Chapter Eight

“I have never seen you go doe-eyed about anyone before, it’s kind of cute, that’s all,” Mich laughed as the snow and ice crunched under their feet on the sidewalks. The city had put down salt, so it wasn’t as slick as it could have been, but Blake still wished he had grabbed a cane, and he was walking as slowly and carefully as he could. Mich had noticed and slowed down and was staying close to his elbow. Normally Blake hated hovering, but he wasn’t about to argue if Mich managed to catch him on the way down.

“Yeah, well. I never actually have felt like this about anyone before. Jensen is just different.”

“Are you two not actually dating yet or what? There was some awkwardness there for a minute.”

“I think we are now…that’s why I stopped to talk to him for a minute.” He paused, weighing how much to tell Mich, then realizing he still trusted the other man, and he needed to talk to someone about this who didn’t live in town. “We really just met, but it was like I instantly knew I needed to be around him as much as possible. And I don’t want to push anything too hard because I think he got out of a really bad situation recently, and I don’t want to spook him or make him uncomfortable.”

“Hmm,” Mich replied. “A bad situation like what?”

They approached the clinic, and Blake unlocked the door so they could both go in. He needed to put Ginger in her carrier to take her home, and Mich didn’t seem to be in a rush.

“Hard to say. He kind of panicked a little when we were having a moment, and Angie made some allusions to him having had to leave Denver.”

“Ginger! Pretty bird!” the cockatoo interjected sleepily from her cage where she’d been sleeping, feathers fluffed. Blake unlocked the cage, and she waddled out onto his arm. He scratched her head for a moment.

Mich leaned against Beth’s desk, sucking on a peppermint from the restaurant. “That’s rough. He was awfully quiet at dinner, but I didn’t get the sense that he’s all that talkative anyway.”

“No, but he was more quiet than usual. I think I just need to talk to him and ask about the broad picture of what’s going on. I want to be with him, and I’m willing to be patient. I’ve been single for a long ass time, so it’s not like I need to be rushing into anything quickly either. Better for both of us to take it slow.”

“But yeah, communication.” Mich looked down at the carpet. “I think that’s what ruined things with my relationship. I just… assumed everything was fine. I never asked her if she was okay when I knew she was stressed and anxious because I was stressed and anxious too. She cheated, which puts her solidly in the wrong, and everyone tells me that, but I just question how long was I making her miserable and ignoring her that she felt that was the only option she had left?”

“Did she try to talk to you about it?”

Mich smiled wryly, still staring at the carpet. “Yeah, several times, only I didn’t really get what she was trying to do. She would start the conversation, and I’d get defensive and derail it. Over and over again. What she did was wrong, but I didn’t do anything right.” He rubbed his face and looked up, meeting Blake’s eye. “We all get it into our heads as vets that we need to be perfect, and eventually we start to believe our own hype sometimes. I fucked up and bought my own bullshit. Don’t make my mistakes.”

Blake carefully set Ginger in the fancy carrier that Beth had bought for her, then strode over to hug Mich hard. “You’re not a bad guy.”

Mich hugged Blake back fiercely. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”

They separated a second later, and Blake could tell Mich was trying to school his expression into something more neutral, though he was failing.

“I’m going to head out and drive home. It was good to see you.”

“Yeah, I’m really glad you stopped by. I’ll try and come down to Ft. Collins in the next couple weekends.”

Mich grinned. “Great. Bring Ginger and Jensen with you. We’ll see if Jensen is more talkative when his coworker isn’t telling grandiose tales.”

Blake laughed. “Alex is a character, no question. Have a safe drive home.”

“You too!” Mich waved and headed back outside toward the parking lot and his waiting car.

***

Blake texted Jensen as soon as he finished with his house calls the next morning, inquiring about the other man’s schedule and whether they could meet for lunch.

J: I need to stick around until 2, but if you don’t mind a late lunch, I could do that? If you have appointments, I can grab food and bring it to you…

B: That would be great if you don’t mind. I’ll let Beth know what’s going on and I’ll make it work.

J: Okay, looking forward to seeing you then!

Blake was sorely tempted to text back with something stupid, like a heart emoji. He was utterly and completely smitten with Jensen, and Mich had sensed it immediately, so it was likely that a lot of people would notice. He just felt… happy around Jensen. In a way, he never had with anyone else he had dated.

