MY GRIP TIGHTENED ON the axe handle as I spread my legs shoulder width apart. Swing after swing, my muscles burned and ached. For a moment it seemed like only yesterday that I’d seen her face. Only a heartbeat ago, that we’d exchanged vows, and promised to love one another in good times and bad.
By hurting her, I’d hurt myself. Some days I felt so completely broken inside, but how could I admit that to her when I’d barely admitted it to myself. If I had one more day, I’d hold her in my arms and take the pain away.
I steadied my gaze, and then I flung the axe with everything I had. It bounced off the target and landed near my discarded beer bottles.
“Evening.” The voice belonged to my neighbor, Charles Melby.
“Charles.” I nodded, as he picked up the hatchet and handed it back to me. “Thanks, can I get you a beer?”
“Don’t mind if I do.”
I handed him a bottle from the cooler. He popped the cap off the beer bottle and swallowed a long drink. “Saw the light was on as I was driving by, thought I’d say hello. We haven’t seen much of you or your wife up here lately.”
I blew out a deep breath as I heaved the axe towards the bullseye. “Yeah, the two of us haven’t been spending a whole lot of time with one another.”
He set his bottle on top of my work bench. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
I walked towards the targets and pulled the blade of an earlier axe, one that actually found its mark, from the wood. Tinley and I became addicted to throwing axes thanks to Charles. It was the perfect sport for blowing off steam.
“I’m not one for keeping up with Hollywood gossip, but when your neighbors happen to be in the news from time to time you tend to pay attention.”
“Can’t believe everything you read online or in the rack at the grocery store checkout, Charles.” Eying my target, I stepped up to the line this time with my double-sided axe. Careful not to axe myself in the back, I counted to three and then threw it as hard as I could. Nailed it.
“Nah, I suppose you can’t.”
My gaze swept to Charles. “Want to throw a few?”
“Sure.” He grabbed two axes, steadied his posture, and with a flick of his wrists, both axes hit the target at the same time. “You know, when you’re chopping wood, sometimes you get a stubborn piece. If you’ve landed a few hits, there will be at least a few deep cuts in the wood—maybe even a crack. That deep crack is where you can split the wood.” He took in a long heavy breath and let it out. “Now, I know I can’t believe everything I hear, but if any of what they’re saying is true, it would seem your wife has been hit in the same spot a few times over. That can cause a person to split, too.”
“Well, she’s not the only one that’s hurting here, you know.”
“I hear that, but her pain is deep, to the soul, and you being hurt won’t help her heal. Put away your pride, and be the glue she needs to mend that chasm. I know it might be difficult, but the best things in life are.”
Charles stepped behind the line again, took aim, and just like his words, hit the bullseye once more.
Once upon a time, I had relished a life of being alone. Now, I hated being alone, the silence was deafening. I used to take comfort in the beauty nature held, it’s one of the reasons I bought the house in Big Sky. Instead of basking in the serenity of nature and peace, every owl screech and whoosh of wind irritated me. I’d escaped Los Angeles to clear my head, this place usually did the trick, but I found myself becoming more and more agitated.
Grabbing a bottle of tequila, I pushed open the sliding glass door and plopped down on the lounger. My wife wasn’t taking my calls. She’d send me the occasional text asking me how I was doing—checking in to make sure that I was still alive.
Snow began to fall, and I tossed another few logs onto the fire. Pain flooded my heart, and the ache was excruciating. I wanted Tinley. I wanted my wife here with me or I wanted to be with her in East Harbour, but she didn’t want to see me. Charles gave me a lot to think about, but if Tinley wouldn’t even take my calls, how would we begin the process?
“Matt,” I heard a voice call from behind me. “Are you here?”
Grady James?
“Just follow the smoke,” I called out. “James, is that you?”
“Yeah, it’s me,” he shouted, his voice vibrating off the glass as he trekked down the walkway.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“My fiancée sent me,” he answered, taking the bottle from my hand.
“By all means, be my guest.”
