Chapter Eighteen

“He likes me,” James whines, face-down on the table and voice muffled. The click of Karen’s heels stops, and James hears more than sees her pull out a chair and sit down across from him.

“We’re not talking about Mills any more, are we?” she deadpans, and when James raises his head she gives him a look that could curdle milk. He knew she would be irritated that he hadn’t told her anything until now, but he had figured that she had suspected something, at the very least.

“Matthew,” James says simply, dropping his head back down to the tabletop with a dull thud. “We almost kissed. Twice.”

Karen’s silence is deafening, but after a long moment she inhales sharply. “You've been busy,” she says, a hint of playfulness in her tone, and James relaxes ever so slightly at the realization that she’s not all that mad about it. “Do you think he’s good for you?” Her voice is soft, not the businesswoman that would have chastised him for distracting himself and their baker during work hours, but the older sister that desperately wants to see James happy. James would be so lost without her, he knows, and he appreciates these moments between them more than she could know.

“I want him to be,” he says quietly. “I think he is.”

Karen’s smile is blinding, bright as the sun, and she reaches across the small table to sweep James up in a tight hug. “That’s all that matters to me,” she replies, soft and gentle, and the swell of emotion in James’ chest would knock him off his feet if he were standing.

“You’re okay with it?” James asks when she lets go of him, eyeing her for any signs that she’s not telling him the whole truth, but she just shrugs and smiles again.

“I haven’t seen you this worked up over someone since college,” she admits, sounding a little sheepish. “I would have taken you to the bakery earlier if I had known Matt had it in for you.”

James laughs, sharp and genuine. “It would have been a nightmare if you had,” he replies. “We didn’t like each other all that much at first.”

Shrugging, Karen gets up from the table and makes her way over to the kitchen for a glass of water. “Looks like you made it work anyway,” she calls over her shoulder, and James has to agree. “How are you going to make it work around Mills, though?”

James groans. He had given that question plenty of thought since he realized that the burning attraction he feels for Matthew is mutual. It’s not like the influential client he’s just acquired is the paragon of societal acceptance or anything. No, he’s stuck with a man that would just as likely hurl slurs at him on national television as fire him the second he finds out that James likes to kiss men. “I have no idea,” he admits, and Karen returns with two water glasses just in time to keep him from hitting his forehead against the table again. James takes a sip of his, letting the cool slide of it down his throat calm his nerves a bit before he speaks again. “He’ll end my career if he finds out, and I’ll never organize a political wedding again.”

“That’s a little overkill, don’t you think?” Karen asks, and James pauses with his glass halfway to his mouth to look at her. “I mean, one bad review from a public figure isn’t going to affect the opinions of anyone who doesn’t agree with him.”

“You mean—”

“I mean you could come out,” Karen goes on. “And you could use it as a platform. Partner with organizations, hold benefits for your own cause for a change.”

James blanches. Telling Matthew how he feels is one thing, but this? This is an upheaval of everything he’s built, and he doesn’t know if he’s quite ready for that yet. “You think it would work?” he asks, tentatively, and Karen nods.

“I think it’s worth a shot, if you want it,” Karen replies, and James can’t help but agree. Working with Mills has made him realize just how much he hates having to shed his principles for the sake of a job, how much he hates pandering to people who would throw him out in the blink of an eye if they knew anything of substance about him. “Why don’t you talk to Matt first,” she continues, and that sounds like the best idea James has heard all morning.

***

He shows up at the bakery at half past noon, his heart hammering in his chest and his fingers shaking nervously where they’re stuffed into his pockets. Margaret sees him through the window and waves, beckoning him in with a wide smile.

“You’re here early,” she says when he gets close enough to talk to her. “You usually don’t show up until after lunch.” She doesn’t sound disappointed, though, just curious, and realization dawns over her face when Matt pokes his head out from the doorway to the kitchen, cheeks flaring red.

“James!” he says, breathless and excited, and Margaret looks between the two of them with a mixture of surprise and amusement etched across her face. “The samples aren’t ready yet. I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow.”

“Do you want to get dinner tonight?” James asks, the words spilling out of his mouth before he can stop himself. Matt’s eyes go wide, his mouth flapping open and shut for a moment. In the back of his head, James is dimly aware of the scene he’s causing, a few of the customers nearby turning their heads to better see what’s going on, but he doesn’t care. The only thing that matters to him in this moment is the way Matt nods his head, a dazzlingly brilliant smile on his face and the flush on his cheeks creeping higher by the second.

“Yes,” he says. “Yes. Absolutely. What time?”

“I can come pick you up at eight?” James asks, heart hammering in his chest.

“That sounds perfect,” Matt stammers, and they stare at each other for a long second until James realizes there’s someone waiting in line behind him, and Matt retreats to the kitchen with a breathless look on his face and Margaret throws James a shit-eating grin.

“You did it,” she says, a laugh in her voice. “I can’t believe you actually did it.”

James doesn’t have anything to say to that, so he just nods wordlessly, reaching across the counter to pull Margaret into a quick hug before turning and making a beeline out of the bakery. He doesn’t stop walking until he’s three buildings over, leaning back against the front steps of a brownstone apartment building and catching his breath.              

Tonight, he thinks, head spinning with how quickly it all had happened. Tonight, he would finally tell Matthew what he had been dying to tell him for over a month, ever since they first laid eyes on each other over the coffee bar.