Jensen asked what kind of burgers he liked, and he replied with his general order.

He started in on a load of appointments for the day, handling two chickens and a duck with a bacterial infection, a dog with a gland problem, a couple of regular checkups, and an irate cat with an infected tooth.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he finished the cat, and glanced at his watch to see that it was around 2:15, so he wandered into his office. Jensen sitting in his chair, feeding French fries to a fluffed and comfortable Ginger in his lap. Jensen looked up as he came in, and he appeared faintly guilty.

“That’s not a veterinarian approved pelleted diet, and you know it,” Blake said in a mock-stern voice.

“No, but at least I didn’t let her eat your burger.”

“If that bird gets fatty liver disease, I’m telling Mich who to blame for it.” Blake sank into the other chair with a sigh and extended his leg in front of him, wincing as it popped.

Jensen immediately looked concerned. “Is everything okay? Do you want your chair back?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” Blake waved him off. “It’s just sore from walking a lot this week. I’ll be fine, promise.”

Jensen eyed him skeptically for a second but didn’t say anything else. He instead pulled a bag of food out of a small cooler he’d hidden next to the desk and handed it to Blake. “It should still be pretty warm.”

Blake opened the bag and smelled it. “Hell I don’t care, I’m just starving. I haven’t had a break all day, and any second now, Beth is going to come in and tell me there’s a chinchilla with cancer in the waiting room.”

“Actually, it’s a cat with a cut on its paw.” Beth was leaning against the doorjamb, looking amused. “I’ve shown her back to a room.”

Blake sighed, looking mournfully at his food and at Jensen, then back up to Beth. “You keep telling me to eat more but then you never manage to schedule a lunch for me.”

“I did schedule a lunch for you, but the chickens took longer than we thought.” She smiled. “Dr. Marcos’ just finished an appointment and his last one for the day canceled…want me to beg him to see the cat for you?”

“Would you please?” Blake tried to look pathetic.

“I’ll go talk to him. If he says no, I’ll stall for a little bit.” She wandered out, still smiling.

Blake sighed and fished around in the bag for his burger. “Sorry about that, this place is always insane.”

Jensen shook his head. “It’s fine, I totally understand. I’m not doing anything this afternoon anyway.”

“Then why don’t I make it up to you with dinner? I can do an enchilada casserole thing my mom used to make, and we can sit on the couch watching bad TV.”

“That seems fair. What do you think, Ginger?” He asked the cockatoo.

She made a fart noise in response.

“I think that’s a yes?” Blake shrugged. “She’s been making that noise all day.”

“Can’t imagine how she would have picked it up…” Jensen laughed.

“I have no idea what you’re implying, but I assure you, I am innocent.”

Jensen leaned his head to the side, eyes wide, expression pure mischief. “Not that innocent I hope.”

Blake choked on his burger and turned bright red. He took a drink of the soda Blake had set on the desk next to the bag. “Fuck, you’re going to kill me. No, not that kind of innocent.”

Jensen’s smile was enough to make Blake half-hard in his pants, and he was thankful he’d changed into jeans after dealing with the cat’s tooth surgery. Scrubs would not have hidden the evidence.

“Good, because the roads might be treacherous tonight…. I might not be able to drive home…”

“Hmm, no, wouldn’t want to risk it.” Blake was still turning redder, but he made a mental note to pick up condoms while he was at the grocery store getting ingredients for dinner. He knew for a fact that whatever he had in the house was expired. “Though I do think we need to get things out in the open…before you get stranded…”

Jensen sighed, coquettish expression gone. “Yeah, probably. It’s not as bad as you’re probably assuming it is, I promise.”

“I know, and I’m not pressuring you to tell me anything you’re not comfortable with, but I just don’t want either of us plowing ahead blind. You deserve to know what this whole mess looks like and what happened.” He gestured at his hip and leg. “And why my fucking eye is pointed the wrong way half the time.”

