse is over there.”

Reb’s chest vibrated with his laughter under my cheek. “Damn, you’re cute. But that’s not what I meant. Hang on a sec.”

After some jostling beneath me, Reb found his cell, thumbed at the screen, then lifted it to his face. “Bam, I need you to bring a large pie from J.J.’s. to Emily’s place. Zag can give you the address. Half supreme, half Hawaiian. Yeah, I know, but she’s hot so I guess I can live with it. Don’t forget the ranch dressing. And a six-pack of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.” Reb paused as he listened. “I don’t give a fuck. Figure it out.”

Reb tossed his phone onto the coffee table, then plopped his booted feet near it on the table. “Fucking prospects. Need to have their hands held every goddamn minute.”

I hummed in response. Honestly I didn’t know what to say. The idea of having people obey your every command wasn’t something I was familiar with, so I couldn’t really relate.

But that was who Reb was. He was the president of a motorcycle club. He had people ready and willing—or was it frightened?—to do his bidding. I looked down at his swollen knuckles and reminded myself who the man I was cuddling with was. He ordered people to do things, violent things. Had probably done even worse himself.

It was hard to reconcile the two sides of this complex man. When Jessica was shot last year, I’d seen him for weeks holding vigil in the waiting room at the hospital. And then there was how he was with Tucker. He could be so gentle and caring.

But he was also a man who punched holes in walls when he was pissed off. When his ex pissed him off. What would he be like with me when I frustrated him? Could I trust him?

“You okay, babe?”

“Uh, yeah. What?” I jerked back to the present and found Reb watching me intently.

“You looked a thousand miles away just now. Everything okay?”

I settled into his side and made a decision. I was in. Something told me that this guy was worth it. “Everything’s great.”

Now all I needed was for that little doubting voice to shut up.