“It’s fucking cold up here.”
“Was the snow your first clue?” I joked.
Grady planted himself in a chair near the fire. “I’m going to give you a pass on that joke, Barber, since I figure all this fresh air is fucking with your brain cells.”
“Nope, just the tequila.”
“It’s too cold for me to beat around the bush, Matt. What the hell are you doing here?”
“Well, at present, I’m getting drunk and thinking about throwing some axes. What about you, James?”
He laughed. “By the way, I’m staying the night and you better make some of those fucking delicious breakfast burritos in the morning or those homemade doughnuts.”
“So, I take it Harlow sent you to talk to me about the flowery relationship stuff because you’re a sensitive guy and she’s out looking for a real man?”
“You’re funny,” he said, helping himself to a beer. “Let me guess, Alex was running his mouth about me being a model again?”
I tipped the bottle back to my lips and took a long sip. “He says because you love playing dress up that you’re more in tune with your softer side.”
Grady shook his head. “Fucker. That guy is in for an ass kicking.”
“Are you going to give it to him?” I howled in laughter and a coyote howled back, at least I think it was a coyote. James sat frozen his beer bottle inches from his mouth as his eyes widened with fear. I was a scared myself, but I’d never admit that fact.
“Relax, James, they won’t attack, we have a fire.”
“Thanks for the reassurance,” he said, tipping the bottle to his mouth.
“So how’d you find me?”
“Alex received a notification from your alarm system and Harlow mentioned to me that you haven’t been home, well, back to East Harbour, in weeks. I guess she found Tinley crying in the middle of the wine aisle at Luscia’s market.”
My eyes screwed shut. “Fuck.”
“What’s going on with you two?”
I expelled a deep breath. “I don’t know. All I know is that she won’t talk to me.”
He leveled his gaze in my direction. “Did you cheat on her?”
I tossed another log into the fire pit. “No, I did not, but I thought about it, which I admitted to Tinley. I thought we were good. I thought we were on the right track.”
“As someone who failed miserably at marriage, I’m going give you a bit of advice. Marriage is hard work. It’s day in and day out complete fucking work and you only fail if you stop trying.”
I picked at the label of my beer bottle. “Are you saying that you stopped trying with Lululamoan?”
He huffed a laugh and propped his foot up on the stone of the fire pit. “No, I honored our vows and there was nothing I could have done to stop her from cheating.”
I laughed. “She was the wrong one for you, James. Heather loved herself more than she loved you.”
Grady ran a hand through his hair and stared into the flames. “Alex told me a bit of advice that has stuck with me—love isn’t about who you see yourself with, it’s about who you can’t see yourself living without. When I looked at my life and Harlow wasn’t there, I was hollow. Heather left me in pieces and Harlow brought peace to my life. She filled every part of my heart that was empty. Go home to your wife and fix what’s broken.”
“I don’t know what is broken,” I admitted, scrubbing a hand over my jaw. “I don’t know where to begin.”
“Tinley knows, let her talk to you, just listen—then you can begin to heal.”
My eyes darted to my very empty house, and then back to the world stretched before me, uncertainty and fear lurked out there. There was so much distance between me and Tinley, and along that same vein—every day that passed took me further away from her, from us. The thought of losing my wife terrified me and I needed to fight to get our marriage back on track. It was as simple as that.
“Well, well, well,” Grady said, inclining his head in my direction. “What is this, a certain action star was a Parallel Clothing Company model in college?”
Grady held up his phone and sure enough there I was shirtless and holding a surfboard with the brand’s logo.
“How’d you find that?”
“I’ve learned some ops tactics from Alex,” he informed. “I cannot wait to show everyone this little gem.”
“Go ahead, James, hit send on that photo, and I’ll show you what I can do with a deck of playing cards, vice grips, and a lighter.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Another one of your magic tricks, I’m shaking in my boots.”
“Sure,” I said, before taking a swig of beer. “The disappearing Grady James.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ve learned a few ops tactics of my own.”