“I mean…I’m okay telling you…but…does that mean this is more permanent? I…I wasn’t sure if you kinda saw this as just like a temporary thing or…”

“Jensen,” Blake interjected, “no, I am not looking for a temporary thing. I wasn’t looking for anything at all, but you’re here, and I want to get to know you, and…” He glanced at the open door and quickly pushed it shut with his good foot. “And, yeah, I definitely want to fall into bed with you, but I also want to go out to dinner just us at some point, and meet your friends and your parents, and do all the stupid domestic crap that I never thought of myself as wanting. Something about being around you makes me want every white picket fence cliché in the books, and it’s terrifying, and I’m maybe being too honest right now, but…it’s the truth.”

Jensen grinned widely, and it was so bright and so relieved that Blake wanted to kiss it off his face. He stood up to move closer, and Jensen carefully set Ginger on the top of her play stand and then quickly wrapped his arms around Blake’s neck to kiss him thoroughly.

“I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s practically picking out a fucking china set,” Jensen murmured against his mouth. “I thought I was going crazy.”

“You’re not. I promise you’re not. The feeling is mutual.” Blake pulled him as close as possible and took a deep breath. Jensen smelled like coffee and baked goods, and it was something Blake didn’t think he’d ever get enough of.

“Good.” Jensen pulled back reluctantly. “I’ll let you go so you can finish work. And then I’ll see you tonight.” He ran a hand over Blake’s shoulder and smiled. “I’ll go pick up some wine, I think.”

“I’ll take care of the rest, then.” Blake paused for a second. “Jeanie did say that they want you to go talk to those people tomorrow… are you sure there’s no way I can talk you out of that plan?”

Jensen smiled. “No, because it needs to get done and I don’t want any other animals to have to suffer if I can possibly stop it. I don’t believe in saying ‘someone should do something.’ I’m someone, and I can do something, so I’m going to.”

“Fair enough.” Blake nodded and leaned in to give Jensen one more quick peck, and then the other man was gone.

***

Jensen arrived at Blake’s house right on time but found the house quiet and seemingly dark. The old truck wasn’t parked out front, but Blake said that he normally kept it in the garage, and there weren’t any tracks in the snow to show it had been driven out since that evening’s snowfall had begun. He rang the bell a few times and didn’t get an answer. Getting concerned now, he checked the knob, and it turned. He let himself in and toed off his boots.

“Blake? Blake, are you here?” he turned on the hall light and pushed through the door that led to Blake’s living room.

“Jensen? I’m in the kitchen…I…I fell.”

“Jesus Christ, Blake!” Jensen dropped the bags he’d been carrying on the floor and ran through the living room and around the corner into the kitchen. Blake was sitting against the cabinets in the corner, face contorted in pain. Jensen ran over to him, concerned. “Are you okay? Do I need to call an ambulance?”

“No! No, I’m…my hip is just playing up. I was doing too much earlier and it just…gave out.” He struggled to stand up, and Jens quickly crouched down to get his shoulders under Blake’s arm on his bad side. “I just need to get to the couch. I’m fine.”

Jens was looking up at him, skeptical, but he tentatively put an arm around Blake’s waist and helped him to the living room couch. Blake tried not to wince at the pain and stiffness, but it was a losing battle. The going was slow, but they made it, and Blake collapsed into the couch gratefully, then shifted around to put his bad leg up next to him. He looked embarrassed and unsure of what to say for a long moment. “Thank you, Jensen. I appreciate it.”

“You can call me Jens if you want. I kept meaning to say that before. And it wasn’t a problem.”

A clicking noise coming from the kitchen got louder and louder, and Ginger wandered into the room, looking offended and wearing, implausibly, a little Christmas sweater. She eyeballed the two of them for a moment, then climbed a Manzanita wood perch next to the window and settled down, fluffing up what remained of her feathers. “Rosso bad bird,” she stated with some finality, then investigated the food bowl on the perch and began to crunch on some pellets.

“She looks like an offended diva.”

“Her little sweater is very cute, though,” Jensen chuckled. “Did you buy that for her so she wouldn’t be able to pick at her feathers?”

“Jeanie made it from an old pair of socks. It seems to be keeping her warm if nothing else. And she doesn’t seem to mind it much. I don’t know if it will stop her from picking at her chest feathers, though.”

“Will her feathers ever grow back, do you think?” Jensen asked, sitting on the arm of the couch behind Blake. He ran a hand through Blake’s hair affectionately.

“Hard to guess. It depends on how long she’s been plucking them,” Blake murmured, leaning into the contact. If someone had asked him before if he’d missed being affectionate with another human, he probably would have said no. He would have been lying. Jensen wasn’t overly physically affectionate, but he wasn’t afraid of being close, and it was just nice to have someone act like that. It was just nice to know someone else cared. He moved so that Jensen could sit on the couch with him properly and put his leg on the coffee table instead. Jensen cuddled into his side, sighing, and Blake draped his arm over his shoulders.

“How did you fall?” Jens asked quietly, after a few moments. He opened his eyes and looked at him.

Blake sighed and looked to the side. “I pushed myself too much the last few days. Probably need to go in and get it looked at but…I really don’t want to. I haven’t gone to see my specialists in…longer than I want to think about. But my leg just collapsed when I turned to check the oven.”

“Is it likely to be something that gets progressively worse?”

Blake sighed again and shrugged. “In theory no. But my eye is a little worse recently, and the hip is killing me more often than not.” He looked at Jensen and smiled wryly. “I’m…what five years older than you? Something like that. And I’m falling apart like I’m 80.”

Jensen snorted. “You’re a mess physically, and I’m a mess mentally so between the two of us, there’s one un-fucked-up person.”

Blake kissed the side of Jensen’s head. “Seems like we’re well matched then.” He paused for a moment, then chuckled a bit. “I really love the color of your hair. It’s so…cheerful.”

Jensen felt himself blushing. “I hated it when I was a kid. All the teasing in the world, as you can imagine.”

“Hmm, yeah, I bet.”

The timer started beeping from the kitchen, and Jensen hopped up before Blake could. “Is that the casserole?”

“Yeah, I can—”

“Sit. I’ll take care of it. Do I just need to take it out of the oven?”

“Yeah, and the plates and knives are already out…”

“Good.” Jensen walked into the kitchen and removed the casserole from the oven, then turned it off. He found a spatula in a drawer next to the oven and spooned up large portions for both of them. He wandered back into the living room with the plates.

“You didn’t have to do that…”

“Yes, I did. You said yourself you overdid it the last few days.” He set everything down on the table. “Oh, I brought some beer and wine. I forgot it in the entryway, but they should still be pretty cold. Do you want anything to drink?”

“Yeah, a beer would be great.”

Jensen dealt with the rest of the contents of the bags he had brought, then returned with two cold beers, and they settled in to eat on the couch. Ginger wandered over a few moments later to investigate their dinners, and Blake gave her a bit of his food, though he scolded her and reminded her that she couldn’t tell Mich that he was feeding her garbage twice in one day.

Jensen just laughed. He watched Blake carefully pick some chicken out of the enchiladas and push it to the side of the plate that Ginger was eating off of. Blake looked and acted so gruff, but secretly he was a sweetheart who couldn’t say no to people or animals. He had chatted with Beth before Blake had been able to break away for lunch, and the older woman had given him a stern look and asked him to ensure Blake was eating whenever possible. She mentioned that Blake had lost weight, and skipped a lot of meals. It was obvious she worried about Blake a lot.

***

Once they finished eating, Blake got up long enough to light a fire and make them both some very alcoholic hot chocolate. Jensen was curled up in the armchair by the fire, hands cupped around his mug, looking like he had always belonged there. He was wearing his glasses instead of his contacts, which made his face seem a little older and more world-weary, though he still seemed far younger than he was. Jensen had been worrying about him while Blake was lighting the fire and preparing their cocoa, and while it was a bit annoying, he understood the fussing.

“You can ask, you know,” Blake said quietly. “Unless someone in town already told you the story.”

Jens shook his head. “No, Angie just said there was a car accident. I figured you would tell me when it suited you.”

Blake huffed his breath out. “I appreciate that.” He paused, looking down at his jeans where he knew the scar tissue was the worst. “I was out in Denver on Halloween twelve years ago, and a motorcyclist lost control and hit me while we were walking between bars in LODO. It was rainy, and the roads were wet, and he was going way too fucking fast, and there was nothing I could do to get out of the way. He wasn’t hurt at all, and I nearly died.”

Jensen’s eyes went wide. “Oh my God, Blake, that’s horrible…”

“It was…bad. I don’t remember most of the first month or so. I was already a vet at that point, but the hit to my head was hard enough that it scrambled everything. My mom had to look after me like I was a small child for months. I’m lucky that things got better, and my eye is really the only neurological symptom that never went away.”

“Well, I was a developer. Mostly I did stupid database work for an insurance company with a lot of SQL stuff, but sometimes I got to do something interesting. I made plenty of money doing that. And my family is…not poor. So yeah, I’m living off of a barista’s salary, but I have a lot in savings.”

“That explains the fancy car, I guess. I was wondering if you just inherited it from a relative or went into a ton of debt or something.”

Jens chuckled and shook his head. “No, I bought it with a Christmas bonus one year.”

“So, if you were making bank and doing well…how did you end up here?” Blake asked, dreading the answer.

Jensen shrugged. “I met…a guy. And fell hard. Didn’t realize he was an abusive sack of shit until it was too late. By the time I got away from him, I was a nervous wreck. Came up here to work for Angie because she’s an old friend of my mom’s, and I needed to be somewhere away from everything.” He was looking into his mug of cocoa, and Blake realized his hands were shaking slightly. “I…that’s why I freaked out…before. On the couch. It wasn’t anything to do with you. And it isn’t that Eric ever actually forced me…it was just…I haven’t been with anyone since then. I had a moment where everything kind of blended together and it just hit me hard. You’re nothing, nothing like him and I know that. It was just…something I had to push through.”

Blake reached over and pulled the mug away before Jensen could drop it, then put his hands around both of Jensen’s. “Hey, I get it. It’s okay. We can go however fast or slow you need to. It’s been…way longer than a year for me. I’m not going to end anything over you needing a little more time to adjust.”

“I’m sure my therapist would tell me to slow it down if I’m uncomfortable but the truth is that I need to push through sometimes because if I don’t, that means I’m still giving him real estate in my head that he doesn’t deserve. And, honestly? That handjob on your couch did more to push him out of my head than anything else has. Something about you is just…” he paused for a long moment and took a deep, shaky breath. “I’m sorry, I know this probably sounds insane, and you probably don’t want this much drama…” Tears welled up in his eyes again.

“No, Jens, no. I promise I understand. It’s okay.”

Jensen sniffed, still not looking up, and hot tears leaked out and hit both of their hands entwined on his lap. “It isn’t, though. I fucked up. Two of my best friends in the entire world told me he was bad news, and I drove them away because I didn’t believe them. They… they tried to be there after I got away, but I wouldn’t pick up the phone. I can’t… I can barely talk to my family. They hated him too. Why didn’t I just fucking listen, Blake? Why did I have to be so stubborn…”

Blake moved to the end of the couch, ignoring the protest in his hip, and pulled Jensen toward him until the redhead was practically on his lap. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. The other guy fucked up, not you.” He didn’t know what else to say, and that made him feel awful, but what could he say? “Assholes like that mess with your head. It isn’t your fault you couldn’t bust away from it. You said yourself you’re doing better now. You’re making progress.”

“But—”

“How many times have you run through this in your head? All the ‘buts’ and ‘what ifs’ and ‘I should haves’? Probably as many as I have, thinking that I should have just stayed home that Halloween instead of going out to try and hook up with someone. But at the end of the day…my leg is still fucked up, and you’re still giving bandwidth in your brain to an abusive bastard who isn’t worth it.” He rubbed Jensen’s back and shoulder gently.

Jensen sighed. “I’ve run through the whole thing a thousand times, probably. And a few hundred out loud with my therapist. And with Angie. They’ve told me to work on not dwelling on it. Alex tries to get me to go out. I’m just really bad at calming down and recognizing when I’m getting into a rut like this.” He still wouldn’t look up at Blake.

“I’m not telling you I don’t want to hear about this stuff. That’s not it at all. What I’m trying to tell you is that the past is what it is, and the future could be a lot better if you let it.” He sounded gruff.

Jensen shifted to look at up at him. “Is that a future with you in it?”

Blake tensed, then forced himself to relax. “Maybe so. Though why the fuck you’d want to be saddled with a grumpy old bastard like me is beyond me.”

Jensen laughed. “Because it’s a front, Blake. Under all the bluster and bullshit, I think you’re actually the sweetest person I’ve ever met. And you are not old.”

Blake blushed all the way down his neck and looked out the window. “Don’t be silly, I’m a jackass. And old.”

“You’re not. You wouldn’t have helped Ginger if you were a jackass. And you’re barely older than me so shut up about that one.”

The bird in question opened one eye to look at them, then fluffed her feathers and settled back down on her perch, clearly having decided they were not up to anything involving food.

Both men snorted.

The snow was still falling outside, harder now, and the sun was completely set. The fire was still going. It was cozy. Jensen moved, so he was more draped over Blake’s lap than actually putting weight on the other man, and buried his face in the other man’s neck. He had stopped crying, and the despair and confusion had retreated back to the corner of his brain where they usually lurked. He had noticed that the darkness went away faster and faster now. He still had moments where everything looked bleak, but they were shorter, and he returned to feeling like himself a lot faster.

“You want some more cocoa?” Blake asked a few moments later, running a hand over Jensen’s shoulders.

“Yeah, though I better not have any more of the rum unless you don’t want me to drive home…” Jensen looked up at him, expression sly.

Blake shifted uncomfortably for a second. “Well, you don’t have to. Not if you don’t want to.”

Jensen looked up at him. “Oh really? You sure?”

“I meant what I said before. I’m… this means something. And I don’t want you to leave.” He was watching the fireplace, refusing to meet Jensen’s eyes again. Whenever Blake was uncomfortable, he would find something to stare at, and Jensen had noticed that anything involving emotions or feelings made Blake very uncomfortable. 

“I’d be happy to stay here,” Jensen gently nudged Blake’s face away from the fire. Their eyes met, and it was painful how much hope and uncertainty there was in Blake’s expression. Jensen leaned in and kissed him.

It was as though the floodgates had opened because Blake immediately deepened the kiss and pulled him closer. He tasted like rum and cocoa and marshmallows and smelled like sandalwood. He wasn’t aggressive, but there was an insistence there that made Jensen’s blood warm. His tongue slide into Jensen’s mouth slowly, and only when Jensen moaned in response did he pick up the pace. One hand found its way into Jensen’s hair, the other to his back. Jensen just threw both of his arms around Blake’s neck and maneuvered until he had a better angle.

This was less rushed than the last time. Calmer and more familiar now as well. Jensen was half-hard in his jeans, and wondering about the mechanics of how they would do this. If Blake just wanted to go for blow-jobs, or if he was looking for more than that. If he were honest, he’d fantasized about both options since their last encounter.

“Fuck…” Blake muttered, pulling back slightly. His eyes were glazed, and his face was red again. “Fuck, Jens…I…” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Fuck me, please…I’m losing my mind here.”

Jens paused, slightly startled. He had assumed that Blake usually topped, which, he supposed, wasn’t exactly fair. They hadn’t discussed it, but men usually assumed Jensen bottomed because of his stature, and Jensen was amiable to either one, so he rarely argued. He had never topped in the entire period he’d dated Eric. He gathered himself, then grinned and leaned in to nibble at the spot being Blake’s ear. “Only because you begged so nicely…”

Blake pulled him closer and slid a hand under Jensen’s shirt. “I’m happy to switch later, believe me, but right now I just want your dick in my ass…I couldn’t stop imagining it after I saw you come on the couch.”

Jensen nibbled at Blake’s neck for a second, careful not to mark him up. “Oh really? You couldn’t stop thinking about me fucking you?”

Blake sighed and pulled lightly on Jensen’s hair, then nodded.

“We should move upstairs…” Blake murmured, running his hand up and down Jensen’s spine, feeling the bones. “It’ll be easier on my leg…”

“Yeah, lead on.” Jensen nodded, carefully getting off of Blake’s lap. Both of them were visibly hard in their jeans, and Jensen’s shirt was completely disheveled.

Blake glanced over to Ginger. “Let me put her to bed real quick.” He stood up and put an arm out for Ginger, who stepped up. He then carefully settled the cockatoo into her cage and shut and latched it. “Night, Ginger.”

The cockatoo grumbled, and Blake pulled the cover down over the cage. Then he looked back to Jensen with pure heat in his eyes. “I already put the supplies upstairs…”

Jensen grabbed his hand and practically dragged him toward the stairs. Blake was startled into a laugh, though he had to be careful once they were actually going up the stairs. His leg wasn’t up to much, and he knew he wasn’t going to be up to any acrobatics in bed either, but he really just wanted to be close to Jensen, and if he were honest, he was horny. Their last encounter had been enough to have his libido back.

They got upstairs, and Blake led the way into his room, which was at the back of the house and had several large windows looking out onto the woods and mountains.

Jensen looked back at him, eyes narrowed, then pulled his t-shirt over his head and grabbed his face to kiss him again. Blake seemed far less sure of himself at that moment, and that was what seemed to galvanize Jensen’s own resolve. They both had hang-ups, and they both had issues, but they were both adults, and they both wanted this, and maybe he was worried about flashing back to see Eric again, and maybe Blake was worried Jensen would freak out at the gnarled mess on his leg, but they could handle this.

Blake sighed and shrugged his flannel shirt off, then yanked the t-shirt he’d been wearing underneath over his head. This part didn’t concern him. His upper body looked pretty damn decent from all the work he did with large animals. Wrestling with wildlife and cattle all day was enough to keep him in shape. He knew that he wasn’t giving Jensen enough credit and that the other man wasn’t going to panic at a scar, but that didn’t make this any easier. It was dark even with the curtains open, and there was just the one bedside light on in the room, but he wished he could turn even that one off. Finally, deciding that this needed to be over because it was only going to get worse if he continued worrying, he unzipped his jeans and pushed them and his underwear off his hips. He had to sit down to get them the rest of the way off since his balance was terrible. By the time he was nude, Jensen was too, and the smaller man was on top of him in seconds.

Jensen moved them into the middle of the bed and pinned him down with a kiss that was almost feral. He was biting and nibbling at Blake’s lips, and one hand was running up and down his chest, pinching at his nipples occasionally. Blake’s cock had flagged some with the dread of having anyone besides a doctor actually seeing his leg in a room with actual lighting, but Jensen was doing his level best to resolve the issue, and it was very much working. Blake knew that Jensen had seen it, and he knew that at some point, he’d likely get a better, closer look at it and would have other questions, but for now that was something he could ignore in favor of much more interesting activities.

He had one hand in Jensen’s red hair again, and another on his ass, pulling the other man down so he could grind against him.

Jensen pulled back just enough to look at him. “Lube and condoms?” he asked, slightly breathless.

Blake flailed at the bedside table, and Jensen took the hint and opened the drawer, grabbing a bottle and a pack of condoms.

“How do you want to do this?” Jensen murmured, leaning down again to nibble at Blake’s lower lip. “What’s comfortable?”

“I don’t totally know…Last few times…I topped. Wound up hurting by the end.” He sighed and squeezed Jensen’s ass again. “There are a bunch of old pillows under the bed…maybe shoving those underneath…”

Jensen nodded and hopped off the bed long enough to rummage around and produce three flat pillows. Blake took them and arranged them at his lower back and on his bad side. There were probably better ways to do this, and he’d have to figure out what those were later. His doctor had mentioned foam block pillows, but at the time, he hadn’t been all that interested in sex.

Now, looking at Jensen, ten years’ worth of ignored libido were roaring back. Even with his trepidation about the scars and even with the pain and stiffness in his leg, he wanted this. More than he’d thought possible. He understood how Jensen had felt…pushing through nerves and upset because the outcome was more important.

Jensen was looking at him with pure heat. He crawled up the bed to sit on his haunches and began to run his hand up Blake’s good thigh, eyes locked on Blake’s face. He set his other hand just above Blake’s bad hip, rubbing small circles with his thumb.

Blake’s mouth went dry at the hunger in Jensen’s gaze. He sat up and pulled the other man into another heated kiss, sucking Jensen’s tongue into his mouth. He heard the click of the lube bottle opening and widened his legs as he felt a finger gently probing around his ass. Jensen went slowly, pushing in one finger, then a second. He scissored his fingers a little, then began probing a little more vigorously.

Blake broke the kiss as he felt the brush of the fingers against his prostate. He gasped slightly and tensed, arching his back. “Oh fuck…”

Jensen grinned wickedly probed his prostate again, stroking it firmly.

Blake’s cock twitched, and a dribble of precum leaked out. He shuddered again. “Jens…It’s been too long…if you keep doing that I’m going to come.” He put up a hand and ran his fingers through Jensen’s hair once again. He couldn’t say why he was so fascinated with it, but it was soft, and vivid, and fit so well with Jensen’s personality. The hair on his chest and around his cock was slightly darker but still just as red, and the freckles all over his body were also more of a turn-on that Blake would have expected.

“All right, all right. Another time,” Jensen murmured, adding one more finger and finishing the stretch. “God, you’re so tight.”

Blake squirmed, and fell back, gripping the pillow behind him. “I haven’t…not since the accident. Didn’t trust anyone else.”

Jensen carefully removed his fingers and moved to lay over Blake again, kissing his neck. “I’m honored…truthfully it’s been nearly that long since I topped…”

“Then we’re on even footing…” Blake laughed a little, looking into Jensen’s eyes.

Jensen smiled, and it wasn’t the grin he had before. It was sweeter and far more open and earnest. He moved back again and grabbed one of the condoms, opening the wrapper and sliding it on. He looked up one more time, giving himself a slow stroke. “You ready?”

“Yes, fuck, Jens, please.”

“Promise me you’ll tell me if I’m hurting you.”

“I swear, just hurry up.”

Jensen nodded. He shoved the pillows back into position under Blake’s back and ass, then lined himself up and began to push in very slowly, watching Blake’s face for discomfort.

Blake closed his eyes at the feeling. He had missed this, and it was somehow that much headier knowing it was Jensen. He sighed softly as he felt Jensen bottom out.

“Fuck…Blake…God. It feels so good…” Jensen was gripping both of his hips, though he kept the pressure on the bad side light. He leaned over to kiss Blake sloppily. The angle was wrong, and there was a bit of tooth, but it didn’t seem to matter.

“Move, please…” Blake murmured, opening his eyes slightly.

Jensen nodded and began to thrust, slowly at first and then with more speed and force when he felt Blake urging him on with a foot and rising to meet his thrusts.

Maybe it was because he’d been single for so long, or maybe it was because he hadn’t topped in even longer than that, but Jensen was fairly sure sex had never felt like this. It was far more intimate, somehow, and he was riding high on endorphins. He knew with a crushing certainty that he was in love with Blake already, and it was terrifying, but it was also making everything more intense.

Blake was moaning louder, and there was a puddle of precum on Blake’s stomach and based on the noises he was making, he was getting close. Jensen reached between them and tried to match his strokes with the rhythm, but it was awkward and a bad angle. Blake didn’t seem to mind and came with a groan a few moments later. The clench around him sent Jensen falling after him, and he had to shift sideways to avoid collapsing onto the other man.

Jensen took a moment to get his head back, then rolled off the bed with exactly zero grace and went into the bathroom. He quickly disposed of the condom and grabbed a washcloth. He scrubbed himself off quickly, then grabbed another one and wet it for Blake, leaving the dirty one in the hamper.

He came back out to find Blake throwing the pillows he’d used onto the floor, a disgusted look on his face.

Blake looked up. “They’re covered in lube.”

Jensen just laughed and climbed back on the bed. “Good thing they weren’t your good pillows, then. You’ll have to throw them in the washing machine.”

“Yeah, or burn them.” Blake took the washcloth and scrubbed the worst of the mess off his stomach, legs, and ass, then threw the washcloth into the pile with the soiled pillows. “Better them than the bed, I guess.”

Jensen pulled the covers up over both of them, then snuggled into Blake’s side. “Yeah, that’s easier to clean.”

Blake hummed quietly in agreement. He shifted to look at Jensen and began to lightly trace the dozens of freckles on his shoulders and arm. “Never thought freckles were a turn-on before, but man do I love yours.”

Jensen snorted. “I hated them when I was younger, just like my hair, but they bother me less now.” He reached over Blake’s waist to pull him closer but paused when the other man winced slightly. “Are you okay, Blake?”

“Yeah, just sore, that’s all. I should probably take a muscle relaxer, or I’m going to be useless tomorrow. The alcohol should be out of my system by now.” He shifted to sit up and turn the light on over his nightstand. He rummaged around for a pill bottle. “I’m apologizing now if I say anything dopey once I take this.”

“I’m so sleepy I don’t think I’ll be awake enough to hear it, don’t worry.” Jensen yawned and got comfortable as Blake took his pill, turned off the light, and pulled the covers back over them both.